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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Decisive factor for long-term friendship Your professor is teaching a class on psychology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

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目前有 2 篇考生投稿範例

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題型概述

Professor

When people are asked about the decisive factor in determining the lasting time of friendship, they usually mention something very obvious, like being friendly or kind. But there are thousands of other elements that have a huge impact on how long we maintain our relationship with friends. What factors—other than friendliness and kindness—would you choose as being important in your long-term relationship with your friends? Why?

Wendy

Common interests with friends help us to stay connected over a long time. With common interests, we could have so many shared experiences. For example, if you both love cooking, you could try out a new recipe together. Or every time an episode of your favorite show comes out, you could talk on the phone. We all have moments like this and this shared interest is like an anchor that generates exclusivity between you and your friends, which could cement or solidify the friendship.

Jacobs

I think long-term friendship requires a reciprocal commitment. That means the exchange of something between people. For example, helping each other during crisis is a decisive factor to deepen our intimacy with friends. When our friends are having a rough week, a phone call, a patient listening, or a care package of snacks to them would help turn a whole week.

考生範例與評分結果

1

考生範例 #1

In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests...

考生範例

In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals, such as getting better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship.

評分結果

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 23

3. Task completeness:

The essay adequately addresses the task requirements by expressing a personal opinion on the factors important for long-term friendships and providing examples to support the viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaboration and clarity. The writer could provide more specific details or examples to support their ideas, as well as rephrase some sentences for better clarity.

Example 1: Original: "My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson." Improved: "My hobby is listening to music, and my favorite singer is Michael Jackson."

Example 2: Original: "And we can cooperate with each other on something important." Improved: "Having common goals allows us to collaborate effectively on important projects or endeavors."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, each paragraph should focus on a specific point with supporting details.

Example 1: Original: "Firstly, common interests are essential to communication..." Improved: "One significant factor contributing to long-lasting friendships is having common interests because they facilitate communication..."

Example 2: Original: "Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals..." Improved: "Another important aspect of enduring friendships is sharing common goals, which fosters understanding and cooperation among friends..."

5. Grammar

In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals, such as getting better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in longa long(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.)-term relationship.

Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship

In response to the professor's inquiry regarding crucial elements in sustaining long-term friendships, I am convinced that shared interests and common goals play a significant role. To elaborate on my perspective, shared interests foster effective communication as they enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects. For instance, my passion for music, particularly my admiration for the artist Jackson, is shared by my sister. Consequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond. Furthermore, having mutual objectives, such as academic or financial aspirations, enhances understanding and collaboration between friends. By working together towards common goals, friendships are solidified and endure the test of time. (110 words)

In response to the professor's question inquiry regarding crucial elements (Changed "question on what factors being important important" to "inquiry regarding crucial elements" for better clarity and phrasing) in sustaining long-term friendships, I am convinced that shared interests and common goals play a significant role (Replaced "important in long-term relationship relationship" with friends, I firmly believe that common "play a significant role" for improved sentence structure). To elaborate on my perspective, shared interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint foster effective communication as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which they enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects (Rephrased "which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My things" for better clarity). For instance, my passion for music, particularly my admiration for the artist Jackson, is shared by my sister. Consequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond (Revised sentence structure and replaced "my hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have concert" with a more coherent example). Furthermore, having mutual objectives (Changed "common goals" to "mutual objectives" for variety), such as academic or financial aspirations, enhances understanding and collaboration between friends (Improved sentence structure and provided examples of common goals). By working together towards common goals, such as getting friendships are solidified and endure the test of time (Rephrased the last sentence for better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship.flow and conclusion).

8 Mind Map


- Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
    - Shared Interests
        - Effective communication
        - Exchange of thoughts on relatable subjects
        - Example: passion for music and attending concerts together
    - Common Goals
        - Academic or financial aspirations
        - Enhances understanding and collaboration between friends
        - Working together towards mutual objectives
        - Solidifies friendships and helps them endure the test of time

9 Key Words

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionEnglish TranslationSample Sentence
Decisive/dɪˈsaɪsɪv/AdjectiveSettling an issue; producing a definite resultDecisiveThe decisive factors for long-term friendship include shared interests and common goals.
Sustain/səˈsteɪn/VerbStrengthen or support physically or mentallySustainShared interests help sustain long-term friendships by fostering effective communication.
Elaborate/ɪˈlabərət/VerbAdd more detail concerning what has already been saidElaborateTo elaborate on my perspective, shared interests foster effective communication.
Relatable/rɪˈleɪtəb(ə)l/AdjectiveAble to be related to something elseRelatableShared interests enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects.
Consequently/ˈkɒnsɪkw(ə)ntli/AdverbAs a resultConsequentlyConsequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond.
Mutual/ˈmjuːtʃʊəl/AdjectiveHeld in common by two or more partiesMutualHaving mutual objectives enhances understanding and collaboration between friends.
Aspirations/aspɪˈreɪʃ(ə)nz/Noun (plural)A hope or ambition of achieving somethingAspirationsCommon goals, such as academic or financial aspirations, play a significant role in friendships.
Collaboration/kəlabəˈreɪʃ(ə)n/Noun _The action of working with someone to produce something_Collaboration _Enhanced collaboration between friends is a result of working together towards mutual objectives._
Solidify/səˈlɪdɪfaɪ/VerbMake stronger; reinforceSolidifyBy working together towards common goals, friendships are solidified and endure the test of time.
Endure/ɛnˈdjʊr/VerbSuffer patiently; remain in existenceEndureLong-term friendships endure the test of time when built on shared interests and common goals.
2

考生範例 #2

I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual ben...

