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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

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タスク概要

Professor

Today, we're going to talk about environment protection. National governments can take a variety of actions to help protect the natural environment, since protecting the environment is essential for promoting sustainable development and ensuring the well-being of both present and future generations. So what do you think the most important for a nation's government to take to protect the natural environment and why?

Student A

The government should pass and enforce laws to prevent pollution since it has the potential to make the biggest impact on reducing environmental degradation and safeguarding public health. Big companies and industries are often major polluters which change the health of people and wildlife alike. By passing and enforcing strict laws that regulate and limit these activities, governments can reduce the amount of pollution, and prevent many of the negative consequences.

Student B

Even though laws sometime work but I think the government preserve natural places such as forests and protect native wildlife species that live there. Forests are home to a wide variety of plant and animal species. Moreover, forests benefit human societies, including sources of food, medicine, and recreation.

ユーザーサンプルと評価結果

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1

ユーザーサンプル #1

I concur with Claire's point that legislation is the most significant method to protect the ecological environment from being damaged since laws as th...

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27

ユーザーサンプル

I concur with Claire's point that legislation is the most significant method to protect the ecological environment from being damaged since laws as the presentation of the highest power could produce the most extensive and profound influence on prohibiting the behaviours which destroy the natural surroundings. to be more specific, it is a variety of actions of different subjects, from individuals to some large enterprises, that cause the serious pollution to forests, water resources, air ,land and other aspects of ecosystem. In the process of legislation, the lawmakers could regulate the penalties of every illegal behaviours that damage the environment. Afraid of being in jail and heavy fines, both citizens and business would obey the rules to avoid the behaviours destroying the environment on their own initiative. Compared with other methods that only focus on one aspect of environment problem, the making and implementing of laws have a more over-rounded and more lasting influence on protecting the environment. For example, knowing that discharging wastewater results in the fine of about 50 percent of the annual profits, most companies would self-control their production procedure.

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

  • 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先,在表达观点时,可以尝试更具体地说明法律如何对环境保护产生积极影响。其次,可以加入更多与学术讨论相关的内容,例如引用实际案例或研究结果来支持观点。

示例1:在提到法律对环境保护的影响时,可以加入具体的例子,如:“例如,在某国家实施了严格的排放标准后,空气质量得到了显著改善。”

示例2:为了使文章更符合学术讨论的要求,可以引用研究结果来支持观点,如:“根据一项研究表明,在实施严格环保法规的国家中,森林覆盖率和生物多样性得到了更好的保护。”

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面整体不错,但仍有改进空间。首先,在引言部分应简要介绍文章的主题和观点。其次,正文部分可以进一步细化,每个段落专注于一个具体的论点,并提供支持细节。最后,在结论部分总结文章的主要观点和论据。

示例1:在引言部分,可以加入一句话来明确表达观点,如:“在我看来,制定和实施严格的环保法律是国家政府保护自然环境最重要的措施。”

示例2:在正文部分,可以将一个论点拆分成两个段落,并为每个段落提供详细的支持信息。例如:

