TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: globalization
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globalization
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The topic of globalization has been a subject very close to people’s heart in recent years. My personal opinion is that globalization constantly boosts the development of our world. Hence, it is crucial that every country sticks to the policy of globalization. For one hand, the ground-breaking science and technology innovation all dissipates through globalization from one corner to all over the world. A prime exemplification is that computer was first invented in a laboratory in the US, but now, almost every family except people who are suffering from abject poverty have the access to computers for diverse intentions. I quite agree with alex’s conception over this topic. On the other hand, without globalization, our culinary recipes will become monotonous. That means, we can only eat domestic food. Taking myself as an example, i have a sweet teeth. If there is no globalization, i can not drink coke any more.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.0
2. 预估分数
- Estimated Score: 20
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章在完成任务方面有一定的不足。首先,文章没有明确提到阅读材料中的观点和论据。其次,虽然文章提到了与全球化相关的一些例子,但这些例子并没有充分展示作者对全球化的看法。为了改进这篇文章,建议作者:
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更详细地参考阅读材料中的观点和论据。
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提供更多与全球化相关的具体例子,并说明这些例子如何支持作者的观点。
例如:
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"According to the reading, globalization has led to an increase in international trade, which has benefited many countries' economies."
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"Another example of the positive impact of globalization is the spread of medical advancements, such as vaccines, which have saved countless lives worldwide."
4. 文章结构与组织
文章在结构和组织方面也有待改进。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结尾,但正文部分缺乏明确的段落划分,使得文章看起来较为混乱。此外,缺少清晰的过渡句使得各个观点之间联系不紧密。为了改进文章的结构和组织,建议作者:
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使用明确的段落划分,每个段落只讨论一个观点。
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使用过渡句连接各个观点和段落。
例如:
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"One significant benefit of globalization is the rapid spread of technological innovations. For instance, computers were first invented in the United States, but now they are accessible to people all around the world."
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"Another advantage of globalization is the diversification of culinary options. Due to globalization, we can now enjoy various international cuisines instead of being limited to our local food."
5. 语法批改
The topic of globalization has been a subject very close to people’s heart in recent years. My personal opinion is that globalization constantly boosts the development of our world. Hence, it is crucial that every country sticks to the policy of globalization. For one hand, the ground-breaking science and technology innovation all dissipates through globalization from one corner to all over the world. A prime exemplification is that computer was first invented in a laboratory in the US, but now, almost every family except people who are suffering from abject poverty have the access to computers for diverse intentions. I quite agree with alexAlex(misspelling)’s conception over this topic. On the other hand, without globalization, our culinary recipes will become monotonous. That means, we can only eat domestic food. Taking myself as an example, iI(i vs. I) have a sweet teetha sweet tooth(Agreement: 'a' + plural word). If there is no globalization, iI(i vs. I) can not drink coke any moreanymore(any more (anymore)).
Title: 6 文章修订
Globalization has become an increasingly significant topic in recent years, and in my opinion, it plays a vital role in the ongoing development of our world. Consequently, it is essential for countries to embrace and support globalization policies. On one hand, groundbreaking scientific and technological innovations are disseminated worldwide through globalization, reaching from one corner of the globe to another. A prime example is the computer, which was initially invented in a laboratory in the United States but has since become accessible to nearly every household, except for those living in extreme poverty. I concur with Alex's perspective on this matter.
On the other hand, without globalization, our culinary experiences would be significantly limited and monotonous as we would only have access to domestic food options. For instance, as someone with a sweet tooth, I appreciate the availability of diverse treats such as Coca-Cola due to globalization. (150 words)
The Globalization has become an increasingly significant topic of globalization has been in recent years (revised for clarity and natural tone), and in my opinion, it plays a subject very close to people’s heart in recent years. My personal opinion is that globalization constantly boosts the vital role in the ongoing development of our world. Hence, Consequently, it is crucial that every country sticks to the policy of globalization. For essential for countries to embrace and support globalization policies (revised for clarity). On one hand, the ground-breaking science and technology innovation all dissipates groundbreaking scientific and technological innovations are disseminated worldwide through globalization (revised for natural tone), reaching from one corner to all over the world. of the globe to another. A prime exemplification example is that computer the computer, which was first initially invented in a laboratory in the US, United States but now, almost has since become accessible to nearly every family household, except people who are suffering from abject for those living in extreme poverty have the access to computers for diverse intentions. (revised for clarity and natural tone). I quite agree concur with alex’s conception over Alex's perspective on this topic. matter (revised for natural tone).
On the other hand, without globalization, our culinary recipes will become monotonous. That means, experiences would be significantly limited and monotonous as we can would only eat have access to domestic food. Taking myself food options (revised for clarity). For instance, as an example, i have someone with a sweet teeth. If there is no globalization, i can not drink coke any more.tooth (corrected spelling), I appreciate the availability of diverse treats such as Coca-Cola due to globalization (revised for clarity and natural tone).
8 思维导图
1. Globalization
- Importance
- Development of the world
2. Embracing and supporting globalization policies
3. Scientific and technological innovations
- Dissemination worldwide
- Example: computer
4. Culinary experiences
- Without globalization: limited and monotonous
- Access to diverse food options
5. Personal perspective and appreciation
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Globalization | /ˌɡloʊbəlɪˈzeɪʃən/ | Noun | The process by which businesses or other organizations develop international influence or start operating on an international scale. | 全球化 | Globalization plays a vital role in the ongoing development of our world. |
| Disseminate | /dɪˈsɛmɪneɪt/ | Verb | To spread information, knowledge, etc., so that it reaches many people. | 传播 | Groundbreaking innovations are disseminated worldwide through globalization. |
| Culinary | /ˈkʌlɪnəri/ | Adjective | Related to cooking or the kitchen | 烹饪的 | Our culinary experiences would be limited without globalization. |
| Monotonous | /məˈnɒtənəs/ | Adjective | Lacking in variety; tediously unvarying | 单调的 | Without globalization, our culinary experiences would be monotonous. |
| Appreciate | /əˈpriʃieɪt/ | Verb | To recognize the full worth of; to be grateful for | 欣赏 | I appreciate the availability of diverse treats due to globalization. |
| Groundbreaking | /ˈɡraʊndˌbreɪkɪŋ/ | Adjective | Innovative; pioneering | 开创性的 | Groundbreaking scientific and technological innovations are disseminated worldwide through globalization. |
| Perspective | /pərˈspektɪv/ | Noun | A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. | 观点 | I concur with Alex's perspective on this matter. |
| Accessible | /əkˈsesəbəl/ | Adjective | Easy to approach, reach, enter, speak with, or use. | 易接近的 | The computer has since become accessible to nearly every household. |
| Embrace | /ɪmˈbreɪs/ | Verb | To accept or support willingly and enthusiastically. | 拥抱 | It is essential for countries to embrace and support globalization policies. |
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