TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on tourism. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并且提出了一个明确的观点。然而，你可以进一步改进以下方面：

1. 更详细地说明为什么提高城市景观比增加警力更有效。

2. 使用更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

改进示例：

1. "Improving the city's appearance can not only attract tourists but also benefit the local residents, creating a more pleasant living environment for everyone."

2. "Investing in the city's appearance can have long-lasting effects, as it can lead to increased tourism revenue that can be used for further improvements and maintenance."

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在引言中简要概述你将在正文中讨论的主要观点。

2. 在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语。

改进示例：

1. 引言： "In response to the professor's question, I believe that improving the appearance of a city is a more effective strategy for attracting tourists than hiring more police officers."

2. 过渡词： "Furthermore, it is important to consider the unique characteristics of each city when developing tourism strategies."

5. 语法批改

From my prospective, improving the appearance of the city will be much more effective and acceptable than hiring more police. Firstly, as Amy has mentioned, people are always preoccupied with various daily works and studies, which indicates that the most attractive element for tourists will be the beautiful scenery and relaxing atmosphere. In this case, promoting a better scenery can help attract more viewers, thus boosting the government revenue to acheiveachieve(misspelling) more improvement. Also, there have already been many tour cities around the world. In that case, the government should prioritize a special city symbol over any other strategies. To be more specific, my hometown, Nanjing city in China, leverages its advantages about the historical relics as well as the spring water to as aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') entirely different brand of my city. Compared to the beautiful but common scenery, the special and proper symbols of my hometown help develop tourism better.

Section Title: Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism

In my perspective, focusing on enhancing the city's appearance is a more effective and appealing approach to attract tourists than increasing police presence. Firstly, as Amy mentioned, individuals are often preoccupied with their daily work and studies, making the allure of beautiful scenery and a relaxing atmosphere particularly enticing for potential tourists. By promoting picturesque landscapes and serene environments, the government can attract more visitors, subsequently boosting revenue that can be allocated towards further improvements.

Moreover, with numerous tourist destinations worldwide, it is crucial for governments to prioritize the development of unique city symbols that set them apart from other locations. For instance, my hometown of Nanjing in China capitalizes on its historical relics and natural spring waters to create a distinct brand identity for the city. This differentiates Nanjing from other cities with beautiful but common scenery and helps bolster tourism more effectively.

Lastly, it is essential to consider that investing in city improvements is generally a one-time expenditure with tangible results. As Benjamin pointed out, hiring additional police officers requires significant manpower and time while yielding inconsistent outcomes. On the other hand, enhancing a city's appearance offers more immediate and noticeable benefits in attracting tourists. Therefore, focusing on improving the visual appeal of a city should be prioritized over increasing law enforcement presence when aiming to boost tourism. (227 words)

From Section Title: Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism

In my prospective, improving the perspective (prospective -> perspective, as "perspective" refers to a point of view or opinion), focusing on enhancing the city's appearance of the city will be much is a more effective and acceptable appealing approach to attract tourists than hiring more police. ¶ increasing police presence. Firstly, as Amy has mentioned, people individuals are always often preoccupied with various their daily works work and studies, which indicates that the most attractive element for tourists will be the making the allure of beautiful scenery and a relaxing atmosphere. In this case, atmosphere particularly enticing for potential tourists. By promoting a better scenery picturesque landscapes and serene environments, the government can help attract more viewers, thus visitors, subsequently boosting the government revenue to acheive more improvement. that can be allocated towards further improvements.

Also, there have already been many tour cities around the world. In Moreover, with numerous tourist destinations worldwide, it is crucial for governments to prioritize the development of unique city symbols that case, the government should prioritize a special city symbol over any set them apart from other strategies. To be more specific, locations. For instance, my hometown, hometown of Nanjing city in China, leverages China capitalizes on its advantages about the historical relics as well as the and natural spring water to as a entirely different waters to create a distinct brand of my identity for the city. Compared to the This differentiates Nanjing from other cities with beautiful but common scenery (viewers -> scenery, the special and proper symbols of my hometown help develop as "scenery" is more appropriate when discussing tourism) and helps bolster tourism better.more effectively.

Lastly, it is essential to consider that investing in city improvements is generally a one-time expenditure with tangible results. As Benjamin pointed out, hiring additional police officers requires significant manpower and time while yielding inconsistent outcomes. On the other hand, enhancing a city's appearance offers more immediate and noticeable benefits in attracting tourists. Therefore, focusing on improving the visual appeal of a city should be prioritized over increasing law enforcement presence when aiming to boost tourism (acheive -> boost tourism; rephrased for clarity).

