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TOEFL TPO 17 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

真實考生作答範例,搭配 AI 評分與回饋

目前有 173 篇考生投稿範例

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題型概述

Doctor Achebe

Next, we’ll be discussing the future of higher education, focusing on proposals for making postsecondary education (education after high school) more efficient and more accessible. One such proposal is to make class attendance optional. For instance, under an optional-attendance policy, university students could choose not to attend classes but instead study the course materials and acquire the knowledge on their own time. Their grade would then be based entirely on exams or papers. What are your thoughts on this approach?

Claire

I like the idea of optional attendance. University students have a lot going on, and sometimes it’s difficult to make it to class. As long as students are held accountable for the information they’re supposed to learn, I don’t see why they should have to attend every class session, especially for classes that meet multiple times a week.

Andrew

I have to disagree with Claire. I think that class attendance policies foster another important kind of accountability. They teach discipline and responsibility. Many of the jobs that university or trade school students will pursue after graduation have their own attendance policies, so students should see class attendance as good preparation for entering the workforce.

考生範例與評分結果

1

考生範例 #1

Although Andrew make a valid points about the benefits of the attendence polices, I would like to regard the optional-sttendance a better strategy, as...

分數
26

考生範例

Although Andrew make a valid points about the benefits of the attendence polices, I would like to regard the optional-sttendance a better strategy, as it provides more freedom to students and it's not necessary to attend every class. I concur with Claire's view that it solve the university students' problem on attend all lessons by making it optional and providing sufficient course material. The teaching style of university, which basically is listening to a lecture, is not fit for every single person. Lots of person can apply better effiency of studing by reading materials on their own. If they met problems or there are acquried group works, they can still go on class as it's volunteered. Furthermore, I understand that Andrew believes the attendance policy let students perpared for future career, however, I am convinced that there are still numerous jobs that have more flexibility. Lot of companies nowadays, especially on the bussiness or financial field, don't impose their employees to certain attendancy. It is their working effieciency and ability that is most considerable criteria.

評分結果

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

26. 3.任务完成度

整体而言,这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错,表达了作者对于可选出勤政策的支持,并给出了一些理由。然而,为了更好地完成任务,建议在以下方面进行改进:

  1. 在论述观点时,可以提供更具体的例子或数据来支持观点。

  2. 注意语法和词汇的准确性,避免使用不恰当的词汇。

示例1:为了支持自己的观点,可以添加一些具体的例子。例如,在提到许多公司对员工有较高的灵活性时,可以列举一些知名公司(如谷歌、脸书等)实行弹性工作制度的例子。

示例2:在语法和词汇方面进行修改。例如,“Lots of person can apply better effiency of studing by reading materials on their own.” 可以修改为 "Many students can achieve better study efficiency by reviewing materials independently."

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构基本清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在组织上还有改进空间。建议在以下方面进行改进:

  1. 在引言部分,可以更明确地表达自己的观点,以便引导读者。

  2. 在正文部分,尽量保持一个段落只讨论一个观点,并在段落之间使用过渡词或短语。

示例1:在引言部分更明确地表达观点。例如,可以将 "I would like to regard the optional-sttendance a better strategy" 修改为 "I firmly believe that optional attendance is a more effective strategy for higher education."

示例2:在正文部分使用过渡词。例如,在第二段和第三段之间,可以添加一个过渡句子,如 "While Andrew's concerns about discipline and responsibility are valid, it is important to consider the changing nature of the workforce."

  1. 语法批改

Although Andrew makemakes(Subject-verb agreement error after conjunction) a valid pointsa valid point(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) about the benefits of the attendenceattendance(misspelling) polices, I would like to regard the optional-sttendance[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling) a better strategy, as it provides more freedom to students and, and(comma between independent clauses) it's not necessary to attend every class.

I concur with Claire's view that it solve the university students' problem onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) attend all lessons by making it optional and providing sufficient course material. The teaching style of university, which basically is listening to a lecture, is not fit for every single person. Lots of personLots of people(Possible agreement error: 'lots/plenty of' + singular countable noun) can apply better effiencyefficiency(misspelling) of studingstudying(misspelling) by reading materials on their own. If they met problems or there are acquriedacquired(misspelling) group works, they can still go on class as it's volunteered.

Furthermore, I understand that Andrew believes the attendance policy let students perparedprepared(misspelling) for future career, however, I am convinced that there are still numerous jobs that have more flexibility. Lot of companies nowadays, especially on the bussinessbusiness(Checks for wrong words/phrases) or financial field, don't impose their employees to certain attendancyattendance(misspelling). It is their working effieciencyefficiency(misspelling) and ability that is mostthe most(missing article before 'BE + MOST + ADJECTIVE + NOUN') considerable criteria.

6.文章修订

Although Andrew presents valid points regarding the benefits of attendance policies, I firmly believe that optional attendance is a more effective strategy for higher education, as it provides greater flexibility to students and acknowledges that attending every class may not be necessary.

I concur with Claire's view that optional attendance can alleviate the pressure on university students to attend all sessions by providing comprehensive course materials. The traditional lecture-based teaching style may not suit every individual. Many students can achieve better study efficiency by reviewing materials independently. If they encounter difficulties or need to participate in group work, they can still attend classes voluntarily.

Furthermore, while Andrew argues that attendance policies prepare students for future careers, it is essential to consider the changing nature of the workforce. Numerous jobs today, particularly in business and finance sectors, offer increased flexibility to employees. Companies such as Google and Facebook implement flexible work arrangements, emphasizing efficiency and ability over strict attendance requirements.