  • 段落1:讨论法律如何限制污染物排放,并提供相关案例。

  • 段落2:讨论法律如何保护生物多样性,并引用研究结果。

5. 语法批改

I concur with Claire's point that legislation is the most significant method to protect the ecological environment from being damageddamaged,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) since laws as the presentation of the highest power could produce the most extensive and profound influence on prohibiting the behavioursbehaviors(misspelling) which destroy the natural surroundings. toTo(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) be more specific, it is a variety of actions of different subjects, from individuals to some large enterprises, that cause the serious pollution to forests, water resources, air ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)land and other aspects of ecosystem. In the process of legislation, the lawmakers could regulate the penalties of every illegal behavioursbehaviors(misspelling) that damage the environment. Afraid of being in jail and heavy fines, both citizens and business would obey the rules to avoid the behavioursbehaviors(misspelling) destroying the environment on their own initiative. Compared with other methods that only focus on one aspect of environment problem, the making and implementing of laws have a more over-rounded and more lasting influence on protecting the environment. For example, knowing that discharging wastewater results in the fine of about 50 percent of the annual profits, most companies would self-control their production procedure.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I agree with Student A's assertion that legislation serves as the most crucial means of safeguarding our environment from further degradation. Laws, as the embodiment of supreme authority, have the potential to exert a far-reaching and profound impact on curbing actions detrimental to our natural surroundings. Environmental pollution stems from a myriad of sources, ranging from individual activities to large-scale industrial operations, adversely affecting forests, water resources, air quality, land, and other aspects of ecosystems. Through the legislative process, lawmakers can establish penalties for environmentally harmful behaviors. Consequently, fear of imprisonment or hefty fines would deter both citizens and businesses from engaging in activities that harm the environment.

In contrast to alternative approaches that address only specific environmental issues, the formulation and enforcement of laws offer a more comprehensive and enduring solution for environmental protection. For instance, if companies were aware that discharging wastewater could result in fines amounting to 50 percent of their annual profits, they would likely exercise greater self-regulation in their production processes. (171 words)

I concur agree with Claire's point (Student A's assertion) that legislation is the most significant method (serves as the most crucial means) to protect the ecological environment from being damaged (safeguarding our environment from further degradation) since laws as the presentation of the highest power (as the embodiment of supreme authority) could produce the most extensive and profound influence on prohibiting the behaviours which destroy the natural surroundings. to To be more specific, it is a variety of actions of different subjects, from individuals to some large enterprises, that cause the serious pollution to forests, water resources, air ,land and other aspects of ecosystem. ecosystem (Environmental pollution stems from a myriad of sources, ranging from individual activities to large-scale industrial operations, adversely affecting forests, water resources, air quality, land, and other aspects of ecosystems). In the process of legislation, the lawmakers could regulate the penalties of every illegal behaviours that damage the environment. environment (Through the legislative process, lawmakers can establish penalties for environmentally harmful behaviors). Afraid of being in jail and heavy fines, fines (Consequently, fear of imprisonment or hefty fines), both citizens and business would obey the rules to avoid the behaviours destroying the environment on their own initiative. Compared with other methods that only focus on one aspect of environment problem, the problem (In contrast to alternative approaches that address only specific environmental issues), making and implementing of laws have a more over-rounded and more lasting influence on protecting the environment. environment (the formulation and enforcement of laws offer a more comprehensive and enduring solution for environmental protection). For example, knowing that discharging wastewater results in the fine of about 50 percent of the annual profits, profits( if companies were aware that discharging wastewater could result in fines amounting to 50 percent of their annual profits), most companies would self-control their production procedure.procedure(they would likely exercise greater self-regulation in their production processes).

Title: 8 思维导图

  1. 立法

    • 环境保护
    • 惩罚措施
  2. 污染源头

    • 个人行为
    • 工业操作
  3. 影响范围

    • 森林
    • 水资源
    • 空气质量
    • 土地和生态系统
  4. 法律制定与执行

    • 长期解决方案

Title: 9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
legislation/ˌleʤɪsˈleɪʃən/nounthe act of making or enacting laws立法Legislation is essential for environmental protection.
degradation/dɪˌgreɪdˈeɪʃən/nounthe process of damaging or harming something恶化Environmental degradation is a pressing issue worldwide.
embodiment/ɪmˈbɑdiment/noun/a person, being, or thing embodying a spirit, principle, etc.具体化/Laws are the embodiment of supreme authority.
detrimental/detrimental//adjective//tending to cause harm//有害的/Smoking is detrimental to our health.
myriad/ˈmɪriəd//noun, adjective/a countless or innumerable number; a large number//无数的/There are a myriad of ways to protect the environment.
penalties/ˈpenəlti//noun//a punishment imposed for breaking a law, rule, or contract./惩罚/Penalties for polluting the environment can be severe.
imprisonment/ɪmˈprɪzənmənt//noun//the state of being imprisoned; captivity./监禁Fear of imprisonment can deter people from engaging in illegal activities.
fines/faɪnz/nounmonetary penalties imposed as punishment for an offense罚款Hefty fines can discourage companies from polluting the environment.
self-regulation/ˌsɛlfˌrɛgjʊˈleɪʃən/nouncontrol by oneself without outside intervention自我调节Companies should practice self-regulation to minimize their environmental impact.
wastewater/ˈweɪstwɔtər/nounwater that has been used and is no longer clean废水Discharging wastewater into rivers can cause serious pollution.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

