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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question. In your response you should: l express and support your opinion l make a contribution to the discussion An effective response will contain at least 100 words. You will have 10 minutes to write it. Owing to the fast development of urbanization, a huge amount of people flushing into the city makes the city traffic become increasingly crowded, which makes it urgent for our government to improve transportation system. Should a government prioritize investing public transport system or facilitate people own and use private vehicles?

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タスク概要

Professor

Owing to the fast development of urbanization, a huge amount of people flushing into the city makes the city traffic become increasingly crowded, which makes it urgent for our government to improve transportation system. Should a government prioritize investing public transport system or facilitate people own and use private vehicles?

Paul

I think government should give a priority to developing public transit system in order to solve traffic problems. Modernizing trains and buses, lowering ticket prices (fares), and expanding public transportation routes will help relieve the traffic jams on the road.

Claire

Helping people own and use private vehicles, such as cars, by offering low-interest loans, keeping gasoline prices low, and building better roads,is an efficient way to alleviate crowded public transports. Thus, by private cars, people can enjoy a more comfortable and convenient travel, especially for those who live in a remote area, without having to chock in the crowded carriage for a long time.

ユーザーサンプルと評価結果

1

ユーザーサンプル #1

I consider the reinforcement of the public transportation system can be a wiser choice. Claire oversees the inescapable fact that the overuse of priv...

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25

ユーザーサンプル

I consider the reinforcement of the public transportation system can be a wiser choice. Claire oversees the inescapable fact that the overuse of private vehicles will also be a factor oftraffic jams in the city, which will in turn make the situation much worse. In addition to Paul’s statement, prioritizing public transportation will be more effective because not only buses but also undergrounds can help many people to commute in one trip, in which case the number of vehicles on the city road will decrease undoubtedly. To illustrate, almost everybody in my company need to commute to our company. In the past, most of us drove our own cars to work, but there was always someone being late for work because of the crowded roads, which were full of private cars since each car can only carry less than five people most of the time. Fortunately, things have changed since improvements made by our local government on the public transportation. Consequently, there is no need for everybody to drive their own cars on the road every day, and they can take buses instead.

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

  • 25

3. 任务完成度

整体来说,你的文章回答了问题并表达了观点。但是,为了更好地完成任务,建议在文章中加入更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。此外,可以尝试讨论一下促进私人汽车使用的优缺点,以便更全面地回答问题。

示例1:你可以详细说明公共交通系统优先发展带来的环境效益,如减少空气污染和碳排放。 示例2:你可以讨论一下私人汽车使用增加可能导致的道路拥堵和停车难题。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在段落之间加入过渡句子会使文章更连贯。此外,在正文部分中使用主题句来明确每个段落的重点也是一个很好的做法。

建议1:在引言部分简要介绍两种观点,并明确表达自己的立场。 建议2:在正文部分开头使用主题句,如:“首先,公共交通系统的优先发展可以有效减少城市道路上的车辆数量。”

5. 语法批改

I consider the reinforcement of the public transportation system can be a wiser choice. Claire oversees the inescapable fact that the overuse of private vehicles will also be a factor oftrafficof traffic(misspelling) jams in the city, which will in turn make the situation much worse. In addition to Paul’s statement, prioritizing public transportation will be more effective because not only buses but also undergrounds can help many people to commute in one trip, in which case the number of vehicles on the city road will decrease undoubtedly. To illustrate, almost everybody in my company need to commute to our company. In the past, most of us drove our own cars to work, but there was always someone being late for work because of the crowded roads, which were full of private cars since each car can only carry less than five people most of the time. Fortunately, things have changed since improvements made by our local government on the public transportation. Consequently, there is no need for everybody to drive their own cars on the road every day, and they can take buses instead.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, strengthening the public transportation system is a more prudent approach to addressing urban traffic congestion. Claire's suggestion of promoting private vehicle ownership overlooks the inevitable consequence that an increase in private vehicles will exacerbate traffic jams in cities. As Paul mentioned, prioritizing public transportation would be more effective because buses and subways can accommodate a larger number of commuters in a single trip, consequently reducing the volume of vehicles on city roads.