By adopting an optional attendance policy, higher education institutions can cater to diverse learning styles and better prepare students for the evolving professional landscape. (184 words)

7.文章批改

Although Andrew make presents valid points regarding the benefits of attendance policies (changed "make a valid points about the benefits of the attendence polices, about" to "presents valid points regarding" for clarity and conciseness), I would like to regard the optional-sttendance firmly believe that optional attendance is a better strategy, more effective strategy for higher education (corrected "optional-sttendance" to "optional attendance"), as it provides more freedom to students and it's greater flexibility to students and acknowledges that attending every class may not be necessary to attend every class. (rephrased for clarity).

I concur with Claire's view that it solve the optional attendance can alleviate the pressure on university students' problem on students to attend all lessons sessions by making it optional and providing sufficient comprehensive course material. materials (rephrased for clarity). The traditional lecture-based teaching style of university, which basically is listening to a lecture, is may not fit for suit every single person. Lots of person can apply individual. Many students can achieve better effiency of studing study efficiency by reading reviewing materials on their own. independently (corrected grammar and word choice). If they met problems encounter difficulties or there are acquried need to participate in group works, work, they can still go on class attend classes voluntarily (rephrased for clarity).

Furthermore, while Andrew argues that attendance policies prepare students for future careers, it is essential to consider the changing nature of the workforce (added transition and rephrased for clarity). Numerous jobs today, particularly in business and finance sectors, offer increased flexibility to employees. Companies such as it's volunteered. ¶ Furthermore, I understand that Andrew believes the attendance policy let students perpared for future career, however, I am convinced that there are still numerous jobs that have more flexibility. Lot of companies nowadays, especially on the bussiness or financial field, don't impose their employees to certain attendancy. It is their working effieciency Google and Facebook implement flexible work arrangements, emphasizing efficiency and ability that is most considerable criteria.over strict attendance requirements (provided specific examples and rephrased for clarity).

By adopting an optional attendance policy, higher education institutions can cater to diverse learning styles and better prepare students for the evolving professional landscape (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

8.思维导图

  • Introduction

    • Optional attendance
    • Flexibility
  • Claire's view

    • Alleviate pressure
    • Comprehensive course materials
  • Lecture-based teaching style

    • Independent study
    • Voluntary class attendance
  • Changing workforce

    • Business and finance sectors
    • Flexible work arrangements (Google, Facebook)
  • Conclusion

    • Diverse learning styles
    • Evolving professional landscape

9.关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
optional/ˈɒpʃənəl/adjectiveAvailable to be chosen but not obligatory可选择的Students can choose between optional and mandatory courses.
alleviate/əˈliːvi.eɪt/verbTo make something bad such as pain or problems less severe减轻The new policy will alleviate the pressure on students to attend every class.
comprehensive/kɒm.prɪˈhen.sɪv/adjectiveComplete and including everything that is necessary全面的The university provides comprehensive course materials for students who prefer independent study.
lecture-based/ˈlek.tʃər.beɪst/adjectiveA teaching method that primarily involves a teacher giving lectures以讲座为主的Some students find lecture-based teaching styles less effective than interactive learning.
flexibility/flɛksɪˈbɪlɪti/nounThe quality of being able to change or be changed easily灵活性Flexibility in the workplace is becoming increasingly important for modern professionals.
workforce/ˈwɜːk.fɔːs/nounThe group of people who work in a company, industry, or country劳动力The changing nature of the workforce requires new approaches to education and training.
diverse/daɪˈvɜrs/adjectiveShowing a great deal of variety; very different多样的Higher education institutions should cater to diverse learning styles.
evolving/ɪˈvɒlv.ɪŋ/adjectiveDeveloping gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form不断发展的Universities must adapt to the evolving professional landscape.
professional/prəˈfeʃənəl/adjectiveRelating to work that needs special training or education专业的Optional attendance policies can better prepare students for their professional careers.
landscape/ˈlænd.skeɪp/nounA particular area of activity and all the features or aspects of it格局,领域The technological landscape is constantly changing, requiring new skills and knowledge.
2

考生範例 #2

Admittedly, Andrew offers an valid point that the attendance means a lot according to our academic situation. However, I am inclined to agree with th...

分數
25

考生範例

Admittedly, Andrew offers an valid point that the attendance means a lot according to our academic situation. However, I am inclined to agree with the proposal as far as efficiency and personal development. The class attendance to many talented students means little and it prevent them from to spare time to engage in other beneficial activities. They may take part in a volunteer job and learn whatever they are interested in if they are not required to attend the course. Besides, the contents of the course may at varies level of hardship to individuals, and the leaning methods also diverse from person to person, therefore it is more efficient for every us the students to learn by themselves, since they can also achieve great academic performance in their own appropriate way. In conclusion, the benefit it brings far outweigh the drawbacks and make it a viable strategy.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回应教授的问题方面做得很好,但是在论述和语言使用方面还有待提高。建议在论证观点时提供更具体的例子和细节,以增强说服力。此外,注意改进语法错误和词汇运用。

示例1: 原文:The class attendance to many talented students means little and it prevent them from to spare time to engage in other beneficial activities. 修改:For many talented students, class attendance is not as important, and making it optional would allow them to allocate their time for other beneficial activities.

示例2: 原文:the contents of the course may at varies level of hardship to individuals, and the leaning methods also diverse from person to person 修改:The difficulty level of course content may vary for individuals, and learning methods can also differ from person to person.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本合理,但可以进一步优化。建议在引入观点时使用更明确的过渡词,并确保每个段落都有一个中心思想。同时,在段落之间加入过渡句子,使文章更连贯。

示例1: 原文:Admittedly, Andrew offers an valid point that the attendance means a lot according to our academic situation. However, I am inclined to agree with the proposal as far as efficiency and personal development. 修改:Although Andrew makes a valid point about the importance of attendance in an academic setting, I believe that optional attendance would be more beneficial for efficiency and personal development.

