TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on history&culture. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.
Bài nộp thực tế của người dùng với đánh giá và phản hồi bằng AI
Có 25 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Bắt Đầu Luyện Tập Miễn PhíTổng Quan Dạng Bài
Professor
In our last class, we talked about famous historical sites and artifacts around the world. Now I want you to think about one thing and have a discussion: Do you think the government should preserve all the old buildings and sites? Why?
Hailey
I totally agree with this statement. Old buildings and sites are a reflection of a country’s history. So, it makes perfect sense to spend money on preserving them. Think about this. When we are all old and our grandchildren ask about our history, wouldn’t it be better to take them to the sites than just showing them pictures?
Cameron
To be honest, I don’t think it’s necessary to spend money on preserving old buildings. We are currently in such a fast changing world where histories and miracles are being made every second, which makes it our priority to make economic and technological breakthroughs. Anything would soon become old and abandoned in a world like this. So, there’s no need to spend money preserving old buildings.
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng & Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #1
I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preserving all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, i...
Điểm Số22
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #1
I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preserving all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, i...
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng
I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preserving all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, it may cause the waste of land sources. For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, government decided to save them all. But this measure cause the plant don't have enough land to expend it's size so that it can't make enough money. Also overprotect may cause housing shortage, traffic congestion and so on, which may cause serious societal problems. On the other hand, those old sites and buildings exit some risk, even through they are be repaired and rebuilt. In this regard, it may poses a safety hazard to residents. Take my school as an example, there are a old building in our school which built in Tang dynast , it's very beautiful but very old too. When one of it's block fall off, it hurt on of my classmate. Therefore, our school decided to move it totally. May someone would say the old buildings and sites are the reflection or reappear of history, so, we should protect them all. Nevertheless, they don't realize we can use writing to record the stories behind the buildings. Then move some of them to avoid the waste of land source. In essence, protect all old sites and buildings exit safety hazard and will cause land waste, thus, we just need to selectively protect them.
Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1. 子项得分
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0
2. 预估分数
22. 3 任务完成度
整体来说,你的文章回答了问题并表达了个人观点。但是,你的文章可以在以下方面进行改进:首先,在支持观点时需要提供更具体的例子和详细信息。其次,注意避免语法错误和不清晰的表达。
改进示例1: 原文:"For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, government decided to save them all." 修改后:"For example, in my hometown, there are numerous historical buildings and sites. The government decided to preserve all of them to promote tourism."
改进示例2: 原文:"Take my school as an example, there are a old building in our school which built in Tang dynast , it's very beautiful but very old too." 修改后:"For instance, there is an ancient building from the Tang Dynasty on my school campus. Although it is beautiful, it is also very old and poses safety risks."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面有待改进。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论,但段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。此外,每个段落应更加专注于一个特定观点,并提供支持细节。
改进建议1:在段落之间添加过渡句,使文章更加连贯。 改进建议2:确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句,并提供相关的支持细节。
改进示例1: 在第一段和第二段之间添加过渡句:"While I understand the importance of preserving historical sites, there are several reasons why I believe not all of them should be preserved."
改进示例2: 为第二段添加主题句:"One reason is that preserving all old buildings may lead to a waste of land resources and cause societal problems."
5. 语法批改
I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preservingneed to preserve(need to VBG (VB)) all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, it may cause the waste of land sources. For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, government decided to save them all. But this measure causecauses(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) the plant don't have enough land to expend it's size so that it can't make enough money. AlsoAlso,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) overprotect may cause housing shortage, traffic congestion and so on, which may cause serious societal problems. On the other hand, those old sites and buildings exit some risk, even through they are beare being(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) repaired and rebuilt. In this regard, it may posespose(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) a safety hazard to residents. Take my school as an example, there are aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') old building in our school which built in Tang dynastdynasty(misspelling) ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) it's very beautiful but very old too. When one of it'sits(about its NN (possessive)) block fall off, it hurt onone(Detects potentially wrong usage of "on" instead of "one") of my classmate. Therefore, our school decided to move it totally. May someone would say the old buildings and sites are the reflection or reappear of history, so, we should protect them all. Nevertheless, they don't realize we can use writing to record the stories behind the buildings. Then move some of them to avoid the waste of land source. In essence, protect all old sites and buildings exit safety hazard and will cause land waste, thus, we just need to selectively protect them.
Section Title: The Necessity of Preserving Historical Sites and Buildings
While I understand the importance of preserving historical sites and buildings, I agree with Cameron that not all of them need to be protected. Overprotection of these structures can lead to inefficient land use and potential societal issues. For example, in my hometown, the government's decision to preserve numerous old buildings for tourism purposes has limited the expansion of local industries, impacting economic growth. Additionally, overprotection can contribute to housing shortages and traffic congestion.
Moreover, some old sites and buildings may pose safety risks to residents, even after undergoing repairs or reconstruction. In my school, there is a beautiful but aged building from the Tang Dynasty. Unfortunately, a falling block from this structure injured one of my classmates, prompting the school to relocate it entirely.
