TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: our professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，尽管你提到了环境保护的重要性，但你的观点可以更加具体和详细。例如，你可以详细说明骑自行车如何减少空气污染以及保护森林对环境保护的重要性。此外，在语法和用词方面也需要注意。尝试使用更准确和恰当的词汇，并确保句子结构正确。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of writing "people should reduce to take the transportations that contribute to environment contemination," you could write "people should minimize the use of transportation methods that contribute to environmental contamination."

改进示例2（英文）： Instead of writing "individuals should also proteact the land and forests," you could write "individuals should also protect land and forests by supporting conservation efforts and sustainable land management practices."

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，这篇文章可以更加清晰和有条理。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论，但各段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。为了提高文章的连贯性，你可以在段落之间添加过渡句子，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体观点。

改进示例1（英文）： You could add a transition sentence between the paragraphs discussing transportation and buying locally grown foods, such as "Another way individuals can help the environment is by making conscious choices about the food they consume."

改进示例2（英文）： To improve the organization of your essay, you could restructure it to have one paragraph discussing personal actions (e.g., using bicycles and buying local food) and another paragraph discussing community actions (e.g., protecting forests and supporting sustainable land management).

5. 语法批改

The topic of environment protection has generated much discussion in recent years. My personal belief is that people should reduce to take the transportations that contribute to environment conteminationcontamination(misspelling) such as taking cars and airport. InsteadlyInstead(misspelling), individuals can ride byciclesbicycles(misspelling) as alternatives, which could lead to reducing the amoutabout(misspelling) of air pollution. I totally agree with the Paul's idea about buying locally grown foods, and I would like to add that individuals should also proteactprotect(misspelling) the land and forests. Because forest can not only provide home to many species but also good for environment. Forests can absorb carbon dioxide and release oxigenoxygen(misspelling), witchwhich(Detects potentially wrong usage of "witch" instead of "which") has a great significant to envirenmentenvironment(misspelling) protection.

Title: 6 Article Revision

Environmental protection has become a pressing issue in recent years, and I believe that individuals can play a significant role in mitigating environmental degradation. One effective approach is to reduce the use of transportation methods that contribute to pollution, such as cars and airplanes. Opting for eco-friendly alternatives like bicycles can substantially decrease air pollution levels. I concur with Paul's suggestion of purchasing locally grown, organic foods, and would like to emphasize the importance of preserving land and forests. Forests not only serve as habitats for numerous species but also play a crucial role in maintaining ecological balance. By absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen, forests significantly contribute to environmental protection efforts. (116 words)

Title: 7 Article Revision

The topic of environment environmental protection has generated much discussion in recent years. years (rephrased for clarity). My personal belief is that people should reduce to take the transportations their use of transportation methods that contribute to environment contemination environmental contamination (corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity), such as taking cars and airport. Insteadly, airplanes (clarified). Instead, individuals can ride bycicles bicycles as alternatives, alternatives (corrected spelling and removed unnecessary word), which could lead to reducing the amout amount of air pollution. pollution (corrected spelling). I totally agree with the Paul's idea about buying locally grown foods, and I would like to add that individuals should also proteact protect the land and forests. forests (corrected spelling). Because forest forests can not only provide home homes to many species but also are good for environment. the environment (rephrased for clarity). Forests can absorb carbon dioxide and release oxigen, witch oxygen, which has a great significant significance to envirenment protection.environmental protection (corrected spelling and rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

1. Environmental protection
   - Pressing issue
   - Individual responsibility

2. Transportation methods
   - Pollution contributors: cars, airplanes
   - Eco-friendly alternatives: bicycles

3. Local, organic foods
   - Paul's suggestion
   - Importance of preserving land and forests

4. Forests' role in ecology
   - Habitats for species
   - Maintaining ecological balance
   - Absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen 

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了题目要求，表达了作者的观点并对讨论做出了贡献。但是，文章在论述方面还有待加强。建议在阐述观点时提供更多具体的例子和详细信息，以增强说服力。此外，在语言运用和语法方面也有一些不足之处，需要注意避免出现表达不清或者语法错误。

改进示例1： Instead of "the airline system has become the optimal choice of most residents because they have to," you can write "the airline system has become the optimal choice for most residents due to its efficiency and convenience compared to other transportation options."

