TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.In your response you should: • express and support your personal opinion • make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章的任务完成度较高，但还有一些改进的空间。首先，文章没有直接回答教授的问题，即在过去200年中，除了计算机和手机之外，你认为哪项科学发现或技术发明最重要？尽管你提到了扫地机器人的例子，但这与教授提出的经济学课程背景关系不大。建议在文章开头明确表达自己对问题的看法，并在后续段落中提供更多相关例子和论据来支持观点。

示例1：在我看来，在过去200年中，除了计算机和手机之外，最重要的科学发现或技术发明是电力。电力极大地改变了我们的生活方式，并推动了各种行业的发展。

示例2：我认为，在过去200年里，疫苗是非常重要的一项医学进步。疫苗为人类提供了有效预防疾病的手段，并且挽救了无数生命。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，可以进一步改进。首先，文章缺少一个明确的引言部分，建议在开头明确表达自己对问题的看法。其次，文章的主体部分应该更加关注于支持观点的论据和例子。最后，可以在结尾部分总结观点，并简要回顾文章中提到的论据。

建议1：在文章开头明确表达自己对问题的看法。例如：“在我看来，在过去200年中，除了计算机和手机之外，最重要的科学发现或技术发明是电力。”

建议2：在文章主体部分提供更多相关例子和论据来支持观点。例如：“电力极大地改变了我们的生活方式，并推动了各种行业的发展。例如，在家庭生活中，电力使我们能够使用各种家用电器，如冰箱、洗衣机和空调等。”

5. 语法批改

In my point of view, I tend to be in favor of the argument that technological inventions should be focused more. With the development of technology, we can find the quality of our life gets better and brings more convenience, for example, the robot vacuum cleaner. Generally, people prefer to sweep their floor in their spare time and spend the energy to maintain the ground to be clean. Instead, the sweeping robot could free people’s hands and avoid tedious and repeatable tasks, especially for disabled people, they can get rid of the pain from the fatigue of daily routine.​ Also, it is more efficient for robots to sweep the floors because of a wider cleaning range. For the sweeping robot, they can clean areas that are difficult for people to clean, such as under the bed. While the robot could easily reach and keep the room tidy everywhere.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my perspective, I firmly believe that technological inventions warrant greater attention. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the robotic vacuum cleaner as an example. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and exerting effort to maintain cleanliness. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks, providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the physical demands of daily chores. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. Robotic vacuums can access hard-to-reach areas that might be challenging for humans, such as beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the home. (116 words)

In my point perspective [Changed "point of view, view" to "perspective" for a more natural expression], I tend to be in favor of the argument firmly believe that technological inventions should be focused more. With warrant greater attention [Rephrased to make the development of technology, we can find statement stronger and clearer]. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the quality of our life gets robotic vacuum cleaner as an example [Added a semicolon and rephrased for better flow]. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and brings more convenience, for example, the robot vacuum cleaner. Generally, people prefer to sweep their floor in their spare time and spend the energy exerting effort to maintain cleanliness [Rephrased for clarity]. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks [Changed "tedious and repeatable" to "mundane and repetitive" for a more natural expression], providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the ground to be clean. Instead, physical demands of daily chores [Clarified the sweeping robot could free people’s hands and avoid tedious and repeatable tasks, especially benefit for disabled people, they people]. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range [Rephrased for better flow]. Robotic vacuums can get rid of the pain from the fatigue of daily routine.​ Also, it is more efficient for robots to sweep the floors because of a wider cleaning range. For the sweeping robot, they can clean access hard-to-reach areas that are difficult might be challenging for people to clean, humans, such as under beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the bed. While the robot could easily reach home [Rephrased for clarity and keep the room tidy everywhere.flow].

8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Technological inventions
        - Importance of attention
    - Body
        - Improved quality of life
            - Robotic vacuum cleaner example
        - Increased convenience
            - Liberation from mundane tasks
            - Relief for people with disabilities
        - Enhanced efficiency
            - Extensive cleaning range
            - Access to hard-to-reach areas
    - Conclusion
        - Consistent tidy living space 

9 关键词

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my perspective, I firmly believe that technological inventions warrant greater attention. As technology advances, our lives improve in quality and convenience; take the robotic vacuum cleaner as an example. Traditionally, individuals would allocate their leisure time to sweeping floors and exerting effort to maintain cleanliness. However, robotic vacuums liberate people from these mundane and repetitive tasks, providing particular relief for those with disabilities who may struggle with the physical demands of daily chores. Moreover, these devices offer enhanced efficiency due to their extensive cleaning range. Robotic vacuums can access hard-to-reach areas that might be challenging for humans, such as beneath beds, ensuring a consistently tidy living space throughout the home.