TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question. In your response you should: express and support your personal opinion make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3. 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题，但在论述观点时需要更加详细和具体。首先，你可以在论证观点时提供更多有力的例子和事实来支持你的观点。此外，在讨论反对意见时，尝试提供更具说服力的反驳理由。

改进示例1：

• 在讨论政府投资建设旅游设施可能造成资源浪费时，可以提供一些具体数据或案例来证明这一观点。

改进示例2：

• 在反驳旅游业能带来经济收益的观点时，可以提供一些关于农业或其他产业发展对当地经济稳定增长的优势和实际效果。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构较为清晰，但在段落划分和过渡方面还有待改进。首先，在引入主题时可以使用一个简短的引言段落。其次，在讨论不同观点时，尝试将每个观点单独放在一个段落中，并使用过渡词或短语来连接不同段落。

改进示例1：

• 在文章开头，可以加入一个简短的引言段落，如：“在讨论是否应该推广偏远地区旅游业时，有两种截然相反的观点。本文将分别阐述这两种观点，并提出我的看法。”

改进示例2：

• 在讨论不同观点时，可以使用过渡词或短语来连接不同段落，如：“然而，反对者可能会认为……”或者“相反地，支持者可能会指出……”。

5. 语法批改

While, With the development of industry, tourism was seen as a well money-making endeavor, I firmly believe that it is definitely negative for government to promote tourism in distant and remote region as it is wasteful and, and(comma between independent clauses) the resource can be used in a more significant measure. To be more specific, with the low equipment and primitive environment in rural region, government need to spend expensive investment to build a wide range of gears to attract people. For example, government need to spend earnings to hire worker to build the road, restaurant and facility which may cost a huge tax income, and this money can be used to build a lot of houses which can provide a secure place for poor people who can not pay it by their own. Conversely, the objector will say that tourism is a well-paid industry and can make more money to balance the cost of building it. However, there are a large quantity casesof cases(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.) that can not efficiently attract people. And if the economy is falling down like recently, people will not have enough money to entertain and play, so investing the agriculture, suitable and native industry in the remote area, is a steady and safe impediment to promote the well-being.

Title: 6 文章修订

In the context of economic development, tourism has often been regarded as a profitable endeavor. However, I strongly believe that promoting tourism in remote and sparsely populated regions is not an effective approach for governments to take, as resources could be allocated more efficiently elsewhere. Specifically, the lack of infrastructure and amenities in rural areas would require substantial investment from the government to create tourist attractions.

For instance, constructing roads, restaurants, and facilities to accommodate tourists would consume a significant portion of tax revenue. This expenditure could alternatively be directed towards building affordable housing for impoverished citizens who are unable to secure adequate shelter on their own.

Opponents may argue that tourism is a lucrative industry capable of generating sufficient income to offset the costs associated with its development. Nevertheless, numerous cases demonstrate that attracting tourists to remote locations can prove challenging. Furthermore, during periods of economic downturn – such as the present – people may not have disposable income for leisure activities. Consequently, investing in agriculture or other industries native to these remote areas would represent a more stable and secure strategy for promoting overall well-being and economic growth. (193 words)

While, With the In the context of economic development of industry, (revised for clarity and flow), tourism was seen has often been regarded as a well money-making endeavor, profitable endeavor. However, I firmly strongly believe that it is definitely negative for government to promote promoting tourism in distant and remote region and sparsely populated regions (revised for conciseness) is not an effective approach for governments to take, as it is wasteful and the resource can resources could be used in a allocated more significant measure. To be more specific, with the low equipment and primitive environment efficiently elsewhere (revised for clarity). Specifically, the lack of infrastructure and amenities in rural region, areas would require substantial investment from the government need to spend expensive investment to build a wide range of gears to attract people. to create tourist attractions (revised for clarity and flow).

For example, government need to spend earnings to hire worker to build the road, restaurant and facility which instance, constructing roads, restaurants, and facilities to accommodate tourists would consume a significant portion of tax revenue (revised for clarity). This expenditure could alternatively be directed towards building affordable housing for impoverished citizens who are unable to secure adequate shelter on their own (revised for clarity and flow).

Opponents may cost a huge tax income, and this money can be used to build a lot of houses which can provide a secure place for poor people who can not pay it by their own. ¶ Conversely, the objector will say argue that tourism is a well-paid lucrative industry and capable of generating sufficient income to offset the costs associated with its development (revised for clarity). Nevertheless, numerous cases demonstrate that attracting tourists to remote locations can make more money to balance the cost of building it. However, there are a large quantity cases that can not efficiently attract people. And if the economy is falling down like recently, prove challenging (revised for conciseness). Furthermore, during periods of economic downturn – such as the present – people will may not have enough money to entertain and play, so disposable income for leisure activities (revised for clarity). Consequently, investing the agriculture, suitable and in agriculture or other industries native industry in the to these remote area, is a steady and safe impediment to promote the well-being.areas would represent a more stable and secure strategy for promoting overall well-being and economic growth (revised for clarity and flow).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Economic development
   - Tourism profitability
   - Ineffectiveness in remote regions

2. Lack of infrastructure and amenities
   - Substantial government investment
   - Creating tourist attractions

3. Alternative allocation of resources
   - Affordable housing for impoverished citizens

4. Counterargument: Tourism as a lucrative industry
   - Income generation to offset costs

5. Challenges in attracting tourists to remote locations
   - Economic downturns and disposable income

6. Alternative industries for investment
   - Agriculture and native industries

7. Conclusion
   - Stable and secure strategies for well-being and economic growth

Title: 9 关键词