TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on marketing.Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章完成了任务要求，观点明确并且有一定的论证。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在支持观点时可以给出更具体的例子；其次，可以适当增加对于Paul观点的讨论和反驳。

示例1：在支持Claire观点时，可以举一个更具体的例子，如：“例如，在购买家电产品时，我们可以通过在线比较不同品牌和型号的性能、价格和用户评价，从而做出更明智的决策。”

示例2：在讨论Paul观点时，可以加入一些反驳意见：“然而，虽然朋友和家人可能了解我们的喜好和需求，但他们可能没有足够的专业知识来为我们提供最佳建议。此外，在线信息来源通常涵盖了大量用户的经验和评价，因此更具有普遍性。”

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结尾。但是，在组织上还有改进空间。首先，在段落中可以更明确地表达主题句；其次，可以加强段落间的过渡，使文章更连贯。

示例1：在正文第一段开始时，可以明确提出主题句：“在线信息来源在购买决策中具有很大的优势。”

示例2：在段落间加入过渡句：“虽然Paul认为朋友和家人的建议更符合个人喜好，但我们不能忽略在线信息来源的广泛性和客观性。”

5. 语法批改

I agree with Claire on this issue. Online information is sufficient usto us(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) to make a decision on whether we would like to buy a product. First, we can get more comprehensive information about the product by searching on the Internet, including sales volume of the product, positive and negative given by other purchasers. Generally speaking, the comments left by most of buyersmost of the buyers(Articles: 'most/some of' + plural noun) are objective. However, if we ask advice from our family member or friends, they may propose their opinions according to their interests or feelings about the product, which is more likely to be subjective. For instance, when I bought my last mobile phone, I was hesitating about the color. My mom suggested me to buy the pink one as she thought it woulewould(misspelling) be appropriate for girl. But when I got the phone, I regret about it. Actually, the white one will be more suitable for me.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to Dr. Achebe's question, I concur with Claire that relying on online sources is a more effective strategy for making informed purchasing decisions. The internet provides a wealth of comprehensive information about products, including sales volume, customer reviews, and detailed specifications. Generally speaking, the feedback provided by other buyers tends to be objective and can offer valuable insights into the product's performance and quality.

On the other hand, seeking advice from friends and family may result in subjective opinions based on their personal preferences or experiences. For example, when I was purchasing my last mobile phone, I hesitated over the color choice. My mother recommended the pink one, believing it to be suitable for a girl. However, upon receiving the phone, I regretted my decision and realized that the white one would have been a better fit for me.

In conclusion, utilizing online resources allows consumers to access extensive information and make well-informed decisions based on objective data rather than relying solely on subjective opinions from their social circle. (174 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

I agree with Claire on this issue. issue (clarifying the subject of agreement). Online information is sufficient for us to make a decision on whether we would like to buy a product. product (improving sentence structure). First, we can get more comprehensive information about the product by searching on the Internet, including sales volume of the product, and positive and negative feedback given by other purchasers. purchasers (adding clarity and proper punctuation). Generally speaking, the comments left by most of buyers are objective. However, if we ask advice from our family member members or friends, they may propose their opinions according to their interests or feelings about the product, which is more likely to be subjective. subjective (improving sentence structure). For instance, when I bought my last mobile phone, I was hesitating about the color. My mom suggested me to that I buy the pink one as she thought it woule would be appropriate for girl. a girl (correcting spelling and grammar). But when I got the phone, I regret about it. regretted it (clarifying meaning). Actually, the white one will be would have been more suitable for me.me (improving sentence structure).

8 思维导图

- Online Sources
    - Comprehensive information
        - Sales volume
        - Customer reviews
        - Detailed specifications
    - Objective feedback
        - Product performance
        - Product quality

- Friends and Family Advice
    - Subjective opinions
        - Personal preferences
        - Personal experiences

- Example: Mobile Phone Purchase
    - Mother's recommendation: Pink color for a girl
    - Regret: White color would have been a better fit

- Conclusion: Utilizing Online Resources 
    - Access extensive information 
    - Make well-informed decisions 
    - Rely on objective data instead of subjective opinions 

9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness

The essay does a fair job of addressing the task requirements, expressing an opinion, and contributing to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and providing clearer examples or details to support the argument. Additionally, some grammatical errors and unclear language use need to be addressed.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or details to support your viewpoint.

