TOEFL TPO 16 Speaking Task 4 Sample: Using points and examples from the talk, explain internal and external locus of control.

1.Sub Scores

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Total Score: 23

3.Delivery The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, with a consistent pace and only occasional pauses. However, there are some areas for improvement. The speaker should work on reducing unnecessary pauses and ensuring that their pronunciation is accurate to avoid spelling errors. Additionally, the speaker should focus on maintaining a natural tone throughout the response.

4.Topic Development The speaker provides a coherent and well-organized response, with clear connections between ideas and sufficient support or examples. However, there is room for improvement in terms of topic development. The speaker could provide more detailed explanations of internal and external locus of control, as well as additional examples to further illustrate the concepts. Additionally, the speaker should work on refining their language use to ensure that their response is concise and easy to understand.

5.Language Use

Original Answer: The professor explains the concept of locus of control using example of a person who is attending a job interview. Firstly, he talks about internal locus of control, these are people who believe that they are responsible for their actions, they believe in themselves. Here the person who is attending the interview believes that the success and preparation of the interview is based on the efforts that he has undertaken. If he gets the job, he will be happy and if he does not get the job, he will be disappointed and trying to improve himself. Now, secondly the professor talks about the external locus of control, here if a person who is attending the interview, he believes that the interviewer has the most influence and the result depends upon his mood and largely luck. So, these people are more likely to take risk and they blame luck if the results do not go their way and if they get selected, they think they got lucky.

Corrected Answer: The professor explains the a concept of locus of control using example an example (use 'an' before a noun starting with a vowel sound) of a person who is attending a job interview. Firstly, he talks about internal locus of control; these are people who believe that they are responsible for their actions, (add comma to separate independent clauses) they believe in themselves. Here, (add comma for clarity) the person who is attending the interview believes that the success and preparation of the interview is based on the efforts that he has undertaken. If he gets the job, he will be happy; (use semicolon to separate related independent clauses) if he does not get the job, he will be disappointed and trying try (use 'try' to match verb tense) to improve himself. Now, secondly, (add comma for clarity) the professor talks about the external locus of control; here, (add comma for clarity) if a person who is attending the interview believes that the interviewer has the most influence and the result depends upon his mood and largely luck. So, these people are more likely to take risk risks (use plural form for consistency) and they blame luck if the results do not go their way; (use semicolon to separate related independent clauses) if they get selected, they think they got lucky.

Revised Answer (140 words): The professor explains a concept called locus of control using an example of a person attending a job interview. He first discusses internal locus of control, where individuals believe they are responsible for their actions and outcomes. In this case, the interviewee believes their success and preparation depend on their own efforts. If they get the job, they feel accomplished; if not, they feel disappointed and try to improve. Secondly, the professor addresses external locus of control, where people think external factors, such as the interviewer's mood or luck, determine outcomes. These individuals are more likely to take risks and attribute results to external forces. If they succeed, they consider themselves lucky; if they fail, they blame external factors rather than seeking self-improvement.

6.Mind Map

• Locus of Control
  • Internal Locus of Control
    • Responsibility for actions
    • Belief in self
    • Success and preparation
    • Reaction to outcomes (happy/disappointed)
  • External Locus of Control
    • External factors (interviewer's mood, luck)
    • Risk-taking behavior
    • Attribution of results (lucky/unlucky)

7.Key Words

1.Sub Scores

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Total Score: 23

3.Delivery The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, with a consistent pace and only occasional pauses. However, there are some minor issues with punctuation and pronunciation that could be improved. To enhance the delivery, the speaker should practice proper pauses and work on accurate pronunciation of certain words.

4.Topic Development The response is coherent and well-organized, with clear connections between ideas and sufficient support or examples from the lecture. However, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations of internal and external locus of control. The speaker could also correct the mistake of referring to the second example as a woman instead of a man. To improve topic development, the speaker should focus on elaborating on the examples given in the lecture and ensuring accurate representation of the information.

5.Language Use

The lecture is talking about internal and external looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control, and the professor takes the job interview for example. The first woman would attribute her success to her own preparation, so she works hard before the interview, and when she failed, she was disappointed at her own with herself (improved phrasing for clarity). And this is internal looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control. And the second woman man (corrected to accurately represent the example from the lecture) would attribute his success to the external influences or the luck. When he is successful, he would think the interviewer might have a good day, or today he is really lucky. When he failed, he might blame the interviewer or attribute to the bad luck. And this is external looks locus (corrected for accurate terminology) of control.

