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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

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Обзор задания

Professor

Our current unit looks at tourism and the benefit it has on a country's economy. Many argue that while tourism can indeed be a money-making endeavor, it can do more harm than good, especially tourism to small, remote places that are not heavily populated. What is your opinion? Should local or national governments promote tourism to remote regions not typically visited by tourists before? Why?

Student A

I don't think governments should promote tourism to remote regions. The people are likely not asking for this kind of industry or for this kind of attention. Instead, governments should develop other means of improving a region's economic situation, like expanding agriculture or other industries. These efforts will have a stronger, more permanent impact on the region than bringing in groups of

Student B

Tourism has always been a lucrative business. Improving the economies of these rural regions, especially if those regions are poor, can only have a positive effect. People can have a better quality of life by showcasing their food and traditions to the outside world. It's a chance the people might not get without promotion from the government.

Примеры ответов пользователей и результаты оценки

1

Пример ответа пользователя #1

While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, she overlooks a critical v...

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Пример ответа пользователя

While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, she overlooks a critical view of this issue. From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members. Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

虽然你的文章回答了教授的问题,并提出了自己的观点,但在论证方面还有待加强。建议你可以更具体地举例说明观点,以增强说服力。此外,语言表达方面也有一些不够准确和流畅的地方,需要注意修改。

示例1: Instead of "leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue," you can write "leading to a more vibrant society and generating additional revenue."

示例2: Instead of "which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members," you can write "which not only contribute to the overall well-being but also increase the productivity of all members of society."

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰,但可以进一步优化。建议在开头部分明确指出自己的观点,并在正文部分逐一阐述论据。此外,在段落之间加入过渡词或短语,使文章更连贯。

示例1: You can start your essay with a clear statement of your opinion, such as "In my opinion, promoting tourism in remote regions can bring significant benefits to these areas both culturally and economically."

示例2: To improve transitions between paragraphs, you can use phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your argument.

5. 语法批改

While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, she overlooks a critical view of this issue. From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being but also lift the productivity all of social members. Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.

Title: 6 文章修订

While Claire raises a valid concern regarding the promotion of tourism in remote regions, she seems to overlook the potential benefits it can bring. In my opinion, promoting tourism in these areas can contribute significantly to their cultural and economic development. By implementing effective strategies, we can not only improve the overall well-being of these communities but also increase their productivity.

Furthermore, government involvement in promoting tourism can help bridge the wealth gap between urban and rural areas. This leads to a more vibrant and inclusive society while generating additional revenue for local governments. Such income can alleviate financial pressures caused by economic downturns or other challenges faced by these regions.

In conclusion, although there are potential drawbacks to promoting tourism in remote areas, I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. With proper planning and management, tourism can serve as a powerful tool for fostering cultural exchange and economic growth in underdeveloped regions. (157 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While Claire presents a compelling argument against the point of promoting tourism to remote regions not typically visited, visited (revised for clarity), she overlooks a critical view of this issue.

From my perspective, there is an increasing emphasis on the need to enhance the cultural and economic level of those remote areas by implementing various effective strategies, which are not only conducive to the overall well-being (revised for smoother flow) but also lift the productivity all of social members. members (revised for grammatical correctness).

Secondly, by engaging in this policy, national or local government could balance the wealth-poor level, level (revised for clarity), leading to vigorous social and obtaining more revenue, alleviating the financial pressure caused by the depression economic.economic (revised for grammatical correctness).

8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Claire's concern
   - Potential benefits of tourism

2. Cultural and economic development
   - Improve well-being
   - Increase productivity

3. Government involvement
   - Bridge wealth gap
   - Generate revenue for local governments

4. Alleviate financial pressures
   - Economic downturns
   - Regional challenges

5. Conclusion
   - Benefits outweigh risks
   - Proper planning and management

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
promotion/prəˈmoʊʃən/nounThe act of encouraging something to happen or develop.促进Promoting tourism in remote areas can contribute to their cultural development.
well-being/ˈwelˈbiɪŋ/nounThe state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.幸福感Tourism can improve the overall well-being of these communities.
productivity/prəˌdʌkˈtɪvəti/nounThe effectiveness of productive effort, especially in industry.生产力Tourism can increase the productivity of these areas.
wealth gap/welθ gæp/nounThe difference in financial resources between groups.贫富差距Government involvement can help bridge the wealth gap between urban and rural areas.
vibrant/ˈvaɪbrənt/adjective_Full_of_energy_and_life.充满活力的This leads to a more vibrant and inclusive society.
revenue/ˈrevən(j)u/nounIncome, especially when of an organization and of a substantial nature.收入Tourism generates additional revenue for local governments.
alleviate/əˈliːvieɪt/verb_To_make_something_less_severe.减轻Such income can alleviate financial pressures caused by economic downturns.
drawback/ˈdrɔːbæk/noun_A_feature_that_renders_something_less_acceptable; a disadvantage or problem.缺点There are potential drawbacks to promoting tourism in remote areas.
outweigh/aʊtˈweɪ/verb_To_be_greater_or_more_significant_than.超过I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks.
foster/ˈfɔstər/verbTo_encourage_the_development_of_something(especially_something_desirable)._培养Tourism_can_foster_cultural_exchange_and_economic_growth_in_underdeveloped_regions.
2

Пример ответа пользователя #2

From my perspective, I agree with Claire’s view that making more friends can raise field of vision. By engaging in conversations with friends from var...

