TOEFL TPO 16 Speaking Task 4 Sample: Using points and examples from the talk, explain internal and external locus of control.

1.Sub Scores

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Total Score: 23

3.Delivery The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, with a consistent pace and only occasional pauses. However, there are some areas for improvement. The speaker should work on reducing unnecessary pauses and ensuring that their pronunciation is accurate to avoid spelling errors. Additionally, the speaker should focus on maintaining a natural tone throughout the response.

4.Topic Development The speaker provides a coherent and well-organized response, with clear connections between ideas and sufficient support or examples. However, there is room for improvement in terms of topic development. The speaker could provide more detailed explanations of internal and external locus of control, as well as additional examples to further illustrate the concepts. Additionally, the speaker should work on refining their language use to ensure that their response is concise and easy to understand.

5.Language Use

Original Answer: The professor explains the concept of locus of control using example of a person who is attending a job interview. Firstly, he talks about internal locus of control, these are people who believe that they are responsible for their actions, they believe in themselves. Here the person who is attending the interview believes that the success and preparation of the interview is based on the efforts that he has undertaken. If he gets the job, he will be happy and if he does not get the job, he will be disappointed and trying to improve himself. Now, secondly the professor talks about the external locus of control, here if a person who is attending the interview, he believes that the interviewer has the most influence and the result depends upon his mood and largely luck. So, these people are more likely to take risk and they blame luck if the results do not go their way and if they get selected, they think they got lucky.

Corrected Answer: The professor explains the a concept of locus of control using example an example (use 'an' before a noun starting with a vowel sound) of a person who is attending a job interview. Firstly, he talks about internal locus of control; these are people who believe that they are responsible for their actions, (add comma to separate independent clauses) they believe in themselves. Here, (add comma for clarity) the person who is attending the interview believes that the success and preparation of the interview is based on the efforts that he has undertaken. If he gets the job, he will be happy; (use semicolon to separate related independent clauses) if he does not get the job, he will be disappointed and trying try (use 'try' to match verb tense) to improve himself. Now, secondly, (add comma for clarity) the professor talks about the external locus of control; here, (add comma for clarity) if a person who is attending the interview believes that the interviewer has the most influence and the result depends upon his mood and largely luck. So, these people are more likely to take risk risks (use plural form for consistency) and they blame luck if the results do not go their way; (use semicolon to separate related independent clauses) if they get selected, they think they got lucky.

Revised Answer (140 words): The professor explains a concept called locus of control using an example of a person attending a job interview. He first discusses internal locus of control, where individuals believe they are responsible for their actions and outcomes. In this case, the interviewee believes their success and preparation depend on their own efforts. If they get the job, they feel accomplished; if not, they feel disappointed and try to improve. Secondly, the professor addresses external locus of control, where people think external factors, such as the interviewer's mood or luck, determine outcomes. These individuals are more likely to take risks and attribute results to external forces. If they succeed, they consider themselves lucky; if they fail, they blame external factors rather than seeking self-improvement.

6.Mind Map

• Locus of Control
  • Internal Locus of Control
    • Responsibility for actions
    • Belief in self
    • Success and preparation
    • Reaction to outcomes (happy/disappointed)
  • External Locus of Control
    • External factors (interviewer's mood, luck)
    • Risk-taking behavior
    • Attribution of results (lucky/unlucky)

7.Key Words

1.Sub Scores

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Total Score: 23

3.Delivery The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, with a consistent pace and only occasional pauses. However, there are some minor issues with punctuation and pronunciation that could be improved. To enhance the delivery, the speaker should practice proper pauses and work on accurate pronunciation of certain words.

4.Topic Development The response is coherent and well-organized, with clear connections between ideas and sufficient support or examples from the lecture. However, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations of internal and external locus of control. The speaker could also correct the mistake of referring to the second example as a woman instead of a man. To improve topic development, the speaker should focus on elaborating on the examples given in the lecture and ensuring accurate representation of the information.

5.Language Use

The lecture is talking about internal and external looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control, and the professor takes the job interview for example. The first woman would attribute her success to her own preparation, so she works hard before the interview, and when she failed, she was disappointed at her own with herself (improved phrasing for clarity). And this is internal looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control. And the second woman man (corrected to accurately represent the example from the lecture) would attribute his success to the external influences or the luck. When he is successful, he would think the interviewer might have a good day, or today he is really lucky. When he failed, he might blame the interviewer or attribute to the bad luck. And this is external looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control.