I agree with Student A's assertion that legislation serves as the most crucial means of safeguarding our environment from further degradation. Laws, as the embodiment of supreme authority, have the potential to exert a far-reaching and profound impact on curbing actions detrimental to our natural surroundings. Environmental pollution stems from a myriad of sources, ranging from individual activities to large-scale industrial operations, adversely affecting forests, water resources, air quality, land, and other aspects of ecosystems. Through the legislative process, lawmakers can establish penalties for environmentally harmful behaviors. Consequently, fear of imprisonment or hefty fines would deter both citizens and businesses from engaging in activities that harm the environment.

In contrast to alternative approaches that address only specific environmental issues, the formulation and enforcement of laws offer a more comprehensive and enduring solution for environmental protection. For instance, if companies were aware that discharging wastewater could result in fines amounting to 50 percent of their annual profits, they would likely exercise greater self-regulation in their production processes.

2

ユーザーサンプル #2

While I acknowledge the importance of addressing air pollutioin problems, I must agree with Claire that adding taxes on air travel will just cause fin...

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26

ユーザーサンプル

While I acknowledge the importance of addressing air pollutioin problems, I must agree with Claire that adding taxes on air travel will just cause financial burden to people, instead of solving environmental issues effectively. First, adding taxes to the price of tickets will be detrimental to the development of air industry. More people have to choose other transportation means such as highways and cars, resulting in less revenue of airline companies. However, regarding the long trip, people will have no choice. Secondly, even if adding taxes to tickets price, citizens' awareness of protecting environment will not be enhanced by this way. We can take other actions to improve people's awareness on environmental protection. For instance, the government can give subsidies to people who ride bikes to work.

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有改进的空间。首先,你可以在论述中加入更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。其次,在讨论环保税对航空业发展的影响时,可以尝试从更广泛的角度来看待问题,例如探讨航空公司如何应对这种税收政策。

改进建议示例:

  1. 在讨论环保税可能导致人们选择其他交通方式时,可以提供一些数据或研究结果来证明这一观点。

  2. 在提到政府可以给骑自行车上班的人发放补贴时,可以举例说明这种政策在某些国家或地区已经实施,并取得了积极效果。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面基本合理,但仍有优化空间。首先,在引言部分可以更明确地陈述自己的观点,并简要概括文章将要讨论的几个主要方面。其次,在正文段落中,应确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点,并提供相应的支持细节。最后,在结论部分,可以简要总结文章的主要观点,并呼应引言中提出的问题。

改进建议示例:

  1. 引言部分可以这样修改:“在解决空气污染问题的过程中,虽然环保税可能是一个值得考虑的方法,但我认为这种做法并不会有效地解决环境问题。”

