TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question. In your response you should: l express and support your opinion l make a contribution to the discussion An effective response will contain at least 100 words. You will have 10 minutes to write it. Owing to the fast development of urbanization, a huge amount of people flushing into the city makes the city traffic become increasingly crowded, which makes it urgent for our government to improve transportation system. Should a government prioritize investing public transport system or facilitate people own and use private vehicles?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 25

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了问题并表达了观点。但是，为了更好地完成任务，建议在文章中加入更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。此外，可以尝试讨论一下促进私人汽车使用的优缺点，以便更全面地回答问题。

示例1：你可以详细说明公共交通系统优先发展带来的环境效益，如减少空气污染和碳排放。 示例2：你可以讨论一下私人汽车使用增加可能导致的道路拥堵和停车难题。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间加入过渡句子会使文章更连贯。此外，在正文部分中使用主题句来明确每个段落的重点也是一个很好的做法。

建议1：在引言部分简要介绍两种观点，并明确表达自己的立场。 建议2：在正文部分开头使用主题句，如：“首先，公共交通系统的优先发展可以有效减少城市道路上的车辆数量。”

5. 语法批改

I consider the reinforcement of the public transportation system can be a wiser choice. Claire oversees the inescapable fact that the overuse of private vehicles will also be a factor oftrafficof traffic(misspelling) jams in the city, which will in turn make the situation much worse. In addition to Paul’s statement, prioritizing public transportation will be more effective because not only buses but also undergrounds can help many people to commute in one trip, in which case the number of vehicles on the city road will decrease undoubtedly. To illustrate, almost everybody in my company need to commute to our company. In the past, most of us drove our own cars to work, but there was always someone being late for work because of the crowded roads, which were full of private cars since each car can only carry less than five people most of the time. Fortunately, things have changed since improvements made by our local government on the public transportation. Consequently, there is no need for everybody to drive their own cars on the road every day, and they can take buses instead.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, strengthening the public transportation system is a more prudent approach to addressing urban traffic congestion. Claire's suggestion of promoting private vehicle ownership overlooks the inevitable consequence that an increase in private vehicles will exacerbate traffic jams in cities. As Paul mentioned, prioritizing public transportation would be more effective because buses and subways can accommodate a larger number of commuters in a single trip, consequently reducing the volume of vehicles on city roads.

For instance, nearly everyone at my company commutes to work daily. Previously, most employees drove their own cars, often resulting in tardiness due to congested roads filled with private vehicles that typically carry fewer than five passengers. However, our local government's improvements to public transportation have significantly altered this situation. Now, employees no longer need to rely solely on their personal vehicles for daily commutes and can opt for buses instead. This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences for urban dwellers. (164 words)

I consider the reinforcement of In my opinion, strengthening the public transportation system can be is a wiser choice. ¶ Claire oversees more prudent approach (revised for clarity and formality) to addressing urban traffic congestion. Claire's suggestion of promoting private vehicle ownership overlooks the inescapable fact inevitable consequence (rephrased for clarity) that the overuse of an increase in private vehicles will also be a factor oftraffic exacerbate traffic jams in the city, which will in turn make the situation much worse. In addition to Paul’s statement, cities. As Paul mentioned, prioritizing public transportation will would be more effective because not only buses but also undergrounds and subways can help many people to commute in one trip, in which case the accommodate a larger number of commuters in a single trip (rephrased for conciseness), consequently reducing the volume of vehicles on the city road will decrease undoubtedly. To illustrate, almost everybody in roads.

For instance, nearly everyone at my company need to commute to our company. In the past, commutes to work daily. Previously, most of us employees drove our their own cars to work, but there was always someone being late for work because of the crowded roads, which were full of cars, often resulting in tardiness due to congested roads filled with private cars since each car can only vehicles that typically carry less fewer than five people most of the time. Fortunately, things have changed since improvements made by passengers (rephrased for clarity). However, our local government government's improvements to public transportation have significantly altered this situation (revised for conciseness). Now, employees no longer need to rely solely on the public transportation. Consequently, there is no need for everybody to drive their own cars on the road every day, and they personal vehicles for daily commutes and can take opt for buses instead.instead (rephrased for clarity). This shift has undoubtedly alleviated traffic congestion and improved overall commuting experiences for urban dwellers (revised for conciseness).

8 思维导图

- Strengthening Public Transportation
    - Addressing Urban Traffic Congestion
        - More Prudent Approach
        - Reducing Volume of Vehicles on City Roads
    - Claire's Suggestion: Promoting Private Vehicle Ownership
        - Exacerbate Traffic Jams in Cities
    - Paul's Opinion: Prioritizing Public Transportation
        - Buses and Subways Accommodate Larger Number of Commuters

- Example: Company Commutes
    - Previous Situation: Employees Driving Own Cars
        - Tardiness Due to Congested Roads with Private Vehicles
    - Local Government Improvements to Public Transportation
        - Employees Can Opt for Buses Instead of Personal Vehicles
        - Alleviated Traffic Congestion and Improved Commuting Experiences for Urban Dwellers

9 关键词