TOEFL TPO 3 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental science. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章在回答问题方面做得很好，表达了对环境问题的看法，并提出了解决方案。然而，文章在语言使用和语法方面还有待提高。建议在以下几个方面进行改进：

1. 使用更多的连词和过渡词，使句子之间的衔接更自然；

2. 注意避免使用重复的词汇，尝试使用同义词替换；

3. 修改一些语法错误。

示例1（改进前）：In my opinion, comparing the two types of environmental problems: air pollution and less freshwater resource, the suggestion which is held by Kelly plays a more important role in nowadays. 示例1（改进后）：In my opinion, when comparing the two environmental problems of air pollution and limited freshwater resources, Kelly's suggestion holds a more significant role in today's world.

示例2（改进前）：On the one hand, as far as we known, the amount of drinking water is limited on earth and most of them is glaciers. 示例2（改进后）：On the one hand, as far as we know, the amount of drinking water on Earth is limited, with most of it being stored in glaciers.

4. 文章结构与组织

这篇文章的结构和组织方面表现较好，有明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，可以在以下几个方面进行改进：

1. 在引言部分简要介绍两种环境问题，以便为后文铺垫；

2. 在主体部分对每个观点进行更详细的阐述和论证；

3. 使用更多的过渡词和短语，使文章结构更加清晰。

示例1（改进前）：In my opinion, comparing the two types of environmental problems: air pollution and less freshwater resource, the suggestion which is held by Kelly plays a more important role in nowadays. 示例1（改进后）：In my opinion, when comparing the two pressing environmental issues of air pollution and limited freshwater resources, Kelly's suggestion holds a more significant role in today's world.

示例2（改进前）：On the one hand, as far as we known, the amount of drinking water is limited on earth and most of them is glaciers. 示例2（改进后）：Firstly, as far as we know, the amount of drinking water on Earth is limited, with most of it being stored in glaciers. This scarcity has threatened thousands of people for decades.

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, comparing the two types of environmental problems: air pollution and less freshwater resource, the suggestion which is held by Kelly plays a more important role in nowadaysnowadays(Wrong phrase: 'in nowadays' (nowadays)). In other words, the government and the public are supposed to pay more attention to effective technologies to supply enough drinking water. On the one hand, as far as we knownhave known(Agreement error: past participle without 'have'), the amount of drinking water is limited on earth and most of them isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") glaciers. The shortage of drinking water has threatened thousands of people for decades. On the other hand, the water in ocean accounts for a higher percentagepercentage,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which inspires us to remove the salt in it. If we are able to achieve this goal, we will not have to worry about the serious situation that we are facing now.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my view, between the two environmental issues discussed - air pollution and limited freshwater resources - Kelly's suggestion holds greater significance in today's world. In essence, both the government and the public should prioritize finding effective technologies to ensure an adequate supply of drinking water. On one hand, it is well-known that potable water is scarce on Earth, with the majority of it locked away in glaciers. This shortage has endangered countless lives for decades. Conversely, the vast percentage of water found in oceans presents an opportunity for us to develop methods to remove salt from seawater. If we can successfully achieve this objective, we may alleviate the pressing concern surrounding our current water scarcity predicament. (120 words)

In my opinion, comparing view, between the two types environmental issues discussed (clarification of environmental problems: the subject) - air pollution and less limited freshwater resource, the resources - Kelly's suggestion which is held by Kelly plays a holds greater significance (more important role formal language) in nowadays. today's world. In other words, essence, both the government and the public are supposed to pay should prioritize (more attention to concise) finding effective technologies to ensure an adequate supply enough of drinking water. On the one hand, as far as we known, the amount of drinking it is well-known (improved phrasing) that potable water is limited scarce on earth and most Earth, with the majority of them is it locked away in glaciers. The This shortage of drinking water has threatened thousands of people endangered countless lives for decades. On Conversely (better transition), the other hand, the vast percentage of water found in ocean accounts oceans presents an opportunity for a higher percentage which inspires us to develop methods to remove the salt in it. from seawater. If we are able to can successfully achieve this goal, objective, we will not have to worry about may alleviate the serious situation that we are facing now.pressing concern surrounding our current water scarcity predicament (more formal language).

Title: 8 思维导图

- Environmental Issues
    - Air Pollution
    - Limited Freshwater Resources
        - Kelly's Suggestion
            - Prioritize Drinking Water Supply
                - Government and Public Responsibility
                - Scarcity of Potable Water
                    - Majority Locked in Glaciers
                    - Endangered Lives
                - Opportunity to Develop Methods
                    - Desalination of Seawater
                    - Alleviate Water Scarcity Concerns

Title: 9 关键词