TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.In your response you should: • express and support your personal opinion • make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.
AIによる評価とフィードバック付きの実際のユーザー投稿
5件のユーザー投稿サンプルがあります
無料練習を始めるタスク概要
Professor
When people are asked about the most important discoveries or inventions made in the last two hundred years, they usually mention something very obvious, like the computer or the cell phone. But there are thousands of other discoveries or inventions that have had a huge impact on how we live today. What scientific discovery or technological invention from the last 200 years—other than computers and cell phones—would you choose as being important? Why?
Student A
I mean, we’re so used to science and technology that we are not even aware of all the things we use in our daily lives. I would probably choose space satellites. This technology happened in the last hundred years, and it has become important for so many things. Just think about navigation, or telecommunications, or even the military.
Student B
I am thinking about medical progress. Like, for example, when scientists discovered things about healthy nutrition. I am thinking of identifying all the vitamins we need to stay healthy. I am not sure exactly when the vitamin discoveries happened, but I know they are very important. Our health is much better than it was 200 years ago.
ユーザーサンプルと評価結果
1ユーザーサンプル #1
In my point of view, I tend to be in favor of the argument that technological inventions should be focused more. With the development of technology, w...
スコア28
ユーザーサンプル #1
In my point of view, I tend to be in favor of the argument that technological inventions should be focused more. With the development of technology, w...
ユーザーサンプル
In my point of view, I tend to be in favor of the argument that technological inventions should be focused more. With the development of technology, we can find the quality of our life gets better and brings more convenience, for example, the robot vacuum cleaner. Generally, people prefer to sweep their floor in their spare time and spend the energy to maintain the ground to be clean. Instead, the sweeping robot could free people’s hands and avoid tedious and repeatable tasks, especially for disabled people, they can get rid of the pain from the fatigue of daily routine. Also, it is more efficient for robots to sweep the floors because of a wider cleaning range. For the sweeping robot, they can clean areas that are difficult for people to clean, such as under the bed. While the robot could easily reach and keep the room tidy everywhere.
評価結果
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
- 28
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章的任务完成度较高,但还有一些改进的空间。首先,文章没有直接回答教授的问题,即在过去200年中,除了计算机和手机之外,你认为哪项科学发现或技术发明最重要?尽管你提到了扫地机器人的例子,但这与 教授提出的经济学课程背景关系不大。建议在文章开头明确表达自己对问题的看法,并在后续段落中提供更多相关例子和论据来支持观点。
示例1:在我看来,在过去200年中,除了计算机和手机之外,最重要的科学发现或技术发明是电力。电力极大地改变了我们的生活方式,并推动了各种行业的发展。
示例2:我认为,在过去200年里,疫苗是非常重要的一项医学进步。疫苗为人类提供了有效预防疾病的手段,并且挽救了无数生命。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构方面,可以进一步改进。首先,文章缺少一个明确的引言部分,建议在开头明确表达自己对问题的看法。其次,文章的主体部分应该更加关注于支持观点的论据和例子。最后,可以在结尾部分总结观点,并简要回顾文章中提到的论据。
建议1:在文章开头明确表达自己对问题的看法。例如:“在我看来,在过去200年中,除了计算机和手机之外,最重要的科学发现或技术发明是电力。”
建议2:在文章主体部分提供更多相关例子和论据来支持观点。例如:“电力极大地改变了我们的生活方式,并推动了各种行业的发展。例如,在家庭生活中,电力使我们能够使用各种家用电器,如冰箱、洗衣机和空调等。”
5. 语法批改
In my point of view, I tend to be in favor of the argument that technological inventions should be focused more. With the development of technology, we can find the quality of our life gets better and brings more convenience, for example, the robot vacuum cleaner. Generally, people prefer to sweep their floor in their spare time and spend the energy to maintain the ground to be clean. Instead, the sweeping robot could free people’s hands and avoid tedious and repeatable tasks, especially for disabled people, they can get rid of the pain from the fatigue of daily routine. Also, it is more efficient for robots to sweep the floors because of a wider cleaning range. For the sweeping robot, they can clean areas that are difficult for people to clean, such as under the bed. While the robot could easily reach and keep the room tidy everywhere.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my perspective, I firmly believe that technological inventions warrant greater attention. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the robotic vacuum cleaner as an example. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and exerting effort to maintain cleanliness. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks, providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the physical demands of daily chores. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. Robotic vacuums can access hard-to-reach areas that might be challenging for humans, such as beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the home. (116 words)