示例2: 原文:In conclusion, the benefit it brings far outweigh the drawbacks and make it a viable strategy. 修改:In conclusion, the benefits of optional attendance far outweigh its drawbacks, making it a viable strategy for improving higher education.

5. 语法批改

Admittedly, Andrew offers ana(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') valid point that the attendance means a lot (Two consecutive spaces)according to our academic situation. However, I am inclined to agree with the proposal as far as efficiency and personal development. The class attendance to many talented students means little and, and(comma between independent clauses) it preventprevents('it' + non-3rd person verb) them from to spare time to engage in other beneficial activities. They may take part in a volunteer job and learn whatever they are interested in if they are not required to attend the course. Besides, the contents of the course may at varies level of hardship to individuals, and the leaning methods also diverse from person to person, therefore it is more efficient for every usis(Detects potentially wrong usage of "us" instead of "is") the students to learn by themselves, since they can also achieve great academic performance in their own appropriate way. In conclusion, the benefit it brings far outweigh the drawbacks and make it a viable strategy.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

While Andrew raises a valid point regarding the importance of attendance in an academic setting, I find myself leaning towards the proposal for optional class attendance in the context of efficiency and personal development. For many talented students, mandatory attendance may hinder their ability to allocate time for other beneficial activities, such as volunteering or pursuing personal interests. Furthermore, course content and difficulty levels vary among individuals, as do learning methods. Allowing students to learn at their own pace and through their preferred approach can lead to improved academic performance. Ultimately, the advantages of optional attendance appear to outweigh its drawbacks, rendering it a viable strategy for enhancing higher education accessibility and effectiveness. (117 words)

Admittedly, While Andrew offers an raises a valid point that (revised for clarity and natural tone) regarding the importance of attendance means a lot according to our in an academic situation. However, setting, I am inclined to agree with find myself leaning towards the proposal as far as for optional class attendance (rephrased for better flow) in the context of efficiency and personal development. The class attendance to For many talented students means little and it prevent them from students, mandatory attendance may hinder (changed "prevent" to spare "hinder" for a more accurate description) their ability to allocate time to engage in for other beneficial activities. They may take part in a volunteer job activities, such as volunteering or pursuing personal interests. Furthermore, course content and learn whatever they are interested in if they are not required to attend the course. Besides, the contents of the course may at varies level of hardship to individuals, and the leaning methods also diverse from person to person, therefore it is more efficient difficulty levels vary among individuals (rephrased for every us the clarity), as do learning methods. Allowing students to learn by themselves, since they can also achieve great academic performance in at their own appropriate way. In conclusion, pace and through their preferred approach (revised for better flow) can lead to improved academic performance. Ultimately, the benefit it brings far advantages of optional attendance appear to outweigh the its drawbacks and make (rephrased for clarity), rendering it a viable strategy.strategy for enhancing higher education accessibility and effectiveness.

8 思维导图


- Importance of attendance
    - Academic setting

- Optional class attendance
    - Efficiency
    - Personal development
        - Talented students
        - Time allocation for other activities
            - Volunteering
            - Personal interests
    - Course content and difficulty levels vary among individuals
        - Learning methods vary among individuals
    - Improved academic performance through personalized learning approach 

- Advantages outweigh drawbacks 
    - Enhancing higher education accessibility and effectiveness 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
attendance/əˈtendəns/nounthe act of being present at a place, event, or activity出席,参加Attendance is important in an academic setting.
efficiency/ɪˈfɪʃənsi/nounthe ability to do something well without wasting time or resources效率Optional class attendance can improve efficiency.
personal development/ˈpɜrsənl dɪˈvɛləpmənt/nounthe process of improving oneself through activities that develop skills and abilities个人发展Mandatory attendance may hinder personal development.
hinder/ˈhɪndər/verbto make it difficult for someone to do something or for something to happen阻碍Mandatory attendance may hinder students' ability to allocate time for other activities.
required/rɪˈkwaɪərd/adjectiveneeded according to a rule or law必需的Required attendance can be restrictive for some students.
vary/ˈvɛri/verbto be different in size, amount, degree, etc. from something else of the same general type不同,变化Course content and difficulty levels vary among individuals.
learning methods/ˈlɜrnɪŋ ˈmɛθədz/nounthe ways in which people acquire knowledge and skills学习方法Learning methods vary among individuals.
improved/ɪmˈpruvd/adjectivemade better than before改进的,提高的Improved academic performance can result from optional attendance.
outweigh/aʊtˈweɪ/verbto be greater or more important than something else超过,胜过The advantages of optional attendance outweigh its drawbacks.
3

考生範例 #3

I coincide with the Andrew's opinion that people can not take the class by their own choice. First of all, students should show their response to the ...

分數
22

考生範例

I coincide with the Andrew's opinion that people can not take the class by their own choice. First of all, students should show their response to the teacher. To be more detailed, professor spend their time in preparing the class and teaching students. If his students do not attend the class, the professor may be disoppointed to them and even lose the motivation off teaching. For instance, if there is a biology teacher and he spend massive time in trying to make the class attractive by creating more activities and group works. However, when he is having the class, only few people sit there and he can not organize the activites because of lack of students. At the end off the semester, most of his students even do not know who is their biology teacher. In this case, the professor are more likely to give up teaching them. In conclusion, it is better to take the class compulsively.

