TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business.Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了题目要求，表达了作者对于购物场所的看法，并举例说明。但是，文章在语言运用和语法方面有待提高。建议在练习写作时多注意词汇和句式的多样性，同时避免使用重复的词汇。

示例1（改进前）：From my perspective, Kelly is right when she says that it's more benefits to shop in the small local stores for consumers in many ways. 示例1（改进后）：In my opinion, Kelly makes a valid point by stating that shopping at small local stores offers numerous advantages for consumers.

示例2（改进前）：So my parents will go to the large store rather than the small store. 示例2（改进后）：Thus, my parents prefer shopping at superstores over small shops.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构与组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上条理清晰，包括了引言、正文和结论。但是，在段落划分和过渡方面还有提升空间。建议在写作时注意使用恰当的过渡词汇和句式，使文章更加连贯。

示例1（改进前）：In the contrary, I deem that not every customers focus on the services which the store gave. 示例1（改进后）：On the other hand, I believe that not all customers prioritize the services provided by stores.

示例2（改进前）：Hence, I argue that it's more benefit for people to shop at superstores. 示例2（改进后）：Therefore, I contend that shopping at superstores is more advantageous for people.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, Kelly is right when she says that it's more benefits to shop in the small local stores for consumers in many ways. The small store often offeroffers(The dog always bark(s) at me) better services than large stores. In the contrary, I deem that not every customersall customers('each' or 'every' with plural nouns) focus on the services which the store gave. Instead, they prefer to buy all the things in once time. I am of the opinion that the large stores always have different products and can satisfy people's needs. For example, My family usually need to buy a long list of products every weekend. Besides, we are very busy. So my parents will go to the large store rather than the small store. In this way, they can buy all the things very quickly, and they won't forget to buy something or need to go to theto(Detects potentially wrong usage of "to the") another store to buy the goods they need. They will save lots of timetime,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which they will use to do some things they like, like watching movies and so on. Hence, I argue that it's more benefit for people to shop at superstores.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, Kelly raises a valid point regarding the benefits of shopping at small local stores for consumers, as they often provide superior services compared to large stores. However, I believe that not all customers prioritize the level of service provided by a store. Many prefer the convenience of purchasing all their items in one place. Large stores typically offer a diverse range of products that cater to various needs. For instance, my family usually has an extensive list of items to purchase every weekend, and due to our busy schedules, my parents opt for large stores over smaller ones. This approach allows them to acquire everything they need quickly without having to visit multiple shops or risk forgetting any essential items. Consequently, they save time which can be spent on leisure activities such as watching movies. Therefore, I contend that shopping at superstores is more advantageous for people in certain situations. (158 words)

From In my perspective, opinion, Kelly is right when she says that it's more raises a valid point (clarification) regarding the benefits to shop in the of shopping at small local stores for consumers in many ways. The small store consumers, as they often offer better provide superior services than (word choice) compared to large stores. In the contrary, However, I deem believe that not all customers prioritize (word choice) the level of service provided by a store. Many prefer the convenience of purchasing all their items in one place (rephrasing). Large stores typically offer a diverse range of products (word choice) that cater to various needs. For instance, my family usually has an extensive list of items to purchase every customers focus on the services which the store gave. Instead, they prefer weekend, and due to buy all the things in once time. I am of the opinion that the our busy schedules, my parents opt for large stores always have different products and can satisfy people's needs. For example, My family usually over smaller ones (rephrasing). This approach allows them to acquire everything they need quickly without having to buy a long list of products every weekend. Besides, we are very busy. So my parents will go to the large store rather than the small store. In this way, visit multiple shops or risk forgetting any essential items (rephrasing). Consequently, they can buy all the things very quickly, and they won't forget to buy something or need to go to the another store to buy the goods they need. They will save lots of time which they will use to do some things they like, like can be spent on leisure activities such as watching movies and so on. Hence, (rephrasing). Therefore, I argue contend that it's shopping at superstores is more benefit advantageous for people to shop at superstores.in certain situations (conclusion rephrasing).

