TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environmental protection. Write a postrespondingto the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

28. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好。你的观点明确，论据充分，与讨论主题紧密相关。然而，为了进一步提高文章质量，可以在以下方面进行改进：尝试引入更多具体的例子来支持你的观点；对于国际组织的优势和劣势可以进行更深入的讨论。

示例1：在支持本地组织的部分，你可以举一个具体的例子说明如何通过捐款给本地环保组织改善社区环境。 示例2：在谈到国际组织时，可以详细讨论一下某个国际环保组织如何通过大规模行动解决全球性问题，并对比其与本地组织之间的差异。

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，这篇文章基本上符合要求。文章有清晰的引言、主体和结论部分，并且各段落之间有明确的逻辑关系。但是，在以下方面仍有改进空间：增强段落间的过渡，使文章更加流畅；在主体部分中，可以将讨论本地组织和国际组织的优势和劣势分成两个段落，以便更清晰地表达观点。

示例1：在讨论本地组织优势的段落结尾处，可以加入一个过渡句子，如：“虽然国际组织在解决全球性问题方面具有一定优势，但它们也存在一些不足。” 示例2：在主体部分，可以将对本地组织和国际组织的讨论分为两个段落。例如，在第一个段落中详细阐述本地组织的优点和具体影响；在第二个段落中讨论国际组织的优缺点，并进行对比。

5. 语法批改

When deciding between local and international organizations for donations, one crucial factor to consider is the sense of community and personal connection.

To be more specific, supporting local organizations allows individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and observe how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. For example, donating to a local animal shelter not only aids in providing care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community.

Some believes that donating to international organizations will result in the change of global environmental issues, however, the potential lack of direct visibility and control over how funds are utilized when donating to international organization should not be neglected. Consequently, supporting local organizations is a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money.

Title: 6 文章修订

When deciding between local and international organizations for donations, one crucial factor to consider is the sense of community and personal connection.

To elaborate, supporting local organizations enables individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and observe how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. For instance, donating to a local animal shelter not only aids in providing care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community.

While some argue that donating to international organizations will result in significant changes regarding global environmental issues, it is essential not to overlook the potential lack of direct visibility and control over how funds are utilized when donating to international organizations. Consequently, supporting local organizations emerges as a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money. (180 words)

When deciding between local and international organizations for donations, one crucial factor to consider is the sense of community and personal connection.

To be elaborate (more specific, specific -> elaborate for better clarity), supporting local organizations enables (allows -> enables for a more empowering tone) individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and observe how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. For example, instance (example -> instance for better flow), donating to a local animal shelter not only aids in providing care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community.

Some While some argue (believes -> argue for better clarity) that donating to international organizations will result in the significant changes regarding (change of -> changes regarding for better flow) global environmental issues, it is essential not to overlook (however, the potential lack of direct visibility and control over how funds are utilized when donating to international organization should not be neglected. neglected -> it is essential not to overlook the potential lack of direct visibility and control over how funds are utilized when donating to international organizations for better clarity) . Consequently, supporting local organizations is emerges as a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money.

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Local vs. International organizations
   - Sense of community and personal connection

2. Supporting local organizations
   - Direct contribution to community well-being
   - Witnessing immediate impact of donations

3. Deeper connection to the cause
   - Observing contributions making a difference
   - Example: local animal shelter

4. Increased engagement and support
   - Fostering compassion and responsibility within the community

5. Donating to international organizations
   - Significant changes in global environmental issues

6. Potential drawbacks of international donations
   - Lack of direct visibility and control over funds utilization

7. Conclusion
   - Supporting local organizations as a compelling choice for donations

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好，你的观点清晰明了，论据充分。但是，可以在具体的例子和细节方面进行进一步的拓展。例如，可以提供一些关于当地组织如何帮助社区解决环保问题的具体案例。

示例1（改进前）：For instance, donating to a local animal shelter not only helps provide care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. 示例1（改进后）：For instance, donating to a local animal shelter not only helps provide care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community by organizing educational programs and awareness campaigns on responsible pet ownership.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构和组织方面基本合理，有明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在段落之间加入更多过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。此外，在文章开头提出观点时，可以简要提及对国际组织捐款的看法，以便让读者对整个讨论有更全面的了解。

示例2（改进前）：One crucial factor to consider when choosing between local and international organizations for donations is the sense of community and personal connection. 示例2（改进后）：When deciding between donating to local or international organizations, one crucial factor to consider is the sense of community and personal connection, while also acknowledging the potential global impact of supporting international causes.

5. 语法批改

One crucial factor to consider when choosing between local and international organizations for donations is the sense of community and personal connection. Supporting local organizations allows individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. For instance, donating to a local animal shelter not only helps provide care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and see how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community. Therefore, the opportunity to strengthen local communities and build personal connections makes supporting local organizations a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

When deciding between local and international organizations for donations, one crucial factor to consider is the sense of community and personal connection. Supporting local organizations allows individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. For example, donating to a local animal shelter not only aids in providing care for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and observe how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community. Consequently, the opportunity to strengthen local communities and build personal connections makes supporting local organizations a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money. (147 words)

One crucial factor to consider when choosing Section Title: 6 文章修订

When deciding between local and international organizations for donations donations, one crucial factor to consider (changed "to consider" to avoid repetition of "when choosing") is the sense of community and personal connection. Supporting local organizations allows individuals to directly contribute to the well-being and development of their own communities. For instance, example (changed "instance" to "example" for a more natural tone), donating to a local animal shelter not only helps provide aids in providing care (added "aids in" for better flow) for abandoned or mistreated animals but also fosters a stronger sense of compassion and responsibility within the community. By witnessing the immediate impact of their donations, individuals can feel a deeper connection to the cause and see observe (changed "see" to "observe" for better word choice) how their contributions make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. This sense of involvement and connection often leads to increased engagement and further support from the community. Therefore, Consequently (changed "Therefore" to "Consequently" for better flow), the opportunity to strengthen local communities and build personal connections makes supporting local organizations a compelling choice when deciding where to donate money.

8 思维导图

- 主题: 本地与国际组织捐赠的选择
  - 社区感和个人联系
    - 支持本地组织有助于社区福祉和发展
      - 示例: 捐赠给当地动物收容所
        - 对动物的关爱
        - 增强社区内的同情心和责任感
    - 见证捐赠的直接影响
      - 更深入地了解事业
      - 观察对邻居生活的改变
    - 参与感和联系感增强社区参与度
      - 更多支持和帮助来自社区成员
  - 结论: 支持本地组织在捐赠选择中具有吸引力，因为它可以加强社区联系并建立个人关系。

9 关键词