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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: 1. Your professor is teaching a class on business. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

真實考生作答範例,搭配 AI 評分與回饋

目前有 2 篇考生投稿範例

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題型概述

Dr.Diaz

We've been discussing employee working arrangements-whether employees should report to an office or work at home. Some businesses require all employees to work in the office. Others choose not to have a physical office and have all employees work from home. In industries where remote work is possible what is the most important factor for employers to consider when deciding where employees should work, and why?

Claire

I don't think businesses should allow their employees to work from home, because creating employees are not together physically in the same space.

Andrew

I think the most important thing to consider is the bottom line: keeping company expenses down. For example, requiring all employees to work from home might be the best option from an economic standpoint. Renting office space is expensive, as are the utility bills. Think of how much money a business could save if employees worked from home.

考生範例與評分結果

1

考生範例 #1

From my perspective, it is both economically and productively beneficial for a company to allow their employees working at home. I highly concur with ...

分數
26

考生範例

From my perspective, it is both economically and productively beneficial for a company to allow their employees working at home. I highly concur with Andrew’s idea that keeping company expenses down could support better sustainability for a company. Because after financially cut-down renting fees, cafeteria employing fees and electricity fees, company could use the money for better incorporating. I would further argue that permitting employees working at home could achieve a better working efficiency. This is because employees are able to make better arrangement of their time if they no longer need to spend much time on commuting. Clair also makes a valid point, but she ignored the factor that smaller businesses have more difficulties on paying the fees I have mentioned above, which will eventually lead to bankruptcy.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说,你的文章回答了问题并提供了有力的论据。然而,有一些方面可以改进。首先,在文章中加入更多具体的例子和细节可以使你的观点更加充实。其次,尽量避免使用重复的词汇和表达,以增强文章的语言多样性。

改进示例1: Instead of "Because after financially cut-down renting fees, cafeteria employing fees and electricity fees, company could use the money for better incorporating." You can write "By reducing expenses such as rent, utilities, and cafeteria staff salaries, companies can allocate those funds towards research and development or employee training programs."

改进示例2: Instead of "This is because employees are able to make better arrangement of their time if they no longer need to spend much time on commuting." You can write "Remote work allows employees to manage their time more efficiently by eliminating lengthy commutes, leading to increased productivity."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在段落之间加入过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。此外,请确保每个段落都聚焦于一个特定观点,并提供支持细节。

改进示例1: 在第二段和第三段之间加入过渡词,例如:"On the other hand, Claire's argument also has some merit."

改进示例2: 在引言中明确提出你的观点,例如:"In this essay, I will argue that remote work is both economically and productively beneficial for companies, and I will provide reasons to support my viewpoint."

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, it is both economically and productively beneficial for a company to allow their employees working at home. I highly concur with Andrew’s idea that keeping company expenses down could support better sustainability for a company. Because after financially cut-down renting fees, cafeteria employing fees and electricity fees, company could use the money for better incorporating. I would further argue that permitting employees working at home could achieve a better working efficiency. This is because employees are able to make better arrangement of their time if they no longer need to spend much time on commuting. Clair also makes a valid point, but she ignored the factor that smaller businesses have more difficulties on paying the fees I have mentioned above, which will eventually lead to bankruptcy.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, allowing employees to work from home can be both economically and productively advantageous for a company. I strongly agree with Andrew's assertion that minimizing company expenses contributes to better sustainability. By reducing costs associated with renting office space, employing cafeteria staff, and paying utility bills, companies can allocate resources more effectively. Moreover, I contend that remote work can lead to increased efficiency as employees can better manage their time without the need for lengthy commutes. While Claire raises a valid concern about the lack of physical interaction among employees, she overlooks the financial challenges faced by smaller businesses in covering such expenses, which could ultimately result in bankruptcy. (116 words)

From In my perspective, it is opinion, allowing employees to work from home can be both economically and productively beneficial advantageous (revised for a company to allow their employees working at home. I highly concur with Andrew’s idea that keeping company expenses down could support better sustainability clarity and conciseness) for a company. Because after financially cut-down I strongly agree (changed "highly concur" to "strongly agree" for a more natural tone) with Andrew's assertion that minimizing company expenses contributes to better sustainability. By reducing costs associated with renting fees, office space, employing cafeteria employing fees staff, and electricity fees, company could use the money paying utility bills, companies can allocate resources more effectively (rephrased for clarity). Moreover, I contend that remote work can lead to increased efficiency as employees can better incorporating. I would further argue that permitting employees working at home could achieve a better working efficiency. This is because employees are able to make better arrangement of manage their time if they no longer without the need to spend much time on commuting. Clair also makes for lengthy commutes (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). While Claire raises a valid point, but concern about the lack of physical interaction among employees, she ignored overlooks the factor that financial challenges faced by smaller businesses have more difficulties on paying the fees I have mentioned above, in covering such expenses, which will eventually lead to bankruptcy.could ultimately result in bankruptcy (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图