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Пример ответа пользователя

From my perspective, I agree with Claire’s view that making more friends can raise field of vision. By engaging in conversations with friends from various backgrounds, people can broaden their knowledge about different cultures, traditions, and customs. On the other hand, when people make friends with others, they can obtain more opportunities to access various information. Each individual is unique, they receive different cultures edify when they get discussing time, people can receive information from people who live in other countries or religious families. And then a lot of information exists stereotypes or untrue parts, When you have a chance to discuss with people who truly understand or are exposed to information, stereotypes of that information will be broken. When people obtain enough basic knowledge, they can get more topics to discuss with others. Incidentally, the way can keep fresh-sense with others and increasing the sight of making friends.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 28

3. 任务完成度

你的文章基本上满足了任务要求,但还有一些地方可以改进。首先,在表达观点时,可以更具体地说明与其他观点的对比和优势。此外,尝试提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点,这将使你的论证更有说服力。

示例1:在讨论与不同背景的朋友交流时,可以举一个具体的例子来说明这种交流如何帮助你拓宽视野。 示例2:在提到打破刻板印象时,可以提供一个实际情况下通过与朋友交流而消除误解的例子。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰,但在段落之间的过渡和连接方面仍有改进空间。尝试使用一些过渡词或短语来引导读者从一个观点过渡到另一个观点。此外,在文章开头和结尾部分加强总结和概括也有助于提高文章的连贯性。

示例1:在讨论不同背景朋友的观点时,可以使用过渡词如“此外”或“然而”来引导读者理解你的观点。 示例2:在文章结尾部分,可以加入一句总结性的话语,如“综上所述,拥有更多朋友有助于个人成长和拓宽视野。”

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I agree with Claire’s view that making more friends can raise fieldthe field(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) of vision. By engaging in conversations with friends from various backgrounds, people can broaden their knowledge about different cultures, traditions, and customs. On the other hand, when people make friends with others, they can obtain more opportunities to access various information. Each individual is unique, they receive different cultures edifyto edify(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) when they get discussing time, people can receive information from people who live in other countries or religious families. And then a lot of information exists stereotypes or untrue parts, When you have a chance to discuss with people who truly understand or are exposed to information, stereotypes of that information will be broken. When people obtain enough basic knowledge, they can get more topics to discuss with others. Incidentally, the way can keep fresh-sense with others and increasing the sight of making friends.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, Claire's perspective on the benefits of having a larger circle of friends is more compelling. Engaging with friends from diverse backgrounds enables individuals to expand their understanding of various cultures, traditions, and customs. Additionally, forming connections with a wider range of people provides access to a broader array of information and perspectives. Each person's unique experiences and cultural influences enrich discussions, allowing for the dismantling of stereotypes and misconceptions. As individuals acquire a solid foundation of knowledge through these interactions, they are better equipped to engage in meaningful conversations with others. This approach not only fosters personal growth but also promotes the continuous development of new connections and friendships. (117 words)

From In my perspective, I agree with Claire’s view that making opinion, Claire's perspective on the benefits of having a larger circle of friends is more friends can raise field of vision. By engaging in conversations compelling (revised for clarity and conciseness). Engaging with friends from diverse backgrounds enables individuals to expand their understanding of various backgrounds, people can broaden their knowledge about different cultures, traditions, and customs. On the other hand, when customs (rephrased for better flow). Additionally, forming connections with a wider range of people make friends with others, they can obtain more opportunities provides access to access various information. Each individual is unique, they receive different cultures edify when they get discussing time, people can receive information from people who live in other countries or religious families. And then a lot broader array of information exists and perspectives (revised for clarity). Each person's unique experiences and cultural influences enrich discussions (simplified for readability), allowing for the dismantling of stereotypes or untrue parts, When you have and misconceptions (clarified meaning). As individuals acquire a chance solid foundation of knowledge through these interactions, they are better equipped to discuss with people who truly understand or are exposed to information, stereotypes of that information will be broken. When people obtain enough basic knowledge, they can get more topics to discuss with others. Incidentally, the way can keep fresh-sense engage in meaningful conversations with others (rephrased for improved flow). This approach not only fosters personal growth but also promotes the continuous development of new connections and increasing the sight of making friends.friendships (revised for conciseness and clarity).

8 思维导图


- 优势
  - 扩大文化理解
    - 来自不同背景的朋友
  - 获取更广泛的信息和观点
    - 更多人的联系
  - 丰富讨论内容
    - 独特的经历和文化影响
  - 消除刻板印象和误解
    - 多元文化交流
  - 增进有意义的对话能力
    - 知识基础加强
  - 促进个人成长和发展新友谊
    - 持续拓展人际关系网络

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
compelling/kəmˈpɛlɪŋ/adjectiveevoking interest, attention, or admiration引人注目的Claire's perspective is more compelling.
diverse/daɪˈvɜrs/adjectiveshowing a great deal of variety多样的Engaging with friends from diverse backgrounds.
perspectives/pərˈspɛktɪvz/nouna particular attitude towards or way of regarding something观点Access to a broader array of perspectives.
enrich/ɪnˈrɪʧ/verbimprove or enhance the quality or value of丰富Unique experiences and cultural influences enrich discussions.
dismantle/dɪsˈmantəl/verbtake (a system, organization, or structure) apart拆除Allowing for the dismantling of stereotypes and misconceptions.
acquire/əˈkwaɪər/verbbuy or obtain (an object or asset) for oneself获得Individuals acquire a solid foundation of knowledge.
meaningful/ˈminɪŋfəl/adjectivehaving a serious, important, or useful quality有意义的Engage in meaningful conversations with others.
personal growth/ˈpɜrsənəl ɡroʊθ//noun/the process of improving oneself through activities and experiences/个人成长/This approach fosters personal growth.
development/dɪˈvɛləpmənt//noun/the process of developing or being developed/发展/Promotes the continuous development of new connections and friendships.
3

Пример ответа пользователя #3

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew's perspective that the advantages of traditional university degree programs significantly surpass those of short-t...

