TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on history&culture. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，成功地表达了作者的观点，并提供了一个与历史相关的例子来支持观点。然而，文章可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 更多地讨论为什么学习过去对解决现在和未来的问题有帮助。

2. 可以对Leah的观点进行一定程度的讨论，以使文章更具说服力。

改进示例：

1. "Learning from past experiences allows us to identify patterns and trends that can help us make better decisions in the present and future."

2. "While Leah's point about focusing on current situations is valid, understanding the past can provide valuable context for addressing present-day issues."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面基本合理，包括引言、正文和结尾。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在引言部分明确提出自己的观点。

2. 在正文部分使用更清晰的段落划分和过渡词汇。

改进示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样写："In response to the professor's question, I believe that learning from the past is crucial for solving present and future problems."

2. 在正文部分使用过渡词汇，如："Firstly, learning from past experiences allows us to..." 和 "Moreover, understanding the past can provide valuable context for..."

5. 语法批改

I incline with RonaidRonald(misspelling)'s opinion that past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoidto avoid(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) more errors in the future. To illustrate this point, I would like to make my own experience as an example. When I was in elementary school, an earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage ofdamage to(Collocation: damage of/to) earthquateearthquake(misspelling), our government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, but also trained us about how to escape from buildings when earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happendshappens(misspelling) and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledgethis knowledge('this' vs. 'these') were aquiredacquired(misspelling) from the past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) of earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerredoffered(misspelling) by our government, there were much lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) injuries and deaths in this catastrophycatastrophe(misspelling).

Display title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Ronald's perspective that insights gleaned from past experiences can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn from historical events, enabling us to circumvent similar pitfalls in the future. To substantiate this assertion, I would like to draw upon a personal anecdote. During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in an immense loss of life and widespread destruction. Subsequent investigations revealed that inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events. These initiatives were informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, the improved building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries sustained during the disaster. (163 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 6 文章修订

I incline concur with Ronaid's opinion Ronald's perspective (Changed "Ronaid's opinion" to "Ronald's perspective" for proper name spelling and more natural phrasing) that insights gleaned from past experience provides experiences (Changed "provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the problems" to "insights gleaned from past experiences" for a more natural tone) can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoid more errors from historical events, enabling us to circumvent (Changed "avoid" to "circumvent" for a more sophisticated word choice) similar pitfalls in the future. To illustrate substantiate this point, assertion (Changed "illustrate this point" to "substantiate this assertion" for a more formal tone), I would like to make draw upon a personal anecdote (Changed "make my own experience as an example. When I was example" to "draw upon a personal anecdote" for better flow). During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in elementary school, an earthquate happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands immense loss of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed life and widespread destruction (Rephrased the sentence about the earthquake for better flow and clarity). Subsequent investigations revealed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage of earthquate, our were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also trained us provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events (Rephrased the sentence about how to escape from buildings when earthquate happends and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledge government actions for better flow). These initiatives were aquired from the past experience of informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerred by our government, there were much less building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries and deaths in this catastrophy.sustained during the disaster (Rephrased the sentence about the second earthquake for better flow and clarity).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 历史经验对现代问题的解决
  - 子主题1: 社会发展与历史事件的关系
    - 学习历史事件
    - 避免类似陷阱
  - 子主题2: 个人轶事
    - 小学时期的地震灾难
    - 调查结果与教训
  - 子主题3: 政府应对措施
    - 提高建筑质量
    - 紧急疏散培训和安全地点识别
  - 子主题4: 成果与效果验证
    - 同样强度地震的后续影响减轻
    - 减少伤亡和损失

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体而言，你的文章回应了教授的问题，并表达了你的观点。然而，有一些方面可以改进。首先，在论述观点时，可以提供更具体的例子来支持你的观点。其次，尽量避免重复使用相同的词汇和表达，以增加文章的语言多样性。

改进示例1： 原文：For instance, watching the information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world. 修改后：For example, by following news updates on electronic devices, college students can stay informed about global events that may impact their future careers.

改进示例2： 原文：When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended restaurants, bars, and songs. 修改后：While browsing social media platforms, individuals can exchange recommendations for restaurants, entertainment venues, and music with their friends or family members.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，你的文章具有清晰的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，在段落内部可以使用更明确的主题句来引导读者理解每个段落的主要观点。此外，在段落之间添加过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯。

改进示例1： 原文：As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. 修改后：As Lysol pointed out, being aware of global events can have a significant impact on our lives and help us make informed decisions.

