TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Decisive factor for long-term friendship Your professor is teaching a class on psychology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.
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Professor
When people are asked about the decisive factor in determining the lasting time of friendship, they usually mention something very obvious, like being friendly or kind. But there are thousands of other elements that have a huge impact on how long we maintain our relationship with friends. What factors—other than friendliness and kindness—would you choose as being important in your long-term relationship with your friends? Why?
Wendy
Common interests with friends help us to stay connected over a long time. With common interests, we could have so many shared experiences. For example, if you both love cooking, you could try out a new recipe together. Or every time an episode of your favorite show comes out, you could talk on the phone. We all have moments like this and this shared interest is like an anchor that generates exclusivity between you and your friends, which could cement or solidify the friendship.
Jacobs
I think long-term friendship requires a reciprocal commitment. That means the exchange of something between people. For example, helping each other during crisis is a decisive factor to deepen our intimacy with friends. When our friends are having a rough week, a phone call, a patient listening, or a care package of snacks to them would help turn a whole week.
Esempi degli Utenti e Risultati della Valutazione
1Esempio Utente #1
In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests...
Esempio Utente #1
In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests...
Esempio Utente
In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals, such as getting better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship.
Risultato della Valutazione
1. Sub Scores:
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. Estimated Scores:
Estimated Score: 23
3. Task completeness:
The essay adequately addresses the task requirements by expressing a personal opinion on the factors important for long-term friendships and providing examples to support the viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaboration and clarity. The writer could provide more specific details or examples to support their ideas, as well as rephrase some sentences for better clarity.
Example 1: Original: "My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson." Improved: "My hobby is listening to music, and my favorite singer is Michael Jackson."
Example 2: Original: "And we can cooperate with each other on something important." Improved: "Having common goals allows us to collaborate effectively on important projects or endeavors."
4. Essay structure and organization:
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by using clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, each paragraph should focus on a specific point with supporting details.
Example 1: Original: "Firstly, common interests are essential to communication..." Improved: "One significant factor contributing to long-lasting friendships is having common interests because they facilitate communication..."
Example 2: Original: "Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals..." Improved: "Another important aspect of enduring friendships is sharing common goals, which fosters understanding and cooperation among friends..."
5. Grammar
In response to the professor's question on what factors being important in long-term relationship with friends, I firmly believe that common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have common goals, such as getting better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in longa long(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.)-term relationship.
Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
In response to the professor's inquiry regarding crucial elements in sustaining long-term friendships, I am convinced that shared interests and common goals play a significant role. To elaborate on my perspective, shared interests foster effective communication as they enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects. For instance, my passion for music, particularly my admiration for the artist Jackson, is shared by my sister. Consequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond. Furthermore, having mutual objectives, such as academic or financial aspirations, enhances understanding and collaboration between friends. By working together towards common goals, friendships are solidified and endure the test of time. (110 words)
In response to the professor's question inquiry regarding crucial elements (Changed "question on what factors being important important" to "inquiry regarding crucial elements" for better clarity and phrasing) in sustaining long-term friendships, I am convinced that shared interests and common goals play a significant role (Replaced "important in long-term relationship relationship" with friends, I firmly believe that common "play a significant role" for improved sentence structure). To elaborate on my perspective, shared interests and goals are important in long-term relationship. I will develop my standpoint foster effective communication as follows. Firstly, common interests are essential to communication, which they enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects (Rephrased "which means we can share the thought on the same things. My experience can illustrate the idea. My things" for better clarity). For instance, my passion for music, particularly my admiration for the artist Jackson, is shared by my sister. Consequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond (Revised sentence structure and replaced "my hobby is song and my favorite singer is Jackson. And my sister also like him. So we always go to Jackson's concert. Secondly, it is crucial that we have concert" with a more coherent example). Furthermore, having mutual objectives (Changed "common goals" to "mutual objectives" for variety), such as academic or financial aspirations, enhances understanding and collaboration between friends (Improved sentence structure and provided examples of common goals). By working together towards common goals, such as getting friendships are solidified and endure the test of time (Rephrased the last sentence for better grades or making more money. Only in this way can we understand each other better. And we can cooperate with each other on something important. In conclusion, I think common interests and goals are important in long-term relationship.flow and conclusion).