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Пример ответа пользователя

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew's perspective that the advantages of traditional university degree programs significantly surpass those of short-term certificate programs. Specifically, the pursuit of certifications may hinder individuals' comprehensive learning experiences. This is because students in certificate programs often focus on acquiring knowledge solely for passing exams and obtaining certifications, rather than genuinely engaging in the learning process. As a result, their knowledge may become fragmented and lack depth, which could negatively impact their ability to apply this knowledge effectively in their careers. In contrast, students enrolled in traditional university programs can develop a robust knowledge system through long-term accumulation, as exemplified by accounting majors. Although individuals participating in certificate programs may achieve social recognition quickly, they might not possess the necessary professional capabilities for corresponding positions due to an insufficient knowledge base to support them throughout their careers. Therefore, traditional university education remains a superior choice for fostering well-rounded professionals with extensive expertise in their chosen fields.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,你成功地表达了自己的观点,并提供了合理的论据。然而,有一些建议可以帮助你进一步改进:

  1. 在阐述观点时,可以尝试提供更多具体的例子来支持你的论点。

  2. 注意避免使用过于复杂的句子结构,以保持文章通顺。

示例:

  • 当谈到短期证书课程可能导致知识碎片化时,可以举一个具体的例子来说明这一问题。

  • 尝试使用更简洁明了的句子结构,例如:“Although certificate programs may offer quick training, they often lack the depth and comprehensive understanding provided by university degrees.”

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织方面来看,这篇文章整体上做得很好。然而,在以下几个方面仍有改进空间:

  1. 在引言部分简要介绍文章将讨论的主题和观点。

  2. 在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来增强连贯性。

示例:

  • 引言部分可以加入一句话,如:“In this post, I will discuss why I believe traditional university degree programs are more beneficial than short-term certificate programs.”

  • 在段落之间添加过渡词,例如:“On the other hand, traditional university programs offer a more comprehensive learning experience.”

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew's perspective that the advantages of traditional university degree programs significantly surpass those of short-term certificate programs. Specifically, the pursuit of certifications may hinder individuals' comprehensive learning experiences. This is because students in certificate programs often focus on acquiring knowledge solely for passing exams and obtaining certifications, rather than genuinely engaging in the learning process. As a result, their knowledge may become fragmented and lack depth, which could negatively impact their ability to apply this knowledge effectively in their careers. In contrast, students enrolled in traditional university programs can develop a robust knowledge system through long-term accumulation, as exemplified by accounting majors. Although individuals participating in certificate programs may achieve social recognition quickly, they might not possess the necessary professional capabilities for corresponding positions due to an insufficient knowledge base to support them throughout their careers. Therefore, traditional university education remains a superior choice for fostering well-rounded professionals with extensive expertise in their chosen fields.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew's perspective that the advantages of traditional university degree programs significantly surpass those of short-term certificate programs. Specifically, the pursuit of certifications may hinder individuals' comprehensive learning experiences. This is because students in certificate programs often focus on acquiring knowledge solely for passing exams and obtaining certifications, rather than genuinely engaging in the learning process. As a result, their knowledge may become fragmented and lack depth, which could negatively impact their ability to apply this knowledge effectively in their careers. In contrast, students enrolled in traditional university programs can develop a robust knowledge system through long-term accumulation, as exemplified by accounting majors. Although individuals participating in certificate programs may achieve social recognition quickly, they might not possess the necessary professional capabilities for corresponding positions due to an insufficient knowledge base to support them throughout their careers. Therefore, traditional university education remains a superior choice for fostering well-rounded professionals with extensive expertise in their chosen fields. (166 words)

Section Title: 7 Article Corrections

In my opinion, I concur agree with Andrew's perspective that the advantages of traditional university degree programs significantly surpass those of short-term certificate programs. programs (Changed "concur" to "agree" for a more natural tone). Specifically, the pursuit of certifications may hinder individuals' comprehensive learning experiences. This is because students in certificate programs often focus on acquiring knowledge solely for passing exams and obtaining certifications, certifications (Added "solely" to emphasize the focus on exams), rather than genuinely engaging in the learning process. As a result, their knowledge may become fragmented and lack depth, which could negatively impact their ability to apply this knowledge effectively in their careers. In contrast, students enrolled in traditional university programs can develop a robust knowledge system through long-term accumulation, accumulation (Changed "long-term accumulation" to make it clearer), as exemplified by accounting majors. Although individuals participating in certificate programs may achieve social recognition quickly, they might not possess the necessary professional capabilities for corresponding positions due to an insufficient knowledge base to support them throughout their careers. careers (Rephrased sentence for clarity). Therefore, traditional university education remains a superior choice for fostering well-rounded professionals with extensive expertise in their chosen fields.

8 思维导图

graph TD
A[Traditional University Degree Programs]
B[Short-term Certificate Programs]
C[Comprehensive Learning Experiences]
D[Fragmented Knowledge]
E[Lack of Depth]
F[Long-term Accumulation]
G[Social Recognition]
H[Professional Capabilities]

A --> C
B --> D
B --> E
C --> F
D --> G
E --> H

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
concur/kənˈkɜr/verbagree; be of the same opinion同意I concur with Andrew's perspective.
comprehensive/ˌkɒmprɪˈhensɪv/adjectivecomplete; including all or nearly all elements or aspects全面的Comprehensive learning experiences are essential for students.
fragmented/ˈfræɡməntɪd/adjectivebroken into pieces; disconnected碎片化的Their knowledge may become fragmented due to the focus on passing exams.
robust/roʊˈbʌst/adjective/strong and healthy; vigorous/强壮的,稳固的/Students in traditional university programs can develop a robust knowledge system.
accumulation/əˌkjuːmjʊˈleɪʃən//noun/the acquisition or gradual gathering of something/积累/Long-term accumulation of knowledge is crucial for success in one's career.
social recognition/ˈsoʊʃəl rɛkəɡˈnɪʃən//noun/the acknowledgment and respect given by others in society/社会认可/Individuals participating in certificate programs may achieve social recognition quickly.
professional/prəˈfɛʃənəl//adjective/relating to or connected with a profession/专业的/Professional capabilities are necessary for corresponding positions.
insufficient/ˌɪnsəˈfɪʃənt/adjectivenot enough; inadequate不足的They might not possess the necessary professional capabilities due to an insufficient knowledge base.
well-rounded/ˌwelˈraʊndɪd/adjectivehaving a wide range of abilities, experiences, or interests全面发展的Traditional university education remains a superior choice for fostering well-rounded professionals.
4