改进示例2： 原文：Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their friends. 修改后：Additionally, staying updated on current events can also serve as a means to strengthen relationships with friends and family members.

5. 语法批改

While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paid on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives. As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. For instance, watching the information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, such as the business, the politics, and the economics; however, this useful information cannot be accessible to students who don't watch anything on social media. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their friends. When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended restaurants, bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relationship of them. Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I agree with Lysol's view that staying informed about global events, even those seemingly unrelated to our daily lives, can provide valuable insights and opportunities for personal growth. As Lysol mentioned, globalization has interconnected our world in such a way that an event in one country can have ripple effects across the globe. For example, college students who stay updated on current events through electronic devices can gain valuable knowledge applicable to various fields such as business, politics, and economics. This information may not be readily available to those who avoid social media and other news sources.

Moreover, engaging with news content on social media platforms can also foster stronger connections with friends and family members. By sharing interesting articles or discussing recent events, individuals can enhance their relationships and broaden their perspectives. In conclusion, browsing information on electronic devices offers numerous benefits that should not be overlooked simply because some news stories may appear irrelevant at first glance. (168 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While I can the understand Kathy's point of Kathy that the hours paid spent on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning the browsing information, people can still utilize some of them it in their lives. lives (clarified the subject and action). As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is information can have a global impact and be beneficial to everyone's life. life (simplified phrasing). For instance, watching the by accessing information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest stay informed about the latest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, various fields such as the business, the politics, and the economics; however, this useful information cannot may not be accessible to students who don't watch anything on engage with social media. media (clarified meaning and rephrased for readability).

Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize use this way to enhance the connection with their friends. method to strengthen connections with their friends (simplified phrasing). When scanning the browsing information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the interesting things like recommended restaurants, bars, and songs, songs with their friends or family members, which can boost the relationship of them. enhance their relationships (rephrased for clarity). Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the explore information on electronic devices and attain some benefits.reap the benefits (simplified phrasing).

8 思维导图

[Global Events Importance]
  - [Interconnected World]
    - [Ripple Effects]
      - [Example: College Students]
  - [Valuable Knowledge]
    - [Business, Politics, Economics]
  - [Engaging with News Content]
    - [Social Media Platforms]
      - [Foster Connections]
        - [Friends and Family Members]
  - [Broaden Perspectives]
  - [Conclusion: Benefits of Browsing Information on Electronic Devices]

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

28. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章较好地完成了任务要求。你清晰地表达了自己的观点，并通过具体的例子来支持你的论点。但是，你可以在论述中加入更多关于互联网如何帮助人们欣赏文化遗产的细节。例如，可以讨论互联网如何使不同国家和地区的人们能够相互了解和欣赏彼此的文化遗产。

改进示例1：

• 在文章中提到，互联网可以让更多人了解世界各地的文化遗产，从而增进国际间的文化交流和理解。

改进示例2：

• 讨论一下互联网上的虚拟博物馆和在线展览如何为那些无法亲自参观博物馆或历史遗址的人们提供了宝贵的机会。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每个段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间的过渡可以更加自然和流畅。你可以在段落开头使用一些过渡词或短语，以帮助读者更好地理解你的观点。

改进示例1：

• 在第二段开头，可以使用 "Firstly" 或 "To begin with" 作为过渡词，引导读者进入正文部分。

改进示例2：

• 在讨论互联网如何保护文化遗产时，可以使用 "Furthermore" 或 "In addition" 来引出下一个论点。

5. 语法批改

Internet plays a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage as it stores the digital form of historical sitessites,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which can protect them from natural disasters and accidents like a fire. Consequently, they are entitled to longer life span. Moreover, people are able to appreciate those landscapes on a screen and have no need to admire them in reality. As a result, those historical heritagethis historical heritage('this' vs. 'these') may be conserved better by avoiding human-caused damages. For instance, there was a historical site in China renowned for cave paintings. However, it is vulnerable because it has existed for over 1000 years. Accordingly, if it is open to the public very often, those cave paintings may suffer great destruction due to exposure to oxygen. Through the application of Internet, people can enjoy those paintings online and the site may be closed up for better preservation, which also guarantees greater endurance. In conclusion, Internet is definitely beneficial on appreciating and protecting cultural heritage.