In my point perspective [Changed "point of view, view" to "perspective" for a more natural expression], I tend to be in favor of the argument firmly believe that technological inventions should be focused more. With warrant greater attention [Rephrased to make the development of technology, we can find statement stronger and clearer]. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the quality of our life gets robotic vacuum cleaner as an example [Added a semicolon and rephrased for better flow]. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and brings more convenience, for example, the robot vacuum cleaner. Generally, people prefer to sweep their floor in their spare time and spend the energy exerting effort to maintain cleanliness [Rephrased for clarity]. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks [Changed "tedious and repeatable" to "mundane and repetitive" for a more natural expression], providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the ground to be clean. Instead, physical demands of daily chores [Clarified the sweeping robot could free people’s hands and avoid tedious and repeatable tasks, especially benefit for disabled people, they people]. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range [Rephrased for better flow]. Robotic vacuums can get rid of the pain from the fatigue of daily routine. Also, it is more efficient for robots to sweep the floors because of a wider cleaning range. For the sweeping robot, they can clean access hard-to-reach areas that are difficult might be challenging for people to clean, humans, such as under beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the bed. While the robot could easily reach home [Rephrased for clarity and keep the room tidy everywhere.flow].
8 思维导图
- Essay Structure
- Introduction
- Technological inventions
- Importance of attention
- Body
- Improved quality of life
- Robotic vacuum cleaner example
- Increased convenience
- Liberation from mundane tasks
- Relief for people with disabilities
- Enhanced efficiency
- Extensive cleaning range
- Access to hard-to-reach areas
- Conclusion
- Consistent tidy living space
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| warrant | /ˈwɔrənt/ | verb | to justify or necessitate (a certain course of action) | 保证,担保 | Technological inventions warrant greater attention. |
| robotic | /rəˈbɒtɪk/ | adjective | relating to or characteristic of robots | 机器人的 | Take the robotic vacuum cleaner as an example. |
| liberate | /ˈlɪbəreɪt/ | verb | to set free, as from oppression, confinement, or foreign control | 解放 | Robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks. |
| mundane | /mʌnˈdeɪn/ | adjective | lacking interest or excitement; dull | _平凡的,乏味的 | _Robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks. |
| efficiency | /ɪˈfɪʃənsi/ | noun | the state or quality of being efficient | _效率 | _Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. |
| extensive | /ɪkˈstensɪv/ | adjective | covering or affecting a large area | _广泛的,大量的 | _Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. |
| hard-to-reach | /hɑrd tə riʧ/ | adjective | difficult to get to or access | _难以到达的 | _Robotic vacuums can access hard-to-reach areas that might be challenging for humans. |
| consistent | /kənˈsɪstənt/ | adjective | acting or done in the same way over time, especially so as to be fair or accurate | _一致的,始终如一的 | _Robotic vacuums ensure a consistently tidy living space throughout the home. |
| living space | /ˈlɪvɪŋ speɪs/ | noun | an area within a building for everyday domestic activities such as relaxing, eating, and sleeping | _生活空间 | _Robotic vacuums ensure a consistently tidy living space throughout the home. |
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my perspective, I firmly believe that technological inventions warrant greater attention. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the robotic vacuum cleaner as an example. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and exerting effort to maintain cleanliness. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks, providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the physical demands of daily chores. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. Robotic vacuums can access hard-to-reach areas that might be challenging for humans, such as beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the home.
2ユーザーサンプル #2
I think the most important technological invention is online payment which is developed by Elon Musk. Before the online payment was invented, if peopl...
スコア25
ユーザーサンプル #2
I think the most important technological invention is online payment which is developed by Elon Musk. Before the online payment was invented, if peopl...
ユーザーサンプル
I think the most important technological invention is online payment which is developed by Elon Musk. Before the online payment was invented, if people wanted to purchase some really expensive products, such as televisions, watches and jewelries, people need to bring a stack of money which is very heavy and unsafe. But now, all they need to do is bring their smartphones and open the PayPal when they shopping. Also, online payment allow people’s property safer, they do not need to keep their money or something in house or in the pockets, so that thieves or rubbers have no chances to steal people’s possession.
