TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a sociology class. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

28. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章基本上满足了任务的要求，表达了对于选择高薪但缺乏人际交往的工作和低薪但有更多交流机会的工作的看法。为了提高文章质量，可以在论述观点时给出更具体的例子或者详细解释为什么人际交往对一个人的职业发展更重要。此外，注意避免使用过于口语化的表达。

Example 1: Instead of "there are something more important beyond money," you could write, "there are other factors that are more important than money in a job."

Example 2: Instead of "a person undoubtedly has a better command of their language arts and body postures," you could write, "a person can improve their communication skills and nonverbal cues through regular interactions with others."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段都集中讨论一个特定观点并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间加入一些过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。

建议1：在第二段和第三段之间加入过渡词，如“此外”或“然而”。

建议2：在总结段落中，可以使用总结性的词语，如“综上所述”或“因此”。

Example 1: Add a transition between the second and third paragraphs: "Furthermore, regular interactions with colleagues or customers can definitely improve employees' social skills."

Example 2: Use a concluding phrase in the final paragraph: "In conclusion, I prefer a job that allows for regular interaction with colleagues or customers, as it offers numerous benefits beyond just salary."

5. 语法批改

From my point of view, I'm in favor of a job with more possibilities to communicate with others, whether the salary is high or not. Although I understand Kelly's idea that the earning is an important factor when considering a job position, I'd like to add that there are something more important beyond money. Regular interactions with colleagues or customers can definitely improve employees' social skills. By cooperating with other staff and making compromise with customers, a person undoubtedly has a better command of their language arts and body postures. These qualities are essential not only for their works' success but also enable them to be more popular. Besides, having communications with other people also benefits an employee through providing them with potential customers. The more people they know, the more likely they are able to expand their business. Ultimately, it can increase incomesincomes,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) too. Above all, I prefer the second kind of position.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my perspective, I advocate for a job that offers ample opportunities for communication with others, regardless of the salary. While I acknowledge Kelly's viewpoint that earnings play a significant role in job selection, I believe there are factors that surpass monetary considerations. Regular interactions with colleagues or customers can undoubtedly enhance an employee's social skills. Through collaboration and negotiation, individuals can refine their linguistic abilities and non-verbal cues, which are crucial not only for professional success but also for personal popularity. Furthermore, engaging in conversations with others can introduce employees to potential clients. The more connections they establish, the greater the likelihood of expanding their business network and ultimately increasing their income. Consequently, I am inclined towards positions that emphasize interpersonal communication. (126 words)

From In my point of view, I'm in favor of perspective, I advocate for a job with more possibilities to communicate that offers ample opportunities for communication with others, whether regardless of the salary is high or not. Although I understand (revised for clarity and natural tone). While I acknowledge Kelly's idea that the earning is an important factor when considering viewpoint that earnings play a significant role in job position, I'd like to add that selection (rephrased to maintain natural tone), I believe there are something more important beyond money. factors that surpass monetary considerations (revised for clarity). Regular interactions with colleagues or customers can definitely improve employees' undoubtedly enhance an employee's social skills. By cooperating with other staff and making compromise with customers, a person undoubtedly has a skills (maintained original meaning). Through collaboration and negotiation (replaced "cooperating" and "making compromise" for better command of word choice), individuals can refine their language arts and body postures. These qualities linguistic abilities and non-verbal cues (rephrased to maintain natural tone), which are essential crucial not only for their works' professional success but also enable them to be more popular. Besides, having communications for personal popularity (maintained original meaning). Furthermore, engaging in conversations with other people also benefits an employee through providing them with others can introduce employees to potential customers. clients (rephrased to maintain natural tone). The more people connections they know, establish, the more likely they are able to expand greater the likelihood of expanding their business. Ultimately, it can increase incomes too. Above all, I prefer the second kind of position.business network and ultimately increasing their income (maintained original meaning). Consequently, I am inclined towards positions that emphasize interpersonal communication (rephrased to maintain natural tone).

8 思维导图

- Introduction
  - Job preference: communication vs. salary
  - Acknowledge opposing viewpoint: earnings importance

- Enhancing social skills
  - Collaboration and negotiation
  - Linguistic abilities and non-verbal cues
  - Professional success and personal popularity

- Expanding business network
  - Engaging in conversations with others
  - Potential clients and connections
  - Increasing income indirectly through networking

- Conclusion: inclination towards positions emphasizing interpersonal communication.

9 关键词