Пример ответа пользователя #4

In my opinion, less cash usage has a positive impact on individuals’ lives. As Andrew pointed out, paying things with one’s phone is more convenient t...

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Пример ответа пользователя

In my opinion, less cash usage has a positive impact on individuals’ lives. As Andrew pointed out, paying things with one’s phone is more convenient than carrying a wallet. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize another advantage of using phone apps over using physical money. Since physical money circulate in a wide range of areas, it brings with it many germs that are harmful to people’s physical health. However, the advent of phone apps can eliminate the possibility of being infected by the bacterias on the surface of the physical money. While Claire’s argument that using cash can help individuals keep track of their spending holds merit, she failed to ackowledge that phone apps also provide people with similar functions to record their spending automatically and precisely, allowing people to check their spending records at any time. Therefore, given the convenience and efficiency phone apps have, the decline in using cash can yield significant benefits for people.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

整体来说,这篇文章很好地完成了任务要求。你明确表达了自己的观点,并提供了有力的论据。然而,有一些建议可以帮助你进一步改进文章。首先,在讨论手机应用的优点时,可以再多提供一些具体的例子来支持你的观点。其次,在谈到克莱尔的观点时,可以尝试对其进行更深入的反驳,以使你的论证更加有说服力。

例子1:在讨论手机应用方便记录消费情况时,可以提到某个具体的手机应用如何帮助用户轻松管理他们的预算。 例子2:在反驳克莱尔关于现金有助于控制支出的观点时,可以指出现代银行卡和手机支付系统通常都有预警功能,当用户超出预设限额时会发出提醒。

4. 文章结构与组织

这篇文章在结构和组织方面表现良好。你使用了引言、正文和结尾等基本段落结构,并且每个段落都聚焦于一个特定的观点和相关细节。然而,可以在段落之间增加一些过渡性的词语,使文章更加流畅。

建议1:在引言部分,可以加入一句总结性的话来概括你的观点,如“综上所述,我认为现金使用减少对人们生活产生了积极影响。” 建议2:在正文部分,在讨论不同观点时可以使用过渡词语如“然而”、“此外”等来连接不同的论据。例如:“然而,在谈到克莱尔的观点时,我们应该注意到手机应用也能帮助人们记录消费情况。”

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, less cash usage has a positive impact on individuals’ lives. As Andrew pointed out, paying things with one’s phone is more convenient than carrying a wallet. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize another advantage of using phone apps over using physical money. Since physical money circulate in a wide range of areas, it brings with it many germs that are harmful to people’s physical health. However, the advent of phone apps can eliminate the possibility of being infected by the bacterias onbacteria son(misspelling) the surface of the physical money. While Claire’s argument that using cash can help individuals keep track of their spending holds merit, she failed to ackowledgeacknowledge(misspelling) that phone apps also provide people with similar functions to record their spending automatically and precisely, (Two consecutive spaces)allowing people to check their spending records at any time. Therefore, given the convenience and efficiency phone apps have, the decline in using cash can yield significant benefits for people.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the decrease in cash usage positively impacts individuals' lives. As Andrew mentioned, utilizing one's phone for payments is more convenient than carrying a wallet. Moreover, I would like to highlight another advantage of using phone apps over physical money. Since cash circulates widely, it carries numerous germs that can be detrimental to people's health. However, the advent of phone apps eliminates the possibility of being infected by bacteria present on the surface of physical money.

While Claire's argument that using cash can help individuals keep track of their spending holds merit, she failed to acknowledge that phone apps also provide users with similar functions to record their expenditures automatically and accurately. This feature allows people to review their spending records at any time. Therefore, considering the convenience and efficiency offered by phone apps, the decline in cash usage can yield significant benefits for individuals. (150 words)

In my opinion, less the decrease in cash usage has a positive impact on individuals’ lives. positively impacts individuals' lives (revised for clarity and conciseness). As Andrew pointed out, paying things with one’s phone mentioned (revised for natural tone), utilizing one's phone for payments is more convenient than carrying a wallet. Furthermore, wallet (revised for natural tone). Moreover, I would like to emphasize highlight another advantage of using phone apps over using physical money. Since physical money circulate in a wide range of areas, (revised for clarity and natural tone). Since cash circulates widely, it brings with it many carries numerous germs that are harmful to people’s physical health. can be detrimental to people's health (revised for clarity and conciseness). However, the advent of phone apps can eliminate eliminates the possibility of being infected by the bacterias bacteria present on the surface of the physical money. money (revised for clarity).

While Claire’s Claire's argument that using cash can help individuals keep track of their spending holds merit, she failed to ackowledge acknowledge that phone apps also provide people users with similar functions to record their spending expenditures automatically and precisely, allowing accurately (revised for clarity and natural tone). This feature allows people to check review their spending records at any time. time (revised for conciseness). Therefore, given considering the convenience and efficiency phone apps have, offered by phone apps, the decline in using cash cash usage can yield significant benefits for people.individuals (revised for clarity and natural tone).