• Improve grammar and language use for better clarity.

Examples:

1. Instead of "So they prefer to buy something which be mentioned are good," consider "So they prefer to buy products that have been recommended as high-quality by people they trust."

2. Instead of "However, there are many false information on the internet," consider "However, there is a lot of misleading information on the internet."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer organization within paragraphs and smoother transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Organize each paragraph around a specific point with supporting details.

• Use clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Examples:

1. Start a paragraph with a clear topic sentence like "One advantage of relying on friends and family for product recommendations is trustworthiness."

2. Use transition words or phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" when presenting opposing viewpoints or different aspects of your argument within the essay.

5. Grammar

Paul's input on the matter of efficient sources of information to cunsumeconsume(misspelling) is insightful. From my perspectionperspective(misspelling), relying on advice from friends and family to purchase some produce not only are more suitable for person, but also might be more believable for them. To explain it further, it's important for consumer to buy some good quality with afforded price. So they prefer to buy something which be mentioned are good. However, there are many false informationmuch false information(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + uncountable noun) on the internet to encourage consumer buyto buy(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) some produce which are terrible quality. thereforeTherefore(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter), asking advice from friend and family who are used thisto this(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) produce is more reliable.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

Paul's perspective on efficient sources of information for consumer decision-making is thought-provoking. In my opinion, relying on advice from friends and family for product purchases is not only more personalized but also potentially more trustworthy. To elaborate, it is crucial for consumers to acquire high-quality products at affordable prices. Consequently, they prefer purchasing items that have been positively reviewed by others. However, the internet is rife with misleading information aimed at enticing consumers to buy products of inferior quality. Therefore, seeking advice from friends and family who have experience with a particular product is a more reliable approach. (102 words)

Paul's perspective (input changed to perspective for a more natural tone) on efficient sources of information for consumer decision-making (the matter of efficient sources of information to cunsume is insightful. From revised for clarity and correctness) is thought-provoking (insightful changed to thought-provoking for variety). In my perspection, opinion, relying on advice from friends and family for product purchases (to purchase some produce revised for clarity and correctness) is not only are more personalized (more suitable for person, person changed to more personalized for better expression) but also might be more potentially more trustworthy (believable for them. changed to trustworthy for a more accurate term). To explain elaborate, it further, it's important for consumer to is crucial for consumers to acquire high-quality products at affordable prices (buy some good quality with afforded price. So price revised for clarity and correctness). Consequently, they prefer to purchasing items that have been positively reviewed by others (buy something which be mentioned are good. good revised for proper grammar and expression). However, there are the internet is rife with misleading information (many false information on the internet to changed to misleading information for better expression) aimed at enticing consumers to buy products of inferior quality (encourage consumer buy some produce which are terrible quality. therefore, quality revised for clarity and correctness). Therefore, seeking advice from friends and family who have experience with a particular product (asking advice from friend and family who are used this produce is more reliable.changed to improve grammar and expression) is a more reliable approach.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Paul's perspective
   • Personal opinion on advice from friends and family

2. Personalized Recommendations

   • Tailored to individual needs
   • Familiarity with preferences

3. Trustworthiness

   • Reliable source of information
   • Genuine experiences and opinions

4. Quality Products

   • Importance of high-quality products
   • Affordable prices

5. Positive Reviews

   • Influence on purchasing decisions
   • Trust in friends and family's recommendations

6. Misleading Information Online

   • Abundance of false reviews and advertisements
   • Difficulty in discerning genuine information

7. Reliability of Friends and Family

   • Personal experience with products
   • Honest feedback and advice

8. Conclusion

   • Benefits of seeking advice from friends and family

9 Key Words