TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on international relations. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following. · Express and support your opinion. · Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了题目要求，表达了作者的观点，并对讨论做出了贡献。但是，文章在语言运用和语法方面还有待提高。建议在写作时注意以下几点：

1. 使用更丰富、更准确的词汇；

2. 注意语法错误，避免使用不恰当的表达。

例如：

• 原文：“It enhanced my horizens about the whole world, and making acknowledged that there are some many similarity among countries.”

• 改进：“It broadened my horizons about the world, making me realize that there are numerous similarities among countries.”

• 原文：“I am in the line with the opinion that differences between people from different countries are decreasing.”

• 改进：“I am in agreement with the opinion that differences between people from different countries are decreasing.”

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上表现良好。然而，在某些地方可以进一步改进以使文章更加清晰和连贯。建议在写作时注意以下几点：

1. 在引入论点时使用恰当的过渡词或短语；

2. 确保每个段落都有明确的主题句和支持细节。

例如：

• 原文：“Besides the reason of what Amy claimed, I reckon that differences between people from different countries are decreasing...”

• 改进：“In addition to Amy's argument, I believe that differences between people from different countries are decreasing...”

• 原文：“To be specific, I used to meet a Japanese friend when I was in highschool.”

• 改进：“For instance, when I was in high school, I had a Japanese friend who introduced me to many aspects of their culture.”

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I am inclined to approve of the statement of Amy when she contends that the differences among us are decreasing as our exposure to products from other countries grows. Besides the reason of what Amy claimed, I reckon that differences between people from different countries are decreasing, because with a deeper understanding of each other's cultures and conventions, the more similaritie ssimilarities(misspelling) between the countries will be discoverddiscovered(misspelling). To be specific, I used to meet a Japanese friend when I was in highschoolhigh school(misspelling). What surprises me most is that many cultures from Japan are really similar to ours, such as renuitingreuniting(misspelling) families together during the Spring Festival and enjoying the ChinesesChinese's(misspelling) new years. It enhanced my horizenshorizons(misspelling) about the whole world, and making acknowledged that there are some many similaritymany similarities(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + singular countable noun) among countries. Therefore, I am in the line with the opinion that differences between people from different countries are decreasing.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with Amy's assertion that the differences among us are diminishing as our exposure to products and cultures from other countries increases. In addition to Amy's reasoning, I believe that as people gain a deeper understanding of each other's customs and traditions, they will discover more similarities between their respective nations. For instance, during high school, I befriended a Japanese student and was astonished to find numerous cultural parallels between Japan and my own country, such as the importance of family reunions during the Spring Festival and the shared enjoyment of Chinese New Year celebrations. This experience broadened my worldview and made me realize that there are indeed many similarities among different countries. Consequently, I firmly support the notion that differences between people from various nations are decreasing. (135 words)

In my opinion, I am concur (Changed "am inclined to approve of the statement of Amy when she contends of" to "concur" for a more natural and concise expression) with Amy's assertion that the differences among us are decreasing diminishing (Changed "decreasing" to "diminishing" for better word choice) as our exposure to products and cultures (Added "and cultures" for clarity) from other countries grows. Besides the reason of what Amy claimed, I reckon that differences between increases. In addition to Amy's reasoning, I believe that as people from different countries are decreasing, because with gain a deeper understanding of each other's cultures and conventions, the customs and traditions (Changed "cultures and conventions" to "customs and traditions" for better word choice), they will discover more similaritie s similarities between the countries will be discoverd. To be specific, I used to meet their respective nations. For instance, during high school, I befriended (Changed "used to meet" to "befriended" for a more natural expression) a Japanese friend when I student and was in highschool. What astonished (Changed "What surprises me most is that many cultures from that" to "was astonished" for better flow) to find numerous cultural parallels between Japan are really similar to ours, and my own country, such as renuiting families together the importance of family reunions during the Spring Festival and enjoying the Chineses new years. It enhanced the shared enjoyment of Chinese New Year celebrations (Rephrased sentence for clarity). This experience broadened my horizens about the whole world, and making acknowledged worldview (Changed "horizens" to "worldview") and made me realize that there are some indeed many similarity similarities among different countries. Therefore, I am in the line with the opinion Consequently, I firmly support the notion that differences between people from different countries various nations are decreasing.