While some argue that historical sites and buildings are tangible reflections of our past that warrant preservation, we must also consider alternative methods for recording history. Written accounts can capture the stories behind these structures while allowing for more efficient land use through selective preservation.
In summary, although historical sites and buildings hold cultural significance, we must weigh their value against potential safety hazards and land waste. By adopting a selective approach to preservation, we can strike a balance between honoring our heritage and addressing contemporary needs. (222 words)
I concur with Cameron's view that we don't need to preserving (change "preserving" to "preserve" for correct verb form) all the old buildings. On the one hand, if we overprotect the old sites and buildings, it may cause the waste of land sources. sources (change "land sources" to "land resources" for better word choice). For instance, my hometown has considerable old buildings and sites, in order to develop the tourism, tourism (change "the tourism" to "tourism"), government decided to save them all. But this measure cause (change "cause" to "caused") the plant don't have (change "don't have" to "not having") enough land to expend (change "expend" to "expand") it's size so that it can't make enough money. Also overprotect may cause housing shortage, traffic congestion and so on, which may cause serious societal problems. On the other hand, those old sites and buildings exit some risk, risk (change "exit some risk" to "pose some risks"), even through they are be repaired and rebuilt. rebuilt (revise this phrase as: even after being repaired and rebuilt). In this regard, it may poses a safety hazard to residents. Take my school as an example, there are a old building in our school which built in Tang dynast , it's very beautiful but very old too. When one of it's block fall off, off (revise this phrase as: when a block from it fell off), it hurt on of my classmate. classmate (revise this phrase as: it injured one of my classmates). Therefore, our school decided to move it totally. May someone would say the old buildings and sites are the reflection or reappear of history, history (revise this phrase as: Some might argue that historical sites and buildings are tangible reflections of our past), so, we should protect them all. Nevertheless, they don't realize we can use writing to record the stories behind the buildings. Then move some of them to avoid the waste of land source. source (change "land source" to "land resources"). In essence, protect all old sites and buildings exit safety hazard (revise this phrase as: preserving all historical sites and buildings poses safety hazards) and will cause land waste, thus, we just need to selectively protect them.
8 思维导图
- The Necessity of Preserving Historical Sites and Buildings
- Importance of preservation
- Overprotection issues
- Inefficient land use
- Societal issues
- Economic growth impact
- Housing shortages
- Traffic congestion
- Safety risks
- Example: Tang Dynasty building in school
- Alternative methods for recording history
- Written accounts
- Selective preservation approach
- Balancing heritage and contemporary needs
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Preservation | /ˌprɛzərˈveɪʃən/ | Noun | The action of preserving something, especially a building or site. | 保护 | Preservation of historical sites is important for cultural heritage. |
| Overprotection | /ˌoʊvərprəˈtɛkʃən/ | Noun | Excessive protection or shielding from harm or risk. | 过度保护 | Overprotection of old buildings can lead to inefficient land use. |
| Inefficient | /ˌɪnɪˈfɪʃənt/ | Adjective | Not achieving maximum productivity; wasting resources. | 低效的 | Inefficient land use can impact economic growth and cause societal issues. |
| Tang Dynasty | /tæŋ ˈdaɪnəsti/ | Noun | _A Chinese imperial dynasty from 618 to 907. _ | 唐朝 | _The building from the Tang Dynasty in my school was beautiful but posed a safety risk. _ |
| Safety hazard | /ˈseɪfti ˈhæzərd/ | Noun | A condition or situation that poses a risk to one's safety. | 安全隐患 | The aged building posed a safety hazard to students after a falling block injured one of my classmates. |
| Written account | /ˈrɪtən əˈkaʊnt/ | Noun | A record or description of an event or experience in writing. | 文字记载 | Written accounts can capture the stories behind historical sites and buildings without requiring preservation. |
| Selective | /sɪˈlɛktɪv/ | Adjective | Characterized by the selection of certain elements or features. | 选择性的 | A selective approach to preservation can balance heritage and contemporary needs. |
| Heritage | /ˈhɛrɪtɪdʒ/ | Noun | Valued objects and qualities such as cultural traditions, unspoiled countryside, and historic buildings that have been passed down from previous generations. | 遗产 | Preserving historical sites helps maintain our cultural heritage for future generations. |
| Contemporary | /kənˈtɛmpəreri/ | Adjective | Living or occurring at the same time; belonging to or occurring in the present. | 当代的 | We must balance honoring our heritage with addressing contemporary needs such as housing shortages. |
2Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #2
I firmly agree with Phobe's notion that internet has a positive on people's appreciating cultural heritage for its convenience. I would further argue ...
Điểm Số27
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #2
I firmly agree with Phobe's notion that internet has a positive on people's appreciating cultural heritage for its convenience. I would further argue ...