評分結果

1.子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现尚可,但仍有改进空间。首先,你需要更清晰地表达自己的观点,并提供更多相关细节来支持你的论点。此外,在语法和词汇使用方面也需要加强。建议多加练习,提高英语写作水平。

示例1(改进前):I coincide with the Andrew's opinion that people can not take the class by their own choice. 示例1(改进后):I agree with Andrew's opinion that students should not have the option to choose whether or not to attend classes.

示例2(改进前):At the end off the semester, most of his students even do not know who is their biology teacher. 示例2(改进后):By the end of the semester, most of his students may not even know who their biology teacher is.

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构方面有待提高。首先,应该在开头部分明确阐述自己的观点,并在正文部分逐一陈述论据。最后,在结尾部分进行总结。另外,注意使用恰当的过渡词汇使文章更连贯。

示例1(改进前):I coincide with the Andrew's opinion that people can not take the class by their own choice. 示例1(改进后):In this essay, I will argue in favor of Andrew's opinion that students should not have the option to choose whether or not to attend classes.

示例2(改进前):In conclusion, it is better to take the class compulsively. 示例2(改进后):In conclusion, making class attendance mandatory is a more effective approach for ensuring student success and maintaining teacher motivation.

  1. 语法批改

I coincide with the Andrew's opinion that people can not take the class by their own choice. First of allFirst(first of all (first)), students should show their response to the teacher. To be more detailed, professor spend their time in preparing the class and teaching students. If his students do not attend the class, the professor may be disoppointeddisappointed(misspelling) to them and even lose the motivation offof(Detects potentially wrong usage of "off") teaching. For instance, if there is a biology teacher and, and(comma between independent clauses) he spendspends(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) massive time in trying to make the class attractive by creating more activities and group works. However, when he is having the class, only few people sit there and, and(comma between independent clauses) he can not organize the activitesactivities(misspelling) because of lack of students. At the end offof(Detects potentially wrong usage of "off") the semester, most of his students even do not know who is their biology teacher. In this case, the professor areis(Detects potentially wrong usage of "are") more likely to give up teaching them. In conclusion, it is better to take the class compulsively.

6.文章修订

I concur with Andrew's perspective that students should not have the option to choose whether or not to attend classes. Firstly, it is essential for students to demonstrate their commitment and respect towards their professors. Professors invest significant time and effort in preparing engaging lectures and activities, and a lack of attendance may lead to disappointment and diminished motivation.

For example, consider a biology professor who devotes considerable time to designing interactive group activities aimed at enhancing the learning experience. However, when only a few students attend the class, it becomes impossible to execute these activities effectively due to insufficient participation. Consequently, by the end of the semester, most students may not even know who their biology professor is, leading the educator to question their dedication towards teaching.

In essence, enforcing mandatory class attendance promotes a sense of responsibility and discipline among students while also fostering a more productive learning environment. This approach ensures that both students and professors remain engaged and motivated throughout the academic term. (168 words)

7.文章批改

I coincide concur (changed "coincide" to "concur" for a more appropriate word choice) with the Andrew's opinion perspective that people can students should not take the class by their own choice. First of all, students should show their response to the teacher. To be more detailed, professor spend their have the option to choose whether or not to attend classes. Firstly, it is essential for students to demonstrate their commitment and respect towards their professors (rephrased for clarity). Professors invest significant time and effort in preparing the class and teaching students. If his students do not attend the class, the engaging lectures and activities, and a lack of attendance may lead to disappointment and diminished motivation (improved sentence structure).

For example, consider a biology professor may be disoppointed to them and even lose the motivation off teaching. For instance, if there is a biology teacher and he spend massive who devotes considerable time in trying to make the class attractive by creating more to designing interactive group activities and group works. aimed at enhancing the learning experience (revised for better flow). However, when he is having only a few students attend the class, only few people sit there and he can not organize the activites because it becomes impossible to execute these activities effectively due to insufficient participation (improved sentence structure). Consequently, by the end of lack of students. At the end off the semester, most of his students students may not even do not know who their biology professor is their biology teacher. (corrected grammar), leading the educator to question their dedication towards teaching (clarified meaning).

In this case, the professor are essence, enforcing mandatory class attendance promotes a sense of responsibility and discipline among students while also fostering a more likely to give up teaching them. In conclusion, it is better to take the class compulsively.productive learning environment (rephrased for clarity). This approach ensures that both students and professors remain engaged and motivated throughout the academic term (improved sentence structure).

8.思维导图

  • Introduction

    • Agree with Andrew
    • Mandatory attendance
  • Commitment and respect

    • Professors' efforts
    • Engaging lectures and activities
  • Example

    • Biology professor
    • Interactive group activities
    • Insufficient participation
  • Consequences