8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Decrease in cash usage
   - Positive impact on individuals' lives

2. Convenience of phone apps
   - Easier than carrying a wallet

3. Health benefits
   - Cash carries germs and bacteria
   - Phone apps eliminate this risk

4. Tracking spending
   - Claire's argument for cash usage
   - Phone apps provide similar functions automatically and accurately

5. Conclusion
   - Convenience and efficiency of phone apps outweighs benefits of cash usage 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
decrease/dɪˈkriːs/verbto become smaller or less减少The decrease in cash usage has positive impacts on individuals' lives.
convenience/kənˈviːniəns/nounthe state of being convenient方便Utilizing one's phone for payments is more convenient than carrying a wallet.
detrimental/dɛtrɪˈmɛnt(ə)l/adjectivetending to cause harm有害的Cash carries numerous germs that can be detrimental to people's health.
advent/ˈadvent/nounthe arrival or beginning of something/ 来临,出现/ The advent of phone apps eliminates the possibility of being infected by bacteria on cash.
expenditures/ɪkˈspɛndɪtʃər/nounthe act of spending money/ 花费,支出/ Phone apps provide users with functions to record their expenditures automatically and accurately.
merit/ˈmɛrɪt/nounthe quality of being good or worthy/ 优点,价值/ Claire's argument that using cash can help individuals keep track of their spending holds merit.
acknowledge/əkˈnɒlɪdʒ/verbto accept or admit the existence of/ 承认,接受/ She failed to acknowledge that phone apps also provide users with similar functions.
efficiency/ɪˈfɪʃ(ə)nsi/nounthe state of achieving maximum output/ 效率/ Considering the convenience and efficiency offered by phone apps, the decline in cash usage is beneficial.
significant/sɪgˈnɪfɪkənt/adjectivesufficiently great or important/ 重要的,显著的/ The decline in cash usage can yield significant benefits for individuals.
5

Пример ответа пользователя #5

I believe it's imperative for governments to keep fuel prices low because fuel is essential for people's daily life, with its price closely related pe...

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Пример ответа пользователя

I believe it's imperative for governments to keep fuel prices low because fuel is essential for people's daily life, with its price closely related people's happiness and overall well-being. To elaborate, in large cities, most people have no choice but to drive to work, highlighting the importance of petroleum in their daily life. If the price of fuel continues to rise, people would have to spend more on energy and cut costs on other aspects of life, which is detrimental to their happiness and well-being. For instance, a study conducted by University of Michigan found that people living in areas where the price of oil is cheap tend to be happier compared to people living in the area where the price of oil is high. Such influences not only affect the oil market, but also people's overall well-being and mental health. While some may contend that keeping gas prices low might lead to serious climate change, it's crucial to acknowledge that technological progress, such as the invention of energy-efficient cars, has largely alleviated these issues. Consequently, I strongly agree that governments should take action to keep fuel prices low.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5.0

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

  • Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章总体上完成得很好,有效地回答了问题并提供了有力的论据。但是,为了进一步提高文章质量,建议在论证观点时提供更多具体的例子和细节。此外,在讨论环保技术方面,可以更深入地探讨其对减少石油消耗和应对气候变化的影响。

示例1(改进):例如,在讨论能源效率较高的汽车时,可以提到特斯拉等电动汽车品牌以及它们在减少碳排放方面所做出的贡献。 示例2(改进):此外,在讨论政府如何采取措施降低燃油价格时,可以提出具体的政策建议,如减少燃油税或补贴可再生能源。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。段落之间的逻辑关系也表达得很好。然而,在某些地方可以使用更明确的过渡词或短语来帮助读者更好地理解文章的组织结构。

建议1(简体中文):在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语,以帮助读者更好地理解文章的组织结构。 建议2(简体中文):在引言部分,可以使用一个总括性的句子来预告文章将讨论的主要观点。

示例1(改进):在正文第一段和第二段之间,可以加入过渡词“然而”,以表明接下来将讨论与前一个观点相反的看法。 示例2(改进):在引言部分,可以加入这样一个句子:“本文将探讨政府是否应该采取措施降低燃油价格,并分析其对人们生活和环境的影响。”

5. Grammar

I believe it's imperative for governments to keep fuel prices low because fuel is essential for people's daily life, with its price closely related people's happiness and overall well-being.

To elaborate, in large cities, most people have no choice but to drive to work, highlighting the importance of petroleum in their daily life. If the price of fuel continues to rise, people would have to spend more on energy and cut costs on other aspects of life, which is detrimental to their happiness and well-being. For instance, a study conducted by University of Michigan found that people living in areas where the price of oil is cheap tend to be happier compared to people living in the area where the price of oil is high. Such influences not only affect the oil market, but also people's overall well-being and mental health.

While some may contend that keeping gas prices low might lead to serious climate change, it's crucial to acknowledge that technological progress, such as the invention of energy-efficient cars, has largely alleviated these issues. Consequently, I strongly agree that governments should take action to keep fuel prices low.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, it is crucial for governments to maintain low fuel prices, as fuel is an indispensable aspect of people's daily lives, and its affordability directly impacts their overall well-being and happiness.

To elaborate, in metropolitan areas, the majority of individuals rely on personal vehicles or public transportation to commute to work, emphasizing the significance of petroleum in their everyday routines. If fuel prices continue to escalate, people will be forced to allocate more resources towards energy expenses and reduce spending in other areas of life, ultimately affecting their happiness and well-being. For example, a study conducted by the University of Michigan discovered that residents in regions with lower oil prices tend to be happier than those living in areas with higher oil costs. These findings demonstrate that fluctuations in fuel prices not only influence the oil market but also have broader implications on individuals' mental health and overall satisfaction.