評価結果
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章在回答问题时,提到了在线支付技术的重要性。然而,文章没有详细说明在线支付如何对经济产生影响。为了更好地完成任务,建议您在文章中加入更多关于在线支付对经济的影响以及为什么它对于经济学课程讨论是重要的。
示例1:除了提高购物安全性外,在线支付还促进了电子商务的发展,从而推动了全球贸易和经济增长。 示例2:此外,在线支付还降低了交易成本和时间,使得企业可以更高效地运营,从而提高整体经济效率。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构较为简单,缺乏明确的引言、主体和结论部分。建议您按照以下步骤改进文章结构:首先,在引言中简要介绍您将讨论的主题;其次,在主体部分详细阐述您的观点及支持细节;最后,在结论部分总结观点并呼应引言。同时,请注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词,使文章更具连贯性。
示例1:引言 - 在过去的200年里,许多科学发现和技术发明改变了我们的生活方式。在这篇文章中,我将讨论在线支付技术对经济产生的重要影响。 示例2:过渡词 - 此外,在线支付还有助于提高整体经济效率,因为它降低了交易成本和时间。
5. 语法批改
I think the most important technological invention is online paymentpayment,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which is developed by Elon Musk. Before the online payment was invented, if people wanted to purchase some really expensive products, such as televisions, watches and jewelries, people need to bring a stack of money which is very heavy and unsafe. But now, all they need to do is bring their smartphones and open the PayPal when they shoppingthey're shopping(He going (He is going)). Also, online payment allow people’s property safer, they do not need to keep their money or something in house or in the pockets, so that thieves or rubbers have no chances to steal people’s possession.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my opinion, the most significant technological invention in the past two centuries, aside from computers and cell phones, is online payment systems pioneered by visionaries like Elon Musk. The advent of online payment platforms, such as PayPal, has revolutionized the way we conduct transactions. Prior to this innovation, purchasing high-value items like televisions, watches, and jewelry required carrying large sums of cash, which was both cumbersome and risky. With the introduction of online payment methods, individuals can now securely complete transactions using their smartphones. This advancement not only streamlines the purchasing process but also enhances the security of personal assets by reducing the likelihood of theft or robbery. (114 words)
I think In my opinion (revised for a more formal tone), the most important significant technological invention in the past two centuries, aside from computers and cell phones (added for context and clarity), is online payment which is developed systems pioneered by visionaries like Elon Musk. Before the Musk (rephrased to give credit to multiple innovators). The advent of online payment was invented, if people wanted to purchase some really expensive products, platforms, such as PayPal (specified an example), has revolutionized the way we conduct transactions. Prior to this innovation, purchasing high-value items like televisions, watches watches, and jewelries, people need to bring a stack jewelry required carrying large sums of money cash, which is very heavy was both cumbersome and unsafe. But now, all they need to do is bring risky (rephrased for clarity). With the introduction of online payment methods, individuals can now securely complete transactions using their smartphones and open (rephrased for better flow). This advancement not only streamlines the PayPal when they shopping. Also, online payment allow people’s property safer, they do not need purchasing process but also enhances the security of personal assets by reducing the likelihood of theft or robbery (rephrased to keep their money or something in house or in the pockets, so that thieves or rubbers have no chances to steal people’s possession.emphasize benefits).
