TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地解释为什么政府不应该控制油价，例如可以提到市场机制的作用。其次，在论述中可以使用更多具体的例子来支持观点。最后，在语法和词汇方面需要注意准确性和多样性。

Example 1: Instead of "By doing so, the carbon dioxide can be reduced and global warming can be released.", you could write "By opting for public transportation, people can contribute to reducing carbon dioxide emissions, which in turn helps combat global warming."

Example 2: Instead of "If government reduce the price of the oil, it is not fare for oil companies.", you could write "If the government artificially lowers oil prices, it may not be fair to oil companies as it disrupts the natural market mechanisms."

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，你的文章基本上符合要求，但仍有一些地方可以改进。首先，在引言部分可以更明确地表达自己的观点。其次，在正文部分，每个段落都应该集中讨论一个具体的观点，并提供相应的支持细节。最后，注意在段落之间使用恰当的过渡词汇，使文章更加连贯。

Example 1: For a clearer introduction, you could write "In response to the professor's question, I believe that governments should not control oil prices for several reasons, including environmental and economic factors."

Example 2: To improve paragraph organization and transitions, you could write "Firstly, allowing market forces to determine oil prices can encourage people to adopt more environmentally friendly transportation options. For instance, when oil prices are high, individuals may be more inclined to use public transportation or ride bicycles instead of driving their cars."

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, government should not control the price of oil, since we can make our environment better and make economy healthy. To elaborate, as the price of oil increase, more and more people will choose public transportation such as, bus, subway. By doing so, the carbon dioxide can be reduced and, and(comma between independent clauses) global warming can be released. Besides, the price of the oil should be controlled by market, making sure the country’s credit. If governmentgovernments(grammar) reduce the price of the oil, it is not farefair(fare vs fair) for oil companies. Nevertheless, some might think that government should control the price of oil, because costit cost(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'it' is missing in a sentence.) people more to work. However, they did not mention that they can live near the company or choose the environment friendly way to get to work place. For example, they can ride a bike to the work place.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my perspective, governments should refrain from controlling oil prices, as doing so can contribute to environmental improvements and foster a healthy economy. When oil prices rise, individuals are more likely to opt for public transportation options such as buses and subways. This shift in behavior leads to reduced carbon dioxide emissions and helps mitigate global warming. Furthermore, allowing market forces to determine oil prices ensures the country's economic credibility. Artificially lowering these prices would be unfair to oil companies. While some argue that government intervention is necessary to alleviate the financial burden on workers, alternative solutions exist. For instance, individuals can choose to live closer to their workplaces or adopt eco-friendly commuting methods like cycling. (121 words)

In my opinion, government perspective, governments should refrain from controlling oil prices (Changed "opinion" to "perspective" for a more formal tone, and rephrased the sentence for clarity), as doing so can contribute to environmental improvements and foster a healthy economy (Clarified the benefits of not control the price of oil, since we can make our environment better and make economy healthy. To elaborate, as the price of controlling oil increase, prices). When oil prices rise, individuals are more and more people will choose likely to opt for public transportation options such as, bus, subway. By doing so, the as buses and subways (Rephrased for clarity and conciseness). This shift in behavior leads to reduced carbon dioxide can be reduced emissions and helps mitigate global warming can (Clarified the environmental benefits). Furthermore, allowing market forces to determine oil prices ensures the country's economic credibility (Clarified the economic benefit). Artificially lowering these prices would be released. Besides, unfair to oil companies (Addressed the price of the oil should be controlled by market, making sure the country’s credit. If government reduce the price of the oil, it is not fare for oil companies. Nevertheless, fairness aspect). While some might think argue that government should control intervention is necessary to alleviate the price financial burden on workers, alternative solutions exist (Acknowledged opposing viewpoint). For instance, individuals can choose to live closer to their workplaces or adopt eco-friendly commuting methods like cycling (Provided examples of oil, because cost people more to work. However, they did not mention that they can live near the company or choose the environment friendly way to get to work place. For example, they can ride a bike to the work place.alternative solutions).

8 思维导图

1. 环境改善
   1.1 提高油价
   1.2 鼓励公共交通
   1.3 减少二氧化碳排放
   1.4 缓解全球变暖

2. 经济健康
   2.1 市场力量决定油价
   2.2 维护国家经济信誉
   2.3 公平对待石油公司

3. 替代方案
   3.1 靠近工作地点居住
   3.2 环保出行方式（如自行车）

9 关键词