  2. 在正文段落中,可以加入一些过渡词或短语来帮助读者更好地理解文章结构,例如:“首先”,“其次”,“此外”等。

5. 语法批改

While I acknowledge the importance of addressing air pollutioinpollution(misspelling) problems, I must agree with Claire that adding taxes on air travel will just cause financial burden to people, instead of solving environmental issues effectively. First, adding taxes to the price of tickets will be detrimental to the development of air industry. More people have to choose other transportation means such as highways and cars, resulting in less revenue of airline companies. However, regarding the long trip, people will have no choice. Secondly, even if adding taxes to tickets price, citizens' awareness of protecting environment will not be enhanced by this way. We can take other actions to improve people's awareness on environmental protection. For instance, the government can give subsidies to people who ride bikes to work.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While addressing air pollution is undoubtedly crucial, I concur with Claire that imposing environmental taxes on air travel may primarily burden passengers without effectively tackling environmental concerns. Firstly, increasing ticket prices through additional taxes could hinder the growth of the aviation industry, as more individuals might opt for alternative transportation methods like cars and highways, leading to reduced revenue for airlines. Nonetheless, for long-distance travel, people may have limited options. Secondly, such taxes may not necessarily enhance citizens' environmental awareness. Instead, alternative measures could be employed to foster a sense of responsibility towards the environment. For example, governments could provide subsidies to those who commute by bicycle or utilize other eco-friendly modes of transportation. (119 words)

While I acknowledge the importance of addressing air pollutioin problems, pollution is undoubtedly crucial (reason: "acknowledge the importance" is a bit wordy and formal, so "undoubtedly crucial" simplifies and maintains the meaning), I must agree concur with Claire (reason: "must agree" can be replaced with "concur" for a more natural tone) that adding imposing environmental taxes on air travel will just cause financial may primarily burden to people, instead passengers without effectively tackling environmental concerns (reason: rephrased to improve clarity and flow). Firstly, increasing ticket prices through additional taxes could hinder the growth of solving the aviation industry (reason: rephrased for clarity and conciseness), as more individuals might opt for alternative transportation methods like cars and highways, leading to reduced revenue for airlines. Nonetheless, for long-distance travel, people may have limited options (reason: rephrased to improve flow). Secondly, such taxes may not necessarily enhance citizens' environmental issues effectively. First, adding taxes to the price awareness (reason: rephrased for clarity and conciseness). Instead, alternative measures could be employed to foster a sense of tickets will be detrimental to the development responsibility towards the environment (reason: rephrased to improve flow). For example, governments could provide subsidies to those who commute by bicycle or utilize other eco-friendly modes of air industry. More people have to choose other transportation means such as highways and cars, resulting in less revenue of airline companies. However, regarding the long trip, people will have no choice. Secondly, even if adding taxes to tickets price, citizens' awareness of protecting environment will not be enhanced by this way. We can take other actions to improve people's awareness on environmental protection. For instance, the government can give subsidies to people who ride bikes to work.(reason: slight rephrase for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图


- Air Pollution
    - Importance of addressing
    - Environmental taxes on air travel
        - Pros and cons
            - Burden on passengers
            - Effectiveness in tackling environmental concerns

- Aviation Industry
    - Growth hindered by increased ticket prices
    - Alternative transportation methods (cars, highways)
        - Reduced revenue for airlines
        - Limited options for long-distance travel

- Environmental Awareness
    - Taxes may not enhance awareness
    - Alternative measures to foster responsibility 
        - Subsidies for eco-friendly transportation (bicycles, etc.)

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
air pollution/ˈɛr pəˈluʃən/nouncontamination of the air by harmful substances空气污染Air pollution is a significant problem in many urban areas.
environmental tax/ɪnˌvaɪrənˈmɛntl tæks/nouna tax levied on activities that harm the environment环境税The government is considering implementing an environmental tax on air travel.
aviation industry/ˌeɪviˈeɪʃən ˈɪndəstri/nounThe economic sector dealing with air transportation航空业The aviation industry has been hit hard by the pandemic.
alternative_ /ɔlˈtɜrnətɪv/_ adjective, noun _available as another possibility or choice替代的,可供选择的She chose an alternative route to avoid traffic.
revenue/ˈrɛvənju/nounincome generated from business activities收入The company's revenue has increased significantly this year.
environmental awareness/ɪnˌvaɪrənˈmɛntl əˈwɛrnis/nounknowledge and understanding of environmental issues环境意识We need to promote environmental awareness among the public.
subsidy/ˈsʌbsədi/nounfinancial assistance provided by the government补贴The government provides subsidies for renewable energy projects.
eco-friendly/ˌikoʊˈfrɛndli/_ adjective _not harmful to the environment环保的,对环境无害的She tries to use eco-friendly products whenever possible.
commute/kəˈmjut/_ verb, noun _to travel regularly between home and work or school通勤,上下班往返路程He commutes to work by bicycle every day.
responsibility/rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪləti/_ noun _the state of being accountable for something, especially in terms of actions and decisions_责任,义务 _We all have a responsibility to protect the environment.
3

