TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business administration. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2.预估分数

20. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成方面表现一般。虽然你对问题表达了自己的观点，但在支持观点和讨论方面还有待加强。首先，你需要更清晰地阐述为什么定期进行员工培训对公司有益，并提供更具体的例子或数据来支持你的观点。此外，你的文章中出现了一些语法错误和不太准确的词汇使用，建议多加练习和学习。

改进示例1： Instead of "Nowadays the excessive work getting more and more aggressive due to the certification of employees become higher from bachelor to PHD." Try "Nowadays, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive as employees obtain higher levels of education, ranging from bachelor's degrees to PhDs."

改进示例2： Instead of "Firstly, it can reduce the stress and fatigue from this phonemon." Try "Firstly, regular job training programs can help reduce stress and fatigue caused by this phenomenon."

4.文章结构与组织 从结构和组织角度来看，这篇文章还有很大的提升空间。首先，文章缺少一个明确的引言部分来引导读者进入主题。其次，在正文部分，你需要更清晰地组织你的观点和论据，确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句。最后，文章需要一个总结性的结论部分来概括你的观点和讨论。

改进示例1： 添加引言："In response to the professor's question, I believe that companies should invest in consistent job training programs for their employees, as it offers several benefits."

改进示例2： 添加结论："In conclusion, investing in regular job training programs can not only help employees maintain a high level of performance but also improve their job satisfaction and loyalty to the company."

5. 语法批改

NowadaysNowadays,(Comma after 'nowadays) the excessive work getting more and more aggressive due to the certification of employees become higher from bachelor to PHDPhD(abbreviation of 'philosophiae doctor' (PhD)). Once people getting a job maybe they do not want to change having more focus on the job security. But this circumstance also bringing such problem for instance people will try their best potential efforts to complete their work mission which called Involution. In my opinion, company should take job training program consistently to avoid this problem. Firstly, it can reduce the stress and fatigue from this phonemonforeman(misspelling). If employees put the ambition on achieving the first place, their priority will transfer to other field instead of works. Secondly, coherent job training program can keep the high quality and domesticated the employees within same working standard.

6.文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I believe that companies should invest in consistent job training programs for their employees, as it offers several benefits. The job market is becoming increasingly competitive as employees obtain higher levels of education, ranging from bachelor's degrees to PhDs. People often prioritize job security once they secure a position, which can lead to a phenomenon called "involution," where employees exert excessive effort to outperform their peers.

To counteract this issue, companies should implement regular job training programs. Firstly, these programs can help reduce stress and fatigue caused by involution. By focusing on skill development rather than competition, employees can shift their priorities and maintain a healthier work-life balance. Secondly, consistent job training ensures that all employees adhere to the same high-quality standards and practices within the company.

Investing in regular job training programs not only helps employees maintain a high level of performance but also improves their job satisfaction and loyalty to the company. When employers provide opportunities for growth and development, employees are more likely to feel valued and remain committed to their organization. (182 words)

Nowadays the 7.文章批改

In response to the professor's question, I believe that companies should invest in consistent job training programs for their employees, as it offers several benefits. (This sentence provides a clear introduction to the writer's viewpoint.)

The job market is becoming increasingly competitive as employees obtain higher levels of education, ranging from bachelor's degrees to PhDs. (This sentence is revised for clarity and proper grammar.) People often prioritize job security once they secure a position, which can lead to a phenomenon called "involution," where employees exert excessive work getting effort to outperform their peers. (The term "involution" is used correctly here, and the sentence is restructured for better flow.)

To counteract this issue, companies should implement regular job training programs. Firstly, these programs can help reduce stress and fatigue caused by involution. (The word "phenomenon" was replaced with "involution" for consistency.) By focusing on skill development rather than competition, employees can shift their priorities and maintain a healthier work-life balance. (This sentence was rephrased for better clarity and coherence.) Secondly, consistent job training ensures that all employees adhere to the same high-quality standards and practices within the company. (This sentence remains mostly unchanged as it was already clear and well-written.)

Investing in regular job training programs not only helps employees maintain a high level of performance but also improves their job satisfaction and loyalty to the company. (The word "domesticated" was replaced with "loyalty" for more and accurate meaning.) When employers provide opportunities for growth and development, employees are more aggressive due to the certification of employees become higher from bachelor to PHD. Once people getting a job maybe they do not want to change having more focus on the job security. But this circumstance also bringing such problem for instance people will try their best potential efforts to complete their work mission which called Involution. In my opinion, company should take job training program consistently to avoid this problem. Firstly, it can reduce the stress and fatigue from this phonemon. If employees put the ambition on achieving the first place, their priority will transfer to other field instead of works. Secondly, coherent job training program can keep the high quality and domesticated the employees within same working standard.likely to feel valued and remain committed to their organization. (This sentence was rephrased slightly for better flow.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Job training programs
  • Benefits

• Competitive job market

  • Higher education levels
  • Prioritizing job security
  • Involution phenomenon

• Benefits of job training programs

  • Reducing stress and fatigue
  • Focusing on skill development
  • Maintaining work-life balance
  • Adhering to high-quality standards and practices within the company

• Conclusion

  • Improved performance, job satisfaction, and loyalty

9.关键词