Although some may argue that maintaining low gas prices could exacerbate climate change issues, it is essential to recognize that technological advancements—such as the development of energy-efficient vehicles—have significantly mitigated these concerns. As a result, I firmly believe that governments should implement measures to ensure affordable fuel prices for their citizens. (205 words)

I believe it's imperative In my opinion, it is crucial (revised for a more natural tone) for governments to keep fuel prices maintain low because fuel prices, as fuel is essential for an indispensable (revised for a more natural tone) aspect of people's daily life, with lives, and its price closely related people's happiness and affordability directly impacts their overall well-being. well-being and happiness.

To elaborate, in large cities, most metropolitan areas (revised for clarity), the majority of individuals rely on personal vehicles or public transportation to commute to work, emphasizing the significance of petroleum in their everyday routines (revised for a more natural tone). If fuel prices continue to escalate (revised for a more natural tone), people have no choice but to drive to work, highlighting the importance of petroleum in their daily life. If the price of fuel continues to rise, people would have to spend more on will be forced to allocate more resources towards energy and cut costs on expenses and reduce spending in other aspects areas of life, which is detrimental to ultimately affecting their happiness and well-being. For instance, example, a study conducted by the University of Michigan found that people living in areas where the price of discovered that residents in regions with lower oil is cheap prices tend to be happier compared to people than those living in the area where the price of areas with higher oil is high. Such influences costs (revised for clarity). These findings demonstrate that fluctuations in fuel prices not only affect influence the oil market, market but also people's have broader implications on individuals' mental health and overall well-being and mental health. satisfaction (revised for a more natural tone).

While Although some may contend that keeping argue that maintaining low gas prices low might lead to serious could exacerbate climate change, it's crucial to acknowledge change issues, it is essential to recognize that technological progress, such advancements—such as the invention development of energy-efficient cars, has largely alleviated vehicles—have significantly mitigated these issues. Consequently, concerns (revised for clarity). As a result, I strongly agree firmly believe (revised for a more natural tone) that governments should take action to keep fuel prices low.implement measures to ensure affordable fuel prices for their citizens.

Title: 8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Importance of low fuel prices
   - Impact on well-being and happiness

2. Daily life reliance
   - Metropolitan areas
   - Personal vehicles and public transportation

3. Financial impact
   - Allocating resources towards energy expenses
   - Reduced spending in other areas

4. Happiness and well-being correlation
   - University of Michigan study
   - Lower oil prices lead to happier residents

5. Counterargument: Climate change concerns
   - Technological advancements
   - Energy-efficient vehicles

6. Conclusion
   - Government measures to ensure affordable fuel prices

Title: 9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
indispensable/ˌɪndɪˈspɛnsəbəl/adjectiveabsolutely necessary, essential不可或缺的Fuel is an indispensable aspect of people's daily lives.
affordability/əˌfɔrdəˈbɪlɪti/nounthe state of being inexpensive enough for people to be able to buy负担得起的Its affordability directly impacts their overall well-being and happiness.
escalate/ˈeskəleɪt/verbto increase or intensify升级,加剧If fuel prices continue to escalate, people will be forced to allocate more resources towards energy expenses.
allocate/ˈæləkeɪt/verbto distribute (resources or duties) for a particular purpose分配,分派People will be forced to allocate more resources towards energy expenses.
exacerbate/ɪɡˈzæsərbeɪt/verbto make (a problem, bad situation, or negative feeling) worse使恶化,加剧Maintaining low gas prices could exacerbate climate change issues.
mitigation/ˌmɪtɪˈgeɪʃən/nounthe action of reducing the severity, seriousness, or painfulness of something缓和,减轻Technological advancements have significantly mitigated these concerns.
energy-efficient/ˈɛnərdʒi ɪˈfɪʃənt/adjectiveusing less energy to provide the same level of performance节能的The development of energy-efficient vehicles has helped reduce climate change concerns.
implement/ˈimpləmənt/verbto put (a decision, plan, agreement, etc.) into effect实施,执行Governments should implement measures to ensure affordable fuel prices for their citizens.
overall/ˌoʊvərˈɔl/adjective/adverbtaking everything into account; in general总体上These findings demonstrate that fluctuations in fuel prices have broader implications on individuals' overall satisfaction.
6

Пример ответа пользователя #6

In 1930, a famous economist predicted that at the end of the twentieth century, and average worker would work only 15 hours a week. Some people think ...

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Пример ответа пользователя

In 1930, a famous economist predicted that at the end of the twentieth century, and average worker would work only 15 hours a week. Some people think that it is likely to be possible since our society are becoming wealthier all the time and having more free time will be imporyant than creating more wealth. In contrast, some people believe that it since the shortening of the workweek was predicted before, our economic system is very competitive. Workers are pushed to work longer and longer hours so that companies have a competitive advantage. In my opinion, at the end of the twentieth century, people will work much lesser than now. Firstly, Technology progress will be an important factor affecting whether the worktime will decrease or not. With the developing of AI, many repetitive and boring work will be replaces by robot or computer. Therefoore, people may have more freetime in the future. For example, a painter might have a lot of rests time in the future. Nowadays, AI painting is very strong. You only need to input what you want to paint and what style you want in the search bar, and in within 10 seconds, it will produce a painting for you. Whether it's texture or light and shadow, it takes a lot of time for painters to draw. So in the future, painters masy just need to think about what they want to paint and what style to paint, and then input it into AI, so they don't need to spend a lot of time thinking the idea, which will reduce their work time.

Результат оценки

1. 子项得分

  • Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

  • Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

  • Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错,表达了作者的观点,并且提供了一些例子来支持观点。但是,有一些建议可以帮助改进文章:

  1. 在引用其他学生的观点时,尽量用自己的话来阐述,而不是直接复制原文。

  2. 在论述中添加更多具体的细节和例子,以增强论据的说服力。

  3. 注意语法和词汇的准确性,避免出现错误。

改进示例:

  1. Instead of directly quoting Student A and B, you can paraphrase their opinions like this: "Some people believe that due to increasing wealth, people will prioritize leisure time over work in the future, while others argue that the competitive nature of our economic system will continue to push workers to work longer hours."