Title: 6 文章修订

The internet plays a pivotal role in preserving cultural heritage by storing digital representations of historical sites, safeguarding them from natural disasters and accidents such as fires. This ensures their longevity and allows people to appreciate these treasures without causing potential harm through physical interaction. For example, a historical site in China, renowned for its ancient cave paintings, is vulnerable due to its age. Frequent exposure to the public could result in significant damage from oxygen exposure. By utilizing the internet, individuals can admire these paintings online while the site remains closed for preservation purposes, ultimately guaranteeing greater endurance. Therefore, the internet undoubtedly has a positive impact on both the appreciation and protection of cultural heritage. (119 words)

Internet The internet plays a crucial pivotal role [Changed "crucial" to "pivotal" for better word choice] in preserving cultural heritage as it stores the by storing digital form representations of historical sites which can protect sites, safeguarding them from natural disasters and accidents like a fire. Consequently, they are entitled to longer life span. Moreover, such as fires [Clarified the sentence for better understanding]. This ensures their longevity and allows people are able to appreciate those landscapes on a screen and have no need to admire them in reality. As a result, those historical heritage may be conserved better by avoiding human-caused damages. these treasures without causing potential harm through physical interaction [Rephrased for clarity]. For instance, there was example, a historical site in China China, renowned for its ancient cave paintings. However, it paintings, is vulnerable because it has existed for over 1000 years. Accordingly, if it is open due to its age [Improved sentence structure]. Frequent exposure to the public very often, those cave paintings may suffer great destruction due to could result in significant damage from oxygen exposure to oxygen. Through [Clarified the application cause of Internet, people damage]. By utilizing the internet, individuals can enjoy those admire these paintings online and while the site may be remains closed up for preservation purposes, ultimately guaranteeing greater endurance [Rephrased for better preservation, which also guarantees greater endurance. In conclusion, Internet is definitely beneficial flow]. Therefore, the internet undoubtedly has a positive impact on appreciating both the appreciation and protecting protection of cultural heritage.heritage [Concluded with a clear statement summarizing the main point].

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Internet's role in preserving cultural heritage

2. Digital representations
   - Historical sites stored online
   - Protection from natural disasters and accidents

3. Longevity and appreciation
   - No physical interaction needed
   - Preservation of fragile sites

4. Example: Ancient cave paintings in China
   - Vulnerability due to age and exposure to oxygen
   - Online access for admiration and preservation purposes

5. Positive impact of the internet on cultural heritage
   - Appreciation and protection benefits

9 关键词

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上回答了问题，但是可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，尽量避免重复已经提到的观点，尝试引入新的观点和例子。其次，在论述观点时要更具说服力，例如使用更具体的例子来支持你的观点。最后，注意语法和词汇的准确性。

Example 1: Original: "One main reason for knowing global news is that noticing events could foster us to be passionate." Improved: "One main reason for staying informed about global news is that it can inspire us and broaden our perspectives."

Example 2: Original: "Although Kathy asserts that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, being aware of events can also promote people to be erudite." Improved: "While Kathy argues that focusing on work is more important than following the news, staying informed about current events can contribute to our overall knowledge and intellectual growth."

4.文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，但可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在引言部分明确表达你的观点，并简要概述你将要讨论的主要论点。其次，在正文部分逐一详细阐述每个论点，并使用恰当的过渡词来连接不同的观点。最后，在结论部分总结你的观点，并重申文章的主题。

Example 1: Original: "I agree with the idea of being aware of current events which are irrelevant to ourselves." Improved: "In my opinion, staying informed about global events, even if they seem irrelevant to our daily lives, is essential for personal growth and broadening our perspectives."

Example 2: Original: "Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know current events which are not relevant to them." Improved: "In conclusion, considering the benefits of staying informed about global events, such as personal inspiration and intellectual growth, I firmly believe that it is important for individuals to be aware of current events beyond their immediate surroundings."