Title: 8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
  - Introduction
    - Benefits of shopping at small local stores
    - Superior services compared to large stores
  - Counterargument
    - Not all customers prioritize service level
    - Convenience of purchasing all items in one place
  - Example
    - Family's extensive shopping list
    - Busy schedules lead to preference for large stores
  - Conclusion
    - Shopping at superstores more advantageous in certain situations

- Points of Lecture
  - Small local stores vs. large stores
  - Customer priorities and preferences
  - Time-saving and convenience factors 

Title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

你的文章基本上满足了任务要求，但在语言使用和语法方面还有一些需要改进的地方。例如，有些句子结构不够清晰，有时候使用了不恰当的词汇。为了提高你的写作水平，建议你多加练习，并注意避免这些错误。

示例1（原文）：While I acknowledge points both mentioned by Claire and Paul... 改进后：While I acknowledge the points mentioned by both Claire and Paul...

示例2（原文）：...which refers to a person that able to envision the figuration of future with provided situation and evidence. 改进后：...which refers to a person who is able to envision the future based on the given situation and evidence.

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看，你的文章整体上表现不错。然而，在引入观点和过渡句子方面还有待加强。建议在写作时更加注重段落之间的衔接，并确保每个段落都有明确的主题句。

示例1（原文）：Hence, in order not to compromise people's health goals Coca-Cola company launched Diet Coke... 改进后：To address this issue and cater to people's health goals, the Coca-Cola company launched Diet Coke...

示例2（原文）：Therefore, observe the present market state can bring us many ideas and thoughts that help us to create future by our own hand. 改进后：Therefore, observing the current market trends can provide valuable insights and ideas that can help shape a successful business venture.

5. Grammar

While I acknowledge points both mentioned by Claire and Paul，IPauli(misspelling) think the most imperative trait to become a distinguished enterpriserenterprise(misspelling) is totoo(to/two (too) late/soon/much) observant, which refers to a person that able to envision the figuration of future with provided situation and evidence. Nowadays, the business field is filled with fierce competition, and there is only one way which leads to successful trade. Only when a person discovers what way to go and plays it by ear can gain enormous proceeds. For example, in hot summersummer,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) so many people selling sweet beverages. These drinks containscontain(Possible agreement error: plural noun + singular verb) additives that harmful for human's body and might cause obesity if not properly consumed. Hence, in order to not toto not(to also (to) go) compromise people's health goalsgoals,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) Coca-Cola company launched Diet Coke that meets the communities' health needs while gaining tremendous profits. Therefore, observe the present market state can bring us many ideas and thoughts that help us to create future by our own hand.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, while I recognize the importance of capital and management skills as mentioned by Claire and Paul, I believe that being observant is the most crucial trait for a successful entrepreneur. Being observant entails the ability to envision future developments based on current situations and evidence. In today's highly competitive business landscape, identifying unique opportunities is key to achieving success. An entrepreneur who can accurately assess market conditions and adapt accordingly stands to reap substantial rewards.

For instance, consider the prevalence of sugary beverages during hot summers. These drinks often contain additives harmful to human health and may contribute to obesity if consumed excessively. Recognizing this issue, Coca-Cola introduced Diet Coke to cater to health-conscious consumers while still generating significant profits. This example illustrates how keen observation of market trends can inspire innovative ideas that pave the way for entrepreneurial success. (149 words)

Title: 7 文章批改

While I acknowledge points both mentioned by Claire and Paul，I Paul, I think the most imperative trait to become a distinguished enterpriser (entrepreneur) is to be observant, which refers to a person that able (who is able) to envision the figuration (shape) of the future with provided situation and evidence. Nowadays, the business field is filled with fierce competition, and there is only one way which leads to successful trade. trade (success). Only when a person discovers what way to go and plays it by ear can gain enormous proceeds. proceeds (profits). For example, in hot summer so many people selling sweet beverages. These drinks contains additives that harmful for human's body (are harmful to human health) and might cause obesity if not properly consumed. Hence, in order to not to compromise people's health goals Coca-Cola company launched Diet Coke that meets the communities' health needs while gaining tremendous profits. Therefore, observe (observing) the present market state can bring us many ideas and thoughts that help us to create future by our own hand.hand (shape our own future).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   a. Importance of capital and management skills
   b. Observant as the most crucial trait

2. Definition of being observant
   a. Envision future developments
   b. Identify unique opportunities

3. Competitive business landscape
   a. Assess market conditions
   b. Adapt accordingly

4. Example: Coca-Cola and Diet Coke
   a. Prevalence of sugary beverages
   b. Health concerns and obesity issues
   c. Catering to health-conscious consumers

5. Conclusion
   a. Keen observation of market trends
   b. Innovative ideas for entrepreneurial success 

9 关键词