TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: question Your professor is teaching a class on business. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

28. 3 任务完成度

整体而言，你的文章完成了任务要求，表达了自己的观点，并对讨论做出了贡献。但是，为了更好地提高文章质量，你可以尝试在论证过程中提供更多具体的例子和细节。此外，在语言使用和语法方面，虽然没有明显的错误，但可以尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句式结构。

改进示例1： 原文：Being accessible to different food options like coffee bars, ice-cream stores, and snack stations, employees can enjoy different delicious food every day, which makes them appreciated and relaxed. 改进后：By providing access to a variety of food options such as coffee bars, ice cream parlors, and snack stations within the workplace, employees can enjoy diverse and delicious meals daily, contributing to a sense of appreciation and relaxation.

改进示例2： 原文：When the company offers free courses for employees, employees are able to master new skills. 改进后：When companies provide free training courses for their employees, it enables them to acquire new skills that can enhance their professional development.

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每个段落都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，为了使文章更加连贯，可以在段落之间添加更明确的过渡词或短语。

改进建议1： 在第一段和第二段之间，可以添加一个过渡句子，例如：“除了安德鲁提到的公司位置因素外，克莱尔的观点也值得关注。”

改进建议2： 在正文段落中，可以使用过渡词汇来引导新的观点，例如：“此外”、“然而”或“同样地”。这将有助于使文章更加流畅和连贯。

5. 语法批改

While I can see Andrew's perspective that a company's location is the most efficient way to attract potential employees, I concur with Claire's viewpoint that to attract more employees, the company should provide more opportunities and choices for the employees. As mentioned by Claire, variable food options provided by the company can attract more employees. Being accessible to different food options like coffee bars, ice-cream stores, and snack stations, employees can enjoy different delicious food every day, which makes them appreciated and relaxed, being more efficient when going back to work. Without these various options, they may feel bored and tired of the same food, losing enthusiasm for the company. Apart from what Claire has mentioned, I add that with new advanced skills and courses taught, employees are more willing to work in this company. When the company offers free courses for employees, employees are able to master new skills, like time-management skills, social interaction skills, and expertise skills, reaching a sense of confidence and fulfillment, so they can work harder and enjoy the atmosphere of the company.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While I understand Andrew's perspective that a company's location is an efficient way to attract potential employees, I concur with Claire's viewpoint that offering additional opportunities and choices for employees is crucial. As Claire mentioned, providing diverse food options can be quite appealing. By having access to various amenities such as coffee bars, ice-cream stores, and snack stations, employees can enjoy a range of delicious options daily, fostering a sense of appreciation and relaxation. This ultimately leads to increased efficiency when returning to work. In the absence of such variety, employees may become bored and disenchanted with the monotony of their meals, consequently losing enthusiasm for the company.

In addition to Claire's suggestions, I propose that companies invest in advanced training and skill development courses for their employees. By offering free courses on topics such as time management, social interaction skills, and specialized expertise, employees can acquire new abilities and gain a sense of confidence and fulfillment. This personal growth will not only motivate them to work harder but also create an enjoyable atmosphere within the company. (182 words)

While I can see understand Andrew's perspective (clarification: acknowledging the opposing viewpoint) that a company's location is the most an efficient way to attract potential employees, I concur with Claire's viewpoint (clarification: stating agreement with another viewpoint) that to attract more employees, the company should provide more offering additional opportunities and choices for the employees. employees is crucial. As Claire mentioned by Claire, variable (clarification: referencing the source of the idea), providing diverse food options provided by the company can attract more employees. Being accessible to different food options like be quite appealing. By having access to various amenities such as coffee bars, ice-cream stores, and snack stations, employees can enjoy different a range of delicious options daily (clarification: explaining the benefits of diverse food every day, which makes them appreciated and relaxed, being more efficient options), fostering a sense of appreciation and relaxation. This ultimately leads to increased efficiency when going back to work. Without these various options, they returning to work (clarification: connecting the benefits to work performance). In the absence of such variety, employees may feel become bored and tired of the same food, disenchanted with the monotony of their meals, consequently losing enthusiasm for the company. Apart from what Claire has mentioned, company (clarification: explaining potential negative effects).

In addition to Claire's suggestions (transition: building upon previous ideas), I add propose that with new companies invest in advanced skills and training and skill development courses taught, employees are more willing to work in this company. When the company offers for their employees. By offering free courses for employees, employees are able to master new skills, like time-management skills, on topics such as time management, social interaction skills, and specialized expertise skills, reaching (examples: providing specific course topics), employees can acquire new abilities and gain a sense of confidence and fulfillment, so they can fulfillment. This personal growth will not only motivate them to work harder and enjoy the but also create an enjoyable atmosphere of the company.within the company (conclusion: summarizing the overall benefits).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - Andrew观点：公司地理位置
   - Claire观点：提供更多机会和选择

2. 多样化的食物选择
   - 咖啡吧、冰淇淋店、零食站等
   - 提高员工满意度和效率

3. 培训和技能发展课程
   - 时间管理、社交互动技巧、专业知识等
   - 提高员工信心和成就感，创造愉快的氛围

9 关键词