  2. To provide more specific details, you can mention how automation might affect different industries or job sectors, leading to reduced working hours for some professions.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在组织方面还有一些可以改进的地方:

  1. 在正文部分中使用更明确的段落划分,使每个段落都集中讨论一个具体的观点或论据。

  2. 在段落之间使用过渡词或短语,使文章更加连贯。

改进示例:

  1. Divide the body of the essay into separate paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. For example, one paragraph can discuss how technological advancements might lead to reduced working hours, while another paragraph can address potential challenges or counterarguments.

  2. Use transition words or phrases between paragraphs to improve coherence, such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In addition."

5. 语法批改

In 1930, a famous economist predicted that at the end of the twentieth century, andan(Detects potentially wrong usage of "and") average worker would work only 15 hours a week. Some people think that it is likely to be possible since our society areis(Detects potentially wrong usage of "are") becoming wealthier all the time and having more free time will be imporyantimportant(misspelling) than creating more wealth. In contrast, some people believe that it since the shortening of the workweek was predicted before, our economic system is very competitive. Workers are pushed to work longer and longer hours so that companies have a competitive advantage. In my opinion, at the end of the twentieth century, people will work much lesser than now. Firstly, Technology progress will be an important factor affecting whether the worktimework time(misspelling) will decrease or not. With the developing of AI, many repetitive and boring work will be replacesbe replaced(could/should/must be does (done)) by robot or computer. TherefooreTherefore(misspelling), people may have more freetimefree time(misspelling) in the future. For example, a painter might (Two consecutive spaces)have a lot of rests time in the future. Nowadays, AI painting is very strong. You only need to input what you want to paint and what style you want in the search bar, and in within 10 seconds, it will produce a painting for you. Whether it's texture or light and shadow, it takes a lot of time for painters to draw. So in the future, painters masymany(misspelling) just need to think about what they want to paint and what style to paint, and then input it into AI, so they don't need to spend a lot of time thinking the idea, which will reduce their work time.

Section Title: The Future of Work and Leisure Time

In the past, predictions have been made about the reduction of work hours due to advancements in technology and increasing wealth. Some individuals believe that as societies become wealthier, the importance of free time will surpass the need for creating more wealth. On the other hand, others argue that our competitive economic system drives workers to work longer hours to maintain a competitive advantage.

I personally believe that in twenty years, people will work significantly fewer hours than they do today. One primary reason for this is the rapid progress of technology, particularly in artificial intelligence (AI). As AI continues to develop, many repetitive and mundane tasks will be replaced by robots or computers, allowing people to have more leisure time. For instance, consider the future role of painters. AI painting has already demonstrated impressive capabilities; by simply inputting desired subject matter and style into a search bar, an AI can produce a painting within seconds. This technology captures intricate details such as texture and light that would otherwise take human painters a considerable amount of time to create. In this future scenario, painters may only need to conceptualize their desired artwork and input it into an AI system, thus reducing their overall work time.

Moreover, as society places greater emphasis on striking a balance between work and personal life, there will likely be a shift towards valuing leisure time more highly. This cultural shift could lead to policy changes that encourage shorter workweeks or flexible working arrangements. Ultimately, I believe that technological advancements coupled with evolving societal values will result in people working fewer hours in the future while enjoying increased leisure time. (283 words)

In 1930, a famous economist predicted that at the end of the twentieth century, and average worker would work only 15 the past, predictions have been made about the reduction of work hours a week. due to advancements in technology and increasing wealth (clarified the context of the prediction). Some people think that it is likely to be possible since our society are becoming wealthier all the time and having more individuals believe that as societies become wealthier, the importance of free time will be imporyant than surpass the need for creating more wealth. In contrast, some people believe that it since the shortening of the workweek was predicted before, wealth (rephrased for clarity). On the other hand, others argue that our competitive economic system is very competitive. Workers are pushed to work longer and drives workers to work longer hours so that companies have to maintain a competitive advantage. advantage (rephrased for clarity).

In my opinion, at the end of the twentieth century, I personally believe that in twenty years, people will work much lesser significantly fewer hours than now. Firstly, Technology they do today (clarified time frame). One primary reason for this is the rapid progress will be an important factor affecting whether the worktime will decrease or not. With the developing of AI, of technology, particularly in artificial intelligence (AI) (clarified and specified technology). As AI continues to develop, many repetitive and boring work mundane tasks will be replaces replaced by robot robots or computer. Therefoore, computers, allowing people may to have more freetime in the future. leisure time (rephrased for clarity). For example, a painter might have a lot of rests time in the future. Nowadays, instance, consider the future role of painters. AI painting is very strong. You has already demonstrated impressive capabilities; by simply inputting desired subject matter and style into a search bar, an AI can produce a painting within seconds (provided an example). This technology captures intricate details such as texture and light that would otherwise take human painters a considerable amount of time to create (explained example further). In this future scenario, painters may only need to input what you want to paint and what style you want in the search bar, and in within 10 seconds, it will produce a painting for you. Whether it's texture or light and shadow, it takes a lot of time for painters to draw. So in the future, painters masy just need to think about what they want to paint and what style to paint, and then conceptualize their desired artwork and input it into AI, so they don't need to spend a lot of time thinking the idea, which will reduce an AI system, thus reducing their work time.overall work time (concluded example).

Moreover, as society places greater emphasis on striking a balance between work and personal life, there will likely be a shift towards valuing leisure time more highly (introduced another factor). This cultural shift could lead to policy changes that encourage shorter workweeks or flexible working arrangements (explained potential consequences). Ultimately, I believe that technological advancements coupled with evolving societal values will result in people working fewer hours in the future while enjoying increased leisure time (summarized main points).