    • Unknown professors
    • Educators questioning dedication
  • Conclusion

    • Responsibility and discipline
    • Productive learning environment

9.关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentences
concur/kənˈkɜr/verbTo agree; to have the same opinion同意,一致意见I concur with your assessment of the situation.
commitment/kəˈmɪtmənt/nounA pledge or promise to do something承诺,投入The project requires a high level of commitment from all team members.
engaging/ɪnˈɡeɪdʒɪŋ/adjectiveAttractive or interesting; able to hold one's attention吸引人的,有趣的The professor's engaging lecture kept the students interested throughout the class.
interactive/ˌɪntərˈæktɪv/adjectiveInvolving communication between people; working together互动的,交互式的The museum features an interactive exhibit that allows visitors to explore different environments.
insufficient/ˌɪnsəˈfɪʃənt/adjectiveNot enough; inadequate不足的,不够的The project failed due to insufficient funding.
participation/pɑrˌtɪsəˈpeɪʃən/nounThe act of taking part in something参与,参加Encouraging student participation in class discussions can lead to a more dynamic learning environment.
consequences/ˈkɒnsɪkwənsɪz/nounResults or effects of an action or condition后果,结果The consequences of not attending class regularly can include poor academic performance.
dedication/ˌdɛdəˈkeɪʃən/nounDevotion or commitment to a task or purpose奉献,致力Her dedication to the cause inspired others to join her efforts.
responsibility/rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪləti/nounThe state of being accountable for something责任,义务As team leader, he bears the responsibility for the project's success.
discipline/ˈdɪsəplin/nounSelf-control; the ability to follow rules and regulations纪律,自制力Maintaining discipline in one's daily routine is essential for achieving long-term goals.
4

考生範例 #4

Though Claire raises a valid argument concerning the merits of optional attendance, Andrew, however, contradicts with Claire's idea by highlighting th...

分數
25

考生範例

Though Claire raises a valid argument concerning the merits of optional attendance, Andrew, however, contradicts with Claire's idea by highlighting the importance of discipline and responsibility. From my perspective, nothing is more comprehensive and fair to take regular attendances into account when it comes to students' evaluation. Besides Andrew' rational, one of the merits of necessary class attendance is that it recognize and reward self-disciplined students who form the good habit of attending the class on time. In the fiercely competing job market, only can highly disciplined candidates win out and they also get promoted easily in the workplace. Therefore, attendance should be considered as a significant indicator of evaluating students.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

  • 25

3. 任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有一些改进空间。首先,在表达观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的论点。此外,尝试使用更多的论证手段来增强你的观点,例如对比、举例等。

改进示例1:

  • 在论述课堂出勤对于培养纪律性和责任感的重要性时,可以提供一些实际案例来证明这一观点。

改进示例2:

  • 可以对比强制出勤和自愿出勤的学生在学术成绩和职业发展方面的差异,以支持你认为考勤应作为评价学生的重要指标。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面整体不错,但可以在段落划分和过渡句子上做得更好。尝试在每个段落中明确阐述一个主题,并使用过渡句子连接各个段落,使文章更加流畅。

改进示例1:

  • 在第二段开头明确指出这一段将讨论强制出勤的优点,例如:“除了安德鲁提到的纪律性和责任感外,强制出勤还有其他优点。”

改进示例2:

  • 在段落之间添加过渡句子,例如在第二段和第三段之间加入:“然而,克莱尔的观点也有一定道理,我们需要权衡两者的利弊。”

5. 语法批改

Though Claire raises a valid argument concerning the merits of optional attendance, Andrew, however, contradicts with Claire's idea by highlighting the importance of discipline and responsibility. From my perspective, nothing is more comprehensive and fair to take regular attendances into account when it comes to students' evaluation. Besides Andrew'(Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols) rational, one of the merits of (Two consecutive spaces)necessary class attendance is that it recognize and reward self-disciplined students who form the good habit of attending the class on time. In the fiercely competing job market, only can highly disciplineddiscipline(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) candidates win out and, and(comma between independent clauses) they also get promoted easily in the workplace. Therefore, attendance should be considered as a significant indicator of evaluating students.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

While Claire presents a compelling case for optional attendance, Andrew counters her argument by emphasizing the significance of discipline and responsibility. In my opinion, factoring in regular attendance when evaluating students offers a more comprehensive and equitable approach. In addition to Andrew's rationale, mandatory class attendance rewards self-disciplined students who consistently attend classes punctually. In today's highly competitive job market, it is these disciplined individuals who often excel and secure promotions within their respective workplaces. Consequently, attendance should be regarded as a crucial component in assessing students' performance. (92 words)

Though Revised essay: Section Title: 7 文章批改

While Claire raises presents a valid argument concerning the merits of compelling case (revised for clarity and natural tone) for optional attendance, Andrew, however, contradicts with Claire's idea Andrew counters (revised for natural tone) her argument by highlighting emphasizing the importance significance (revised for clarity) of discipline and responsibility. From In my perspective, nothing is opinion, factoring in (revised for natural tone) regular attendance when evaluating students offers a more comprehensive and fair equitable approach (revised for clarity). In addition to take regular attendances into account when it comes to students' evaluation. Besides Andrew' rational, one of the merits of necessary Andrew's rationale, mandatory class attendance is that it recognize and reward rewards self-disciplined students who form the good habit of attending the class on time. consistently attend classes punctually (revised for clarity and natural tone). In the fiercely competing today's highly competitive job market, only can highly it is these disciplined candidates win out individuals who often excel and they also get promoted easily in the workplace. Therefore, secure promotions within their respective workplaces (revised for clarity). Consequently, attendance should be considered regarded as a significant indicator of evaluating students.crucial component in assessing students' performance (revised for clarity and natural tone).