Revised Answer (140 words):

The lecture discusses internal and external locus of control, using job interviews as an example. A person with an internal locus of control, like the first woman mentioned, attributes success to their own efforts and preparation. She works diligently before the interview and, if unsuccessful, feels disappointed with herself. On the other hand, a person with an external locus of control, like the second man, attributes success to external factors or luck. When successful, he believes it is due to the interviewer having a good day or being fortunate. If he fails, he is more likely to blame the interviewer or attribute it to bad luck. By understanding these two perspectives, we can better comprehend how individuals perceive control over their lives and how it affects their actions and reactions in various situations, such as job interviews.

6.Mind Map

• Locus of Control

  • Internal
    • Attributes success to self
    • Own efforts and preparation
    • Disappointed with self if unsuccessful
  • External
    • Attributes success to external factors or luck
    • Interviewer's mood or fortunate events
    • Blames others or bad luck if unsuccessful

• Job Interview Example

  • Woman with internal locus of control
  • Man with external locus of control

7.Key Words

1.子项得分

• 交付：3

• 语言使用：3

• 话题发展：3

2.预估分数

• 总分：23

3.表达 在回答中，发音大部分清晰，语速适中，但偶尔有些停顿。为了提高表达能力，建议在练习时注意语音的连贯性和自然的停顿。同时，注意正确发音以避免拼写错误。

4.话题发展 回答内容基本上符合题目要求，对内部和外部控制源进行了解释，并给出了相应的例子。然而，在组织结构上可以进一步改进。建议在回答开头明确指出内部和外部控制源的定义，然后分别阐述两者的特点及例子。此外，在论述过程中尽量使用连词和过渡词，使得内容更加连贯。

5.语言使用

Original Answer: In the lecture, it talks about two types of locus of control, which means where control in people's life come from. In the lecture, the professor discusses two types of locus of control, which refers to the source of control in people's lives.（在讲座中，教授讨论了两种控制源类型，这是指人们生活中的控制来源。）

The first one is internal and the other one is external. The first type is internal locus of control, and the second type is external locus of control.（第一种类型是内部控制源，第二种类型是外部控制源。）

For example, there are two job candidates. For instance, consider two job candidates.（例如，考虑两个求职者。）

One of them is an internal, so she thinks that the control comes from within herself, so she thinks that she is responsible for her success or failure, One candidate has an internal locus of control, believing that control comes from within herself and that she is responsible for her success or failure,（一个候选人具有内部控制源，认为控制来自她自己，并且她对自己的成功或失败负责，）

and she would work really hard before this interview. so she would work diligently to prepare for the interview.（所以她会努力准备面试。）

So if she gets the job, she would think that because of her hard working, If she gets the job, she would attribute it to her hard work,（如果她得到这份工作，她会把它归因于自己的努力，）

and if she doesn't, she would be disappointed and try to work harder next time. and if not, she would be disappointed and strive to improve for the next opportunity.（如果没有，她会感到失望，并努力在下次机会中改进。）

And the other job candidate is an external. The other candidate has an external locus of control.（另一个候选人具有外部控制源。）

He thinks that other things are in control, so he doesn't work really hard, He believes that external factors are in control, so he may not work as diligently,（他认为外部因素在控制，所以他可能不会那么努力，）

and if he gets the job, he would think that he is really lucky, and the interviews are in good mood. and if he gets the job, he would consider himself lucky and assume the interviewers were in a good mood.（如果他得到这份工作，他会认为自己很幸运，并认为面试官心情很好。）

But if he doesn't get it, he would blame the bad luck or the interviewers. However, if he doesn't get the job, he would attribute it to bad luck or the interviewers.（然而，如果他没有得到这份工作，他会把它归因于运气不好或面试官。）

Revised Answer (140 words):

In the lecture, the professor discusses two types of locus of control, which refers to the source of control in people's lives. The first type is internal locus of control, and the second type is external locus of control. For instance, consider two job candidates. One candidate has an internal locus of control, believing that control comes from within herself and that she is responsible for her success or failure, so she would work diligently to prepare for the interview. If she gets the job, she would attribute it to her hard work, and if not

6.思维导图

Locus of Control
|
|-- Internal Locus of Control
|   |
|   |-- Job Candidate 1
|       |
|       |-- Believes control comes from within
|       |-- Responsible for success or failure
|       |-- Works diligently to prepare for interview
|       |-- Attributes job outcome to own efforts
|
|-- External Locus of Control
    |
    |-- Job Candidate 2
        |
        |-- Believes control comes from external factors
        |-- Doesn't work as diligently for interview preparation
        |-- Attributes job outcome to luck or interviewers' mood

