TOEFL TPO 2 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在回答问题方面做得不错，表达了自己的观点，并且提供了一些支持。但是，为了更好地完成任务，你可以考虑以下建议：

1. 更详细地解释你的观点，例如为什么认为将成绩和努力结合起来更公平。

2. 在文章中引用阅读材料中的观点，并对这些观点进行评价或扩展。

示例1：考虑到学生在课堂上的努力和参与程度，可以让教师更全面地评估学生的学术能力和进步。

示例2：尽管凯利认为只根据表现给分是公平的，但我认为我们还需要关注学生在学习过程中付出的努力，以培养他们克服困难和持续改进的品质。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些改进空间。以下是一些建议：

1. 在引言部分明确提出你的观点，以便读者更好地理解文章的主题。

2. 在正文部分，使用主题句来引导每段的主要观点，并在段落中提供支持细节。

示例1：在引言中，可以这样表达：“在评估学生的表现时，我认为应该综合考虑学生的考试成绩和日常表现。”

示例2：在正文中，可以使用类似这样的主题句：“首先，将努力纳入评分标准有助于激励学生克服挑战并持续改进。”

5. 语法批改

I believe the grading should cinsiderconsider(misspelling) both test scores and daily performances. To be more specific, the hardworkhandwork(misspelling) and effort students paid on studying will establish a more comprehensive imagine of what does the student do. At the same time, students could learn valuable lessons through mistakes they make in the taststests(misspelling).

For instance, I did not do well on my biology assessment about ecology in biozone[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling), but I spent 2 hours per day on this test, and doing all of my assignment carefully. And I learned why I did not do well from correcting my test. My teacher still givedgave(misspelling) me an A and, and(comma between independent clauses) it encouraged me a lot.

Still, some people claim that the considering of daily performance is not fair for the students who did well in the tests. But the encouraging of improving and focusing on only the test score might lead to grievous exam-oriented education. And make student lose their passion

Title: 6 文章修订

I firmly believe that grading should take into account both test scores and daily performance. Specifically, evaluating the hard work and effort students put into their studies can provide a more comprehensive understanding of their overall abilities. Additionally, students can learn valuable lessons from the mistakes they make on tests.

For example, I did not perform well on my biology assessment about ecology in the biozone. However, I dedicated two hours per day to preparing for this test and completed all of my assignments diligently. After reviewing my errors, I understood why I did not excel in the assessment. Despite this setback, my teacher still awarded me an A, which greatly encouraged me.

While some may argue that considering daily performance is unfair to students who perform well on tests, it is important to recognize that focusing solely on test scores can lead to an unhealthy exam-oriented education system. This approach may ultimately cause students to lose their passion for learning and hinder their long-term development. (169 words)

I firmly believe the that grading should cinsider take into account both test scores and daily performances. To be performance (Changed "cinsider" to "take into account" for a more specific, the hardwork natural phrase). Specifically, evaluating the hard work and effort students paid on studying will establish put into their studies can provide a more comprehensive imagine understanding of what does the student do. At the same time, students could their overall abilities (Reworded to improve clarity and flow). Additionally, students can learn valuable lessons through from the mistakes they make in the tasts. on tests (Corrected "tasts" to "tests").

For instance, example, I did not do perform well on my biology assessment about ecology in biozone, but I spent 2 the biozone (Rephrased for clarity). However, I dedicated two hours per day on to preparing for this test, and doing test and completed all of my assignment carefully. And I learned assignments diligently (Improved sentence structure). After reviewing my errors, I understood why I did not do well from correcting my test. My excel in the assessment (Revised for clarity). Despite this setback, my teacher still gived awarded me an A and it A, which greatly encouraged me a lot. (Changed "gived" to "awarded" for proper grammar).

Still, While some people claim may argue that the considering of daily performance is not fair for the unfair to students who did perform well in the tests. But the encouraging of improving and on tests, it is important to recognize that focusing on only the solely on test score might scores can lead to grievous an unhealthy exam-oriented education. And make education system (Improved sentence structure and clarity). This approach may ultimately cause students to lose their passion for learning and hinder their long-term development (Corrected "make student lose their passionpassion" for proper grammar and improved readability).