8 思维导图


- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Optional attendance debate
    - Claire's Argument
        - Compelling case for optional attendance
    - Andrew's Counterargument
        - Emphasizes discipline and responsibility
    - Personal Opinion
        - Comprehensive and equitable approach with mandatory attendance
    - Benefits of Mandatory Attendance
        - Rewards self-disciplined students
        - Prepares students for competitive job market
    - Conclusion
        - Attendance as a crucial component in assessment

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
attendance/əˈtendəns/nounthe act of being present at a place, such as school or work出席,参加;出勤率Mandatory class attendance rewards self-disciplined students.
discipline/ˈdɪsəplɪn/nounthe practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience纪律,自制力;训练,惩戒措施;学科,领域;训诫,惩戒(动词)In today's highly competitive job market, it is these disciplined individuals who often excel.
responsibility/rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪləti/ |noun|the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or having control over someone|责任,义务|Andrew counters her argument by emphasizing the significance of discipline and responsibility.|
comprehensive/ˌkɒmprɪˈhensɪv/adjectivecomplete; including all or nearly all elements or aspects of something全面的,综合的;理解的,包容的;有广泛知识的Factoring in regular attendance when evaluating students offers a more comprehensive and equitable approach.
equitable/ˈekwətəbəl/ |adjective|fair and impartial|公平的,公正的|In my opinion, factoring in regular attendance when evaluating students offers a more comprehensive and equitable approach.|
punctual/ˈpʌŋktʃuəl/ |adjective|happening or doing something at the agreed or proper time; on time|准时的,守时的;及时的;严密精确的(用于描述人或行为)|Mandatory class attendance rewards self-disciplined students who consistently attend classes punctually.|
competitive/kəmˈpetɪtɪv/ |adjective|relating to or characterized by competition; having a strong desire to be more successful than others; as good as or better than others of a comparable nature|竞争性质的;好胜心强的;具有竞争力的(产品或服务);优于同类产品或服务水平或质量 的(价格);有利可图 的(投资) |In today's highly competitive job market, it is these disciplined individuals who often excel and secure promotions within their respective workplaces. |
promotion/prəˈməʊʃən/ |noun|activity that supports or provides active encouragement for the furtherance of a cause, venture, or aim; the publicization of a product, organization, or venture so as to increase sales or public awareness; advancement in rank or position|促进,推动;提升,晋升;宣传,推广;促销活动 |In today's highly competitive job market, it is these disciplined individuals who often excel and secure promotions within their respective workplaces. |
component/kəmˈpəʊnənt/ |noun|a part or element of a larger whole, especially a part of a machine or vehicle; an ingredient; one of several parts that together make up a whole system, structure, etc. (in computing)|部分,组成部分;成分;元件(尤指机器或汽车的一部分);组件(计算机) |Consequently, attendance should be regarded as a crucial component in assessing students' performance. |
assessment/əˈsesmənt/nounthe evaluation or estimation of the nature, quality, or ability of someone or something评估,评价;估价Attendance should be regarded as a crucial component in assessing students' performance.
5

考生範例 #5

Although I acknowledged Claire's point that some students may find it hard to make it to classes, I concur with Andrew's viewpoint that class attendan...

考生範例

Although I acknowledged Claire's point that some students may find it hard to make it to classes, I concur with Andrew's viewpoint that class attendance is essential for students. Mandatory classes can't be replaced by the text books and surching for the information online. Actually listen to the lectures offer by professors is a important factor that we take postsecondary education. You can learn the professor's perspective systmatically and reduce the potencial risks that being mislead by the incorrect informations online. Also, you can ask questions in classes which is a good opportunaty to communicate with professors and your classmates directly , ensuring you are in a right trajectory, and those connections can also inspire your porfessor and offer you and your classmate better education and course settings , for they can have a deeper understanding of his students through lessons.

評分結果

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by expressing an opinion on class attendance and providing support for that opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, elaboration, and language use. To enhance the essay, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your viewpoint. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.

Example 1: Original: "Actually listen to the lectures offer by professors is a important factor that we take postsecondary education." Improved: "Attending lectures offered by professors is an important aspect of postsecondary education."

Example 2: Original: "Also, you can ask questions in classes which is a good opportunaty to communicate with professors and your classmates directly , ensuring you are in a right trajectory." Improved: "Furthermore, attending classes provides opportunities for direct communication with professors and classmates through asking questions, ensuring that students stay on the right track."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from better organization within paragraphs and clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestion 1: Organize each paragraph around one main idea with supporting details. This will make it easier for readers to follow your argument.

Suggestion 2: Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to guide readers through your essay.

Example 1: Original: "Mandatory classes can't be replaced by the text books and surching for the information online." Improved: "Mandatory classes provide unique benefits that cannot be replicated by merely studying textbooks or searching for information online."

Example 2: Original: "You can learn the professor's perspective systmatically and reduce the potencial risks that being mislead by the incorrect informations online." Improved: "By attending classes, students can systematically learn from their professors' perspectives and reduce the potential risks of being misled by incorrect information found online."

5. Grammar

Although I acknowledged Claire's point that some students may find it hard to make it to classes, I concur with Andrew's viewpoint that class attendance is essential for students. Mandatory classes can't be replaced by the text books and surchinglurching(misspelling) for the information online. Actually listen to the lectures offer by professors is aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') important factor that we take postsecondary education. You can learn the professor's perspective systmaticallysystematically(misspelling) and reduce the potencialpotential(misspelling) risks that being misleadmisled(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) by the incorrect informationsinformation(legal term: informations) online. Also, you can ask questions in classes which is a good opportunatyopportunity(misspelling) to communicate with professors and your classmates directly ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) ensuring you are in a right trajectory, and those connections can also inspire your porfessorprofessor(misspelling) and offer you and your classmate better education and course settings ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) for they can have a deeper understanding of his students through lessons.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I understand Claire's perspective on the challenges students may face in attending classes, I agree with Andrew that class attendance is crucial for their overall development. Attending lectures in person offers unique benefits that cannot be replicated through textbooks or online resources alone. Engaging with professors during lectures allows students to gain systematic and comprehensive insights into the subject matter, reducing the risk of being misled by inaccurate information found online. Additionally, attending classes provides opportunities for direct communication with professors and peers, fostering a deeper understanding of the material and promoting collaborative learning. These interactions not only help students stay on the right track but also enable professors to better tailor their teaching methods to meet their students' needs, ultimately enhancing the overall educational experience. (132 words)