改进示例2： Instead of "the revenue should be payed by airline company but not the travelers," you can write "the responsibility for reducing air pollution should fall on the airline companies, not on the passengers through additional taxes."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上是清晰的，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落划分和过渡方面还有待改进。建议在写作时注意段落间的逻辑关系，确保每个段落都有明确的主题句和支持细节。同时，使用恰当的过渡词和短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

改进示例1： You can start a new paragraph with "As a result, the airline system has become the optimal choice of most residents because they have to," to separate the discussion of transportation options from the main argument against environmental taxes.

改进示例2： Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas, such as "However, imposing environmental taxes on air travel may not be the best solution" before explaining your viewpoint.

5. 语法批改

In response to the professor’s question regarding whetherwhether you(if (we/they/you) need something) should be an environmental tax on airline. I am inclined to prioritize not to do so, since the air travel is beis being(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) of great significance in the public transportation system, and the travelers have no other options available. In my country, even though an enormous, well-developed railway system has developed, it will not be the most effective way in a long distance owning to the huge acreage of China. For instance, the time in need of the transportation from Hohhot, Inner Mongolia to Chongqing is about 32 hours ifif you(if (we/they/you) need something) make advantage of train. And that is not only a waste of time but also a torture because the train is not as comfortable as airplane. As a result, the airline system has become the optimal choice of most residents because they have to, and the punishment by charging tax will be an unnecessary punishment toward them. Thus, it is not the candid measure form an aspect of resident, and the revenue should be payedpaid(payed (paid)) by airline company but not the travelers.

Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to Dr. Achebe's question about implementing an environmental tax on air travel, I personally believe that it may not be the most effective solution, primarily due to the essential role of air travel in the public transportation system and the lack of viable alternatives for passengers.

In my country, despite having an extensive and well-developed railway system, it is often not the most efficient mode of transportation for long distances due to China's vast land area. For example, traveling from Hohhot in Inner Mongolia to Chongqing by train takes approximately 32 hours. This lengthy journey is not only time-consuming but also uncomfortable compared to air travel.

Consequently, air travel has become the preferred choice for many residents out of necessity rather than preference. Imposing an environmental tax on passengers would essentially punish them for using a service they have little choice but to utilize. Instead of targeting travelers with additional taxes, a more equitable approach would be to hold airline companies accountable for their environmental impact and require them to invest in greener technologies and practices. (182 words)

In response to the professor’s Dr. Achebe's question regarding whether should be about implementing an environmental tax on airline. air travel (clarified the context and specified who asked the question), I am inclined to prioritize personally believe that it may not to do so, since the air travel is be of great significance the most effective solution, primarily due to the essential role of air travel in the public transportation system, and the travelers have no other options available. system (improved phrasing) and the lack of viable alternatives for passengers.

In my country, even though an enormous, despite having an extensive and well-developed railway system has developed, system, it will is often not be the most effective way efficient mode of transportation for long distances due to China's vast land area (rephrased for clarity). For example, traveling from Hohhot in a long distance owning to the huge acreage of China. For instance, the time in need of the transportation from Hohhot, Inner Mongolia to Chongqing is about by train takes approximately 32 hours if make advantage of train. And that hours. This lengthy journey is not only a waste of time time-consuming but also a torture because the train is not as comfortable as airplane. uncomfortable compared to air travel (improved sentence structure).

As a result, the airline system Consequently, air travel has become the optimal preferred choice of most for many residents because out of necessity rather than preference (clarified reasoning). Imposing an environmental tax on passengers would essentially punish them for using a service they have to, and the punishment by charging tax will little choice but to utilize (rephrased for clarity). Instead of targeting travelers with additional taxes, a more equitable approach would be an unnecessary punishment toward them. Thus, it is not the candid measure form an aspect of resident, and the revenue should be payed by to hold airline company but not the travelers.companies accountable for their environmental impact and require them to invest in greener technologies and practices (suggested an alternative solution).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Environmental tax on air travel
   - Not the most effective solution

2. Essential role of air travel
   - Public transportation system
   - Lack of viable alternatives

3. Railway system in China
   - Extensive and well-developed
   - Not efficient for long distances

4. Example: Hohhot to Chongqing
   - 32-hour train journey
   - Time-consuming and uncomfortable

5. Air travel as a necessity
   - Preferred choice for many residents

6. Environmental tax consequences 
   - Punishing passengers with little choice 

7. Alternative approach 
   - Hold airline companies accountable 

8. Greener technologies and practices 
   - Investment by airline companies 

9 关键词