8 思维导图

- Grading
  - Test scores
    - Assessments
    - Exams
  - Daily performance
    - Hard work
    - Effort
    - Assignments

- Comprehensive understanding
  - Overall abilities
  - Learning from mistakes

- Example: Biology assessment
  - Preparation and dedication
  - Reviewing errors and improvement

- Counterargument: Unfairness to test performers
  - Exam-oriented education system drawbacks 
    - Loss of passion for learning 
    - Hindered long-term development 

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章很好地回答了问题，表达了作者的观点，并提供了有力的论据。但是，为了进一步改进，可以尝试更详细地解释观点，并在支持论点时提供更多具体的例子。此外，注意避免使用重复的词汇和短语。

Example 1: Instead of "While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance." You can write "Although Paul contends that acknowledging diligence fosters personal growth and offers long-term advantages, he overlooks the fact that practical assessments like remuneration predominantly rely on one's accomplishments."

Example 2: Instead of "Therefore, adopting a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares students for future endeavors." You can write "Hence, implementing an outcome-oriented evaluation method guarantees equity while simultaneously equipping learners for upcoming challenges."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。段落之间的逻辑关系也很明确。然而，在组织上仍有改进空间。例如，在段落之间加入过渡性词语以使文章更连贯。

Example 1: Instead of "Consequently, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams." You can write "As a result, this discrepancy could lead to diminished enthusiasm among learners to outperform in their coursework and assessments."

Example 2: Instead of "While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance." You can write "On the other hand, although Paul posits that appreciating perseverance cultivates virtues and aids pupils in the long run, he neglects the reality that pragmatic appraisals like wages hinge on an individual's achievements."

5. 语法批改

In concurrence with Kelly, I firmly believe that grades should be based solely on performance. Kelly raises a valid point regarding fairness; if a student receives a higher grade without demonstrating superior work, it can negatively impact the morale of others. Consequently, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance. Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Therefore, adopting a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares students for future endeavors.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In agreement with Kelly, I firmly advocate for a grading system based solely on performance. Kelly's argument about fairness is compelling; awarding higher grades to students without demonstrating superior work can negatively impact the morale of their peers. As a result, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. Although Paul contends that acknowledging hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he overlooks the fact that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, predominantly rely on performance. Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Consequently, implementing a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better equips students for future endeavors. (110 words)

In concurrence agreement with Kelly, I firmly believe that grades should be advocate for a grading system based solely on performance. Kelly raises performance (revised "concurrence" to "agreement" and "believe" to "advocate" for a valid point regarding fairness; if more natural tone). Kelly's argument about fairness is compelling (rephrased to provide a student receives a smoother transition); awarding higher grade grades to students without demonstrating superior work, it work can negatively impact the morale of others. Consequently, their peers (revised for clarity and conciseness). As a result, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. While Although Paul argues contends that recognizing acknowledging hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge overlooks the fact that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance. predominantly rely on performance (rephrased for clarity and emphasis). Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Therefore, adopting Consequently, implementing a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares equips students for future endeavors.endeavors (revised wording for improved flow and coherence).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Grading system based on performance

2. Fairness
   - Kelly's argument
   - Impact on morale and motivation

3. Counterargument: Hard work and character building
   - Paul's perspective

4. Real-world evaluations
   - Salaries and performance-based rewards

5. Employers' priorities
   - Results over effort

6. Benefits of performance-based grading system
   - Better preparation for future endeavors

7. Conclusion 
   - Advocating for a performance-based grading system 

Display title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有一些改进空间。首先，在表达观点时，可以尝试使用更具说服力的论据和例子来支持你的看法。此外，尽管文章中提到了一项研究，但没有详细说明其具体内容和结论。为了提高文章的可信度和说服力，建议在引用研究时提供更多详细信息。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of just mentioning the research conducted at Monash University, you could provide more details about the study, such as the sample size, methodology, and specific findings that support your argument.