8 思维导图

- Enhancing City Appeal for Tourism
  - Allure of beautiful scenery and relaxing atmosphere
    - Attract more visitors
    - Boost revenue for further improvements
  - Development of unique city symbols
    - Differentiate from other locations
    - Bolster tourism effectively
  - One-time expenditure with tangible results
    - Immediate and noticeable benefits
    - Prioritize over increasing law enforcement presence

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回应了教授的问题，并表达了自己的观点。但是，为了更好地完成任务，建议你在论述中加入更多具体的例子和细节，以增强说服力。此外，在提出观点时，可以尝试使用更多不同的表达方式，以增加文章的丰富性。

Example 1: Instead of "For example, after a fierce crime involving tourists happened in Chicago in 2018, the number of Chinese tourists in this city declined by 50%.", you could write "A case in point is the decline in tourism in Chicago after a high-profile crime involving tourists occurred in 2018, which led to a significant drop of 50% in the number of Chinese visitors."

Example 2: Instead of "Instead, hiring more police cost much less with a certain outcome.", you could write "On the other hand, increasing the number of police officers is a more cost-effective solution with guaranteed results."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，你已经有了明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在组织上还有一些改进空间。建议在段落之间加入过渡性词语或句子，使文章更连贯。同时，在主体部分可以尝试使用主题句来引导每个段落的中心思想。

Example 1: Add a transition sentence between the first and second points: "While safety is a crucial factor in attracting tourists, the financial aspect of improving appearance should also be considered."

Example 2: Use a topic sentence for the second point: "Another reason why hiring more police is a better option is the cost-effectiveness compared to large-scale construction projects aimed at improving appearance."

5. 语法批改

I disagree with Benjamin and Amy’s view that improving appearance is the priority of attracting more tourists, and in contrary, I maintain that it’s more effective to improve safety by hiring more police. That’s primarily due to the fact that tourists will never choose a city with bad safety as the destination of travelling. Every city has its unique characteristics, which can be attractive to some tourists, but they will have no effect if the city is not safe. For example, after a fierce crime involving tourists happened in Chicago in 2018, the number of Chinese tourists in this city declined by 50%. Furthermore, improving appearance can be very financial burdensome for the governments’ limited budget, since big construction projects such as building a new garden may be needed. Instead, hiring more police cost much less with a certain outcome. In summary, improving safety is a preferable choicechoice,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) whether from the perspective of cost or revenue.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I respectfully disagree with Benjamin and Amy's assertion that enhancing a city's appearance should be the primary focus for attracting more tourists. Instead, I firmly believe that prioritizing safety by employing additional police officers is a more effective approach. The underlying reason for this stance is that tourists are unlikely to select a destination with a reputation for poor safety, regardless of its aesthetic appeal. Each city possesses unique characteristics that may captivate certain visitors; however, these attractions become irrelevant if the city is perceived as unsafe. For instance, following a violent crime involving tourists in Chicago in 2018, the number of Chinese visitors to the city decreased by 50%. Moreover, investing in appearance improvements can impose significant financial strain on governments with limited budgets, as large-scale construction projects may be required. In contrast, hiring additional police officers entails lower costs while yielding tangible results. Consequently, enhancing safety should be considered the optimal choice from both cost and revenue perspectives. (170 words)

In response to the professor's question (Clarifying the context of the essay), I respectfully disagree with Benjamin and Amy’s view that improving Amy's assertion (Using a more formal tone) that enhancing a city's appearance is the priority of should be the primary focus for attracting more tourists, and in contrary, tourists. Instead, I maintain that it’s firmly believe (Expressing a strong opinion) that prioritizing safety by employing additional police officers is a more effective to improve approach. The underlying reason for this stance is that tourists are unlikely to select a destination with a reputation for poor safety, regardless of its aesthetic appeal (Clarifying the main argument). Each city possesses unique characteristics that may captivate certain visitors; however, these attractions become irrelevant if the city is perceived as unsafe (Explaining why safety by hiring more police. That’s primarily due to the fact that tourists will never choose a city with bad safety as the destination of travelling. Every city has its unique characteristics, which can be attractive to some tourists, but they will have no effect if the city is not safe. is important). For example, after a fierce instance, following a violent crime involving tourists happened in Chicago in 2018, the number of Chinese tourists visitors to the city decreased by 50% (Providing an example to support the argument). Moreover, investing in this city declined by 50%. Furthermore, improving appearance improvements can be very impose significant financial burdensome for the governments’ strain on governments with limited budget, since big budgets, as large-scale construction projects such as building a new garden may be needed. Instead, required (Explaining the potential drawbacks of focusing on appearance). In contrast, hiring more additional police officers entails lower costs while yielding tangible results (Comparing costs and benefits). Consequently, enhancing safety should be considered the optimal choice from both cost much less with a certain outcome. In summary, improving safety is a preferable choice whether from the perspective of cost or revenue.and revenue perspectives (Concluding statement summarizing the main points).