Revised Answer (140 words):

The lecture discusses internal and external locus of control, using job interviews as an example. A person with an internal locus of control, like the first woman mentioned, attributes success to their own efforts and preparation. She works diligently before the interview and, if unsuccessful, feels disappointed with herself. On the other hand, a person with an external locus of control, like the second man, attributes success to external factors or luck. When successful, he believes it is due to the interviewer having a good day or being fortunate. If he fails, he is more likely to blame the interviewer or attribute it to bad luck. By understanding these two perspectives, we can better comprehend how individuals perceive control over their lives and how it affects their actions and reactions in various situations, such as job interviews.

6.Mind Map

• Locus of Control

  • Internal
    • Attributes success to self
    • Own efforts and preparation
    • Disappointed with self if unsuccessful
  • External
    • Attributes success to external factors or luck
    • Interviewer's mood or fortunate events
    • Blames others or bad luck if unsuccessful

• Job Interview Example

  • Woman with internal locus of control
  • Man with external locus of control

7.Key Words

1.子项得分

• 交付：3

• 语言使用：3

• 话题发展：3

2.预估分数

• 总分：23

3.表达 在回答中，发音大部分清晰，语速适中，但偶尔有些停顿。为了提高表达能力，建议在练习时注意语音的连贯性和自然的停顿。同时，注意正确发音以避免拼写错误。

4.话题发展 回答内容基本上符合题目要求，对内部和外部控制源进行了解释，并给出了相应的例子。然而，在组织结构上可以进一步改进。建议在回答开头明确指出内部和外部控制源的定义，然后分别阐述两者的特点及例子。此外，在论述过程中尽量使用连词和过渡词，使得内容更加连贯。

5.语言使用

Original Answer: In the lecture, it talks about two types of locus of control, which means where control in people's life come from. In the lecture, the professor discusses two types of locus of control, which refers to the source of control in people's lives.（在讲座中，教授讨论了两种控制源类型，这是指人们生活中的控制来源。）

The first one is internal and the other one is external. The first type is internal locus of control, and the second type is external locus of control.（第一种类型是内部控制源，第二种类型是外部控制源。）

For example, there are two job candidates. For instance, consider two job candidates.（例如，考虑两个求职者。）

One of them is an internal, so she thinks that the control comes from within herself, so she thinks that she is responsible for her success or failure, One candidate has an internal locus of control, believing that control comes from within herself and that she is responsible for her success or failure,（一个候选人具有内部控制源，认为控制来自她自己，并且她对自己的成功或失败负责，）

and she would work really hard before this interview. so she would work diligently to prepare for the interview.（所以她会努力准备面试。）

So if she gets the job, she would think that because of her hard working, If she gets the job, she would attribute it to her hard work,（如果她得到这份工作，她会把它归因于自己的努力，）

and if she doesn't, she would be disappointed and try to work harder next time. and if not, she would be disappointed and strive to improve for the next opportunity.（如果没有，她会感到失望，并努力在下次机会中改进。）

And the other job candidate is an external. The other candidate has an external locus of control.（另一个候选人具有外部控制源。）

He thinks that other things are in control, so he doesn't work really hard, He believes that external factors are in control, so he may not work as diligently,（他认为外部因素在控制，所以他可能不会那么努力，）

and if he gets the job, he would think that he is really lucky, and the interviews are in good mood. and if he gets the job, he would consider himself lucky and assume the interviewers were in a good mood.（如果他得到这份工作，他会认为自己很幸运，并认为面试官心情很好。）

But if he doesn't get it, he would blame the bad luck or the interviewers. However, if he doesn't get the job, he would attribute it to bad luck or the interviewers.（然而，如果他没有得到这份工作，他会把它归因于运气不好或面试官。）

Revised Answer (140 words):

In the lecture, the professor discusses two types of locus of control, which refers to the source of control in people's lives. The first type is internal locus of control, and the second type is external locus of control. For instance, consider two job candidates. One candidate has an internal locus of control, believing that control comes from within herself and that she is responsible for her success or failure, so she would work diligently to prepare for the interview. If she gets the job, she would attribute it to her hard work, and if not

6.思维导图

Locus of Control
|
|-- Internal Locus of Control
|   |
|   |-- Job Candidate 1
|       |
|       |-- Believes control comes from within
|       |-- Responsible for success or failure
|       |-- Works diligently to prepare for interview
|       |-- Attributes job outcome to own efforts
|
|-- External Locus of Control
    |
    |-- Job Candidate 2
        |
        |-- Believes control comes from external factors
        |-- Doesn't work as diligently for interview preparation
        |-- Attributes job outcome to luck or interviewers' mood

7.关键词