ユーザーサンプル #3

As far as I’m concerned, I believe it is a practical strategy to reduce pollution. To start with, just as Claire has pointed out, imposing higher taxe...

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28

ユーザーサンプル

As far as I’m concerned, I believe it is a practical strategy to reduce pollution. To start with, just as Claire has pointed out, imposing higher taxes can discourage companies from producing too much pollution. I’d add that this measure can raise the environmental awareness of these firms and make them consider the negative impact of their production methods. This increased awareness can lead to a shift in behavior. To be more specific, they may resort to other environmentally friendly options to avoid being taxed, since cost is a crucial factor for all businesses. For instance, they may choose to use clean energy and dispose of their wastes properly instead of discharging chemical wastes randomly. With less pollution generated by factories, our environment will improve gradually.

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

  • 28

3. 任务完成度

总体来说,这篇文章很好地完成了任务要求。你明确表达了自己的观点,并且提供了有力的论据。但是,为了使文章更加完善,你可以在论述中加入更多具体的例子和细节。例如,你可以提到一些实际的公司案例,说明他们在面临环保税后如何采取措施减少污染。

示例1:在面临环保税后,某化工企业投资研发新型废水处理技术,有效减少了污水排放。 示例2:一家造纸厂受到环保税影响后开始使用可持续森林资源,并采用回收纸张生产方法以降低对环境的负担。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。段落之间的逻辑关系也很明确。然而,在段落之间加入过渡句子可以使文章更加流畅。此外,在正文部分尝试使用主题句来引导每个段落的主要观点。

建议1:在引言部分,你可以加入一句过渡句子,如:“在这个讨论中,我将阐述为什么我认为政府应该对污染企业征收环保税。” 建议2:在正文部分,使用主题句来引导每个段落的主要观点。例如:“首先,环保税可以使企业更加关注他们的生产方式对环境造成的影响。”

5. 语法批改

As far as I’m concerned, I believe it is a practical strategy to reduce pollution. To start with, just as Claire has pointed out, imposing higher taxes can discourage companies from producing too much pollution. I’d add that this measure can raise the environmental awareness of these firms and make them consider the negative impact of their production methods. This increased awareness can lead to a shift in behavior. To be more specific, they may resort to other environmentally friendly options to avoid being taxed, since cost is a crucial factor for all businesses. For instance, they may choose to use clean energy and dispose of their wastes properly instead of discharging chemical wastes randomly. With less pollution generated by factories, our environment will improve gradually.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, implementing stricter penalties, such as higher taxes and larger fines, is an effective approach to mitigating pollution caused by companies. As Claire mentioned, these penalties can raise awareness among businesses about the environmental consequences of their operations. I would like to emphasize that this heightened awareness could potentially lead to a change in behavior. Specifically, companies may explore eco-friendly alternatives to avoid paying hefty taxes and fines, as cost efficiency is a critical factor for any business. For example, they might opt for clean energy sources and proper waste disposal methods instead of indiscriminately discharging hazardous chemicals. Consequently, a reduction in pollution from industrial sources would contribute to the gradual improvement of our environment. (122 words)