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng
I firmly agree with Phobe's notion that internet has a positive on people's appreciating cultural heritage for its convenience. I would further argue that internet play an important role on perserving cultual heritage, since through internet people do not need to go to the real places, which reduce a large amount of energy. This is also benefit our environment and boost the preservation of cultural heritage. Moreover, through internet, there will be more people know about the preservation of cultural heritage, which is a good way to public. Ryan's viewpoint that peope forget quickly if they just see cultural heritage online is valid, but he didn't realize that is not everyone go to a cultural heritage for researching, most people just want to do a tour. Overall, I believe that internet plays a positive influence on appreciating and preserving cultural heritage.
Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
- 27
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求,但有一些地方可以改进。首先,在表达观点时,可以提供更具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外,尽量避免使用重复的词汇和表达。
示例1:在讨论互联网对文化遗产保护的积极作用时,可以举例说明一些在线博物馆或数字化项目如何帮助保护和传播文化遗产。 示例2:为了避免重复词汇,可以使用同义词或其他表达方式。例如,将“cultural heritage”替换为“historical relics”或“artifacts”。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面基本合理,但仍有改进空间。建议在开头部分明确提出自己的观点,并在正文中分段阐述不同方面的论据。最后,在结尾部分总结全文,并重申自己的观点。
建议1:在开头部分明确提出观点:“我认为互联网对于欣赏和保护文化遗产具有积极影响。” 建议2:在正文中分段阐述论据,例如:“首先,互联网为人们提供了便捷的途径来欣赏文化遗产。其次,互联网可以帮助减少实地参观对文化遗产的破坏。最后,互联网有助于提高公众对文化遗产保护的认识。”
5. 语法批改
I firmly agree with PhobePhone(misspelling)'s notion that internet has a positive on people's appreciating cultural heritage for its convenience. I would further argue that internet play an important role on perservingpreserving(misspelling) cultualcultural(misspelling) heritage, since through internet people do not need to go to the real places, which reduce a large amount of energy. This is also benefitbenefited(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) our environment and boost the preservation of cultural heritage. Moreover, through internet, there will be more people know about the preservation of cultural heritage, which is a good way to public. Ryan's viewpoint that peopepeople(misspelling) forget quickly if they just see cultural heritage online is valid, but he didn't realize that is not everyone go to a cultural heritage for researching, most people just want to do a tour. Overall, I believe that internet plays a positive influence on appreciating and preserving cultural heritage.
Section Title: 6 文章修订
I concur with Phoebe's assertion that the internet has a positive impact on people's appreciation of cultural heritage due to its convenience. Furthermore, I contend that the internet plays a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage. By providing virtual access to these sites and artifacts, the internet reduces the need for physical visits, thereby conserving energy and benefiting the environment. This, in turn, bolsters the preservation of cultural heritage. Additionally, increased online exposure raises awareness about the importance of preserving our shared history and traditions. While Ryan's argument that people may quickly forget what they see online holds some merit, it is essential to recognize that not everyone visits cultural heritage sites for research purposes; many simply seek an enriching travel experience. Ultimately, I maintain that the internet has a predominantly positive influence on both appreciating and preserving cultural heritage. (144 words)
I firmly agree concur with Phobe's notion that Phoebe's assertion (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet has a positive impact on people's appreciating appreciation of cultural heritage for due to its convenience. convenience (rephrased for better flow). Furthermore, I would further argue that internet play an important contend (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet plays a crucial role on perserving cultual heritage, since through internet people do not in preserving cultural heritage. By providing virtual access to these sites and artifacts, the internet reduces the need to go to the real places, which reduce a large amount of energy. This is also benefit our for physical visits, thereby conserving energy and benefiting the environment and boost (rephrased for better flow). This, in turn, bolsters (revised for clarity) the preservation of cultural heritage. Moreover, through internet, there will be more Additionally, increased online exposure raises awareness about the importance of preserving our shared history and traditions (rephrased for better flow). While Ryan's argument that people know about the preservation of cultural heritage, which may quickly forget what they see online holds some merit (revised for clarity), it is a good way essential to public. Ryan's viewpoint that peope forget quickly if they just see cultural heritage online is valid, but he didn't realize that is recognize that not everyone go to visits cultural heritage sites for research purposes; many simply seek an enriching travel experience (rephrased for better flow). Ultimately, I maintain (revised for clarity and formality) that the internet has a cultural heritage for researching, most people just want to do a tour. Overall, I believe that internet plays a predominantly positive influence on both appreciating and preserving cultural heritage.