8 思维导图
- 核心观点:在线支付系统的重要性
- 创新者:Elon Musk等先驱者
- 典型平台:PayPal
- 在线支付带来的变革
- 购买高价值物品的便利性
- 不再需要携带大量现金
- 减少风险和负担
- 使用智能手机完成交易
- 流程简化
- 安全性提高
- 减少盗窃或抢劫的可能性
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| significant | /sɪɡˈnɪfɪkənt/ | adjective | important or noticeable | 重要的,显著的 | The advent of online payment systems is a significant technological invention. |
| visionary | /ˈvɪʒəˌnɛri/ | noun | a person with original ideas about the future | 有远见的人,空想家 | Elon Musk is a visionary who pioneered online payment systems. |
| revolutionize | /rɛvəˈluʃəˌnaɪz/ | verb | to completely change something | 彻底改变 | Online payment platforms have revolutionized the way we conduct transactions. |
| cumbersome | /ˈkʌmbərsəm/ | adjective | large and heavy; difficult to use | 笨重的,难处理的 | Carrying large sums of cash was cumbersome and risky. |
| asset | /ˈæsɛt/ | noun | a useful or valuable thing or person | 资产,有价值的东西或人 | Online payment methods enhance the security of personal assets. |
| likelihood | /ˈlaɪklihʊd/ | noun | the chance that something will happen | 可能性,几率 | The introduction of online payment methods reduces the likelihood of theft or robbery. |
| streamline | /ˈstriːmlaɪn/ | verb | to make something more efficient | 简化,使...效率更高 | This advancement streamlines the purchasing process. |
| innovation | /ˌɪnəˈveɪʃən/ | noun | the introduction of new ideas, methods, or things | 创新,革新 | Prior to this innovation, purchasing high-value items required carrying large sums of cash. |
| transaction | /trænˈzækʃən/ | noun | _an instance of buying or selling something _ | 交易,业务办理 | Online payment platforms have changed the way we conduct transactions. |
3ユーザーサンプル #3
From my perspective, airplane stands as an significant invention from the last 200 years primarily due to its ability to save time for people. Nowaday...
スコア27
ユーザーサンプル #3
From my perspective, airplane stands as an significant invention from the last 200 years primarily due to its ability to save time for people. Nowaday...
ユーザーサンプル
From my perspective, airplane stands as an significant invention from the last 200 years primarily due to its ability to save time for people. Nowadays, a majority number of people consider the time as a valuable wealth, and numerous individuals are unwilling to squander time in lengthy journey. Consequently, airplane becomes a main mode of trip for them. Technological advancement makes it achievable for people to travel between two cities within one day. Before the airplane was invented, however, options of vehicles for people were finite. Thus, trains and buses served as the sole means of travel. It was not uncommon for people to spend entire night on trains in order to reach their destinations.
評価結果
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
- 27
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,成功地回答了教授的问题并表达了个人观点。然而,可以改进的地方是更具体地说明飞机如何影响了经济和人们的生活。此外,尝试引入更多相关细节和例子来支持你的观点。
改进示例1:
- 在讨论飞机如何节省时间时,可以提到它对国际贸易和商业旅行的影响,从而促进了全球经济发展。
改进示例2:
- 在论述飞机对人们生活产生重大影响时,可以提到航空公司创造了大量就业机会,并且飞机使得文化交流变得更加容易。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在组织方面有待改进。首先,在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语以增强连贯性。其次,在正文部分中尝试使用主题句来明确每个段落的中心思想。
改进示例1:
- 在引言和正文之间,可以使用过渡词语如“首先”或“具体来说”来引导读者进入正文部分。
改进示例2:
- 在正文段落中,可以使用主题句如“飞机的发明极大地促进了全球经济的发展”,以便更清晰地表达段落的中心思想。
5. 语法批改
From my perspective, airplanethe airplane(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) stands as ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') significant invention from the last 200 yearsyears,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) primarily due to its ability to save time for people. Nowadays, a majority number of people consider the time as a valuable wealth, and numerous individuals are unwilling to squander time in lengthy journey. Consequently, airplane becomes a main mode of trip for them. Technological advancement makes it achievable for people to travel between two cities within one day. Before the airplane was invented, however, options of vehicles for people were finite. Thus, trains and buses served as the sole means of travel. It was not uncommon for people to spend entirean entire(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.) night on trains in order to reach their destinations.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my opinion, the airplane stands as a paramount invention from the past 200 years, primarily due to its ability to save time for individuals. In today's fast-paced world, time is often considered a valuable asset, and many people are reluctant to waste it on lengthy journeys. As a result, air travel has become a preferred mode of transportation for numerous individuals. Technological advancements have made it possible for people to traverse between cities within a single day. Prior to the invention of airplanes, however, transportation options were limited; trains and buses served as the primary means of travel. Consequently, it was not uncommon for individuals to spend entire nights on trains in order to reach their destinations. (123 words)
In my opinion (From my perspective, perspective), the airplane stands as an significant a paramount (significant) invention from the last past (last) 200 years years, primarily due to its ability to save time for people. Nowadays, a majority number of people consider the individuals (people). In today's fast-paced world, time as is often considered a valuable wealth, asset (wealth), and many people (numerous individuals individuals) are unwilling reluctant to waste it on lengthy journeys (squander time in lengthy journey. Consequently, airplane becomes journey). As a result, air travel has become a preferred mode of transportation (main mode of trip trip) for them. numerous individuals. Technological advancement makes advancements have made it achievable possible for people to travel traverse between two cities within one a single day. Before Prior to the airplane was invented, invention of airplanes, however, transportation options of vehicles for people were finite. Thus, limited (finite); trains and buses served as the sole primary means of travel. It Consequently, it was not uncommon for people individuals to spend entire night nights on trains in order to reach their destinations.