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Amy's assertion
   - Exposure to products and cultures

2. Personal experience
   - Befriending a Japanese student
   - Discovering cultural parallels

3. Examples of similarities
   - Importance of family reunions during Spring Festival
   - Shared enjoyment of Chinese New Year celebrations

4. Broader worldview
   - Realization of similarities among different countries

5. Conclusion
   - Support the notion that differences are decreasing

Display title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章在回答问题和表达观点方面做得很好。但是，可以进一步改进的地方包括：在支持观点时提供更多具体的例子，以及在论述中加入对Amy和Rory观点的讨论。这样可以使文章更加完整和有说服力。

改进建议示例：

1. 在讨论互联网如何帮助我们了解其他国家的文化时，可以提供一些具体的社交媒体平台或在线资源的例子。

2. 在文章中引用Amy和Rory的观点，并对它们进行评价，以展示你对话题有深入的理解。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，但仍有改进空间。首先，在引言部分可以简要介绍你将要讨论的主题，并指出你将回应Amy和Rory的观点。其次，在正文部分，每段落都应该专注于一个具体观点，并提供相关细节来支持这个观点。最后，在结论部分总结你的主要观点，并简要阐述为什么你认为差异在减少。

改进建议示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样写：“在这篇文章中，我将讨论不同国家之间的差异是否在减少，并回应Amy和Rory的观点。”

2. 在正文部分，可以添加一段讨论如何通过社交媒体和在线资源了解其他国家文化的具体例子，以支持你的观点。

5. 语法批改

In my perspective, I think the disparities lining in people from different countries are declining. We are entering a highly modernized civilization with a swift development in technology. People can connect and know each other by internet effortlessly. All they need to do is just create an account on any social media platformplatform,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) then they can know millions of people in different countries from the other side of the screen. People no longer have to purchase flight tickets anymore to know other cultures and views in a different countriesa different country(Agreement: 'a' + plural word). They can just insert keyword in a search engine and know what kind of food and clothes people may have in other nations. As aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') experienced "netcitizennet citizen(misspelling)" myself, I have been using internetthe internet(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) since I was in elementary school. I've only been to a few countries, but I know Mexican food have tacos and burritos, I know the Big Ben in UKthe UK(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.), and I know the Statue of Freedom in New York. This is all because of the power of technology that connect people together.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my view, the disparities between individuals from various countries are diminishing. As we progress into a highly modernized society with rapid technological advancements, people can effortlessly connect and learn about one another through the internet. By simply creating an account on any social media platform, individuals can interact with millions of others from diverse backgrounds without the need to physically travel. The mere act of typing keywords into a search engine allows us to explore different cultures, foods, and customs across the globe. As an experienced "netcitizen" myself, I have utilized the internet since elementary school to expand my knowledge of various countries and their unique aspects. For instance, I am familiar with Mexican cuisine such as tacos and burritos, iconic landmarks like Big Ben in the UK and the Statue of Freedom in New York – all thanks to technology's power in connecting people together. (152 words)

In my perspective, I think view [revised for a more natural tone], the disparities lining in people between individuals from different various countries are declining. We are entering diminishing [revised for clarity]. As we progress into a highly modernized civilization society with a swift development in technology. People rapid technological advancements [revised for better flow], people can effortlessly connect and know each other by learn about one another through the internet effortlessly. All they need to do is just create [revised for clarity]. By simply creating an account on any social media platform then they platform, individuals can know interact with millions of people in different countries others from diverse backgrounds without the other side need to physically travel [revised for better flow]. The mere act of the screen. People no longer have to purchase flight tickets anymore to know other cultures and views in a different countries. They can just insert keyword in typing keywords into a search engine allows us to explore different cultures, foods, and know what kind of food and clothes people may have in other nations. customs across the globe [revised for clarity]. As a an experienced "netcitizen" myself, I have been using utilized the internet since elementary school to expand my knowledge of various countries and their unique aspects [revised for better flow]. For instance, I was in elementary school. I've only been to a few countries, but I know am familiar with Mexican food have cuisine such as tacos and burritos, I know the iconic landmarks like Big Ben in UK, the UK and I know the Statue of Freedom in New York. This is York – all because of the thanks to technology's power of technology that connect in connecting people together.together [revised for clarity and better flow].

8 思维导图

1. 现代化社会与技术进步
   - 互联网的普及
   - 社交媒体平台

2. 文化交流与了解
   - 搜索引擎的作用
   - 不同国家的食物、习俗和地标

3. 个人经历与成长
   - 自小使用互联网学习
   - 对各国文化的了解和认识

9 关键词