改进示例2（英文）： To strengthen your argument, you could include additional examples or real-life situations where students who put in more effort but scored lower on tests still achieved success in their academic or professional lives.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，这篇文章整体上表现不错。然而，在引言部分可以更明确地陈述你的观点，并在正文段落中使用清晰的主题句来引导读者。此外，在段落之间加入过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。

改进示例1（英文）： In the introduction, you could state your position more clearly by saying something like, "While both performance and effort are important factors in grading, I believe that considering both aspects will lead to a fairer and more accurate assessment of students' abilities."

改进示例2（英文）： To improve transitions between paragraphs, you could use phrases like "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In addition" to guide the reader through your ideas and create a smoother flow in your essay.

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a compelling case in favor gradingof grading(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.) based only on performance. Admittedly, for many, grading scholars like that potentially means a preparation for actual tests as they are always scored solely on performance. However, I am inclined to concur with Paul's idea that grade students not only due to their performance but also efforts they put. In my view, grading only on performance do not bode well for students who have test anxieties as they may not perform in their best conditions, though they actually put more effort than others. In fact, a recent research conducted in Monash University that over forty percent scholars are experienced with test anxieties though they do quite a lot of preparations aforefore(misspelling) than others, including materials research, textbook review, and group discussions, but that can not prevent the bad results they get at last, while others put forth little effort but get higher rewards. In[No Replacement Word Found](Successive sentences beginning with the same word) other words, assessing students' achievements by looking not only performance but also efforts they put in will be significantly equal to all scholars. Therefore, I firmly believe that by grading both these two aspects can enable students to work harder and get better results in turn.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of grading based solely on performance. Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations, as they are often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to agree with Paul's perspective that students should be graded not only on their performance but also on the effort they put forth. In my view, grading solely on performance does not account for students who experience test anxiety and may not perform at their best despite exerting more effort than others. In fact, recent research conducted at Monash University revealed that over forty percent of students experience test anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions. Unfortunately, these efforts do not always prevent poor outcomes, while others who put forth minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. In other words, assessing students' achievements by considering both performance and effort will provide a more equitable evaluation for all learners. Therefore, I firmly believe that incorporating both aspects into grading can encourage students to work harder and ultimately achieve better results. (192 words)

Kelly presents a compelling case argument in favor of grading based only on performance. Admittedly, for many, grading scholars like that potentially means a preparation for actual tests solely on performance (changed "case" to "argument" for clarity and natural tone). Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations (rephrased "actual tests" to "real-world evaluations" for better context), as they are always scored solely on often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to concur agree with Paul's idea perspective that grade students students should be graded not only due to on their performance but also efforts on the effort they put. put forth (rephrased for clarity and natural tone). In my view, grading only on performance do not bode well solely on performance does not account for students who have experience test anxieties as they anxiety and may not perform in at their best conditions, though they actually put despite exerting more effort than others. others (improved sentence structure and clarity). In fact, a recent research conducted in at Monash University revealed that over forty percent scholars are experienced with of students experience test anxieties anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions (corrected grammar and improved sentence structure). Unfortunately, these efforts do quite a lot of preparations afore than others, including materials research, textbook review, and group discussions, but that can not not always prevent the bad results they get at last, poor outcomes, while others who put forth little effort but get minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. rewards (improved sentence structure and clarity). In other words, assessing students' achievements by looking not only performance but also efforts they put in considering both performance and effort will be significantly equal to provide a more equitable evaluation for all scholars. learners (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Therefore, I firmly believe that by incorporating both aspects into grading both these two aspects can enable encourage students to work harder and get ultimately achieve better results in turn.(improved sentence structure and clarity).