8 思维导图
- Airplane Invention
- Time-saving
- Valuable asset
- Fast-paced world
- Preferred mode of transportation
- Technological advancements
- Traversing cities in a day
- Limited options before airplanes
- Trains and buses
- Lengthy journeys and nights spent on trains
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| paramount | /ˈpærəmaʊnt/ | adjective | more important than anything else | 至高无上的 | The airplane stands as a paramount invention. |
| fast-paced | /fæstˈpeɪst/ | adjective | happening very quickly | 快节奏的 | In today's fast-paced world, time is valuable. |
| reluctant | /rɪˈlʌktənt/ | adjective | not willing to do something | 不情愿的 | People are reluctant to waste time on lengthy journeys. |
| traverse | /trəˈvɜrs/ | verb | to travel across or through | 横穿,穿越 | Technological advancements allow people to traverse cities. |
| destination | /ˌdɛstəˈneɪʃən/ | noun | the place someone is going or being sent | 目的 地 | It took entire nights on trains to reach their destination. |
| invention | /ɪnˈvɛnʃən/ | noun | something that has been designed or created | 发明 | The airplane is a significant invention from the past 200 years. |
| transportation | /ˌtrænspɔrˈteɪʃən/ | noun | the action of transporting something | 运输 | Air travel has become a preferred mode of transportation. |
| technological | /ˌtɛknəˈlɒdʒɪkəl/ | adjective | relating to technology | 技术的 | Technological advancements have made air travel possible. |
| advancement | /ədˈvænsmənt/ | noun | progress or development | 进步,发展 | Technological advancements have changed the way we travel. |
| lengthy | /ˈlɛŋθi/ | adjective | long in time, distance, or extent | 漫长的 | People used to spend lengthy nights on trains before airplanes. |
アカデミック・ディスカッションの採点方法
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関連性と貢献度
設問に的確に答え、ディスカッションに意味のある貢献をしているか?
言語使用
文法の正確さ、語彙の幅、文構造の質。
展開と裏付け
具体例と明確な論理によってアイデアが十分に展開されているか?
回答に見られる共通パターン
このタスクに寄せられたユーザー投稿の分析に基づき、受験者の回答に見られる共通パターンを紹介します。
多くの受験者は明確な意見を述べるものの、具体的な裏付け例が不足している。
高評価の回答は、リーディングパッセージや他の参加者の意見に直接言及している。
高得点の回答は、多様な文構造とアカデミックな語彙を使用している。
時間配分は重要な要素であり、急いで書かれた印象の回答は展開の評価が低くなる傾向がある。
学習のヒント
書き始める前に設問文を注意深く読み、質問のすべての要素を把握する。
回答の中でリーディングパッセージや他の受験者の意見に言及する。
主張を裏付けるために具体例を使い、一般論は避ける。
120~150語を目安にする。長い回答が必ずしも良いわけではなく、明確さと焦点の方が重要。
本番同様の条件で流暢さを養うため、時間を計って(10分間)回答する練習をする。
よくある質問
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関連するTOEFLアカデミック・ディスカッションのタスク
All TOEFL Writing Samples
Browse all user-submitted TOEFL writing samples with AI evaluation
TOEFL Academic Discussion Guide
Learn strategies and tips for the Academic Discussion writing task
TOEFL Writing Guide
Complete guide to all TOEFL writing task types and scoring
TOEFL Speaking Guide
Master all TOEFL speaking tasks with expert strategies
TOEFL Reading Guide
Strategies for TOEFL reading comprehension tasks
TOEFL Listening Guide
Tips and practice for TOEFL listening comprehension
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