8 思维导图
- Convenience
- Access to cultural heritage
- Virtual visits
- Preservation
- Reduced physical visits
- Environmental benefits
- Awareness
- Importance of preserving history and traditions
- Enriching travel experience
- Not just for research purposes
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| concur | /kənˈkɜr/ | verb | agree; be of the same opinion | 同意 | I concur with Phoebe's assertion that the internet has a positive impact on people's appreciation of cultural heritage. |
| assertion | /əˈsɜrʃən/ | noun | a confident and forceful statement of fact or belief | 主张 | Phoebe's assertion about the internet's positive impact is well-founded. |
| contend | /kənˈtɛnd/ | verb | _to argue or state that something is true | _主张,声称 | _I contend that the internet plays a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage. |
| bolster | /ˈboʊlstər/ | verb | _to support or strengthen | _支持,加强 | _This, in turn, bolsters the preservation of cultural heritage. |
| predominantly | /prɪˈdɒmɪnəntli/ | adverb | _mainly; for the most part | _主要地,大部分 | _Ultimately, I maintain that the internet has a predominantly positive influence on both appreciating and preserving cultural heritage. |
| merit | /ˈmɛrɪt/ | noun | _the quality of being particularly good or worthy | _优点,价值 | _While Ryan's argument that people may quickly forget what they see online holds some merit, it is essential to recognize other factors. |
| enriching | /ɪnˈrɪʧɪŋ/ | adjective | improving the quality of something by adding or enhancing it | _丰富的,提高素质的 | _Many people seek an enriching travel experience when visiting cultural heritage sites. |
| exposure | /ɪkˈspoʊʒər/ | noun | _the state of being exposed to contact with something | _暴露,接触 | _Increased online exposure raises awareness about the importance of preserving our shared history and traditions. |
| conservation | /ˌkɒnsərˈveɪʃən/ | noun | the preservation and protection of a resource or environment | _保护,保存 | _By providing virtual access to these sites and artifacts, the internet reduces the need for physical visits, thereby conserving energy. |
| appreciation | /əˌpriʃiˈeɪʃən/ | noun | recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something | 欣赏 | The internet has a positive impact on people's appreciation of cultural heritage due to its convenience. |
3Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #3
I incline with Ronaid's opinion that past experience provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have th...
Điểm Số26
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #3
I incline with Ronaid's opinion that past experience provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have th...
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng
I incline with Ronaid's opinion that past experience provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoid more errors in the future. To illustrate this point, I would like to make my own experience as an example. When I was in elementary school, an earthquate happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage of earthquate, our government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, but also trained us about how to escape from buildings when earthquate happends and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledge were aquired from the past experience of earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerred by our government, there were much less injuries and deaths in this catastrophy.
Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
26. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好,成功地表达了作者的观点,并提供了一个与历史相关的例子来支持观点。然而,文章可以在以下方面进行改进:
-
更 多地讨论为什么学习过去对解决现在和未来的问题有帮助。
-
可以对Leah的观点进行一定程度的讨论,以使文章更具说服力。
改进示例:
-
"Learning from past experiences allows us to identify patterns and trends that can help us make better decisions in the present and future."
-
"While Leah's point about focusing on current situations is valid, understanding the past can provide valuable context for addressing present-day issues."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面基本合理,包括引言、正文和结尾。但是,可以在以下方面进行改进:
-
在引言部分明确提出自己的观点。
-
在正文部分使用更清晰的段落划分和过渡词汇。
改进示例:
-
引言部分可以这样写:"In response to the professor's question, I believe that learning from the past is crucial for solving present and future problems."
-
在正文部分使用过渡词汇,如:"Firstly, learning from past experiences allows us to..." 和 "Moreover, understanding the past can provide valuable context for..."
5. 语法批改
I incline with RonaidRonald(misspelling)'s opinion that past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoidto avoid(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) more errors in the future. To illustrate this point, I would like to make my own experience as an example. When I was in elementary school, an earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage ofdamage to(Collocation: damage of/to) earthquateearthquake(misspelling), our government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, but also trained us about how to escape from buildings when earthquateearthquake(misspelling) happendshappens(misspelling) and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledgethis knowledge('this' vs. 'these') were aquiredacquired(misspelling) from the past experienceexperience(past experience/memory (experience/memory)) of earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerredoffered(misspelling) by our government, there were much lessfewer(fewer with countable nouns (less)) injuries and deaths in this catastrophycatastrophe(misspelling).
Display title: 6 文章修订
I concur with Ronald's perspective that insights gleaned from past experiences can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn from historical events, enabling us to circumvent similar pitfalls in the future. To substantiate this assertion, I would like to draw upon a personal anecdote. During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in an immense loss of life and widespread destruction. Subsequent investigations revealed that inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events. These initiatives were informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, the improved building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries sustained during the disaster. (163 words)
Revised essay: Display title: 6 文章修订
I incline concur with Ronaid's opinion Ronald's perspective (Changed "Ronaid's opinion" to "Ronald's perspective" for proper name spelling and more natural phrasing) that insights gleaned from past experience provides experiences (Changed "provides solutions to similar problems. People or society could grow up just because they have the problems" to "insights gleaned from past experiences" for a more natural tone) can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn a lesson from their past, facilitating them avoid more errors from historical events, enabling us to circumvent (Changed "avoid" to "circumvent" for a more sophisticated word choice) similar pitfalls in the future. To illustrate substantiate this point, assertion (Changed "illustrate this point" to "substantiate this assertion" for a more formal tone), I would like to make draw upon a personal anecdote (Changed "make my own experience as an example. When I was example" to "draw upon a personal anecdote" for better flow). During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China, resulting in elementary school, an earthquate happened in China and leads to hundreds and thousands immense loss of deaths and injuries. The results of a survey showed life and widespread destruction (Rephrased the sentence about the earthquake for better flow and clarity). Subsequent investigations revealed that lack of knowledge about what to do when the earth was shaking and poor inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality of the collapsed buildings contributed to the huge loss. To reduce the damage of earthquate, our were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. In response, the government not only try to improve the quality of our buildings, implemented measures to enhance structural integrity but also trained us provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures and identifying safe locations during seismic events (Rephrased the sentence about how to escape from buildings when earthquate happends and how to identify safe places that we should go to. All of these knowledge government actions for better flow). These initiatives were aquired from the past experience of informed by lessons learned from previous earthquakes. Years latter, an earthquake happened later, when a similarly powerful earthquake occurred in my hometown, which had the same rank as that earthquake. Thanks to the improved quality of buildings and the training offerred by our government, there were much less building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries and deaths in this catastrophy.sustained during the disaster (Rephrased the sentence about the second earthquake for better flow and clarity).
