TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on city development. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response, you should • express and support your personal opinion • make a contribution to the discussion in your own words An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，你的文章回答了问题并对讨论做出了贡献。然而，有一些方面可以改进。首先，在引用其他学生观点时，尽量使用自己的话语表达。其次，尝试在论证过程中提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点。

Example 1: Instead of "Taking children for example, the book from KongZi who was famous and outstanding writer in the ancient time of China.", you could write "For example, children who read KongZi's books, a famous Chinese philosopher, can learn valuable lessons about respect, diligence, and the importance of education."

Example 2: Instead of "However, the contents of the TV show was dominated by the government, business and audiences’ taste.", you could write "However, television content is often influenced by government regulations, commercial interests, and audience preferences, which may limit its educational value."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，你已经有了简介、主体和结论部分。但是，在段落之间加入更明确的过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。此外，请确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供相应的支持细节。

Example 1: Instead of "Indeed, watching TV offers information that is avaliable for vast audiences.", you could write "While it is true that television provides information to a wide audience, its content may not always be as impactful as books."

Example 2: You could add a concluding sentence to your last paragraph: "In conclusion, although both television and books have their merits, I believe that books have a stronger impact on individuals in today's society due to their ability to convey in-depth knowledge and promote critical thinking."

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, books play a more important role in the impact of individuals in today’s society, just as what Claire claims. I would like to add that reading books allows us to establish different values and ethics based on different plot developments, which can shape people in the right way. To elaborate, children always watch the television because some TV shows can really hold their attention and entertain themselves, instead of obtaining knowledge from it. However, reading books can help children know necessary duties in the society and build good values. Taking children for example, the book from KongZiKong(misspelling) who was famous and outstanding writer in the ancient time of China. The books that were written by KongZiKong(misspelling) allows the children to know the fact that studingstudying(misspelling) is a consistent and important progress in one’s life, and studingstudying(misspelling) methods and be righteous and respectful to your parents and so on. Indeed, watching TV offers information that is avaliableavailable(misspelling) for vast audiences. However, the contents of the TV show was dominated by the government, business and audiences’ taste. Thus, the information in TV show may be controlled and subjected. Therefore, I consider that reading books really bring a lot of benefits for the people in our society.

Section Title: The Impact of Books vs. Television on Individuals

In my opinion, books hold a more significant impact on individuals in today's society, as Claire has mentioned. I would like to emphasize that reading books enables us to develop diverse values and ethics based on various plot developments, which can guide people in the right direction. For instance, children often watch television for entertainment rather than acquiring knowledge from it. However, reading books can help children understand their responsibilities in society and cultivate positive values.

Taking the example of Confucius, a renowned writer from ancient China, his works teach children the importance of continuous learning throughout one's life and instill virtues such as respect for parents. These lessons are invaluable for personal growth and development.

While television does provide readily available information to a wide audience, it is essential to consider that the content may be influenced by government regulations, commercial interests, and audience preferences. Consequently, the information presented on television may be controlled or biased. In contrast, books offer an opportunity to delve deeply into various subjects and perspectives, fostering critical thinking and well-informed opinions.

In conclusion, I believe that reading books offers numerous benefits for individuals in our society by promoting personal growth and cultivating informed perspectives. (210 words)

From Revised essay: Section Title: The Impact of Books vs. Television on Individuals

In my perspective, books play opinion (clarifies that this is the writer's viewpoint), books hold a more significant impact (more formal and precise than "play a more important role in the impact of role") on individuals in today’s today's society, just as what Claire claims. has mentioned. I would like to add emphasize (more concise than "I would like to add") that reading books allows enables us to establish different develop diverse values and ethics based on different various plot developments, which can shape guide people in the right way. To elaborate, direction (clearer expression of the intended meaning). For instance, children always often watch the television because some TV shows can really hold their attention and entertain themselves, instead of obtaining for entertainment rather than acquiring knowledge from it. However, reading books can help children know necessary duties in the understand their responsibilities in society and build good cultivate positive values.

Taking the example of Confucius (corrected spelling and provided English name), a renowned writer from ancient China, his works teach children for example, the book from KongZi who was famous and outstanding writer in the ancient time of China. The books that were written the importance of continuous learning throughout one's life and instill virtues such as respect for parents. These lessons are invaluable for personal growth and development.

While television does provide readily available information to a wide audience, it is essential to consider that the content may be influenced by KongZi allows the children to know the fact that studing is a consistent and important progress in one’s life, and studing methods and be righteous and respectful to your parents and so on. ¶ Indeed, watching TV offers government regulations, commercial interests, and audience preferences (clarifies reasons for potential bias). Consequently, the information that is avaliable for vast audiences. However, the contents of the TV show was dominated by the government, business and audiences’ taste. Thus, the information in TV show presented on television may be controlled and subjected. ¶ Therefore, or biased. In contrast, books offer an opportunity to delve deeply into various subjects and perspectives, fostering critical thinking and well-informed opinions.

In conclusion, I consider believe that reading books really bring a lot of offers numerous benefits for the people individuals in our society.society by promoting personal growth and cultivating informed perspectives.

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Impact of Books
   a. Develop diverse values and ethics
   b. Guide people in the right direction
   c. Cultivate positive values in children

2. Example: Confucius
   a. Importance of continuous learning
   b. Virtues such as respect for parents

3. Impact of Television
   a. Readily available information
   b. Potential influence by government, commercial interests, and audience preferences

4. Books vs Television
   a. Books foster critical thinking and well-informed opinions

5. Conclusion
   a. Reading books offers numerous benefits for personal growth and informed perspectives

Display title: 9 关键词