- 主题: 允许员工在家办公的优势
  - 经济优势
    - 减少租赁办公空间成本
    - 减少雇佣食堂员工成本
    - 减少支付水电费用成本
  - 生产力优势
    - 增加效率
      - 无需长时间通勤
      - 更好地管理时间
  - 反驳观点: 缺乏员工之间的面对面互动
    - 考虑到小企业的财务挑战和破产风险

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
advantageous/ədˈvæntɪdʒəs/adjectiveproviding an advantage; beneficial有利的Allowing employees to work from home can be both economically and advantageously for a company.
sustainability/səˌsteɪnəˈbɪlɪti/nounthe ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level可持续性Minimizing company expenses contributes to better sustainability.
allocate/ˈæləkeɪt/verbdistribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose分配Companies can allocate resources more effectively.
efficiency/ɪˈfɪʃənsi/nounthe state or quality of being efficient效率Remote work can lead to increased efficiency.
commute/kəˈmjuːt/verbtravel some distance between one's home and place of work on a regular basis通勤Employees can better manage their time without the need for lengthy commutes.
interaction/ˌɪntərˈækʃən/nounreciprocal action or influence互动Claire raises a valid concern about the lack of physical interaction among employees.
overlook/ˌoʊvərˈlʊk/verbfail to notice; ignore忽视She overlooks the financial challenges faced by smaller businesses.
expenses/ɪkˈspensɪz/noun_the cost required for something; the money spent on something_开支_Reducing costs associated with renting office space, employing cafeteria staff, and paying utility bills.
bankruptcy/ˈbæŋkrəptsi/_noun_the state of being bankrupt; complete lack of funds or assets_破产_Such expenses could ultimately result in bankruptcy.
2

考生範例 #2

From my perspective, the advantages of taking students for outdoor activities out weight the disadvantages. I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew’s idea...

分數
25

考生範例

From my perspective, the advantages of taking students for outdoor activities out weight the disadvantages. I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew’s idea that taking students outside the classroom could lead them have a deeper understanding of environmental issues. By hands-on experience outside the classroom, students will attentive to cherish the nature. I never realize how precious nature world is until I get on the top of the mount Tai. When I saw the panorama of mountains and waterfalls, the rare plantations and the pure blue sky, I instantly come to understand why it is so urgent that people should protect the environment. I believe this kind of activity also work to students age from 5 to 18. Kelly also makes a valid point that taking out students for outdoor activities could lay another workload unrelated to their primary role to teachers which they are not supposed to take on. However, I suggest that this workload is not a burden because teachers also get rest through this class from the repeatedly teaching schedule.

評分結果

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,但仍有改进的空间。首先,在表达观点时,可以更具体地说明为什么户外教育对学生有益。此外,尽管文章提到了教师可能会因为额外的工作而感到负担,但没有详细讨论这个问题。建议在这方面进行更深入的探讨。

示例1:可以提供更多关于户外教育如何促进学生团队合作和沟通能力的发展的细节。 示例2:可以详细讨论如何减轻教师的负担,例如通过提供额外的资源或者安排专门的时间来进行户外活动。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构和组织方面需要改进。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结论,但各段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。建议使用过渡词或短语来连接不同段落中的观点,并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定主题。

示例1:在引言和正文之间,可以使用过渡词语如“首先”或“然后”来引导读者进入正文部分。 示例2:在讨论教师负担问题时,可以使用过渡词语如“尽管如此”或“然而”,以表明文章将从支持户外教育的观点转向对教师负担的关注。

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, the advantages of taking students for outdoor activities out weight the disadvantages. I wholeheartedly concur with Andrew’s idea that taking students outside the classroom could lead them haveto have(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) a deeper understanding of environmental issues. By hands-on experience outside the classroom, students will attentive to cherish the nature. I never realize how precious nature world is until I get on the top of the mount Tai. When I saw the panorama of mountains and waterfalls, the rare plantations and the pure blue sky, I instantly come to understand why it is so urgent that people should protect the environment. I believe this kind of activity also work to students age from 5 to 18. Kelly also makes a valid point that taking out students for outdoor activities could lay another workload unrelated to their primary role to teachersteachers,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which they are not supposed to take on. However, I suggest that this workload is not a burden because teachers also get rest through this class from the repeatedly teaching schedule.