Although While I understand Claire's perspective (acknowledged Claire's point that point) on the challenges students may face in attending classes (some students may find it hard to make it to classes, classes), I concur agree with Andrew's viewpoint Andrew that class attendance is essential for students. Mandatory classes crucial (essential) for their overall development. Attending lectures in person (mandatory classes) offers unique benefits that cannot be replicated through textbooks or online resources alone (can't be replaced by the text books and surching searching for the information online. Actually online). Engaging with professors during lectures (actually listen to the lectures offer by professors is a important factor that we take postsecondary education. You can offered by professors) allows students to gain systematic and comprehensive insights into the subject matter (learn the professor's perspective systmatically and systematically), reducing the risk of being misled by inaccurate information found online (reduce the potencial potential risks that being mislead by the incorrect informations online. Also, you can online). Additionally, attending classes provides opportunities for direct communication with professors and peers (ask questions in classes which is a good opportunaty to communicate with professors and your classmates directly opportunity), fostering a deeper understanding of the material and promoting collaborative learning. These interactions not only help students stay on the right track (ensuring you are in a right trajectory, and those connections can trajectory) but also enable professors to better tailor their teaching methods to meet their students' needs, ultimately enhancing the overall educational experience (inspire your porfessor professor and offer you and your classmate better education and course settings , settings, for they can have a deeper understanding of his students through lessons.lessons).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

  1. Class attendance

    • Importance
    • Challenges
  2. Benefits of attending lectures

    • Systematic insights
    • Comprehensive understanding
  3. Engaging with professors

    • Direct communication
    • Tailored teaching methods
  4. Online resources vs. in-person lectures

    • Inaccurate information risk
    • Lack of interaction
  5. Collaborative learning

    • Peer interactions
    • Deeper understanding of material

Display title: 9 Key Words

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionEnglish TranslationSample Sentence
perspective/pərˈspɛktɪv/nounA particular attitude or way of regarding something; a point of view观点Claire's perspective on the challenges students face is different from Andrew's opinion on attendance.
systematic/ˌsɪstəˈmætɪk/adjectiveDone or acting according to a fixed plan or system; methodical有系统的Attending lectures allows students to gain systematic insights into the subject matter.
comprehensive/ˌkɒmprɪˈhɛnsɪv/adjectiveComplete; including all or nearly all elements or aspects全面的Students can acquire comprehensive knowledge by engaging with professors during lectures.
misled/mɪsˈlɛd/verb (past tense)/ To lead (someone) into error/误导/ Students risk being misled by inaccurate information found online.
collaborative/kəˈlabərətɪv/adjectiveProduced or conducted by two or more parties working together合作的Attending classes promotes collaborative learning among students.
interaction/ˌɪntərˈækʃən/nounReciprocal action or influence互动Interaction with professors and peers helps students understand the material better.
tailored/ˈteɪlərd/adjectiveMade or adapted for a particular purpose, user, or need定制的Professors can better tailor their teaching methods to meet students' needs through class attendance.
educational/ˌɛdʒʊˈkeɪʃənəl/adjectiveRelating to the provision of education教育的Class attendance enhances the overall educational experience for students.
risk/rɪsk//noun/ A situation involving exposure to danger/风险/ There is a risk of being misled by inaccurate information when relying solely on online resources.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I understand Claire's perspective on the challenges students may face in attending classes, I agree with Andrew that class attendance is crucial for their overall development. Attending lectures in person offers unique benefits that cannot be replicated through textbooks or online resources alone. Engaging with professors during lectures allows students to gain systematic and comprehensive insights into the subject matter, reducing the risk of being misled by inaccurate information found online. Additionally, attending classes provides opportunities for direct communication with professors and peers, fostering a deeper understanding of the material and promoting collaborative learning. These interactions not only help students stay on the right track but also enable professors to better tailor their teaching methods to meet their students' needs, ultimately enhancing the overall educational experience.

6

考生範例 #6

While I can see Andrew's point that class attendance policies are important as they teach students discipline and responsibility, I concur with Claire...

分數
27

考生範例

While I can see Andrew's point that class attendance policies are important as they teach students discipline and responsibility, I concur with Claire's perspective that optional attendance is more advantageous for students. As mentioned by Claire, University students are busy handling a lot, so it is hard for them to attend every class. If students are urged to attend every class, they might fail to handle the abundant things. Apart from what Claire has raised, I would like to emphasize that optional attendance provides students with a great opportunity to obtain ability to learn by themselves, which is crucial for personal and professional growth. Those who choose to attend classes might lose this chance for self-improvement.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有改进的空间。首先,你可以更详细地解释为什么可选的出勤对学生更有利。例如,你可以讨论一下学生如何在自主学习中发挥创造力和独立思考能力。此外,在支持观点时,尝试提供更具体的例子和证据。

示例1(改进): 可选的出勤政策鼓励学生在自主学习中发挥创造力和独立思考能力,因为他们需要自己安排时间和资源来掌握课程内容。

示例2(改进): 例如,在线课程和教育资源的普及使得学生可以通过观看讲座录像、参加网络研讨会或查阅相关文献来弥补错过的课程内容。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面表现不错,但仍有提升空间。首先,在引言部分,可以明确指出你将要讨论的两个观点,并简要介绍它们。其次,尝试在正文段落中使用更明确的过渡词和短语,以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点和论据之间的联系。