As far In my opinion, implementing stricter penalties, such as I’m concerned, I believe it is a practical strategy to reduce pollution. To start with, just as Claire has pointed out, imposing higher taxes and larger fines (revised for clarity and emphasis), is an effective approach to mitigating pollution caused by companies. As Claire mentioned (corrected for a more natural tone), these penalties can discourage companies from producing too much pollution. I’d add raise awareness among businesses about the environmental consequences of their operations (rephrased for better flow). I would like to emphasize (added for emphasis) that this measure can raise the environmental heightened awareness of these firms and make them consider the negative impact of their production methods. This increased awareness can could potentially lead to a shift change in behavior. To be more specific, they behavior (rephrased for clarity). Specifically, companies may resort to other environmentally friendly options explore eco-friendly alternatives to avoid being taxed, since paying hefty taxes and fines (revised for conciseness), as cost efficiency is a crucial critical factor for all businesses. any business (clarified meaning). For instance, example, they may choose to use might opt for clean energy sources and dispose of their wastes properly proper waste disposal methods instead of indiscriminately discharging chemical wastes randomly. With less hazardous chemicals (rephrased for better flow). Consequently, a reduction in pollution generated by factories, from industrial sources would contribute to the gradual improvement of our environment will improve gradually.(revised for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图


1. 标题: 减轻企业污染的有效方法

2. 引言: 实施更严格的惩罚措施
   2.1 提高税收
   2.2 加大罚款

3. 提高企业环保意识
   3.1 意识到环境后果
   3.2 改变行为方式

4. 寻求环保替代方案
   4.1 节约成本
   4.2 清洁能源来源
   4.3 合适的废物处理方法

5. 减少工业污染源头

6. 环境逐步改善

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
mitigate/ˈmɪtɪɡeɪt/verbmake less severe, serious, or painful减轻Implementing stricter penalties can help mitigate pollution caused by companies.
penalties/ˈpɛnəltiz/nouna punishment imposed for breaking a law or rule惩罚Stricter penalties, such as higher taxes and larger fines, can raise awareness among businesses about the environmental consequences of their operations.
awareness/əˈwernəs/nounknowledge or perception of a situation or fact意识These penalties can raise awareness among businesses about the environmental consequences of their operations.
eco-friendly/ˌikoʊˈfrɛndli/adjectivenot harmful to the environment环保的Companies may explore eco-friendly alternatives to avoid paying hefty taxes and fines.
cost efficiency/kɔst ɪˈfɪʃənsi/nounachieving the best possible result at the lowest cost成本效益Cost efficiency is a critical factor for any business.
clean energy/klin ˈɛnərdʒi/nounenergy that does not pollute the atmosphere清洁能源They might opt for clean energy sources instead of indiscriminately discharging hazardous chemicals.
waste disposal/weɪst dɪˈspoʊzəl/nounthe action or process of getting rid of waste废物处理Proper waste disposal methods can help reduce pollution from industrial sources.
hazardous/ˈhæzərdəs/adjectiveinvolving risk, especially to someone's health or safety危险的Indiscriminately discharging hazardous chemicals can cause severe pollution.
reduction/rɪˈdʌkʃən/nounthe action or fact of making something smaller or less in amount, degree, or size减少A reduction in pollution from industrial sources would contribute to the gradual improvement of our environment.
4

ユーザーサンプル #4

I personally vote Paul's opinion that using land for endangered animals is more important than for human. Claire is right when she says that human can...

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22

ユーザーサンプル

I personally vote Paul's opinion that using land for endangered animals is more important than for human. Claire is right when she says that human can make rational decisions and the needs of land because of increasing populations. But protecting our environment is more urge than anything else. Any species existing on earth has its special role. So if some species disappear, it can cause lots of environmental problems such as the increase of other species that will compete with humans. So in this case, its very bad for human being to suvive. In order to make humans' life better, we need to focus on endangered animals

評価結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

此篇文章在任务完成度方面表现一般。虽然作者表达了对环境保护的看法,但文章没有明确回应教授的问题,即“世界各地的环境状况是否可能在未来得到改善”。建议作者在文章中明确回应问题,并提供更多相关例子和细节来支持观点。

示例1: 原文:I personally vote Paul's opinion that using land for endangered animals is more important than for human. 修改:I believe that the environmental situation around the world can improve in the future, as there are positive trends and actions being taken.