8 思维导图
- 主题: 历史经验对现代问题的解决
- 子主题1: 社会发展与历史事件的关系
- 学习历史事件
- 避免类似陷阱
- 子主题2: 个人轶事
- 小学时期的地震灾难
- 调查结果与教训
- 子主题3: 政府应对措施
- 提高建筑质量
- 紧急疏散培训和安全地点识别
- 子主题4: 成果与效果验证
- 同样强度地震的后续影响减轻
- 减少伤亡和损失
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| concur | /kənˈkɜr/ | verb | to agree or have the same opinion as someone else | 同意,一致意见 | I concur with Ronald's perspective that insights gleaned from past experiences can offer valuable solutions to contemporary issues. |
| contingent upon | /kənˈtɪndʒənt əˈpɒn/ | phrase | dependent on something else happening or being true before it can happen or be true | 取决于,依赖于 | Societal growth and development are largely contingent upon our ability to learn from historical events. |
| substantiate | /səbˈstænʃieɪt/ | verb | to show something to be true, or to support a claim with facts | 证实,支持(说法、理论等) | To substantiate this assertion, I would like to draw upon a personal anecdote. |
| devastating | /ˈdɛvəˌsteɪtɪŋ/ | adjective | causing a lot of damage or destruction; very shocking or upsetting | 毁灭性的,令人震惊的 | During my elementary school years, a devastating earthquake struck China. |
| inadequate | /ɪnˈædɪkwət/ | adjective | not enough in quantity or quality; not good enough for a particular purpose | 不足的,不够好的| Subsequent investigations revealed that inadequate preparedness and substandard building quality were primary factors contributing to the extensive damage. | ||
| mitigation | /ˌmɪtɪˈgeɪʃən/ | noun | the act of making something less harmful, unpleasant, or bad | 减轻,缓和| The improved building standards and increased public awareness significantly mitigated casualties and injuries sustained during the disaster. | |||
| evacuation | /ɪˌvækjuˈeɪʃən/ | noun | the process of moving people from a dangerous place to somewhere safe | 疏散,撤离| The government provided comprehensive training on emergency evacuation procedures. | |||
| seismic | /ˈsaɪzmɪk/ | adjective | relating to or caused by an earthquake | 地震 的,地震引起的| The government provided training on identifying safe locations during seismic events. | |||
| integrity | /ɪnˈtɛgrəti/ | noun | the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; the state of being whole and not divided | 正直,诚实;完整,一致| The government implemented measures to enhance structural integrity. | |||
| casualty | /ˈkæʒuəlti/ | noun | a person who is injured or killed in an accident, war, etc. | 受害者,伤亡人员| The improved building standards significantly mitigated casualties sustained during the disaster. |
4Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #4
From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government do not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argum...
Điểm Số25
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #4
From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government do not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argum...
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng
From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government do not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. By spending money on we can technological researches we can improve our life qualities.Take myself as an example, as a student, in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations, I mostly spend all of my time in classroom and library. Consequently, It is rare for me to visit old buildings which record the history of our school. By contrast, I can always feel convenient during use auto-electronic devices provided by school. Therefore, based on my personal experience I wholeheartedly concur with Cameron' perspective.
Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
从任务完成度的角度来看,你的文章在回答问题和表达观点方面做得不错。然而,有一些地方可以改进。首先,在论述观点时,可以提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。其次,在语言使用和语法方面,尽量避免出现一些小错误,同时尝试使用更丰富的词汇和句式。
示例1(改进):因此,在我个人经历中,我更倾向于支持投资于技术研究以提高生活质量,而非仅仅关注历史建筑的保护。
示例2(改进):通过投资于技术研究,我们可以开发新型环保材料来修复古老建筑物,从而实现历史保护与科技发展的共赢。
4. 文章结构与组织
从文章结构与组织方面来看,你的文章整体上呈现出清晰的逻辑。但是,在引入论点时可以加强过渡性词汇的使用,并在结尾部分总结观点。此外,尝试在正文部分增加更多段落,以便更好地组织你的观点和论据。
建议1(简体中文):在引入论点时使用过渡性词汇,如“首先”、“其次”等。
示例1(改进):首先,我同意卡梅隆的观点,认为政府不需要花费资金来保护古老建筑。其次,在技术发展方面,我们应该将更多的资金投入到科技研究中。
建议2(简体中文):在结尾部分总结观点,并指出你的文章对讨论做出了哪些贡献。
示例2(改进):综上所述,我认为政府应该将资金投入到科技研究而非古老建筑的保护上。通过这样的方式,我们可以实现历史保护与科技发展的共赢。
5. 语法批改
From my perspective, I tend to support Cameron's view that government dodoes not need to spend money on preserving old buildings. In addition to his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. By spending money on we can technological researchesresearch, we can improve our life qualities.Takequality of life. Take myself as an example, asexample. As a student, in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations, I mostly spend allmost of my time in classroom and library.library to achieve good grades and meet my own expectations. Consequently, It is rare for meI rarely have the opportunity to visit old buildings whichthat record the history of our school. By contrast, I can always feel convenient during useusing the auto-electronic devices provided by school. Therefore, based on my personal experienceexperience, I wholeheartedly concuragree with Cameron'Cameron's perspective.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my opinion, I concur with Cameron's stance that governments should not prioritize spending money on preserving old buildings. Beyond his argument, I would like to emphasize the significance of technological advancement. By allocating resources to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. For instance, as a student striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations, I predominantly spend my time in classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit historical sites that showcase our school's heritage. In contrast, I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices. Therefore, based on my personal experience, I wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective. (112 words)
From In my perspective, I tend to support opinion, I concur with Cameron's view stance (Changed "perspective" to "stance" for better word choice) that government do governments should not prioritize (Changed "do not need to spend to" to "should not prioritize" for clearer expression of the idea) spending money on preserving old buildings. In addition to Beyond his argument, I would like to emphasize the importance of technology development. significance (Changed "importance" to "significance" for better word choice) of technological advancement (Changed "technology development" to "technological advancement" for a more natural expression). By spending allocating resources (Changed "spending money on we can technological researches we can improve our life qualities.Take myself qualities" to "allocating resources to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life." for clearer and more concise phrasing) to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. For instance, as an example, as a student, in a student striving for academic excellence (Changed "in order to get a good grades and catch up to own expectations" to "striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations" for a more natural tone) and meeting personal expectations, I mostly predominantly spend all of my time in classroom and library. Consequently, It is rare for me to classrooms and libraries. As a result, I seldom visit old historical sites (Changed "old buildings which record the history of our school. By school" to "historical sites that showcase our school's heritage." for clearer expression) that showcase our school's heritage. In contrast, I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices (Changed "I can always feel convenient during use auto-electronic devices provided by school. school." to "...consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices." for a more natural tone). Therefore, based on my personal experience experience, I wholeheartedly concur agree with Cameron' perspective.Cameron's perspective (Kept original phrasing as it is appropriate).
8 思维导图
1. Introduction
- Agree with Cameron's stance
- Importance of technological advancement
2. Quality of life improvement
- Allocate resources to technological research
- Personal experience as a student
3. Modern facilities vs. historical sites
- Spending time in classrooms and libraries
- Seldom visit historical sites
4. Benefits of technology
- Convenience offered by electronic devices
5. Conclusion
- Wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| concur | /kənˈkɜr/ | verb | to agree | 同意 | I concur with Cameron's stance that governments should not prioritize spending money on preserving old buildings. |
| significance | /sɪɡˈnɪfɪkəns/ | noun | the importance or meaning of something | 重要性 | I would like to emphasize the significance of technological advancement. |
| allocate | /ˈæləkeɪt/ | verb | to assign or distribute for a purpose |分配 |By allocating resources to technological research, we can enhance our quality of life. | ||
| striving | /straɪv/ |verb |to make great efforts to achieve something|努力争取 |As a student striving for academic excellence and meeting personal expectations, I predominantly spend my time in classrooms and libraries. | ||||
| predominantly | /prɪˈdɒmɪnəntli/ | adverb | mainly or mostly | 主要地 | I predominantly spend my time in classrooms and libraries. |
| heritage | /ˈhɛrɪtɪdʒ/ |noun |traditions, values, and history passed down through generations|遗产 |I seldom visit historical sites that showcase our school's heritage. | ||||
| state-of-the-art | /steɪt əv ði ˈɑrt/ | adjective | using the latest technology | 最先进的 | I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's state-of-the-art electronic devices. |
| convenience | /kənˈviːniəns/ |noun |the quality of being easy to use or suitable for a particular purpose|便利 |I consistently benefit from the convenience offered by the school's electronic devices. | ||||
| perspective | /pərˈspɛktɪv/ |noun |a particular way of considering something; point of view |观点 |Therefore, based on my personal experience, I wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective. | ||||
| wholeheartedly | /hoʊlˈhɑrtɪdli/ | adverb | with complete sincerity and commitment | 全心全意地 | I wholeheartedly agree with Cameron's perspective. |
5Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #5
While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paid on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning...
