TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the specific theories discussed in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 25

3.任务完成度 整体来说，文章较好地完成了任务要求，但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在论述时，应更明确地指出听力中的观点如何对阅读材料中的论点产生质疑。其次，尽量避免使用过于口语化的表达，以提高文章的正式程度。

示例1（改进前）：On the contrary, the fact is there was only the west where suffered the decrease of bison. 示例1（改进后）：In contrast, historical records show that the decline in bison population occurred primarily in the western regions.

示例2（改进前）：Same as above, the lecturer does not regard it as a fact. 示例2（改进后）：Similarly, the lecturer refutes this claim by presenting counterarguments.

4.文章结构与组织 The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organization and transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure to use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Begin each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point of that paragraph.

• Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Example 1 (Before): Firstly, the writer contends that... Example 1 (After): To begin with, while the writer contends that...

Example 2 (Before): Secondly, the text argued that... Example 2 (After): Furthermore, although the text argued that...

5. 语法批改

The passage mainly discusses the connection between reduced bison population and human activity. The listening, however,However, the listening demonstrates that it is incorrect to attribute the deduction of itthis reduction to humans. Firstly, the writer contends that the consumption of bison by early American settlerssettlers, who believed that they were limitlesslimitless, is one of a factor. The speaker, on the other hand,however, holds that if the assumption had been correct, the reduction rate of bison population should have in tandem with Westward Movement. On the contrary, the fact is there was only the westWest where suffered the decrease of bison. a decrease. Secondly, the text argued that it was those cattles or horsescattle or horses, who had to becompete with bison for food resources, that were responsible for the diminishing population of bison since they were competed with bison on their food resources.bison. By contrast, the professor analyzes the characternature of bison and judges that could not happen. Bison is not aare not docile animalanimals or easily intimidated as cattlesintimidated, like cattle or horses, which means they can properly protect their food free from the invasion of other grazing species. Besides, the living area of bison is unsuitable for cattles or horses ascattle or horses, due to its coldness and mountainous,mountainous terrain, which indicates these different typetypes of grazing species waswere not competing with each other directly. Finally, the composition also deems the development of technologies as a significant contribution, say,such as advanced rifles cause more efficient killing. Same as above,However, the lecturer does not regard it as a fact. From thea worldwide perspective, thosethese new rifles have the same mortality rate compared withas bows or old rifles. Furthermore, if new rifles had worked, the death rate of other huge beastlarge beasts should also have accordedincreased in accordance with the introduction of it,new rifles, which was not in accordance with the fact.the case.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The passage primarily discusses the correlation between the decline in bison population and human activity. However, the listening challenges this notion, arguing that it is incorrect to attribute the reduction solely to humans.

Firstly, the author contends that early American settlers' consumption of bison, believing them to be a limitless resource, contributed to their decline. In contrast, the speaker asserts that if this were true, the reduction in bison population should have coincided with westward movement. Instead, historical records show that only the western regions experienced a decrease in bison numbers.

Secondly, the text argues that cattle and horses were responsible for diminishing bison populations as they competed for food resources. The professor counters this claim by analyzing bison's characteristics and concludes that such competition is unlikely. Bison are not docile or easily intimidated like cattle or horses; thus, they can effectively protect their food sources from other grazing species' encroachment. Moreover, bison inhabit cold and mountainous regions unsuitable for cattle or horses, indicating these different types of grazing species did not directly compete with each other.

Lastly, the passage attributes technological advancements—specifically improved rifles—as a significant factor in increased efficiency in killing bison. The lecturer disputes this claim as well. From a global perspective, new rifles have similar mortality rates compared to bows or older rifles. Furthermore, if advanced rifles had played a role in population decline, other large beasts' death rates should also have increased following their introduction—yet this was not observed in reality. (249 words)

The passage mainly primarily discusses the connection correlation between reduced the decline in bison population and human activity. The listening, however, demonstrates However, the listening challenges this notion, arguing that it is incorrect to attribute the deduction of it to humans. reduction solely to humans (The revision clarifies that the listening material opposes the passage's argument).

Firstly, the writer author contends that the early American settlers' consumption of bison by early American settlers who believed that they bison, believing them to be a limitless resource, contributed to their decline. In contrast, the speaker asserts that if this were limitless is one of a factor. The speaker, on the other hand, holds that if the assumption had been correct, true, the reduction rate of in bison population should have in tandem coincided with Westward Movement. On the contrary, the fact is there was westward movement. Instead, historical records show that only the west where suffered the western regions experienced a decrease of bison. in bison numbers (The revision improves sentence structure and clarity).

Secondly, the text argued that it was those cattles or argues that cattle and horses who had to be were responsible for the diminishing population of bison since bison populations as they were competed with bison on their for food resources. By contrast, the The professor analyzes the character of bison and judges that could counters this claim by analyzing bison's characteristics and concludes that such competition is unlikely. Bison are not happen. Bison is not a docile animal or easily intimidated as cattles or horses, which means like cattle or horses; thus, they can properly effectively protect their food free sources from the invasion of other grazing species. Besides, the living area of bison is species' encroachment. Moreover, bison inhabit cold and mountainous regions unsuitable for cattles or horses as its coldness and mountainous, which indicates cattle or horses, indicating these different type types of grazing species was did not competing directly compete with each other directly. (The revision improves sentence structure and clarifies the professor's counterargument).

Finally, the composition also deems the development of technologies Lastly, the passage attributes technological advancements—specifically improved rifles—as a significant factor in increased efficiency in killing bison. The lecturer disputes this claim as a significant contribution, say, advanced rifles cause more efficient killing. Same as above, the lecturer does not regard it as a fact. well. From the worldwide a global perspective, those new rifles have the same similar mortality rate rates compared with to bows or old older rifles. Furthermore, if new advanced rifles had worked, the played a role in population decline, other large beasts' death rate of other huge beast rates should also have accorded with the introduction of it, which increased following their introduction—yet this was not in accordance with the fact.observed in reality (The revision improves sentence structure and clarity).

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8. Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Decline in bison population
   • Human activity as a cause

2. Early American settlers

   • Consumption of bison
   • Westward movement

3. Cattle and horses competition

   • Food resources
   • Bison characteristics

4. Technological advancements

   • Improved rifles
   • Mortality rates comparison

5. Counterarguments from lecture

   • Bison population decline timeline discrepancy
   • Bison's ability to protect food sources
   • Rifle efficiency not significantly increased

6. Conclusion

   • Reevaluate human impact on bison decline

9. Keywords