TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: For this week's discussion, let's think about how to attract more tourists. Some people claim that the government should improve the safety by hiring more police. Others think that improving the appearance of the city is more effective. Before our next class, please use the discussion board to share your thoughts.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章较好地回应了讨论问题，表达了自己的观点。但是，可以进一步改进的地方包括：

1. 更多地引用阅读材料中的观点和例子，以增强论据的说服力。

2. 对于不同观点进行比较和对比，以便更全面地回应讨论问题。

示例1：在文章中，你可以提到Amy和Benjamin的观点，并解释为什么你同意Amy而不同意Benjamin。 示例2：在支持自己观点时，可以给出更多具体的例子，如某个城市通过改善外观成功吸引了游客。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有待改进：

1. 在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯。

2. 在正文部分中对每个要点进行更详细的阐述和支持。

示例1：在第二段与第三段之间加入过渡词，如“此外”或“然而”，以更自然地连接两个段落。 示例2：在正文部分中，可以详细描述改善城市外观对于吸引游客的具体影响，如提高游客满意度、增加口碑传播等。

5. 语法批改

Recently, the topic of how to attract more tourists has generated much discussion. In my opinion, I believe that the better way a city wants to attract more tourists is to improve the appearance. To elaborate, people who first visit the city will have a first impression about the city which is the most important thing for the city to attract tourists. Improving the appearance of the city can provide people good experience of traveling and, and(comma between independent clauses) they will announce it on the Internet which will attract tourists to come. For instance, I planned to visit Beijing last summer vacation and I did some research on the Internet about the tourismstourism(misspelling) of Beijing. I was so impressed by the ancient architecture of Beijing, like the Palace Museum. So, when I first stood at that place, I had a good impression of the Palace Museum. I also decided that I will come to Beijing for second time. Thus, I disagree with Benjamin’s mind that improving the safety of the city to attract more tourists. Had it not been for the improvement of appearance of the city, I would not have made the choice that I will be there again. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that improving the appearance of the city is the better way to attract tourists.

Title: 6 文章修订

Recently, the topic of how to attract more tourists has generated much discussion. In my opinion, I believe that the most effective way for a city to draw in visitors is by enhancing its appearance.

To elaborate, the first impression a city makes on newcomers is crucial for attracting tourists. Improving the city's appearance can provide a positive travel experience, leading visitors to share their experiences online and encourage others to visit.

For instance, I planned a trip to Beijing last summer and conducted research on the city's tourist attractions. I was captivated by the ancient architecture of Beijing, such as the Palace Museum. Upon visiting, my initial impression of the Palace Museum was overwhelmingly positive, which led me to decide on returning to Beijing in the future.

Thus, I disagree with Benjamin's assertion that increasing safety measures is a more effective method for attracting tourists. Had it not been for the impressive appearance of Beijing's landmarks, I would not have considered revisiting.

In light of this example, it becomes evident that enhancing a city's visual appeal has a significant impact on drawing in tourists. Therefore, investing in aesthetic improvements should be prioritized over increasing safety measures when aiming to boost tourism numbers.

By focusing on improving a city's appearance and providing visually stunning experiences for visitors, cities can create lasting impressions that will encourage more people to explore their unique offerings and contribute positively to local economies through increased tourism revenue. (245 words)

Recently, the topic of how to attract more tourists has generated much discussion.

In my opinion, I believe that the better most effective way (revised for clarity) for a city wants to attract more tourists to draw in visitors is to improve the appearance. by enhancing its appearance (revised for natural tone).

To elaborate, people who first visit the city will have a the first impression about the a city which makes on newcomers is the most important thing for the city to attract crucial (revised for clarity) for attracting tourists. Improving the city's appearance of the city can provide people good experience of traveling a positive travel experience, leading visitors to share their experiences online and they will announce it on the Internet which will attract tourists to come. encourage others to visit (revised for natural tone).

For instance, I planned to visit a trip to Beijing last summer vacation and I did some conducted research on the Internet about the tourisms of Beijing. (revised for clarity) on the city's tourist attractions. I was so impressed captivated by the ancient architecture of Beijing, like such as the Palace Museum. So, when I first stood at that place, I had a good Upon visiting, my initial impression of the Palace Museum. I also decided that I will come Museum was overwhelmingly positive (revised for natural tone), which led me to decide on returning to Beijing for second time. in the future.

Thus, I disagree with Benjamin’s mind Benjamin's assertion (revised for clarity) that improving the increasing safety of the city to attract measures is a more effective method for attracting tourists. Had it not been for the improvement of impressive appearance of the city, Beijing's landmarks, I would not have made the choice considered revisiting.

In light of this example, it becomes evident that I enhancing a city's visual appeal has a significant impact on drawing in tourists (revised for natural tone). Therefore, investing in aesthetic improvements should be prioritized over increasing safety measures when aiming to boost tourism numbers.

By focusing on improving a city's appearance and providing visually stunning experiences for visitors, cities can create lasting impressions that will be there again. ¶ In conclusion, I agree with the statement that improving the appearance of the city is the better way to attract tourists.encourage more people to explore their unique offerings and contribute positively to local economies through increased tourism revenue (revised for natural tone).

8 思维导图

- Attracting Tourists
    - Enhancing City Appearance
        - First Impressions
            - Positive Travel Experience
                - Sharing Experiences Online
                    - Encouraging Others to Visit
        - Example: Beijing Trip
            - Ancient Architecture
                - Palace Museum
                    - Overwhelmingly Positive Impression
                        - Decision to Revisit Beijing
    - Disagree with Benjamin's Assertion (Increasing Safety Measures)
        - Importance of Visual Appeal for Revisiting a City
    - Conclusion: Prioritize Aesthetic Improvements over Safety Measures for Boosting Tourism Numbers 

9 关键词