5. 语法批改

I agree with the idea of being aware of current events which are irrelevant to ourselves. One main reason for knowing global news is that noticing events could foster us to be passionate. Given that every people faces challenges in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the obstacles is qualified to inspire us to be energetic. For instance, when I watched news about how PresdientPresident(misspelling) Trump addressed economy issues, I was motivated by Trump because him faced a lot of problems and finally solved them. As a result, whenever I dealt with problems, I was always optimistic. Although Kathy asserts that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, being aware of events can also promote people to be erudite. Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know current events which are not relevant to them.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, staying informed about global events, even if they seem irrelevant to our daily lives, is essential for personal growth and broadening our perspectives. One primary reason for being aware of current events is that it can inspire us and provide valuable lessons from others' experiences. For instance, learning about how prominent figures overcame challenges can motivate us to face our own obstacles with optimism and determination.

While Kathy argues that focusing on work is more important than following the news, staying informed about current events can contribute to our overall knowledge and intellectual growth. Moreover, as Lysol mentioned, globalization has interconnected the world in such a way that seemingly unrelated events can have far-reaching consequences. An example of this is how the increasing price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan.

It is true that consuming news content requires time and attention; however, it is crucial to strike a balance between staying informed and allocating time for work or other activities. Additionally, being critical of the information we consume and verifying its authenticity can help prevent the spread of fake news.

In light of these factors, I firmly believe that individuals should be aware of current events beyond their immediate surroundings as it fosters personal growth, broadens perspectives, and promotes intellectual development. (220 words)

I agree with the idea of 7.文章批改

In my opinion, staying informed about global events, even if they seem irrelevant to our daily lives, is essential for personal growth and broadening our perspectives. (Revised for clarity and formality)

One primary reason for being aware of current events which are irrelevant to ourselves. One main reason for knowing global news is that noticing events could foster us to be passionate. Given that every people faces challenges in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the obstacles is qualified to is that it can inspire us to be energetic. ¶ and provide valuable lessons from others' experiences. (Revised for coherence and vocabulary) For instance, when I watched news learning about how Presdient Trump addressed economy issues, I was motivated by Trump because him faced prominent figures overcame challenges can motivate us to face our own obstacles with optimism and determination. (Revised for clarity and specificity)

While Kathy argues that focusing on work is more important than following the news, staying informed about current events can contribute to our overall knowledge and intellectual growth. (Revised for coherence and vocabulary) Moreover, as Lysol mentioned, globalization has interconnected the world in such a lot of problems and finally solved them. As way that seemingly unrelated events can have far-reaching consequences. (Revised for clarity and formality) An example of this is how the increasing price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan. (Revised for specificity)

It is true that consuming news content requires time and attention; however, it is crucial to strike a result, whenever I dealt with problems, I was always optimistic. ¶ Although Kathy asserts that balance between staying informed and allocating time for work or other activities. (Revised for coherence and vocabulary) Additionally, being critical of the information we should spend time on working rather than reading news, being aware of events can also promote people to be erudite. ¶ Therefore, in consume and verifying its authenticity can help prevent the spread of fake news. (Revised for clarity)

In light of the above these factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know should be aware of current events which are not relevant to them.beyond their immediate surroundings as it fosters personal growth, broadens perspectives, and promotes intellectual development. (Revised for coherence and formality)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Personal growth
  • Broadening perspectives

• Reason 1: Inspiration and valuable lessons

  • Prominent figures
  • Overcoming challenges

• Counterargument: Time management and work focus

  • Balance between staying informed and other activities

• Globalization and interconnectedness

  • Far-reaching consequences of seemingly unrelated events

• Importance of critical thinking and verifying information

  • Preventing the spread of fake news

• Conclusion: Fostering personal growth, broadening perspectives, promoting intellectual development

9.关键词

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 22 (3.5)

3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，你需要更具体地回答教授的问题，即是否认为人们应该了解与他们日常生活关系不大的世界事件。其次，在提供支持观点的例子时，尽量使用更具体和相关的例子。此外，注意避免使用过于口语化的表达。

改进示例1： Instead of "Given that every people has low time in their life," you can write "Considering that everyone faces challenges in their lives."

改进示例2： Instead of "I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them," you can write "I admired Trump because he overcame numerous obstacles and eventually resolved them."

4.文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面还有待提高。首先，建议在开头部分明确表达你的观点，并在正文部分逐一阐述和支持你的观点。另外，在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词或短语以使文章更连贯。

改进示例1： You can start your essay with a clear statement of your opinion, such as "In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives."

改进示例2： To improve the transition between paragraphs, you can use phrases like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your arguments.

