TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions Your professor is teaching a class on tourism. Write a postresponding to the professor's question.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness

The essay does a decent job of addressing the specific requirements of the task, but there is room for improvement. The writer expresses their personal opinion and contributes to the discussion by mentioning both Lily's and Bob's points of view. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the writer's own viewpoint and better use of examples to support their argument.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or scenarios to support your opinion.

• Clearly state your stance in the introduction, making it easier for readers to understand your position from the beginning.

Examples in English:

1. "For instance, if someone is being verbally abusive towards another person, it might be necessary to be impolite in order to stand up for oneself or protect others from harm."
2. "In my opinion, while being polite is generally preferable, there are situations where being impolite may be justified due to factors such as self-defense or confronting unacceptable behavior."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Improve paragraph organization by focusing on one main idea per paragraph.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Examples in English:

1. "On one hand, being polite is essential for maintaining good social relationships as Bob mentioned. However, there are situations where being impolite may be necessary."
2. "While I agree with Lily that not everyone deserves politeness all the time, it is important to consider the potential consequences of being impolite before acting."

5. 语法批改

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") reasons for people to be impolite to the others, such as someone makes you really angryfurious(Extreme adjectives) and, and(comma between independent clauses) you have a proper reason to be impolite. It is important to remember that the athe(Two consecutive articles, e.g. 'the a') person's feeling impact on what his behavior, so their feeling plays a vital role in determining the whetherwhether(How's the whether (weather)?) citizens are maintaining an excellent order or not. By offering persona person(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) sometimes to be impolite to each other, they can have a way to let off all the negative feelings they have, which in turn will let them behave better. In addition, Bob highlights the importance of people's manner, howeveryhowever(misspelling) he fails to consider that it is impossible to always be polite to each other. In such cases, people do not have a way to release their feeling, which will in turn let them finally do terrible matters than be rude to each other. Therefore, let citizens sometimes be impolite eachto each(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) other can actually enhance a city's orderliness.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there are circumstances in which individuals may have justifiable reasons to be impolite towards others, such as when provoked or faced with blatant disregard for social norms. It is crucial to acknowledge that a person's emotions significantly influence their behavior, thus playing a vital role in determining whether they maintain decorum or not. Allowing individuals occasional instances of impoliteness can provide an outlet for negative emotions, which may ultimately contribute to improved overall conduct.

Furthermore, while Bob emphasizes the significance of manners in fostering good social relations, he fails to recognize the impracticality of constant politeness. In situations where individuals lack an appropriate means to express their emotions, they may resort to actions far more detrimental than mere rudeness. Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness could potentially enhance a community's overall harmony and orderliness. (148 words)

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there is reasons for people to be impolite to the are [reasons -> circumstances in which individuals may have justifiable reasons] to be impolite towards others, such as someone when [someone makes you really angry and you have a proper reason to be impolite. impolite -> provoked or faced with blatant disregard for social norms]. It is important to remember [important -> crucial] to [remember that the a person's feeling impact on what his behavior, so their feeling plays a vital role in determining the whether citizens are maintaining an excellent order or not. not -> acknowledge that a person's emotions significantly influence their behavior, thus playing a vital role in determining whether they maintain decorum or not]. By offering [offering person sometimes to be impolite to each other, other -> allowing individuals occasional instances of impoliteness], they can have a way to let off all the negative feelings they have, which in turn will let them behave better.

In addition, Bob highlights the importance of people's manner, howevery [howevery -> however] he fails to consider that it is impossible to always be polite to each other. In such cases, people do not have a way to release their feeling, which will in turn let them finally do terrible matters than be rude to each other. Therefore, let citizens sometimes be impolite each other can actually enhance a city's orderliness.

[Revised essay: Display title: 6 Revised Essay]

Furthermore, while Bob emphasizes the significance of manners in fostering good social relations, he fails to recognize the impracticality of constant politeness. In situations where individuals lack an appropriate means to express their emotions, they may resort to actions far more detrimental than mere rudeness. Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness could potentially enhance a community's overall harmony and orderliness.

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Lily and Bob's points
   - Justifiable reasons for impoliteness

2. Emotions and behavior
   - Influence on decorum
   - Outlet for negative emotions

3. Impracticality of constant politeness
   - Inability to express emotions
   - Detrimental actions as alternative

4. Benefits of occasional impoliteness
   - Improved overall conduct
   - Enhanced community harmony and orderliness

5. Conclusion
   - Circumstances allowing impoliteness 

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there are circumstances in which individuals may have justifiable reasons to be impolite towards others, such as when provoked or faced with blatant disregard for social norms. It is crucial to acknowledge that a person's emotions significantly influence their behavior, thus playing a vital role in determining whether they maintain decorum or not. Allowing individuals occasional instances of impoliteness can provide an outlet for negative emotions, which may ultimately contribute to improved overall conduct.

Furthermore, while Bob emphasizes the significance of manners in fostering good social relations, he fails to recognize the impracticality of constant politeness. In situations where individuals lack an appropriate means to express their emotions, they may resort to actions far more detrimental than mere rudeness. Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness could potentially enhance a community's overall harmony and orderliness.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 23

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the professor's question and contributes to the discussion by presenting a personal opinion on the topic. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or real-life situations to support the argument. Additionally, it would be beneficial to address both Lily's and Bob's viewpoints more thoroughly in order to create a more comprehensive response.