Section Title: The Impact of Outdoor Education on Students and Teachers

In my opinion, the benefits of incorporating outdoor activities into students' education far outweigh any potential drawbacks. I wholeheartedly agree with Andrew's assertion that exposing students to hands-on experiences outside the classroom can foster a deeper understanding of environmental issues and inspire them to value nature. My own appreciation for the natural world was significantly enhanced after witnessing the breathtaking beauty of Mount Tai's panoramic vistas, rare plant life, and pristine skies. I am confident that similar experiences would be equally impactful for students aged 5 to 18.

While Kelly raises a valid concern regarding the potential imposition on teachers who may already be overwhelmed with their primary responsibilities, I contend that incorporating outdoor learning opportunities need not be viewed as an additional burden. Rather, these experiences can provide a refreshing change of pace from routine teaching schedules, offering both educators and students a chance to recharge while still engaging in meaningful learning. (164 words)

From In my perspective, opinion, the advantages benefits of taking students for incorporating outdoor activities out weight the disadvantages. into students' education far outweigh any potential drawbacks (revised for clarity and emphasis). I wholeheartedly concur agree with Andrew’s idea Andrew's assertion that taking exposing students to hands-on experiences outside the classroom could lead them have can foster a deeper understanding of environmental issues. By hands-on experience outside issues and inspire them to value nature (rephrased for smoother flow). My own appreciation for the classroom, natural world was significantly enhanced after witnessing the breathtaking beauty of Mount Tai's panoramic vistas, rare plant life, and pristine skies (revised for clarity and coherence). I am confident that similar experiences would be equally impactful for students will attentive to cherish the nature. I never realize how precious nature world is until I get on the top of the mount Tai. When I saw the panorama of mountains and waterfalls, the rare plantations and the pure blue sky, I instantly come to understand why it is so urgent that people should protect the environment. I believe this kind of activity also work to students age from aged 5 to 18. 18 (rephrased for conciseness).

While Kelly also makes raises a valid point that taking out students for outdoor activities could lay another workload unrelated to concern regarding the potential imposition on teachers who may already be overwhelmed with their primary role responsibilities, I contend that incorporating outdoor learning opportunities need not be viewed as an additional burden (revised for clarity and emphasis). Rather, these experiences can provide a refreshing change of pace from routine teaching schedules, offering both educators and students a chance to teachers which they are not supposed to take on. However, I suggest that this workload is not a burden because teachers also get rest through this class from the repeatedly teaching schedule.recharge while still engaging in meaningful learning (rephrased for smoother flow).

8 思维导图


1. 引言
   - 教育与户外活动结合的好处
   - 同意Andrew的观点

2. 自然环境的价值
   - 亲身体验环境问题
   - 激发对自然的热爱

3. 户外教育对学生的影响
   - 加深对环境问题的理解
   - 提高年龄在5至18岁学生的兴趣和参与度

4. 对教师的影响
   - Kelly提出潜在负担问题
   - 户外教育作为调整教学节奏和方式的机会,而非负担 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
Incorporating/ɪnˈkɔːrpəreɪtɪŋ/VerbTo include something as part of something larger将…纳入Incorporating outdoor activities into students' education can be beneficial.
Hands-on/ˌhændz ˈɒn/AdjectiveInvolving or offering active participation实践操作的Exposing students to hands-on experiences can foster a deeper understanding of environmental issues.
Environmental/ɪnˌvaɪrənˈmentəl/AdjectiveRelating to the natural world and the impact of human activity on its condition与环境有关的Outdoor education can enhance students' understanding of environmental issues.
Appreciation/əˌpriːʃiˈeɪʃən/NounRecognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something欣赏,鉴赏My appreciation for the natural world was significantly enhanced after witnessing Mount Tai's beauty.
Imposition/ɪm.pəˈzɪʃ.ən/NounAn unwelcome demand; a burden强加,负担Kelly raises a valid concern regarding the potential imposition on teachers.
Overwhelmed/oʊ.vɚˈwelm/AdjectiveFeeling like you have too much to deal with不堪重负的Teachers may already be overwhelmed with their primary responsibilities.
Incorporating/ɪnˈkɔːrpəreɪtɪŋ/VerbTo include something as part of something larger将…纳入Incorporating outdoor learning opportunities need not be viewed as an additional burden.
Refreshing/rɪˈfreʃ.ɪŋ/AdjectiveMaking you feel less tired or hot令人耳目一新的Outdoor education can provide a refreshing change of pace from routine teaching schedules.
Meaningful/ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fəl/AdjectiveHaving a purpose or value; significant有意义的Educators and students can engage in meaningful learning through outdoor education.

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2

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3

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4

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5

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常見問題

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