Điểm Số26
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng #5
While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paid on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning...
Bài Mẫu Của Người Dùng
While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paid on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives. As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. For instance, watching the information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, such as the business, the politics, and the economics; however, this useful information cannot be accessible to students who don't watch anything on social media. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their friends. When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended restaurants, bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relationship of them. Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.
Kết Quả Đánh Giá
1. 子项得分
-
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
-
Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
-
Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2. 预估分数
26. 3 任务完成度
整体而言,你的文章回应了教授的问题,并表达了你的观点。然而,有一些方面可以改进。首先,在论述观点时,可以提供更具体的例子来支持你的观点。其次,尽量避免重复使用相同的词汇和表达,以增加文章的语言多样性。
改进示例1: 原文:For instance, watching the information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world. 修改后:For example, by following news updates on electronic devices, college students can stay informed about global events that may impact their future careers.
改进示例2: 原文:When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended restaurants, bars, and songs. 修改后:While browsing social media platforms, individuals can exchange recommendations for restaurants, entertainment venues, and music with their friends or family members.
4. 文章结构与组织
从结构和组织方面来看,你的文章具有清晰的结构,包括引言、正文和结论。但是,在段落内部可以使用更明确的主题句来引导读者理解每个段落的主要观点。此外,在段落之间添加过渡词或短语,使文章更连贯。
改进示例1: 原文:As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. 修改后:As Lysol pointed out, being aware of global events can have a significant impact on our lives and help us make informed decisions.
改进示例2: 原文:Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their friends. 修改后:Additionally, staying updated on current events can also serve as a means to strengthen relationships with friends and family members.
5. 语法批改
While I can the point of Kathy that the hours paid on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning the information, people can still utilize some of them in their lives. As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is beneficial to everyone's life. For instance, watching the information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, such as the business, the politics, and the economics; however, this useful information cannot be accessible to students who don't watch anything on social media. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize this way to enhance the connection with their friends. When scanning the information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the recommended restaurants, bars, and songs, with their friends or family members, which can boost the relationship of them. Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the electronic devices and attain some benefits.
Title: 6 文章修订
In response to the professor's question, I agree with Lysol's view that staying informed about global events, even those seemingly unrelated to our daily lives, can provide valuable insights and opportunities for personal growth. As Lysol mentioned, globalization has interconnected our world in such a way that an event in one country can have ripple effects across the globe. For example, college students who stay updated on current events through electronic devices can gain valuable knowledge applicable to various fields such as business, politics, and economics. This information may not be readily available to those who avoid social media and other news sources.
Moreover, engaging with news content on social media platforms can also foster stronger connections with friends and family members. By sharing interesting articles or discussing recent events, individuals can enhance their relationships and broaden their perspectives. In conclusion, browsing information on electronic devices offers numerous benefits that should not be overlooked simply because some news stories may appear irrelevant at first glance. (168 words)
Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改
While I can the understand Kathy's point of Kathy that the hours paid spent on electronic devices should be used for work, I concur with Lysol's perspective that when scanning the browsing information, people can still utilize some of them it in their lives. lives (clarified the subject and action). As mentioned by Lysol, it is well known that some of the information can influence through the world and is information can have a global impact and be beneficial to everyone's life. life (simplified phrasing). For instance, watching the by accessing information on electronic devices, college students can attain and obtain the newest stay informed about the latest events in the world, which can be valuable in many kinds of fields, various fields such as the business, the politics, and the economics; however, this useful information cannot may not be accessible to students who don't watch anything on engage with social media. media (clarified meaning and rephrased for readability).
Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that people can utilize use this way to enhance the connection with their friends. method to strengthen connections with their friends (simplified phrasing). When scanning the browsing information on social media, people can share some interested things, such as the interesting things like recommended restaurants, bars, and songs, songs with their friends or family members, which can boost the relationship of them. enhance their relationships (rephrased for clarity). Therefore, it is evident that people should browse the information on the explore information on electronic devices and attain some benefits.reap the benefits (simplified phrasing).