8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Kelly's argument: grading based on performance
        - Paul's perspective: grading based on performance and effort
    - Test Anxiety
        - Monash University research
        - Over forty percent of students affected
    - Effort vs. Performance
        - Students who put in more effort may not perform well on tests
        - Others with minimal effort may achieve higher rewards
    - Conclusion
        - Incorporating both aspects into grading for a more equitable evaluation

9 关键词

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of grading based solely on performance. Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations, as they are often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to agree with Paul's perspective that students should be graded not only on their performance but also on the effort they put forth. In my view, grading solely on performance does not account for students who experience test anxiety and may not perform at their best despite exerting more effort than others. In fact, recent research conducted at Monash University revealed that over forty percent of students experience test anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions. Unfortunately, these efforts do not always prevent poor outcomes, while others who put forth minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. In other words, assessing students' achievements by considering both performance and effort will provide a more equitable evaluation for all learners. Therefore, I firmly believe that incorporating both aspects into grading can encourage students to work harder and ultimately achieve better results.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2. 预估分数

• Estimated Score: 20

3. 任务完成度

在文章中，你表达了自己的观点并支持了Paul的看法。但是，你需要更详细地解释为什么努力应该被考虑在评分标准中。此外，尝试使用更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。同时，注意改进语法和词汇使用。

示例1（改进前）：Someone may not really good at test, those people learn hard and work hard, we can’t only use test to prove their knowledge. 示例1（改进后）：Some students may not excel in tests, but they still put in a lot of effort into learning; therefore, we should not solely rely on test scores to evaluate their knowledge.

示例2（改进前）：But he has a big defeat: he can’t remember those work of organs, this make he can’t get any score on test. 示例2（改进后）：However, his weakness is that he struggles to remember the functions of organs, which negatively affects his test scores.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构需要改进。首先，在引言部分明确提出你的观点。然后，在正文部分使用不同段落来详细阐述和支持你的观点。最后，用一个总结性段落来结束文章。此外，注意在段落之间使用过渡词和短语来使文章更连贯。

示例1（改进前）：I agree with Paul’s opinion. Some students have some defects, while some of them miss confidence. 示例1（改进后）：I agree with Paul's opinion that grades should consider both performance and effort. Some students may have weaknesses or lack confidence, which can affect their academic performance.

示例2（改进前）：A small test denied all efforts that my brother make. 示例2（改进后）：In conclusion, solely relying on test scores to evaluate students' knowledge can undermine the efforts they put into learning, as exemplified by my brother's experience.

5. 语法批改

I agree with Paul’s opinion. Some students have some defects, while some of them miss confidence. This (Two consecutive spaces)may make them may not really goodperfect(Extreme adjectives) at study. But it doesn’t mean we need to deny their effort. Someone may not really goodperfect(Extreme adjectives) at test, those people learn hard and work hard, we can’t only use test to prove their knowledge. For example, my brother, he is really like biology, he read a lot of bookbooks(Possible agreement error: 'a lot/bunch/couple of' + singular countable noun) about biology, he dodoes(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) lot ofa lot of((a) bunch of) work onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) learn how Human Organs Work. But he has a big defeat: he can’t remember those work of organs, this make he can’t get any score on test. At his final Exam, he getgets(Agreement error: Non-third person/past tense verb with 'he/she/it' or a pronoun) a low score, his teacher said he doesn’t know any bout biology. A small test denied all efforts that my brother make.

Title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Paul's perspective. Some students may have certain shortcomings or lack confidence, which could impact their academic performance. However, this should not negate the recognition of their efforts. It is essential to understand that not all individuals excel in taking tests, and solely relying on test scores to gauge their knowledge can be misleading. For instance, my brother has a profound interest in biology and has invested significant time in learning about human organs. Despite his dedication, he struggles with memorizing the functions of these organs, which adversely affects his test scores. In his final exam, he received a low grade, leading his teacher to assume he lacked knowledge in biology. This single assessment failed to acknowledge the hard work and dedication my brother had put into the subject. (134 words)