5. 语法批改

I wholeheartedly concur with Lysol's perspective that we can learn a lot from others' experience. In my view, we, normal individuals, are able to be passionate again through learning from the success of celebrities in the media. Given that every people has low time in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the obstacles stand on their road, is qualified to educate us how to be energetic. For instance, when I was young, I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them, thereby whenever I was dealing with problems, I always waswas always(Word order: Wrong position of adverb, e.g. 'Always I am happy. (I am always happy.)') optimistic. Although Kathy parents an idea that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, reading news can also promote people to be erudite. Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know current events which absolutely tend to benefit to them.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives. I concur with Lysol's perspective that learning from others' experiences is crucial for personal growth and preparedness. Globalization has interconnected our lives, making it essential to understand the potential impact of seemingly unrelated events. For instance, the rising price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan.

Although Kathy argues that consuming news unrelated to one's life is a waste of time, I believe that staying informed can contribute to becoming a well-rounded individual. It is true that some news content may be sensationalized or misleading; however, discerning reliable sources and information is a valuable skill in today's digital age.

Moreover, stories of overcoming adversity can inspire and motivate us during challenging times. For example, when I was younger, I admired Trump for his ability to overcome numerous obstacles and eventually resolve them. This admiration encouraged me to maintain an optimistic attitude when facing my own difficulties.

In summary, being informed about global events not only broadens our horizons but also helps us learn from others' experiences and fosters personal growth. Therefore, I firmly believe that individuals should stay updated on current events as they can ultimately benefit from this knowledge. (218 words)

I wholeheartedly 7.文章批改

In my opinion, people should be aware of events happening around the world, even if they have little influence on their daily lives. (This sentence clearly states the writer's opinion and addresses the professor's question.) I concur with Lysol's perspective that we can learn a lot learning from others' experience. In my view, we, normal individuals, are able to experiences is crucial for personal growth and preparedness. (The word "concur" is more formal than "agree," and "crucial" is a stronger adjective than "important.") Globalization has interconnected our lives, making it essential to understand the potential impact of seemingly unrelated events. (This sentence explains why it is important to know about global events.) For instance, the rising price of wheat in England may eventually affect cereal prices in Taiwan. (This example demonstrates how an event in one country can impact another.)

Although Kathy argues that consuming news unrelated to one's life is a waste of time, I believe that staying informed can contribute to becoming a well-rounded individual. (This sentence acknowledges Kathy's argument and provides a counterpoint.) It is true that some news content may be passionate again through sensationalized or misleading; however, discerning reliable sources and information is a valuable skill in today's digital age. (This sentence addresses the issue of fake news and emphasizes the importance of critical thinking.)

Moreover, stories of overcoming adversity can inspire and motivate us during challenging times. (This sentence introduces a new point about learning from the success of celebrities in the media. Given that every people has low time in their life, the valuable experience that how the famous official overcame the others' experiences.) For example, when I was younger, I admired Trump for his ability to overcome numerous obstacles stand on their road, is qualified to educate and eventually resolve them. (The revised sentence uses proper grammar and clarifies the meaning.) This admiration encouraged me to maintain an optimistic attitude when facing my own difficulties.

In summary, being informed about global events not only broadens our horizons but also helps us how to be energetic. For instance, when I was young, I regarded Trump as my idol because him faced a lot of issues and finally solved them, thereby whenever I was dealing with problems, I always was optimistic. Although Kathy parents an idea that we should spend time on working rather than reading news, reading news can also promote people to be erudite. learn from others' experiences and fosters personal growth. (This sentence summarizes the main points of the essay.) Therefore, in light of the above factors, I firmly believe that individuals are supposed to know should stay updated on current events which absolutely tend to as they can ultimately benefit to them.from this knowledge. (This sentence reinforces the writer's opinion and provides a strong conclusion.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Opinion: awareness of global events

• Lysol's perspective

  • Learning from others' experiences
  • Personal growth and preparedness
  • Globalization and interconnectedness

• Example

  • Rising price of wheat in England affecting Taiwan's cereal prices

• Counterargument: Kathy's view

  • Time-wasting vs. well-rounded individuals
  • Sensationalized or misleading news content
  • Importance of discerning reliable sources and critical thinking skills

• Overcoming adversity and inspiration from others' stories

  • Trump's example

• Conclusion

  • Broadening horizons, learning from experiences, fostering personal growth

9.关键词