8 Mind Map
- Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
- Shared Interests
- Effective communication
- Exchange of thoughts on relatable subjects
- Example: passion for music and attending concerts together
- Common Goals
- Academic or financial aspirations
- Enhances understanding and collaboration between friends
- Working together towards mutual objectives
- Solidifies friendships and helps them endure the test of time
9 Key Words
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | English Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Decisive | /dɪˈsaɪsɪv/ | Adjective | Settling an issue; producing a definite result | Decisive | The decisive factors for long-term friendship include shared interests and common goals. |
| Sustain | /səˈsteɪn/ | Verb | Strengthen or support physically or mentally | Sustain | Shared interests help sustain long-term friendships by fostering effective communication. |
| Elaborate | /ɪˈlabərət/ | Verb | Add more detail concerning what has already been said | Elaborate | To elaborate on my perspective, shared interests foster effective communication. |
| Relatable | /rɪˈleɪtəb(ə)l/ | Adjective | Able to be related to something else | Relatable | Shared interests enable individuals to exchange thoughts on relatable subjects. |
| Consequently | /ˈkɒnsɪkw(ə)ntli/ | Adverb | As a result | Consequently | Consequently, we frequently attend his concerts together, strengthening our bond. |
| Mutual | /ˈmjuːtʃʊəl/ | Adjective | Held in common by two or more parties | Mutual | Having mutual objectives enhances understanding and collaboration between friends. |
| Aspirations | /aspɪˈreɪʃ(ə)nz/ | Noun (plural) | A hope or ambition of achieving something | Aspirations | Common goals, such as academic or financial aspirations, play a significant role in friendships. |
| Collaboration | /kəlabəˈreɪʃ(ə)n/ | Noun _ | The action of working with someone to produce something_ | Collaboration _ | Enhanced collaboration between friends is a result of working together towards mutual objectives._ |
| Solidify | /səˈlɪdɪfaɪ/ | Verb | Make stronger; reinforce | Solidify | By working together towards common goals, friendships are solidified and endure the test of time. |
| Endure | /ɛnˈdjʊr/ | Verb | Suffer patiently; remain in existence | Endure | Long-term friendships endure the test of time when built on shared interests and common goals. |
2Esempio Utente #2
I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual ben...
Punteggio27
Esempio Utente #2
I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual ben...
Esempio Utente
I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends emotional support and also provides opportunities to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. For example, my friend and I always share our genuine opinions on different social topics, we express ourselves and hear each other's different opinions. This is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. Hence that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship for mutual benefits.
Risultato della Valutazione
1. 子项得分
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5
2. 预估分数
27. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好,成功地回答了教授的问题,并提供了一个有趣的观点。然而,为了更好地支持观点,可以考虑添加更多具体的例子和细节。此外,在文章中使用一些过渡词汇和短语可以使论述更加流畅。
示例1:在描述朋友间互相学习的过程时,可以添加一个具体的例子,如:“例如,在讨论环保问题时,我和我的朋友会分享各自所知道的解决方案,并从中吸取新知识。”
示例2:在文章中使用过渡词汇和短语,如:“因此”、“然而”或“此外”,以增强文章的连贯性。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定观点并提供支持细节。然而,在段落之间使用明确的过渡词汇可以使文章更加连贯。
建议1:在引言部分简要介绍你将要讨论的主题,以便为读者提供背景信息。例如:“在这篇文章中,我将讨论长期友谊中除了友好和善良之外的其他重要因素。”
建议2:在段落之间使用过渡词汇和短语,如:“首先”、“其次”或“最后”,以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点。例如:“首先,长期友谊需要双方共同努力。”
5. 语法批改
I concur with Jacobs's perspective that a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends emotional support and also provides opportunities to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. For example, my friend and I always share our genuine opinions on different social topics, we express ourselves and hear each other's different opinions. This is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. HenceHence,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship for mutual benefits.
Title: Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
I agree with Jacobs's assertion that long-term friendships require reciprocal commitment, extending beyond emotional support to encompass opportunities for personal growth and intellectual enrichment. For instance, my friend and I regularly engage in candid discussions on various social issues, expressing our unique perspectives and actively listening to one another's viewpoints. This practice not only fosters critical thinking in an age of filter bubbles but also allows us to understand each other on a deeper level, ultimately strengthening our bond. Consequently, I believe that the mutual exchange of ideas and insights is a crucial factor in maintaining lasting friendships. (104 words)
Title: Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
I concur agree with Jacobs's perspective assertion (revised for clarity and conciseness) that long-term friendships require reciprocal commitment (changed "mutual benefits" to "reciprocal commitment" for a long-term friendship demands mutual benefits. Specifically, I would like to emphasize that such a mutual benefit transcends more accurate description), extending beyond emotional support to encompass opportunities for personal growth and also provides opportunities intellectual enrichment (rephrased to broaden horizons, being each other's mirror. improve sentence flow). For example, instance, my friend and I always share regularly engage in candid discussions on various social issues, expressing our genuine opinions unique perspectives and actively listening to one another's viewpoints (revised for better readability). This practice not only fosters critical thinking in an age of filter bubbles (added context) but also allows us to understand each other on different social topics, we express ourselves a deeper level, ultimately strengthening our bond (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, I believe that the mutual exchange of ideas and hear each other's different opinions. This insights is a good way to practice critical thinking when we consider the prevalence of filter bubbles, so it is only good friends that can share true thoughts without mental burden. By doing that, we learn not only issues from different angles but also know each other deeply! Therefore, we become even closer. Hence that's why I am of the belief that people maintain their friendship crucial factor in maintaining lasting friendships (revised sentence structure for mutual benefits.better flow).