I agree concur with Paul’s opinion. Paul's perspective (revised for formality and clarity). Some students may have some defects, while some certain shortcomings (changed "defects" to "shortcomings" for a more appropriate term) or lack confidence, which could impact their academic performance. However, this should not negate the recognition of them miss confidence. This may make them may their efforts (rephrased for clarity). It is essential to understand that not really good at study. But it doesn’t mean we need all individuals excel in taking tests, and solely relying on test scores to deny gauge their effort. Someone may not really good at test, those people learn hard knowledge can be misleading (rephrased for clarity and work hard, we can’t only use test to prove their knowledge. flow). For example, instance, my brother, he is really like biology, he read a lot of book about biology, he do lot of work on learn how Human Organs Work. But he brother has a big defeat: profound interest in biology (changed "really like" to "profound interest" for formality) and has invested significant time in learning about human organs. Despite his dedication, he can’t remember those work struggles with memorizing the functions of these organs, this make he can’t get any score on test. At which adversely affects his test scores (rephrased for clarity). In his final Exam, exam, he get received a low score, grade, leading his teacher said to assume he doesn’t know any bout lacked knowledge in biology. A small test denied all efforts that This single assessment failed to acknowledge the hard work and dedication my brother make.had put into the subject (rephrased for clarity and flow).

Title: 8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Agree with Paul's perspective
    - Body
        - Shortcomings and lack of confidence
        - Not all individuals excel in tests
        - Example: brother's interest in biology
            - Struggles with memorization
            - Low test scores ≠ lack of knowledge
    - Conclusion
        - Importance of recognizing efforts and dedication

Title: 9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the task requirements by expressing an opinion and contributing to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples or details to support the viewpoint. Additionally, some grammar errors and unclear language use can be improved.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your opinion.

• Improve grammar and vocabulary usage for better clarity.

Examples:

1. Instead of just stating that performance can unveil the latent working behind in participation, provide a concrete example of how this can be observed in a classroom setting.

2. To improve grammar, revise the sentence "I think how to judge the students should only based on the performance" to "I believe that students should be judged solely based on their performance."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance its organization.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure each paragraph focuses on one specific point with supporting details.

Examples:

1. Add transition words like "Furthermore" or "In addition" at the beginning of paragraphs or sentences to connect ideas.

2. Instead of combining both Kelly's and Paul's viewpoints in one paragraph, separate them into two distinct paragraphs with supporting details for each viewpoint.

5. Grammar

I think how to judge the students should only basedbe based(it would (be) appreciated) on the performance the student plays in the class.

As Kelly holdholds(Subject-verb agreement error after conjunction) the performance based grades will be more fair to students joining the class. I think the performance can also unveil the latent working behind in the participation in class, thinking after class, and the understanding of the course. When a student can work well in the class through the homework, he or she must have a deep understand or struggling to face the difficulties to master the knowledgeknowledge,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) even he is thought no so much hard-working.

Although Paul against this idea by saying the hard work should count for something, I think there is not a criteriaa criterion(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) to check how hard is the student in the class. We can not just use the working time or the number of homework he did to judge if the student has working hard enough.

All of all, the performance on the homework and the exams will tell everyone how well the student is in mastering this course.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, evaluating students should primarily be based on their performance in class. This approach, as Kelly argues, ensures fairness among students participating in the course. Performance not only reflects a student's understanding of the material but also their engagement in class discussions and critical thinking outside of class. When a student excels in homework and exams, it demonstrates their ability to grasp complex concepts and overcome challenges, regardless of whether they are perceived as hard-working or not.

While Paul contends that hard work should also be considered, I believe it is difficult to establish a clear criterion for measuring effort. Relying solely on the amount of time spent studying or the number of assignments completed does not accurately reflect a student's dedication or commitment to learning.

Moreover, focusing on performance encourages students to strive for excellence and develop essential skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking. These skills will prove invaluable later in life when they attend university or enter the workforce. In contrast, grading based on effort may inadvertently reward mediocrity and discourage students from pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones.