示例2: 原文:Any species existing on earth has its special role. 修改:The adoption of renewable energy sources and sustainable practices in agriculture and forestry are examples of positive actions that can lead to improvements in the environmental situation.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看,这篇文章需要改进。首先,引言部分没有明确提出论点,建议在开头阐述自己的观点。其次,正文部分缺乏清晰的段落划分和过渡,建议将不同观点和论据放入不同段落,并使用过渡词连接。最后,结论部分可以总结文章的主要观点和论据。

建议1: 在引言部分明确提出自己的观点,例如:“In my opinion, the environmental situation around the world is likely to improve in the future due to several factors.”

建议2: 使用过渡词连接不同段落和观点,例如:“Firstly, the adoption of renewable energy sources is a positive trend that can lead to improvements in the environmental situation. Secondly, sustainable practices in agriculture and forestry are also contributing to environmental protection.”

5. 语法批改

I personally vote Paul's opinion that using land for endangered animals is more important than for human. Claire is right when she says that human can make rational decisions and the needs of land because of increasing populations. But protecting our environment is more urge than anything else. Any species existing on earth has its special role. So if some species disappear, it can cause lots of environmental problems such as the increase of other species that will compete with humans. So in this case, itsit's(its vs. it's) very bad for human being to suvivesurvive(misspelling). In order to make humans' life better, we need to focus on endangered animals

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I am inclined to agree with Paul's stance that prioritizing land for endangered species is more crucial than allocating it for human use. While Claire makes a valid point regarding the increasing human population and their ability to make rational decisions, the urgency of environmental protection cannot be overstated. Each species plays a unique role in maintaining ecological balance; thus, the extinction of certain species may lead to unforeseen consequences such as the proliferation of other species that could compete with humans for resources. Consequently, this would jeopardize human survival and well-being. To ensure a sustainable future for humanity, it is imperative that we focus on preserving endangered species and their habitats. (123 words)

In response to the professor's question (clarifying the context), I personally vote am inclined to agree with Paul's opinion stance (rephrasing for clarity) that using prioritizing land for endangered animals species is more important crucial than allocating it for human. human use. While Claire is right when she says that makes a valid point (acknowledging Claire's argument) regarding the increasing human can population and their ability to make rational decisions and decisions, the needs of land because of increasing populations. But protecting our environment is more urge than anything else. Any species existing on earth has its special role. So if some species disappear, it can cause lots urgency of environmental problems protection cannot be overstated (emphasizing the importance of environmental protection). Each species plays a unique role in maintaining ecological balance; thus, the extinction of certain species may lead to unforeseen consequences such as the increase proliferation of other species that will could compete with humans. So in humans for resources (explaining the potential negative effects of species extinction). Consequently, this case, its very bad would jeopardize human survival and well-being (connecting the issue to human welfare). To ensure a sustainable future for human being to suvive. In order to make humans' life better, humanity, it is imperative that we need to focus on preserving endangered animalsspecies and their habitats (concluding with a call to action).

8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Agree with Paul's stance
   - Importance of environmental protection