For instance, nearly everyone at my company commutes to work daily. Previously, most employees drove their own cars, often resulting in tardiness due to congested roads filled with private vehicles that typically carry fewer than five passengers. However, our local government's improvements to public transportation have significantly altered this situation. Now, employees no longer need to rely solely on their personal vehicles for daily commutes and can opt for buses instead. This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences for urban dwellers. (164 words)

I consider the reinforcement of In my opinion, strengthening the public transportation system can be is a wiser choice. ¶ Claire oversees more prudent approach (revised for clarity and formality) to addressing urban traffic congestion. Claire's suggestion of promoting private vehicle ownership overlooks the inescapable fact inevitable consequence (rephrased for clarity) that the overuse of an increase in private vehicles will also be a factor oftraffic exacerbate traffic jams in the city, which will in turn make the situation much worse. In addition to Paul’s statement, cities. As Paul mentioned, prioritizing public transportation will would be more effective because not only buses but also undergrounds and subways can help many people to commute in one trip, in which case the accommodate a larger number of commuters in a single trip (rephrased for conciseness), consequently reducing the volume of vehicles on the city road will decrease undoubtedly. To illustrate, almost everybody in roads.

For instance, nearly everyone at my company need to commute to our company. In the past, commutes to work daily. Previously, most of us employees drove our their own cars to work, but there was always someone being late for work because of the crowded roads, which were full of cars, often resulting in tardiness due to congested roads filled with private cars since each car can only vehicles that typically carry less fewer than five people most of the time. Fortunately, things have changed since improvements made by passengers (rephrased for clarity). However, our local government government's improvements to public transportation have significantly altered this situation (revised for conciseness). Now, employees no longer need to rely solely on the public transportation. Consequently, there is no need for everybody to drive their own cars on the road every day, and they personal vehicles for daily commutes and can take opt for buses instead.instead (rephrased for clarity). This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences for urban dwellers (revised for conciseness).

8 思维导图


- Strengthening Public Transportation
    - Addressing Urban Traffic Congestion
        - More Prudent Approach
        - Reducing Volume of Vehicles on City Roads
    - Claire's Suggestion: Promoting Private Vehicle Ownership
        - Exacerbate Traffic Jams in Cities
    - Paul's Opinion: Prioritizing Public Transportation
        - Buses and Subways Accommodate Larger Number of Commuters

- Example: Company Commutes
    - Previous Situation: Employees Driving Own Cars
        - Tardiness Due to Congested Roads with Private Vehicles
    - Local Government Improvements to Public Transportation
        - Employees Can Opt for Buses Instead of Personal Vehicles
        - Alleviated Traffic Congestion and Improved Commuting Experiences for Urban Dwellers

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
prudent/ˈpruːdənt/adjectiveacting with or showing care and thought for the future审慎的Strengthening the public transportation system is a more prudent approach to addressing traffic congestion.
exacerbate/ɪɡˈzæsərbeɪt/verbmake (a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling) worse加剧An increase in private vehicles will exacerbate traffic jams in cities.
accommodate/əˈkɒmədeɪt/verbprovide lodging or sufficient space for容纳Buses and subways can accommodate a larger number of commuters in a single trip.
tardiness/ˈtɑːrdɪnəs/nounthe quality or fact of being late拖延Employees often experienced tardiness due to congested roads filled with private vehicles.
congested/kənˈdʒestɪd/adjective(of a road or place) so crowded with traffic or people as to hinder or prevent freedom of movement拥挤的The roads were congested with private vehicles that typically carry fewer than five passengers.
alleviate/əˈliːvi.eɪt/verbmake (suffering, deficiency, or a problem) less severe减轻This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences.
dweller/ˈdwelər/nouna person who lives in a particular place居民Improved commuting experiences for urban dwellers.
solely/ˈsoʊlli/adverbnot involving anyone or anything else; only仅仅Employees no longer need to rely solely on their personal vehicles for daily commutes.
opt/ɒpt/verbmake a choice from a range of possibilities选择Employees can now opt for buses instead of personal vehicles.
undoubtedly/ʌnˈdaʊtɪdli/adverbwithout doubt; certainly毫无疑问地This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences.
2

ユーザーサンプル #2

As Paul and Kelly respectively shed light on their insightful ideas, I personally believe that having the ability of relieving students’ pressure with...