In conclusion, assessing students based on their performance in homework and exams provides a more accurate representation of their mastery of the course material. This approach promotes fairness among students while fostering an environment that encourages personal growth and academic achievement. (230 words)

I think how In my opinion, evaluating students should primarily be based on their performance in class[1]. This approach, as Kelly argues[2], ensures fairness among students participating in the course[3]. Performance not only reflects a student's understanding of the material but also their engagement in class discussions and critical thinking outside of class[4]. When a student excels in homework and exams, it demonstrates their ability to judge the students should only based on the performance the student plays in the class. ¶ As Kelly hold the performance based grades will be more fair to students joining the class. I think the performance can also unveil the latent working behind in the participation in class, thinking after class, and the understanding of the course. When a student can work well in the class through the homework, he or she must have a deep understand or struggling to face the difficulties to master the knowledge even he is thought no so much hard-working. ¶ Although grasp complex concepts and overcome challenges, regardless of whether they are perceived as hard-working or not[5].

While Paul against this idea by saying the contends that hard work should count for something, also be considered[6], I think there believe it is difficult to establish a clear criterion for measuring effort[7]. Relying solely on the amount of time spent studying or the number of assignments completed does not accurately reflect a student's dedication or commitment to learning[8].

Moreover, focusing on performance encourages students to strive for excellence and develop essential skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking[9]. These skills will prove invaluable later in life when they attend university or enter the workforce[10]. In contrast, grading based on effort may inadvertently reward mediocrity and discourage students from pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones[11].

In conclusion, assessing students based on their performance in homework and exams provides a more accurate representation of their mastery of the course material[12]. This approach promotes fairness among students while fostering an environment that encourages personal growth and academic achievement[13].

Explanations inline:

1. Clarified that evaluation should be primarily based on performance.

2. Introduced Kelly's argument.

3. Explained the reason for Kelly's argument.

4. Expanded on what performance encompasses.

5. Explained how excelling in homework and exams demonstrates ability.

6. Introduced Paul's counterargument.

7. Explained why measuring effort is difficult.

8. Discussed why time spent studying or number of assignments is not a criteria to check how hard is the student in the class. We can not just use the working time or the number of homework he did to judge if the student has working hard enough. ¶ All of all, the performance on the homework and the exams will tell everyone how well the student is in mastering an accurate measure of effort.

9. Highlighted benefits of focusing on performance.

10. Mentioned long-term benefits of developing essential skills.

11. Explained potential drawbacks of grading based on effort.

12. Restated the main argument for performance-based assessment.

13. Concluded with the benefits of this course.approach for students and the learning environment.

8 Mind Map

1. Evaluating students

   • Performance in class
   • Fairness
   • Engagement

2. Understanding material

   • Homework
   • Exams

3. Hard work vs performance

   • Measuring effort
   • Dedication and commitment

4. Focusing on performance benefits

   • Striving for excellence
   • Developing essential skills (problem-solving, critical thinking)

5. Real-life applications of skills

   • University attendance
   • Workforce entry

6. Grading based on effort drawbacks

   • Rewarding mediocrity
   • Discouraging growth

7. Accurate representation of mastery

   • Course material comprehension

8. Promoting personal growth and academic achievement

9 Key Words

6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, evaluating students should primarily be based on their performance in class. This approach, as Kelly argues, ensures fairness among students participating in the course. Performance not only reflects a student's understanding of the material but also their engagement in class discussions and critical thinking outside of class. When a student excels in homework and exams, it demonstrates their ability to grasp complex concepts and overcome challenges, regardless of whether they are perceived as hard-working or not.

While Paul contends that hard work should also be considered, I believe it is difficult to establish a clear criterion for measuring effort. Relying solely on the amount of time spent studying or the number of assignments completed does not accurately reflect a student's dedication or commitment to learning.

Moreover, focusing on performance encourages students to strive for excellence and develop essential skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking. These skills will prove invaluable later in life when they attend university or enter the workforce. In contrast, grading based on effort may inadvertently reward mediocrity and discourage students from pushing themselves beyond their comfort zones.

In conclusion, assessing students based on their performance in homework and exams provides a more accurate representation of their mastery of the course material. This approach promotes fairness among students while fostering an environment that encourages personal growth and academic achievement.