TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on public administration. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面做得相当不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，尽管你提到了两个观点，并表示支持其中一个，但你可以更详细地解释为什么选择这个观点。此外，在文章结尾部分，建议你能够总结一下你的观点和论据，以使文章更具说服力。

例子1（改进前）：In addition, there is no denying that organic foods means that people give uo pesticides which are harmful for the environment, the thing to be noted is that it also need more technology to develop the p 例子1（改进后）：In addition, while there is no denying that organic foods reduce the use of harmful pesticides, it's important to note that they may require more advanced technology and resources for their production.

例子2（改进前）：I would add that it also have positive impacts on appealing people to take public transportation, contributes to the improvement of the natural environment. 例子2（改进后）：Moreover, promoting walking or cycling can also encourage people to use public transportation, further contributing to a cleaner and healthier environment.

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，这篇文章还有待加强。虽然你的文章包括了引言、正文和结论，但是段落划分不够明确，有些观点和论据混在一起。建议你将每个观点和相关论据放在一个单独的段落中，并使用恰当的过渡词汇连接各个段落。

例子1（改进前）：In my opinion, I tend to be in favor of the argument that walking or bicycling intead of driving a car to work or school can exert a more powerful influence on environmental protection. Just as Lila has said, it plays a vital role in reducing carbon emissions, leading to declining the Greenhouse effect. 例子1（改进后）：In my opinion, I believe that walking or bicycling instead of driving a car to work or school has a greater impact on environmental protection. As Lila mentioned, this approach plays a vital role in reducing carbon emissions and consequently mitigating the greenhouse effect.

例子2（改进前）：In addition, there is no denying that organic foods means that people give uo pesticides which are harmful for the environment, the thing to be noted is that it also need more technology to develop the p 例子2（改进后）：On the other hand, while organic foods do reduce the use of harmful pesticides, it's important to note that they may require more advanced technology and resources for their production.

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I tend to be in favor of the argument that walking or bicycling inteadinstead of driving a car to work or school can exert a more powerful influence on environmental protection. Just as Lila has said, it plays a vital role in reducing carbon emissions, leading to declininga decline in the Greenhouse effect. I would add that it also havehas positive impacts on appealing people to take public transportation, contributescontributing to the improvement of the natural environment. In addition, there is no denying that organic foods meansmean that people give uo pesticidesup pesticides, which are harmful forto the environment,environment; the thing to be noted is that it also needneeds more technology to develop the pbe developed.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with the notion that opting for walking or bicycling instead of driving to work or school has a more significant impact on environmental protection. As Lila mentioned, this approach plays a crucial role in reducing carbon emissions, which subsequently mitigates the greenhouse effect. Furthermore, it encourages people to utilize public transportation, thereby contributing to the improvement of the natural environment.

While it is true that organic foods involve abstaining from harmful pesticides, which benefits the environment, it is important to note that this method requires advanced technology for development and production. Consequently, the widespread adoption of organic farming practices may be hindered by technological and financial constraints. In contrast, walking or cycling as alternative modes of transportation are accessible and cost-effective options for individuals seeking to make a positive change in their daily lives. (142 words)

In my opinion, I tend to be in favor of concur (revised for a more natural tone) with the argument notion that opting for (revised for clarity) walking or bicycling intead instead of driving a car to work or school can exert has a more powerful influence significant impact (revised for a more natural tone) on environmental protection. Just as As Lila has said, it mentioned, this approach plays a vital crucial role (revised for a more natural tone) in reducing carbon emissions, leading to declining which subsequently mitigates (revised for clarity) the Greenhouse greenhouse effect. I would add that Furthermore, it also have positive impacts on appealing encourages people to take utilize public transportation, contributes thereby contributing to the improvement of the natural environment.

In addition, there While it is no denying true that organic foods means that people give uo pesticides involve abstaining from (revised for clarity) harmful pesticides, which are harmful for benefits the environment, it is important to note that this method requires advanced technology (revised for clarity) for development and production. Consequently, the thing widespread adoption of organic farming practices may be hindered by technological and financial constraints. In contrast, walking or cycling as alternative modes of transportation are accessible and cost-effective options (revised for clarity and a more natural tone) for individuals seeking to be noted is that it also need more technology to develop the pmake a positive change in their daily lives.

8 思维导图

1. 环保措施
   1.1. 步行或骑自行车
       1.1.1. 减少碳排放
       1.1.2. 减缓温室效应
       1.1.3. 鼓励使用公共交通
   1.2. 有机食品
       1.2.1 节省资源
       1.2.2 避免有害农药使用
       1.2.3 技术和财务限制

2．比较分析
   2．１ 步行或骑自行车的优势
        2．１．１ 易于实施和经济实惠
        ２．１．２ 对环境的积极影响更大

9 关键词