7.关键词

1.子项得分

• 交付：3

• 语言使用：3

• 话题发展：3

2.预估分数

• 总分：23

3.表达 在回答中，发言者的表达大体上是清晰流畅的，但在某些地方可能需要稍作改进。例如，可以尝试减少不必要的停顿，以保持一致的语速。此外，在发音方面也需要注意一些单词的准确性。建议多加练习，提高口语表达能力。

4.话题发展 回答中对内部和外部控制源的解释基本上是连贯和有条理的，但在某些地方可以进一步加强。例如，在解释外部控制源时，可以更明确地说明这类人更关注周围事物而非自身。同时，在举例子时，可以尝试提供更具体、详细的例证来支持观点。建议在练习时注意组织结构和论据的完整性，以便更好地回答问题。

5.语言使用

原文：In the lecture, the professor explained the two types of the locus of the control. When people facing something coming out, they will use the different approaches to think and control the things. In the lecture, the professor explained two types of locus of control. When people face various situations, they use different approaches to think about and control things.（在讲座中，教授解释了控制源的两种类型。当人们面对各种情况时，他们会采用不同的方法来思考和控制事物。）

Firstly, the internal locus of the control. Firstly, internal locus of control.（首先，内部控制源。）Such people are more likely to think about themselves rather than the surrounding things. These people tend to focus on themselves rather than external factors.（这些人倾向于关注自己而不是外部因素。）

Take the example, if they want to apply for the job position, if they got it, they will think their strength is compatible with the company. For example, when applying for a job position, if they get it, they believe their strengths are compatible with the company's requirements.（例如，在申请工作职位时，如果他们得到了这个职位，他们会认为自己的优势与公司的要求相符。）

If not, they think they need to improve their strength. If not, they think they need to improve their skills.（如果没有，他们认为需要提高自己的技能。）

And second, the external locus of the control. Secondly, external locus of control.（其次，外部控制源。）Such people are more likely to think about themselves rather than the surrounding things. These people tend to focus on external factors rather than themselves.（这些人倾向于关注外部因素而不是自己。）

And take the same phenomenon above. If they got the position, they think it is a lucky day. If they not get the position, they think it will be blamed on the interviewers or the bad luck. Using the same example above, if they get the position, they attribute it to luck. If they don't get the position, they blame it on the interviewers or bad luck.（使用上面的相同例子，如果他们得到了这个职位，他们会把它归因于运气。如果他们没有得到这个职位，他们会把责任归咎于面试官或者运气不好。）

Revised Answer (140 words):

In the lecture, the professor explained two types of locus of control. When people face various situations, they use different approaches to think about and control things. Firstly, internal locus of control. These people tend to focus on themselves rather than external factors. For example, when applying for a job position, if they get it, they believe their strengths are compatible with the company's requirements. If not, they think they need to improve their skills. Secondly, external locus of control. These people tend to focus on external factors rather than themselves. Using the same example above, if they get the position, they attribute it to luck. If they don't get the position, they blame it on the interviewers or bad luck.

6.思维导图

Locus of Control
├── Internal Locus of Control
│   ├── Focus on themselves
│   ├── Example: Job application
│   │   ├── Success: Compatible strengths
│   │   └── Failure: Improve skills
└── External Locus of Control
    ├── Focus on external factors
    ├── Example: Job application
    │   ├── Success: Attribute to luck
    │   └── Failure: Blame interviewers or bad luck

7.关键词

1.子项得分

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2.预估分数

• Estimated Score: 23

3.表达 回答中的发音和语速大部分都很清晰，但有时会出现不恰当的停顿。为了提高表达能力，建议练习更自然、流畅的语言表达，避免不必要的停顿。同时注意发音准确性，以免出现拼写错误。

4.话题发展 The response provides a coherent and well-organized explanation of internal and external locus of control using the job interview example from the lecture. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more detailed examples or further elaborating on the concepts. To enhance topic development, consider expanding on the ideas presented and ensuring that each point is fully explained and supported with relevant examples from the lecture.