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26

ユーザーサンプル

As Paul and Kelly respectively shed light on their insightful ideas, I personally believe that having the ability of relieving students’ pressure with patience can be the most valuable characteristic for a teacher. Admittedly, having enough experience of instructing students to be competitive in academy can be essential as an educator, since every student has to meet the challenge of defeating others in order to get into their dream schools. Nevertheless, because of such severe competitions, most of these poor teenagers face continuously increasing pressure, making them almost exhausted both mentally and physically, which means they can be undoubtedly overwhelmed with doing various things. In this case, a teacher with ample patience will offer a necessary help, giving them more chances even when they make some mistakes rather than simply reproaching. Especially considering that these kids are in adolescence, it can be a struggle to deal with the additional pressure coming from strict teachers. For instance, a teacher in my high school explained a same question many times to me patiently when I struggled with some repeated mistakes, making me feel much better.

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说,这篇文章较好地回答了问题,并提出了一个明确的观点。然而,可以在以下方面进行改进:

  1. 在文章中更多地讨论和对比Paul和Kelly的观点,以便更好地参与讨论。

  2. 提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

示例1:在文章中,你可以提到:“尽管Paul认为心理健康教育很重要,但我认为耐心对于缓解学生压力更为关键。” 示例2:给出一个关于如何耐心教导学生的具体例子,例如:“在我高中时代,有一位老师非常耐心地教导我们如何应对考试压力,并给予我们实用的建议。”

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在以下方面可以进行改进:

  1. 在引言部分简要介绍Paul和Kelly的观点。

  2. 在正文部分明确区分不同段落讨论的内容,并使用过渡词汇使文章更连贯。

示例1:在引言中,你可以这样写:“在这次讨论中,Paul认为心理健康教育很重要,而Kelly则强调了职业规划建议的重要性。” 示例2:在正文部分,使用过渡词汇如“然而”、“此外”等来连接不同段落的内容。例如:“然而,由于竞争激烈,许多青少年面临着巨大的压力。此外,耐心的老师能够给予学生更多机会和支持。”

5. 语法批改

As Paul and Kelly respectively shed light on their insightful ideas, I personally believe that having the ability of relieving students’ pressure with patience can be the most valuable characteristic for a teacher. Admittedly, having enough experience of instructing students to be competitive in academy can be essential as an educator, since every student has to meet the challenge of defeating others in order to get into their dream schools. Nevertheless, because of such severe competitions, most of these poor teenagers face continuously increasing pressure, making them almost exhausted both mentally and physically, which means they can be undoubtedly overwhelmed with doing various things. In this case, a teacher with ample patience will offer a necessary help, giving them more chances even when they make some mistakes rather than simply reproaching. Especially considering that these kids are in adolescence, it can be a struggle to deal with the additional pressure coming from strict teachers. For instance, a teacher in my high school explained a same question many times to me patiently when I struggled with some repeated mistakes, making me feel much better.

Section Title: The Role of High School Teachers

In response to Doctor Gupta's question, while Paul and Kelly both present valid points, I believe that a high school teacher's most important ability is to alleviate students' stress with patience. Undeniably, equipping students with the necessary academic skills to thrive in a competitive environment is crucial for educators, as each student strives to secure a place in their desired institutions. However, this intense competition often results in mounting pressure on adolescents, leaving them mentally and physically drained and potentially overwhelmed by their responsibilities. In such situations, a patient teacher can provide invaluable support by offering understanding and guidance even when students make mistakes, rather than resorting to criticism. This approach is particularly crucial during adolescence when coping with additional pressure from strict teachers can exacerbate the challenges faced by young learners. For example, one of my high school teachers patiently explained a concept multiple times when I struggled with repeated errors, ultimately helping me overcome my difficulties and boosting my confidence. (170 words)

