TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on marketing.Write apost responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并表达了自己的观点。但是，为了更好地完成任务，你可以在文章中提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，尝试在论述中加入对于在线信息来源的讨论，以便更全面地回答问题。

示例1：在讨论朋友和家人给予建议时，可以提到他们了解我们的需求和喜好，因此他们的建议通常比网上评论更贴切。 示例2：虽然在线信息来源可能会提供大量数据和评价，但它们可能不如朋友和家人对我们个人需求的了解深入。

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有改进空间。为了使文章逻辑更加严密，请确保每段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并提供支持细节。同时，在段落之间使用明确的过渡词或短语。

建议1：在引言部分，可以简要介绍你将在文章中讨论的两种购买策略（朋友和家人的建议以及在线信息来源）。 示例：在这篇文章中，我将讨论依赖朋友和家人的建议与依赖在线信息来源之间的优劣。

建议2：在正文部分，可以使用过渡词或短语来引导读者从一个观点转向另一个观点。 示例：尽管在线信息来源提供了丰富的数据和评价，但我认为朋友和家人的建议对于做出购买决策更为关键。

5. 语法批改

For my perspective, I totally agree with the Paul’s viewpoint that making purchasing decisions after asking my friends and family for help. To be more specific, they have deeper understanding of my tastetaste,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) so they could give me more personal advice than others. For instance, when you are searching for a new cell phone, instead of trust on the online advertisements announcing their excellent big-screen product, your close friends know the priority of your choice is the portable ability of device and, and(comma between independent clauses) they would like to introduce you the phone they have used conveniently or the most suitable product they think for you. This is undoubtedly efficient and satisfying. At the same time, there is a voice claims that it might take too much time to gather useful information from individuals. Conversely, I think it save a lot of time to try something awkward. Furthermore, if the product’s function and quality is exaggerated by the online information, you must spend extra time dealing with it, which wastes time and bothers you a lot.

Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, I concur with Paul's perspective that seeking advice from friends and family is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions. The primary reason is that these individuals possess a deeper understanding of our preferences, enabling them to provide personalized recommendations.

For example, when searching for a new cell phone, one might be swayed by online advertisements promoting devices with large screens. However, close friends who are aware of your preference for portability would likely recommend phones they have found convenient or products they believe are most suitable for you. This approach not only proves efficient but also leads to greater satisfaction.

While some argue that gathering information from individuals may be time-consuming, I contend that it saves time in the long run by preventing the purchase of unsuitable products. Relying solely on online information may result in exaggerated claims about a product's functionality and quality. Consequently, consumers may spend additional time addressing issues arising from such purchases, ultimately wasting time and causing frustration. (171 words)

For In my opinion, I concur with Paul's perspective (Changed "For my perspective, I totally agree with the Paul’s viewpoint viewpoint" to "In my opinion, I concur with Paul's perspective" for a more natural tone and correct grammar) that seeking advice from friends and family is a more effective strategy for making purchasing decisions after asking my friends and family for help. To be more specific, they decisions. The primary reason is that these individuals possess a deeper understanding of our preferences (Changed "they have deeper understanding of my taste so they could give me more personal advice than others. taste" to "these individuals possess a deeper understanding of our preferences" for clarity and consistency), enabling them to provide personalized recommendations.

For instance, example, when you are searching for a new cell phone, instead of trust on the one might be swayed by online advertisements announcing their excellent big-screen product, your promoting devices with large screens. However, close friends know who are aware of your preference for portability (Changed "know the priority of your choice is the portable ability of device and they device" to "are aware of your preference for portability" for clarity and conciseness) would like to introduce you the phone likely recommend phones they have used conveniently found convenient or the products they believe are most suitable product they think for you. This approach not only proves efficient but also leads to greater satisfaction (Changed "This is undoubtedly efficient and satisfying. satisfying." to make it flow better within the paragraph).

At the same time, there is a voice claims While some argue that gathering information from individuals may be time-consuming, I contend that it might take too much time to gather useful information from individuals. Conversely, I saves time in the long run by preventing the purchase of unsuitable products (Changed "I think it save a lot of time to try something awkward. Furthermore, if the product’s function and quality is awkward." to make it clearer and correct grammar). Relying solely on online information may result in exaggerated by the online information, you claims about a product's functionality and quality. Consequently, consumers may spend additional time addressing issues arising from such purchases (Changed "you must spend extra time dealing with it, which wastes time and bothers it" to maintain consistency in tone), ultimately wasting time and causing frustration (Changed "bothers you a lot.lot" to "causing frustration" for a more formal tone).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 朋友和家人的建议对购买决策的影响
  - 原因1: 深入了解我们的喜好
    - 例子: 购买手机时，朋友知道我们喜欢便携性，推荐合适的产品
  - 原因2: 提供个性化建议
    - 效率高且满意度更高
  - 反驳观点: 时间消耗大
    - 阐述: 长期来看，避免购买不合适产品，节省时间
  - 结论: 同意Paul的观点，从朋友和家人那里寻求建议更有效

9 关键词