TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Writing | Question 2 of 2 Your professor is teaching a class on marketing. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章回答了教授的问题，并提供了一些有力的论据。但是，为了更好地完成任务，建议在文章中添加更多细节和例子来支持观点。此外，尝试从不同角度讨论问题，以使讨论更丰富。

示例1：在讨论朋友和家人建议的可靠性时，可以添加一个关于在线评论可能受到操纵的例子。 示例2：在描述购买电脑的经历时，可以详细说明为什么朋友和家人的建议比在线信息更适合自己的需求。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结尾。然而，在组织上还有改进空间。首先，在引言部分简要介绍主题，并明确表达观点。其次，在正文部分逐一阐述论点，并提供相关支持细节。最后，在结尾部分总结观点并呼应引言。

建议1：在引言中明确表达观点：“我认为向朋友和家人寻求建议在购买决策中更有价值。” 建议2：在正文中分段讨论论点，例如第一段讨论朋友和家人建议的可靠性，第二段讨论他们的建议如何更符合个人需求。

5. 语法批改

I share Paul’s perspective that friends’sfriend's(wrong genitive (e.g., 'employees's' instead of 'employee's')) and family’s advice are more useful for me to choose and purchase a product. My reasons stem from that friends and family’s advice can be more authentic, and more customized than online information since companythe company(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) will select the comments of their product. For example, recently I want to buy a new computer to help me learn graphic design, and my brother have one, so I asked him to give me some advice for buying computera computer(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.). He told me that the iMac have outstanding screen and a captivating audio effects, which will be fulfilled my needs of learning graphic design. Finally, when I buy it, it is exactly like what my brother said. Eventually, I firmly believe that friends’sfriend's(wrong genitive (e.g., 'employees's' instead of 'employee's')) and family’s advice are more useful.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, seeking advice from friends and family is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions than relying solely on online sources. This is because the recommendations from our loved ones tend to be more authentic and tailored to our specific needs, as opposed to the potentially biased information found online. For instance, when I recently wanted to purchase a computer for graphic design purposes, I consulted my brother who already owned one. He recommended the iMac due to its exceptional screen quality and impressive audio effects, which perfectly aligned with my requirements. Upon purchasing it, I found that his advice was indeed accurate. Thus, I strongly believe that the insights provided by friends and family are invaluable in guiding our consumer choices. (128 words)

I In my opinion, seeking advice from friends and family (I rephrased "I share Paul’s perspective that friends’s and family’s advice are more useful for me to choose and Paul's perspective" to make it more concise and direct) is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions than relying solely on online sources (I clarified the comparison being made). This is because the recommendations from our loved ones tend to be more authentic and tailored to our specific needs (I rephrased "more authentic, and more customized" for better flow), as opposed to the potentially biased information found online (I added this phrase to explain why online information might not be as reliable). For instance, when I recently wanted to purchase a product. My reasons stem from computer for graphic design purposes (I specified the purpose of buying a computer), I consulted my brother who already owned one (I corrected the tense of "have" to "owned"). He recommended the iMac due to its exceptional screen quality and impressive audio effects (I replaced "outstanding" with "exceptional" and "captivating" with "impressive" for better word choice), which perfectly aligned with my requirements (I rephrased "fulfilled my needs" for better flow). Upon purchasing it, I found that friends and family’s his advice can be more authentic, and more customized than online information since company will select the comments was indeed accurate (I corrected the tense of their product. For example, recently I want to buy a new computer to help me learn graphic design, and my brother have one, so I asked him to give me some advice for buying computer. He told me that the iMac have outstanding screen and a captivating audio effects, which will be fulfilled my needs of learning graphic design. Finally, when I buy it, it is exactly like what my brother said. Eventually, I firmly "buy" to "purchasing"). Thus, I strongly believe that friends’s and family’s advice the insights provided by friends and family are more useful.invaluable in guiding our consumer choices (I rephrased the concluding sentence for better flow and clarity).

8 思维导图

graph LR
A[Seeking advice from friends and family] --> B[More effective strategy]
B --> C[Authentic recommendations]
B --> D[Tailored to specific needs]
E[Online sources] --> F[Potentially biased information]
G[Personal experience] --> H[Purchasing a computer for graphic design]
H --> I[Consulted brother]
I --> J[iMac recommendation]
J --> K[Exceptional screen quality and impressive audio effects]
K --> L[Satisfied with the purchase]

9 关键词