As Section Title: The Role of High School Teachers

In response to Doctor Gupta's question (clarifies the context of the discussion), while Paul and Kelly respectively shed light on their insightful ideas, both present valid points, I personally believe that having the a high school teacher's most important ability of relieving students’ is to alleviate students' stress with patience. Undeniably, equipping students with the necessary academic skills to thrive in a competitive environment is crucial for educators (rephrased for clarity), as each student strives to secure a place in their desired institutions. However, this intense competition often results in mounting pressure with patience on adolescents, leaving them mentally and physically drained and potentially overwhelmed by their responsibilities (rephrased for better flow). In such situations, a patient teacher can be the most valuable characteristic for a teacher. Admittedly, having enough experience of instructing students to be competitive in academy can be essential as an educator, since every student has to meet the challenge of defeating others in order to get into their dream schools. Nevertheless, because of such severe competitions, most of these poor teenagers face continuously increasing pressure, making them almost exhausted both mentally and physically, which means they can be undoubtedly overwhelmed with doing various things. In this case, a teacher with ample patience will offer a necessary help, giving them more chances provide invaluable support by offering understanding and guidance even when they students make some mistakes mistakes, rather than simply reproaching. Especially considering that these kids are in adolescence, it can be a struggle to deal with the resorting to criticism (rephrased for clarity). This approach is particularly crucial during adolescence when coping with additional pressure coming from strict teachers. teachers can exacerbate the challenges faced by young learners (rephrased for better flow). For instance, a teacher in example, one of my high school teachers patiently explained a same question many concept multiple times to me patiently when I struggled with some repeated mistakes, making errors, ultimately helping me feel much better.overcome my difficulties and boosting my confidence (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图


- The Role of High School Teachers
    - Alleviate students' stress
        - Patience
    - Equip students with academic skills
        - Competitive environment
    - Address intense competition
        - Pressure on adolescents
            - Mental and physical exhaustion
            - Overwhelmed by responsibilities
    - Patient teacher support
        - Understanding and guidance
        - Avoid criticism
    - Adolescence challenges
        - Strict teachers exacerbate pressure
    - Example: Overcoming difficulties with patience 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
alleviate/əˈliːvi.eɪt/verbto make something less severe减轻,缓解A patient teacher can alleviate students' stress.
patience/ˈpeɪʃəns/nounthe ability to wait or endure without complaint or irritation耐心Patience is a crucial quality for high school teachers.
equip/ɪˈkwɪp/verbto provide someone with necessary skills or knowledge装备,使具备Teachers equip students with the necessary academic skills.
competition/kɒm.pəˈtɪʃ.ən/nouna situation in which people try to be more successful than others竞争Intense competition often results in mounting pressure on adolescents.
adolescence/æd.əˈles.əns/nounthe period of life when a child develops into an adult青春期Coping with additional pressure from strict teachers can exacerbate challenges faced by adolescents.
overwhelmed/ˌəʊ.vərˈwɛlmd/adjectivefeeling like you have too much to deal with不堪重负的Students may feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities.
invaluable/ɪnˈvæl.ju.ə.bəl/adjectiveextremely useful or important无价的,非常宝贵的A patient teacher can provide invaluable support to students.
criticism/ˈkrɪt.ɪ.sɪ.zəm/nounthe act of expressing disapproval and noticing the problems in something or someone批评Patient teachers offer guidance instead of resorting to criticism.
confidence/ˈkɒn.fɪ.dəns/nounbelief in one's own abilities自信The teacher's patience helped boost my confidence in overcoming difficulties.

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1

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3

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4

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5

本番同様の条件で流暢さを養うため、時間を計って(10分間)回答する練習をする。

よくある質問

TOEFLのAcademic Discussionタスクとは何ですか?
TOEFLのAcademic Discussionタスクでは、オンラインの授業ディスカッションに参加することが求められます。教授の質問と他の学生の回答を読んだ上で、約10分以内に自分の意見を述べ、それを裏付ける投稿を作成します。
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