建议1(简体中文): 在引言部分明确指出你将要讨论的两个观点,并简要介绍它们。

示例1(改进): 在本篇文章中,我将讨论为什么可选的出勤政策对大学生更有利,并通过比较强制出勤和可选出勤的优缺点来支持我的观点。

建议2(简体中文): 尝试在正文段落中使用更明确的过渡词和短语。

示例2(改进): 此外,除了克莱尔提到的问题之外,我还想强调一下可选出勤如何为学生提供自主学习的机会。

5. 语法批改

While I can see Andrew's point that class attendance policies are important as they teach students discipline and responsibility, I concur with Claire's perspective that optional attendance is more advantageous for students. As mentioned by Claire, University students are busy handling a lot, so it is hard for them to attend every class. If students are urged to attend every class, they might fail to handle the abundant things. Apart from what Claire has raised, I would like to emphasize that optional attendance provides students with a great opportunity to obtain ability to learn by themselves, which is crucial for personal and professional growth. Those who choose to attend classes might lose this chance for self-improvement.

Title: 6 文章修订

While I understand Andrew's argument that mandatory class attendance policies instill discipline and responsibility in students, I find myself agreeing with Claire's viewpoint that optional attendance offers more benefits.

As Claire pointed out, university students often juggle multiple responsibilities, making it difficult for them to attend every class. Enforcing strict attendance requirements may hinder their ability to manage their various commitments effectively.

In addition to Claire's points, I would like to emphasize that optional attendance encourages students to develop independent learning skills, which are essential for both personal and professional growth. By allowing students the freedom to choose whether or not to attend classes, they are given the opportunity to cultivate self-reliance and self-improvement. (117 words)

While I can see understand Andrew's point argument [revised for clarity and natural tone] that mandatory class attendance policies are important as they teach students instill discipline and responsibility, responsibility in students, I concur find myself agreeing with Claire's perspective viewpoint [revised for natural tone] that optional attendance is offers more advantageous for students. benefits.

As mentioned by Claire, University Claire pointed out [revised for clarity], university students are busy handling a lot, so often juggle multiple responsibilities, making it is hard difficult for them to attend every class. If students are urged Enforcing strict attendance requirements may hinder their ability to attend every class, they might fail manage their various commitments effectively [revised for clarity and natural tone].

In addition to handle the abundant things. ¶ Apart from what Claire has raised, Claire's points, I would like to emphasize that optional attendance provides encourages students with a great opportunity to obtain ability to learn by themselves, develop independent learning skills [revised for clarity], which is crucial are essential for both personal and professional growth. Those who By allowing students the freedom to choose whether or not to attend classes might lose this chance classes, they are given the opportunity to cultivate self-reliance and self-improvement [revised for self-improvement.clarity and natural tone].

Title: 8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Andrew's argument: mandatory attendance
   - Claire's viewpoint: optional attendance

2. Balancing multiple responsibilities
   - University students' commitments
   - Strict attendance requirements hindrance

3. Independent learning skills
   - Essential for personal and professional growth
   - Freedom to choose attendance cultivates self-reliance and self-improvement

Title: 9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
mandatory/ˈmændəˌtɔri/adjectiverequired by law or rules强制性的Mandatory class attendance policies instill discipline and responsibility in students.
discipline/ˈdɪsəplɪn/nountraining that corrects or strengthens纪律The purpose of the policy is to instill discipline in students.
responsibility/rɪˌspɑnsəˈbɪləti/nounbeing accountable for something责任Students should learn to take responsibility for their actions.
optional/ˈɑpʃənəl/adjectiveavailable as a choice but not required_可选择的_Optional attendance offers more benefits than mandatory policies.
juggle_ /ˈʤʌgəl/_ verb_ to manage multiple tasks simultaneously_同时应付_University students often juggle multiple responsibilities.
commitment_ /kəˈmɪtmənt/_ noun_ a promise or obligation to do something_承诺,责任_Students have various commitments outside of class.
independent_ /ˌɪndəˈpɛndənt/_ adjective_ not influenced or controlled by others_独立的_Independent learning skills are essential for success.
self-reliance_/ˌsɛlf rɪˈlaɪəns/_noun_relying on oneself for support_自力更生_Optional attendance encourages students to develop self-reliance.
self-improvement_/ˌsɛlf ɪmˈpruvmənt/_noun_the act of improving oneself_自我提升_By allowing students the freedom to choose, they can cultivate self-improvement.

學術討論如何評分

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語言運用

文法準確度、詞彙廣度,以及句子結構的品質。

論述發展與支持

論點是否透過具體例子和清楚的推理獲得充分發展?

回答中的常見模式

根據對本題考生投稿的分析,以下是考生回答中常見的模式。

許多考生提出了明確的觀點,卻缺乏具體的佐證例子。

高分回答通常會直接引用閱讀文章內容,並回應其他發言者的觀點。

得分較高的回答會運用多樣的句型結構與學術詞彙。

時間管理是關鍵因素——顯得倉促完成的回答,在論述發展方面通常得分較低。

學習訣竅

1

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2

在回答中引用閱讀文章內容,並回應其他考生的觀點。

3

用具體例子支持你的主要論點——避免空泛籠統的說法。

4

字數以 120-150 字為目標。篇幅較長不代表較好,清晰與聚焦更為重要。

5

練習限時作答(10 分鐘),培養在考試情境下的流暢度。

常見問題

什麼是TOEFL學術討論任務?
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學術討論任務如何評分?
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