TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on tourism. Write a postresponding to the professor's question.
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Dr.Gupta
As a witness of history, historical buildings have non-renewable characteristics. However, some argue that it's more important for the government to build new housing than to preserve old and historical buildings to meet people's needs for modern life. What's your take?
Adam
Historic buildings are a valuable cultural asset and can be maintained for generations. Critic may argue that it is too expensive to restore such an old building, but that is not necessarily true. Restoration ultimately saves natural resources because most of the materials are recycled as part of the new building.
Candy
I agree with Adam.In many cases.older buildings use materials that are no longer available at any cost, such as giant beams made from a single old tree. Original wood paneling, stone wall sand so on can last for generations if properly maintained. By contrast, modern buildings made from compressed plywood and other cheap alternatives only last a few decades at most. In other words, it may cost less in the short run to erect a new building, but a historical building may require less money to maintain in the long run
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In response to the professor’s question, I respectfully disagree with Adam and Candy’s assertion that preserving historical buildings should be the primary focus. Instead, I firmly believe that prioritizing building new houses is a more effective approach. The underlying reason for this stance is that modern buildings offer increased security due to the advanced construction technology, especially under hazard circumstances like earthquake and thunderstorms. Secondly, the new facilities in contemporary buildings can ensure a comfortable lifestyle, for instance, the air conditioning system can make the temperature stable throughout the whole year. By contrast, although the two classmates have some point when it comes to the cultural value of old buildings, they’re relatively unsafe and uncomfortable, hence not suitable for being preserved. If we add many modern elements of construction materials and living facilities to them, what’s the point of not building new ones?
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
- 27
3. 任务完成度
整体来说,你的文章完成了任务要求,表达了自己的观点并对讨论做出了贡献。但是,你可以在以下方面进行改进:首先,在支持观点时可以提供更多具体的例子和细节;其次,尝试使用更丰富多样的词汇和语法结构。这样一来,你的文章将更具说服力。
示例1: 原文:The underlying reason for this stance is that modern buildings offer increased security due to the advanced construction technology, especially under hazard circumstances like earthquake and thunderstorms. 改进:The primary reason for my stance is that modern buildings provide enhanced safety features owing to cutting-edge construction technologies, which are particularly crucial during hazardous situations such as earthquakes and thunderstorms.
示例2: 原文:By contrast, although the two classmates have some point when it comes to the cultural value of old buildings, they’re relatively unsafe and uncomfortable, hence not suitable for being preserved. 改进:On the other hand, while Adam and Candy raise valid points regarding the cultural significance of historical structures, these buildings tend to be less secure and comfortable compared to their modern counterparts, thus making them unsuitable for preservation.
4. 文章结构与组织
从文章结构和组织方面来看,你的文章已经有了清晰的结构(包括引言、正文和结论),并且各段落专注于特定的观点和支持细节。然而,你可以在以下方面进行改进:首先,尝试使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落;其次,在文章开头和结尾部分可以更加明确地表达自己的观点。
示例1: 原文:In response to the professor’s question, I respectfully disagree with Adam and Candy’s assertion that preserving historical buildings should be the primary focus. 改进:In response to the professor's question, I would like to express my respectful disagreement with Adam and Candy's assertion that preserving historical buildings should be the primary focus. Instead, I believe that...
示例2: 原文:If we add many modern elements of construction materials and living facilities to them, what’s the point of not building new ones? 改进:If we incorporate numerous modern construction materials and amenities into these historical structures, wouldn't it be more practical and efficient to construct new buildings instead?
5. 语法批改
In response to the professor’s question, I respectfully disagree with Adam and Candy’s assertion that preserving historical buildings should be the primary focus. Instead, I firmly believe that prioritizing building new houses is a more effective approach. The underlying reason for this stance is that modern buildings offer increased security due to the advanced construction technology, especially under hazard circumstances like earthquake and thunderstorms. Secondly, the new facilities in contemporary buildings can ensure a comfortable lifestyle, for instance, the air conditioning system can make the temperature stable throughout the whole year. By contrast, although the two classmates have some point when it comes to the cultural value of old buildings, they’re relatively unsafe and uncomfortable, hence not suitable for being preserved. If we add many modern elements of construction materials and living facilities to them, what’s the point of not building new ones?