8 思维导图
- Decisive Factors for Long-term Friendship
- Reciprocal commitment
- Emotional support
- Personal growth
- Intellectual enrichment
- Candid discussions
- Social issues
- Unique perspectives
- Active listening
- Fostering critical thinking
- Age of filter bubbles
- Deeper understanding and stronger bond
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| reciprocal | /rɪˈsɪprəkəl/ | adjective | given, felt, or done in return | 互惠的 | Our friendship is based on reciprocal trust and support. |
| commitment | /kəˈmɪtmənt/ | noun | a pledge or promise to do something | 承诺 | Long-term friendships require a strong commitment from both parties. |
| intellectual | /ˌɪntəˈlɛktʃuəl/ | adjective | relating to the intellect | 智力的 | _ Intellectual enrichment can be achieved through engaging in stimulating conversations. |
| enrichment | _ /ɪnˈrɪtʃmənt/ | _ noun | _ the act of improving the quality of something | _ 提高品质 | _ Personal growth and intellectual enrichment are essential for maintaining long-term friendships. |
| candid | _ /ˈkændɪd/ | _ adjective | _ truthful and straightforward; frank | _ 坦率的 | _ We engage in candid discussions on various social issues. |
| perspective | _ /pərˈspɛktɪv/ | _ noun | _ a particular attitude or point of view | _ 观点 | _ Each of us brings our unique perspective to the conversation. |
| critical thinking | _ /ˈkrɪtɪkəl ˈθɪŋkɪŋ/ | _ noun | _ the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment | _ 批判性思维 | _ Fostering critical thinking is essential in an age of filter bubbles. |
| filter bubble | /ˈfɪltər ˌbʌbəl/ | noun | a situation in which we are exposed only to information that confirms our pre-existing beliefs | 过滤泡沫 | It's important to break out of our filter bubbles and engage with diverse perspectives. |
| mutual exchange | /ˈmjuːtʃuəl ɪksˈʧeɪndʒ/ | noun | the act of giving and receiving something between two parties | 相互交流 | The mutual exchange of ideas and insights strengthens our friendship. |
Come Viene Valutata l'Academic Discussion
L'esercizio TOEFL Academic Discussion viene valutato in base alla griglia di valutazione ufficiale ETS. La valutazione IA analizza ogni risposta secondo più dimensioni.
Pertinenza e Contributo
La risposta affronta la domanda e contribuisce in modo significativo alla discussione?
Uso della Lingua
Correttezza grammaticale, varietà lessicale e qualità della struttura delle frasi.
Sviluppo e Argomentazione
Le idee sono ben sviluppate con esempi specifici e un ragionamento chiaro?
Schemi Comuni nelle Risposte
In base all'analisi delle risposte degli utenti per questo esercizio, ecco gli schemi comuni osservati nelle risposte degli studenti.
Molti studenti esprimono opinioni chiare ma mancano di esempi specifici a supporto.
Le risposte migliori fanno riferimento diretto al testo di lettura e ai punti di vista degli altri partecipanti.
Le risposte con punteggi più alti usano strutture di frase variate e un lessico accademico.
La gestione del tempo è un fattore chiave — le risposte che sembrano affrettate tendono a ottenere un punteggio più basso nello sviluppo.
Consigli per lo Studio
Leggi attentamente la traccia e individua tutte le parti della domanda prima di scrivere.
Fai riferimento al testo di lettura e alle opinioni degli altri studenti nella tua risposta.
Usa esempi specifici per sostenere la tua idea principale — evita affermazioni generiche.
Punta a 120-150 parole. Le risposte più lunghe non sono sempre migliori; chiarezza e concentrazione contano di più.
Esercitati con risposte a tempo (10 minuti) per acquisire scioltezza nelle condizioni d'esame.
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