8 思维导图


- The Future of Work and Leisure Time
    - Predictions about work hours reduction
        - Technology advancements
        - Increasing wealth
    - Importance of free time vs. creating more wealth
    - Competitive economic system
        - Longer work hours for competitive advantage
    - Personal belief: fewer work hours in twenty years
        - Rapid progress of technology (AI)
            - Replacement of repetitive tasks by robots or computers
            - Example: AI painting and human painters' reduced work time
        - Greater emphasis on work-life balance in society
            - Valuing leisure time more highly
            - Policy changes: shorter workweeks, flexible working arrangements

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish definitionSimplified Chinese translationSample sentences
predictions/prɪˈdɪkʃənz/nounstatements about what you think will happen in the future预测Predictions about the reduction of work hours have been made in the past.
advancements/ədˈvænsmənts/nounimprovements or developments进步Technology advancements have led to increased efficiency in various industries.
competitive/kəmˈpɛtɪtɪv/adjectiveinvolving competition; determined to win竞争的Our competitive economic system drives workers to work longer hours.
artificial intelligence (AI)/ˌɑr·təˈfɪʃ·əl ɪnˈtɛl·ə·dʒəns/nounthe development of computer systems that can perform tasks that normally require human intelligence人工智能 (AI)AI continues to develop, replacing many repetitive and mundane tasks.
leisure/ˈliʒər/nountime when you are not working or doing other duties休闲People will enjoy increased leisure time in the future.
work-life balance/wɜrk laɪf ˈbæləns/nounthe equilibrium between work and personal life工作与生活的平衡Society places greater emphasis on striking a balance between work and personal life.
policy changes/ˈpɑləsi tʃeɪndʒɪz/nounalterations in rules or guidelines政策变化Policy changes could lead to shorter workweeks or flexible working arrangements.
flexible/ˈflɛksəbəl/adjectiveable to change or be changed easily灵活的Flexible working arrangements allow employees to better manage their time.
technological advancements/tɛkˌnɑlədʒɪkəl ædˈvænsmənts/nounprogress in technology技术进步Technological advancements will result in people working fewer hours in the future.

Как оценивается Academic Discussion

Задание TOEFL Academic Discussion оценивается по официальной шкале ETS. Оценка ИИ анализирует каждый ответ по нескольким параметрам.

Релевантность и вклад

Отвечает ли ответ на вопрос и вносит ли значимый вклад в обсуждение?

Использование языка

Грамматическая точность, разнообразие лексики и качество структуры предложений.

Развитие и аргументация

Хорошо ли раскрыты идеи с помощью конкретных примеров и чёткой аргументации?

Распространённые закономерности в ответах

На основе анализа ответов пользователей по этому заданию — вот распространённые закономерности, замеченные в ответах студентов.

Многие студенты высказывают чёткое мнение, но им не хватает конкретных подтверждающих примеров.

Сильные ответы напрямую ссылаются на текст для чтения и точки зрения других участников.

Ответы с более высокой оценкой используют разнообразные структуры предложений и академическую лексику.

Управление временем — ключевой фактор: ответы, которые выглядят поспешными, обычно получают более низкую оценку за развитие идей.

Советы по обучению

1

Внимательно прочитайте задание и определите все части вопроса перед тем, как начать писать.

2

Ссылайтесь в своём ответе на текст для чтения и мнения других студентов.

3

Используйте конкретные примеры для подтверждения основной мысли — избегайте общих формулировок.

4

Стремитесь к объёму 120–150 слов. Более длинный ответ не всегда лучше; ясность и фокус важнее.

5

Тренируйтесь писать ответы на время (10 минут), чтобы выработать беглость в условиях экзамена.

Часто задаваемые вопросы

Что такое задание TOEFL Academic Discussion?
Задание TOEFL Academic Discussion требует принять участие в онлайн-обсуждении в классе. Вы прочитаете вопрос преподавателя и ответы других студентов, а затем примерно за 10 минут напишете собственный пост, в котором выразите и обоснуете своё мнение.
Как оценивается задание Academic Discussion?
Задание оценивается по шкале от 0 до 5 на основе соответствия теме обсуждения, качества использования языка (грамматика, лексика, структура предложений) и того, насколько хорошо вы развиваете и подкрепляете свои идеи конкретными примерами и аргументацией.
Что представляют собой примеры ответов пользователей на этой странице?
Это реальные ответы, отправленные людьми, готовящимися к TOEFL, которые практиковались с этим вопросом на LingoLeap. Каждый пример оценён нашей системой оценки на основе ИИ, которая предоставляет балл и подробную обратную связь о сильных сторонах и областях для улучшения.
Насколько точна оценка на основе ИИ?
Система оценки на основе ИИ от LingoLeap обучена на официальных критериях оценивания ETS и откалибрована по баллам, выставленным реальными экспертами. Хотя ни одна автоматизированная система не идеальна, она даёт надёжную обратную связь для практики и помогает выявить конкретные области для улучшения.
Как я могу попрактиковаться в выполнении этого задания Academic Discussion?
Вы можете тренироваться, зарегистрировав бесплатный аккаунт LingoLeap. Напишите собственный ответ именно на этот вопрос, отправьте его и мгновенно получите оценку от ИИ с подробной обратной связью по вашему тексту.
Какой длины должен быть мой ответ на Academic Discussion?
Старайтесь уложиться в 120-150 слов. На выполнение задания у вас есть 10 минут. Сосредоточьтесь на ясности изложения, подкрепляйте своё мнение конкретными примерами и ссылайтесь на контекст обсуждения, а не пишите более длинный ответ.

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