8 思维导图

1. 主题: 城市安全与吸引游客
   - 1.1 反对观点: 提高城市美观作为主要焦点
   - 1.2 支持观点: 提高城市安全作为主要焦点

2. 安全对游客的重要性
   - 2.1 案例: 芝加哥暴力犯罪事件导致游客减少
   - 2.2 城市特色与安全的关系

3. 成本与收益分析
   - 3.1 投资美观改善的财政压力
   - 3.2 雇佣更多警察的成本效益

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了教授的问题，并对讨论做出了贡献。然而，文章在支持观点方面还有待加强。建议在表达观点时，提供更多具体的例子和详细的解释，以便让读者更好地理解你的观点。

改进示例1： 例如，在提到年轻人能从旅行中获得更多经验时，可以补充说明他们可以通过参加各种户外活动、学习新语言和文化等方式来丰富自己的生活经历。

改进示例2： 在谈到年龄与收入之间的关系时，可以给出一些具体职业或行业的例子，说明年轻人也有可能获得高收入来支持他们的旅行。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。但在段落组织方面还有待改进。建议每个段落只专注于一个主要观点，并使用恰当的过渡词或短语连接各个段落，使文章更加流畅。

改进示例1： 在谈到年轻人旅行的好处时，可以将能量充沛、早期建立全球认知等观点分成两个段落进行阐述，并在第二段开头使用过渡词如“此外”或“另一方面”。

改进示例2： 在反驳Edgar的观点时，可以使用过渡词如“然而”或“尽管如此”，使文章在逻辑上更加连贯。例如：“然而，在谈到年长者旅行的优势时，我们不能忽视年轻人也有可能获得足够的收入来支持他们的旅行。”

5. 语法批改

I wholeheartedly concur with Danika‘sDanika’s(Non-standard word) perspective that younger people could obtain more delightful experience by traveling abroad. I would like to emphasize that younger people always more energetic than the elder and, and(comma between independent clauses) they could also establish a (Two consecutive spaces)worldwide cognitive at their early stage of development. For instance, I once traveled to England with my grandparents. Facing the diverse activities during travel, they soon became exhausted and couldn’t immerse themselves in the beauty of foreign culture. While Edgar argues that older people could have a better feeling when traveling abroad, it is crucial to recognize that whether the income is enough to support such a trip is not determined by the age of people. There are many individuals gain an excellent payment from their work as for their outstanding abilities.

Title: 6 文章修订

I wholeheartedly concur with Danika's perspective that younger individuals stand to gain more from traveling abroad. It is important to emphasize that young people tend to possess greater energy and enthusiasm, which enables them to fully immerse themselves in diverse experiences and develop a global outlook early in life. For instance, during a trip to England with my grandparents, I observed that they quickly became exhausted and were unable to fully appreciate the richness of the foreign culture.

While Edgar contends that older individuals may derive greater satisfaction from traveling abroad due to financial stability, it is essential to acknowledge that one's ability to afford such trips is not solely determined by age. Numerous young professionals secure well-paying jobs as a result of their exceptional skills and capabilities, enabling them to fund their own travels without burdening their families or relying on credit cards. (147 words)

I wholeheartedly concur with Danika‘s Danika's perspective that younger individuals stand to gain more from traveling abroad (revised for clarity and conciseness). It is important to emphasize that young people could obtain more delightful experience by traveling abroad. I would like to emphasize that younger people always more energetic than the elder and they could also establish a worldwide cognitive at their tend to possess greater energy and enthusiasm (revised for natural tone), which enables them to fully immerse themselves in diverse experiences and develop a global outlook early stage of development. in life (revised for clarity). For instance, I once traveled during a trip to England with my grandparents. Facing the diverse activities during travel, grandparents, I observed that they soon quickly became exhausted and couldn’t immerse themselves in were unable to fully appreciate the beauty richness of the foreign culture. culture (revised for clarity and natural tone).

While Edgar argues contends that older people could have a better feeling when individuals may derive greater satisfaction from traveling abroad, abroad due to financial stability (revised for clarity), it is crucial to recognize that whether the income is enough to support essential to acknowledge that one's ability to afford such a trip trips is not solely determined by the age (revised for natural tone). Numerous young professionals secure well-paying jobs as a result of people. There are many individuals gain an excellent payment from their work as for exceptional skills and capabilities (revised for clarity), enabling them to fund their outstanding abilities.own travels without burdening their families or relying on credit cards (revised for clarity and natural tone).

Title: 8 思维导图

I. Introduction
    A. Agree with Danika's perspective
    B. Benefits for younger individuals
II. Young people's energy and enthusiasm
    A. Immersing in diverse experiences
    B. Developing a global outlook early in life
III. Personal experience
    A. Trip to England with grandparents
    B. Grandparents' exhaustion vs young person's energy
IV. Financial stability argument (Edgar)
    A. Not solely determined by age
    B. Young professionals with well-paying jobs
V. Conclusion
    A. Reiterate benefits for younger individuals 

Title: 9 关键词