Example 1: Instead of saying "let citizens sometimes be impolite each other can actually enhance a city's orderliness," provide a specific example of how allowing people to express their negative emotions can lead to better social interactions in the long run.

Example 2: Expand on your response by discussing how being polite all the time might not be realistic, and acknowledging that there are situations where being impolite might be necessary for self-preservation or standing up for one's beliefs.

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, focusing on one main point per paragraph would make the essay easier to follow.

Example 1: Improve transitions between ideas by using phrases like "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" to guide readers through your argument.

Example 2: Instead of combining multiple points in one paragraph, dedicate each paragraph to a single idea or argument. For instance, one paragraph could discuss why it is important for people to express their negative emotions occasionally, while another paragraph could focus on situations where being impolite might be necessary.

5. Grammar

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there is reasonsthere are reasons(Possible agreement error 'there's' + plural noun) for people to be impolite to the others, such as someone makes you really angryfurious(Extreme adjectives) and, and(comma between independent clauses) you have a proper reason to be impolite. It is important to remember that the athe(Two consecutive articles, e.g. 'the a') person's feeling impact on what his behavior, so their feeling plays a vital role in determining the whetherwhether(How's the whether (weather)?) citizens are maintaining an excellent order or not. By offering person sometimes to be impolite to each other, they can have a way to let off all the negative feelings they have, which in turn will let them behave better. In addition, Bob highlights the importance of people's manner, howeveryhowever(misspelling) he fails to consider that it is impossible to always be polite to each other. In such cases, people do not have a way to release their feeling, which will in turn let them finally do terrible matters than be rude to each other. Therefore, let citizens sometimes be impolite each other can actually enhance a city's orderliness.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there are instances where being impolite may be justified, such as when someone provokes extreme anger with a legitimate reason. It is crucial to acknowledge that an individual's emotions significantly influence their behavior, playing a vital role in determining whether they maintain proper conduct or not. Allowing people occasional lapses in politeness provides an outlet for releasing negative emotions, which can ultimately lead to improved behavior overall. Moreover, while Bob emphasizes the importance of good manners, he fails to recognize the impracticality of constant politeness. In situations where individuals cannot express their feelings appropriately, pent-up emotions may result in more severe actions than mere rudeness. Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness can potentially enhance a community's overall harmony and orderliness. (134 words)

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, points (maintains clarity and acknowledges both sides), I believe that there is reasons for people to are instances (more accurate than "reasons") where being impolite may be impolite to the others, justified (clearer phrasing), such as when someone makes you really angry and you have a proper provokes extreme anger with a legitimate reason to be impolite. (provides a specific example). It is important crucial to remember acknowledge (stronger emphasis) that the a person's feeling impact on what his behavior, so an individual's emotions significantly influence their feeling plays behavior (clearer connection between emotions and behavior), playing a vital role in determining the whether citizens are maintaining an excellent order they maintain proper conduct or not. By offering person sometimes Allowing people occasional lapses in politeness (more precise phrasing) provides an outlet for releasing negative emotions, which can ultimately lead to be impolite to each other, they can have a way to let off all improved behavior overall (clarifies the negative feelings they have, which in turn will let them behave better. In addition, benefit of this approach). Moreover, while Bob highlights emphasizes the importance of people's manner, howevery good manners, he fails to consider that it is impossible to always be polite to each other. recognize the impracticality of constant politeness (addresses counterargument more directly). In such cases, people do not have a way to release situations where individuals cannot express their feeling, which will feelings appropriately, pent-up emotions may result in turn let them finally do terrible matters more severe actions than be rude to each other. Therefore, let citizens sometimes be impolite each other mere rudeness (explains potential consequences). Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness can actually potentially enhance a city's orderliness.community's overall harmony and orderliness (summarizes main argument).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Lily and Bob's debate
   - Justification for impoliteness

2. Emotions and behavior
   - Influence on conduct
   - Outlet for negative emotions

3. Impracticality of constant politeness
   - Pent-up emotions
   - Severe actions from suppression

4. Benefits of occasional impoliteness
   - Improved behavior overall
   - Enhanced community harmony and orderliness

5. Conclusion
   - Instances where impoliteness is justified

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While both Lily and Bob present valid points, I believe that there are instances where being impolite may be justified, such as when someone provokes extreme anger with a legitimate reason. It is crucial to acknowledge that an individual's emotions significantly influence their behavior, playing a vital role in determining whether they maintain proper conduct or not. Allowing people occasional lapses in politeness provides an outlet for releasing negative emotions, which can ultimately lead to improved behavior overall. Moreover, while Bob emphasizes the importance of good manners, he fails to recognize the impracticality of constant politeness. In situations where individuals cannot express their feelings appropriately, pent-up emotions may result in more severe actions than mere rudeness. Consequently, permitting occasional impoliteness can potentially enhance a community's overall harmony and orderliness.