Section Title: 6 文章修订
In response to the professor's question, I respectfully disagree with Adam and Candy's assertion that preserving historical buildings should take precedence. Instead, I firmly believe that prioritizing the construction of new housing is a more effective approach. The primary reason for this stance is that modern buildings offer increased security due to advanced construction technology, particularly in hazardous situations such as earthquakes and thunderstorms. Furthermore, contemporary buildings provide amenities that ensure a comfortable lifestyle; for example, air conditioning systems maintain stable temperatures year-round. While Adam and Candy raise valid points regarding the cultural value of historic structures, these buildings are often relatively unsafe and uncomfortable, making them unsuitable for preservation. Moreover, if we were to incorporate numerous modern construction materials and living facilities into these older edifices, it begs the question: why not simply construct new ones? (141 words)
In response to the professor’s professor's question, I respectfully disagree with Adam and Candy’s Candy's assertion [Changed "assertion" to clarify the meaning] that preserving historical buildings should be take precedence [Replaced "be the primary focus. focus" with "take precedence" for better clarity]. Instead, I firmly believe that prioritizing building the construction of new houses housing is a more effective approach. The underlying primary reason for this stance is that modern buildings offer increased security due to the advanced construction technology, especially under hazard circumstances like earthquake technology [Added "advanced construction technology" for specificity], particularly in hazardous situations such as earthquakes and thunderstorms. Secondly, the new facilities in Furthermore, contemporary buildings can provide amenities that ensure a comfortable lifestyle, lifestyle; for instance, the example, air conditioning system can make the temperature systems maintain stable throughout the whole year. By contrast, although the two classmates have some point when it comes to temperatures year-round [Rephrased for clarity and flow]. While Adam and Candy raise valid points regarding the cultural value of old buildings, they’re historic structures, these buildings are often relatively unsafe and uncomfortable, hence not suitable making them unsuitable for being preserved. If preservation [Clarified the point about safety and comfort]. Moreover, if we add many were to incorporate numerous modern elements of construction materials and living facilities to them, what’s into these older edifices, it begs the point of question: why not building simply construct new ones?ones? [Rephrased last sentence for better flow]
8 思维导图
- 主题: 建设新住房优先于保护历史建筑
- 现代建筑的安全性
- 先进的建筑技术
- 抗地震和雷暴能力
- 现代建筑的舒适性
- 配备各种便利设施
- 空调系统保持恒温
- 历史建筑的问题
- 安全性和舒适性不足
- 难以兼顾现代生活需求
- 结论: 构建新住房更为合理和高效
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Precedence | /prɛsɪdəns/ | Noun | The condition of being considered more important than someone or something else; priority in importance, order, or rank. | 优先权,优先顺序 | Preserving historical buildings should not take precedence over constructing new housing. |
| Assertion | /əˈsɜrʃən/ | Noun | A confident and forceful statement of fact or belief. | 主张,断言 | Adam and Candy's assertion about preserving historical buildings is debatable. |
| Hazardous situations | /ˈhæzərdəs sɪˈtjuːeɪʃənz/ | Noun | Dangerous or risky circumstances or events. | 危险情况 | Modern buildings offer increased security in hazardous situations such as earthquakes and thunderstorms. |
| Amenities | /əˈmɛnɪtiz/ | Noun | Desirable or useful features or facilities of a building or place. | 便利设施 | Contemporary buildings provide amenities that ensure a comfortable lifestyle. |
| Edifices | /ˈɛdɪfɪsɪz/ | Noun | Large, imposing buildings. | 大型建筑物 | If we were to incorporate modern materials into older edifices, why not simply construct new ones? |
| Incorporate | /ɪnˈkɔrpəreɪt/ | Verb | To include something within something else. | 合并,纳入 | We should incorporate modern construction materials into new housing projects. |
| Uncomfortable | /ʌnˈkʌmftəbəl/ | Adjective | Causing or feeling slight pain or physical discomfort. | 不舒适的 | Historical buildings are often relatively unsafe and uncomfortable for living. |
| Preservation | /prɛzərˈveɪʃən/ | Noun | The action of preserving something, especially a historic building. | 保护,保存 | While preservation of historic structures is important, it should not hinder the development of new housing. |
| Construction technology | /kənˈstrʌkʃən tɛkˈnɒlədʒi/ | Noun Phrase | The methods, techniques, and tools used in the construction industry. | 建筑技术 | Advanced construction technology ensures the safety and comfort of modern buildings. |
| Cultural value | /ˈkʌltʃərəl ˈvælju/ | Noun Phrase | The importance or worth of something in terms of its historical, artistic, or social significance. | 文化价值 | The cultural value of historic structures should be considered, but not at the expense of new housing development. |
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