8 思维导图
[Global Events Importance]
- [Interconnected World]
- [Ripple Effects]
- [Example: College Students]
- [Valuable Knowledge]
- [Business, Politics, Economics]
- [Engaging with News Content]
- [Social Media Platforms]
- [Foster Connections]
- [Friends and Family Members]
- [Broaden Perspectives]
- [Conclusion: Benefits of Browsing Information on Electronic Devices]
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Informed | /ɪnˈfɔrmd/ | Adjective | Having or showing knowledge of a particular subject or situation | 知情的 | Staying informed about global events can provide valuable insights. |
| Globalization | /ˌgloʊbəlɪˈzeɪʃən/ | Noun | The process by which businesses or other organizations develop international influence or start operating on an international scale. | 全球化 | Globalization has interconnected our world in such a way that an event in one country can have ripple effects across the globe. |
| Ripple Effects | /ˈrɪpəl ɪˈfekts/ | Noun Phrase | A spreading, pervasive, and usually unintentional effect or influence | 连锁反应 | An event in one country can have ripple effects across the globe. |
| Applicable | /əˈplɪkəbəl/ | Adjective | Relevant or appropriate | 适用的 | College students can gain valuable knowledge applicable to various fields. |
| Engaging | /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒɪŋ/ | Adjective | Attractive or interesting | 吸引人的 | Engaging with news content on social media platforms can foster stronger connections. |
| Foster | /ˈfɑstər/ | Verb | Encourage the development of (something, especially something desirable) | 培养 | By sharing interesting articles, individuals can foster their relationships. |
| Perspectives | /pərˈspektɪvz/ | Noun | A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view | 观点 | Discussing recent events can broaden their perspectives. |
| Irrelevant | /ɪˈrɛləvənt/ | Adjective | _Not connected with or relevant to something | _无关的 | Benefits should not be overlooked simply because some news stories may appear irrelevant at first glance. |
| Browsing | /ˈbraʊzɪŋ/ | _Gerund | _The activity of looking at information on the internet, especially using a smartphone or computer | _浏览 | Browsing information on electronic devices offers numerous benefits. |
Cách Chấm Điểm Academic Discussion
Dạng bài TOEFL Academic Discussion được chấm dựa trên thang điểm chính thức của ETS. AI phân tích mỗi câu trả lời trên nhiều khía cạnh.
Tính Liên Quan & Đóng Góp
Câu trả lời có giải quyết câu hỏi và đóng góp có ý nghĩa cho cuộc thảo luận không?
Sử Dụng Ngôn Ngữ
Độ chính xác ngữ pháp, phạm vi từ vựng và chất lượng cấu trúc câu.
Phát Triển Ý & Lập Luận
Các ý tưởng có được phát triển tốt với ví dụ cụ thể và lập luận rõ ràng không?
Các Mẫu Hình Thường Gặp Trong Câu Trả Lời
Dựa trên phân tích các bài nộp của người dùng cho dạng bài này, đây là những mẫu hình thường gặp trong câu trả lời của thí sinh.
Nhiều thí sinh đưa ra quan điểm rõ ràng nhưng thiếu ví dụ cụ thể để hỗ trợ.
Các câu trả lời tốt thường tham chiếu trực tiếp đến đoạn văn đọc và quan điểm của những người tham gia khác.
Các câu trả lời đạt điểm cao thường sử dụng cấu trúc câu đa dạng và từ vựng học thuật.
Quản lý thời gian là yếu tố then chốt — những câu trả lời có vẻ vội vàng thường bị điểm thấp hơn ở phần phát triển ý.
Mẹo Học Tập
Đọc kỹ đề bài và xác định tất cả các phần của câu hỏi trước khi viết.
Tham chiếu đến đoạn văn đọc và ý kiến của các thí sinh khác trong câu trả lời của bạn.
Dùng ví dụ cụ thể để hỗ trợ luận điểm chính — tránh những câu nói chung chung.
Hướng đến khoảng 120-150 từ. Câu trả lời dài hơn không phải lúc nào cũng tốt hơn; sự rõ ràng và tập trung quan trọng hơn.
Luyện trả lời có giới hạn thời gian (10 phút) để tạo sự trôi chảy trong điều kiện thi thật.
Câu hỏi thường gặp
Nhiệm vụ TOEFL Academic Discussion là gì?
Nhiệm vụ Academic Discussion được chấm điểm như thế nào?
Các mẫu bài của người dùng trên trang này là gì?
Đánh giá của AI chính xác đến mức nào?
Làm thế nào để tôi luyện tập nhiệm vụ Academic Discussion này?
Câu trả lời Academic Discussion của tôi nên dài bao nhiêu?
Các Dạng Bài TOEFL Academic Discussion Liên Quan
All TOEFL Writing Samples
Browse all user-submitted TOEFL writing samples with AI evaluation
TOEFL Academic Discussion Guide
Learn strategies and tips for the Academic Discussion writing task
TOEFL Writing Guide
Complete guide to all TOEFL writing task types and scoring
TOEFL Speaking Guide
Master all TOEFL speaking tasks with expert strategies
TOEFL Reading Guide
Strategies for TOEFL reading comprehension tasks
TOEFL Listening Guide
Tips and practice for TOEFL listening comprehension
Các Dạng Bài TOEFL Academic Discussion Liên Quan
Historyculture
Có 1 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Historyculture
Có 1 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Consumer Behavior
Có 426 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Write A Post Responding To The Professors Question
Có 1646 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Economics
Có 325 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Academic Discussion
Có 1031 bài mẫu do người dùng gửi
Chinh Phục Điểm TOEFL Mục Tiêu Ngay Hôm Nay!
Cùng LingoLeap – Chuyên Gia Luyện Thi Tiếng Anh
Đạt Điểm Mơ Ước Nhanh Hơn Bao Giờ Hết