2. Ecological balance
   - Unique role of each species
   - Consequences of extinction

3. Human population growth
   - Claire's argument
   - Rational decisions vs. urgency of protection

4. Competition for resources
   - Proliferation of other species
   - Jeopardizing human survival and well-being

5. Sustainable future for humanity
   - Preserving endangered species and habitats 

6. Conclusion 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
prioritize/praɪˈɒrɪtaɪz/verbto give something more importance优先考虑We must prioritize the preservation of endangered species over land development for human use.
ecological/ˌiːkəˈlɒdʒɪkəl/adjectiverelating to ecology or the environment生态的The ecological balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy planet.
extinction/ɪkˈstɪŋ(k)ʃ(ə)n//noun/the state or process of being destroyed/灭绝/The extinction of certain species may lead to unforeseen consequences in the ecosystem.
proliferation/prəˌlɪfəˈreɪʃ(ə)n//noun/rapid increase in numbers/激增/The proliferation of invasive species can compete with humans for resources.
jeopardize/ˈdʒepərdaɪz//verb/to put in danger/危及/Overexploitation of natural resources may jeopardize human survival and well-being.
sustainable/səˈsteɪnəb(ə)l//adjective/able to be maintained at a certain rate/可持续的To ensure a sustainable future, we must focus on preserving endangered species and their habitats.
habitat/ˈhabɪtat/nounthe natural home or environment of an animal or plant栖息地The destruction of habitats is one of the main reasons for the decline in endangered species populations.
urgency/ˈɜːdʒ(ə)nsi/nounthe quality or state of requiring immediate action or attention紧迫性The urgency of environmental protection cannot be overstated.
unforeseen/ˌʌnfɔːrˈsiːn/adjectivenot anticipated or predicted未预见到的The extinction of certain species may lead to unforeseen consequences in the ecosystem.
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アカデミック・ディスカッションの採点方法

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関連性と貢献度

設問に的確に答え、ディスカッションに意味のある貢献をしているか?

言語使用

文法の正確さ、語彙の幅、文構造の質。

展開と裏付け

具体例と明確な論理によってアイデアが十分に展開されているか?

回答に見られる共通パターン

このタスクに寄せられたユーザー投稿の分析に基づき、受験者の回答に見られる共通パターンを紹介します。

多くの受験者は明確な意見を述べるものの、具体的な裏付け例が不足している。

高評価の回答は、リーディングパッセージや他の参加者の意見に直接言及している。

高得点の回答は、多様な文構造とアカデミックな語彙を使用している。

時間配分は重要な要素であり、急いで書かれた印象の回答は展開の評価が低くなる傾向がある。

学習のヒント

1

書き始める前に設問文を注意深く読み、質問のすべての要素を把握する。

2

回答の中でリーディングパッセージや他の受験者の意見に言及する。

3

主張を裏付けるために具体例を使い、一般論は避ける。

4

120~150語を目安にする。長い回答が必ずしも良いわけではなく、明確さと焦点の方が重要。

5

本番同様の条件で流暢さを養うため、時間を計って(10分間)回答する練習をする。

よくある質問

TOEFLのAcademic Discussionタスクとは何ですか?
TOEFLのAcademic Discussionタスクでは、オンラインの授業ディスカッションに参加することが求められます。教授の質問と他の学生の回答を読んだ上で、約10分以内に自分の意見を述べ、それを裏付ける投稿を作成します。
Academic Discussionタスクはどのように採点されますか?
このタスクは0〜5点の尺度で採点され、ディスカッションとの関連性、言語使用の質(文法、語彙、文構造)、そして具体的な例と論理的な根拠を用いてどれだけ考えを展開・裏付けできているかが評価基準となります。
このページに表示されているユーザーサンプルとは何ですか?
これらは、LingoLeap上でこの問題を練習した実際のTOEFL受験者から提出された回答です。各サンプルは当社のAI採点エンジンによって評価されており、スコアと、強みや改善点に関する詳細なフィードバックが提供されます。
AI評価の精度はどの程度ですか?
LingoLeapのAI評価エンジンは、ETSの公式採点基準をもとにトレーニングされ、人間の採点者のスコアと照合して調整されています。自動採点システムに完璧なものはありませんが、練習用として信頼できるフィードバックを提供し、具体的な改善点を特定するのに役立ちます。
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Academic Discussionの回答はどのくらいの長さにすべきですか?
120〜150語を目安にしてください。このタスクでは回答を書くための時間が10分与えられます。より長い回答を書くことよりも、明確さ、具体的な例による意見の裏付け、ディスカッションの文脈への言及を重視してください。

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