分數
27

考生範例

I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends emotional support and also provides opportunities to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. For example, my friend and I always share our genuine opinions on different social topics, we express ourselves and hear each other's different opinions. This is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. Hence that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship for mutual benefits.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好,成功地回答了教授的问题,并提供了一个有趣的观点。然而,为了更好地支持观点,可以考虑添加更多具体的例子和细节。此外,在文章中使用一些过渡词汇和短语可以使论述更加流畅。

示例1:在描述朋友间互相学习的过程时,可以添加一个具体的例子,如:“例如,在讨论环保问题时,我和我的朋友会分享各自所知道的解决方案,并从中吸取新知识。”

示例2:在文章中使用过渡词汇和短语,如:“因此”、“然而”或“此外”,以增强文章的连贯性。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定观点并提供支持细节。然而,在段落之间使用明确的过渡词汇可以使文章更加连贯。

建议1:在引言部分简要介绍你将要讨论的主题,以便为读者提供背景信息。例如:“在这篇文章中,我将讨论长期友谊中除了友好和善良之外的其他重要因素。”

建议2:在段落之间使用过渡词汇和短语,如:“首先”、“其次”或“最后”,以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点。例如:“首先,长期友谊需要双方共同努力。”

5. 语法批改

I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends emotional support and also provides opportunities to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. For example, my friend and I always share our genuine opinions on different social topics, we express ourselves and hear each other's different opinions. This is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. HenceHence,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship for mutual benefits.

Title: Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship

I agree with Jacobs's assertion that long-term friendships require reciprocal commitment, extending beyond emotional support to encompass opportunities for personal growth and intellectual enrichment. For instance, my friend and I regularly engage in candid discussions on various social issues, expressing our unique perspectives and actively listening to one another's viewpoints. This practice not only fosters critical thinking in an age of filter bubbles but also allows us to understand each other on a deeper level, ultimately strengthening our bond. Consequently, I believe that the mutual exchange of ideas and insights is a crucial factor in maintaining lasting friendships. (104 words)

Title: Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship

I concur agree with Jacobs's perspective assertion (revised for clarity and conciseness) that long-term friendships require reciprocal commitment (changed "mutual benefits" to "reciprocal commitment" for a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends more accurate description), extending beyond emotional support to encompass opportunities for personal growth and also provides opportunities intellectual enrichment (rephrased to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. improve sentence flow). For example, instance, my friend and I always share regularly engage in candid discussions on various social issues, expressing our genuine opinions unique perspectives and actively listening to one another's viewpoints (revised for better readability). This practice not only fosters critical thinking in an age of filter bubbles (added context) but also allows us to understand each other on different social topics, we express ourselves a deeper level, ultimately strengthening our bond (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, I believe that the mutual exchange of ideas and hear each other's different opinions. This insights is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. Hence that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship crucial factor in maintaining lasting friendships (revised sentence structure for mutual benefits.better flow).

8 思维导图


- Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
    - Reciprocal commitment
        - Emotional support
        - Personal growth
        - Intellectual enrichment
    - Candid discussions
        - Social issues
        - Unique perspectives
        - Active listening
    - Fostering critical thinking
        - Age of filter bubbles
    - Deeper understanding and stronger bond

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
reciprocal/rɪˈsɪprəkəl/adjectivegiven, felt, or done in return互惠的Our friendship is based on reciprocal trust and support.
commitment/kəˈmɪtmənt/nouna pledge or promise to do something承诺Long-term friendships require a strong commitment from both parties.
intellectual/ˌɪntəˈlɛktʃuəl/adjectiverelating to the intellect智力的_ Intellectual enrichment can be achieved through engaging in stimulating conversations.
enrichment_ /ɪnˈrɪtʃmənt/_ noun_ the act of improving the quality of something_ 提高品质_ Personal growth and intellectual enrichment are essential for maintaining long-term friendships.
candid_ /ˈkændɪd/_ adjective_ truthful and straightforward; frank_ 坦率的_ We engage in candid discussions on various social issues.
perspective_ /pərˈspɛktɪv/_ noun_ a particular attitude or point of view_ 观点_ Each of us brings our unique perspective to the conversation.
critical thinking_ /ˈkrɪtɪkəl ˈθɪŋkɪŋ/_ noun_ the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment_ 批判性思维_ Fostering critical thinking is essential in an age of filter bubbles.
filter bubble/ˈfɪltər ˌbʌbəl/nouna situation in which we are exposed only to information that confirms our pre-existing beliefs过滤泡沫It's important to break out of our filter bubbles and engage with diverse perspectives.
mutual exchange/ˈmjuːtʃuəl ɪksˈʧeɪndʒ/nounthe act of giving and receiving something between two parties相互交流The mutual exchange of ideas and insights strengthens our friendship.

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2

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3

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4

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5

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