5.语言使用

Original Answer: The lecture uses the example of job interviewing as the example to illustrate two kinds of local subcontrol. The lecture uses job interviewing as an example to illustrate two types of locus of control. (将“local subcontrol”更正为“locus of control”，使句子更准确。) First comes the internal control, which means the interviewer will believe the result depends on herself and her preparation. First is internal locus of control, where individuals believe the outcome depends on their own efforts and preparation. (将“interviewer”更正为“individuals”，使句子更通用。) So if he gets the job, he will believe it is because of her hard work, So if they get the job, they will believe it is due to their hard work, (将“he”和“her”更正为“they”，使句子一致。) and if she didn't get the job, she will try to improve herself and try again. The second kind is the external control, which means the job interviewer will believe the result depends on his luck and anyone else. So he would like to take risks to apply for the job that he is not fully qualified. And if he gets the job, he will believe it is because his luck and the good mood of the interviewer. If he didn't get the job, he will blame the interviewer and think he was not lucky enough. These are the two examples of two kinds of local subcontrol.

Revised Answer (140 words):

The lecture uses job interviewing as an example to illustrate two types of locus of control. First is internal locus of control, where individuals believe the outcome depends on their own efforts and preparation. If they get the job, they will attribute their success to their hard work and dedication. However, if they don't get the job, they will seek ways to improve themselves for future opportunities. On the other hand, external locus of control refers to individuals who believe that external factors, such as luck or other people's decisions, determine the outcome. These individuals may take risks and apply for jobs they are not fully qualified for. If they succeed, they attribute it to luck or the interviewer's good mood; if they fail, they blame external factors rather than examining their own performance.

6.思维导图

• Locus of Control
  • Internal Locus of Control
    • Own efforts and preparation
    • Success attributed to hard work
    • Improvement when facing failure
  • External Locus of Control
    • External factors (luck, others' decisions)
    • Risk-taking behavior
    • Blaming external factors for failure

7.关键词

1.子项得分 Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.预估分数

23. 3.表达

从发音方面来看，整体上讲得比较清楚，但偶尔会有些停顿。为了提高发音的准确性，建议在练习时注意语速和节奏的控制，尽量减少不必要的停顿。同时，可以多加练习发音细节，以提高口语表达的流利度。

4.话题发展 回答内容基本上涵盖了听力材料中的关键信息，并且给出了一定的例子来支持观点。但在组织结构上还有待加强，可以尝试使用更清晰的逻辑连接词来帮助理顺思路。此外，在给出例子时，尽量详细描述以增强说服力。通过以上方法，可以使话题发展更加完善和有条理。

5.语言使用

Original Answer: The lecture explained the locus of control. There are two kinds, one for internal one and another for external one. The professor used two job interviewees to elaborate on this idea. One is internal person that he believes it is the inherent hard work leads to his success. If he gets the work, he may think it is his hard work that leads to his success. If he did not get the work, he may think he may disappoint by himself and thinks to improve the personal skills. Another one is external one. He may contribute his success to outside factors such as interviewers or luck. He may take risk and get the job for not qualified. If he gets the job, he will think it is luck or the interviewers happy that day. If he did not get the job, he may blame for the interviewers or bad luck.

Corrected Answer: The lecture explained discussed ("discussed" 更自然地描述了讲座的内容) the locus of control. There are two kinds types ("types" 更准确地描述了内部和外部控制的分类), one for internal one internal control and another for external one external control. The professor used two job interviewees to elaborate on this idea. One is internal person that he believes it is the inherent hard work leads to his success an internal person who believes that inherent hard work leads to success (修正了语法结构，使句子更自然流畅). If he gets the work job, he may think it is his hard work that leads to his success. If he did not get the work job, he may think he may disappoint by himself be disappointed with himself (修正了语法错误，使句子更自然地表达了意思) and thinks to improve the personal skills consider improving his personal skills. Another one is an external person. He may attribute his success to outside factors such as interviewers or luck. He may take risks and get the job even if not qualified. If he gets the job, he will think it is luck or the interviewers were happy that day. If he did not get the job, he may blame the interviewers or bad luck.

Revised Answer (140 words): The lecture discussed the concept of locus of control, which has two types: internal control and external control. The professor illustrated this idea using two job interviewees as examples. The first candidate has an internal locus of control, believing that inherent hard work leads to success. If this person gets the job, they attribute it to their hard work; if not, they feel disappointed with themselves and consider improving their personal skills. The second candidate has an external locus of control, attributing success to external factors like interviewers or luck. This person may take risks and apply for jobs they are not fully qualified for. If they get the job, they believe it is due to luck or the interviewers' mood; if not, they blame the interviewers or bad luck.

6.思维导图

Locus of Control
├─ Internal Control
│   ├─ Belief in hard work
│   ├─ Job success attributed to effort
│   └─ Self-improvement when facing failure
└─ External Control
    ├─ Attributing success to external factors
    │   ├─ Interviewers
    │   └─ Luck
    ├─ Taking risks in job applications
    └─ Blaming others or bad luck for failure

7.关键词