TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on consumerism. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.
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Professor
The market economy encourages us to consume products, and we often buy things without too much thinking. But when it comes to making a major purchase like a car or a laptop, most people would think twice before buying, and they’d gather all the information available to make a more rational decision. Given today's abundance of product information, if you were to make such a large purchase, which source of information would influence your decision the most? Why?
Han
I'm thinking online user reviews. Most of them are genuine post-purchase user experiences without the motive of promoting the product they've bought. So it's safe to say that they're mostly objective, offering credible reference. I based the purchase of my new smart phone on the reviews I had read, and I'm very satisfied with the result.
Felicia
As for me, I would be more influenced by product launch events. Although these events serve the purpose of promoting a product, they are surprisingly informative. I can gain a more comprehensive understanding of a product through the introduction of 微信公众号：28 英语 微博：@28 英语 2 its specs and the demonstration of its functions. These events can provide the most detailed information on a product, and I can use it decide whether or not the product suits my needs.
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Although I can see Felicia’s point that product launch events are informative, I agree with Han’s perspective that online user views can give good reference. As Han mentioned, the reviews online are objective and the users are telling the true facts about the product, which could serve as a good reference. In addition to Han’s point, I add that the reviews online could also help people to know the price of the product in other stores so that they could compare the price and the quality to make a better choice; however, in launch events, you will not obtain this kind of information.
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1.Sub Scores
Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0
2.Estimated Scores
Estimated Score: 28
3.Task completeness
The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task, expressing a personal opinion and contributing to the discussion with clear support for the chosen viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more specific examples or details to strengthen the argument.
Suggestions for improvement:
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Include more specific examples or personal experiences to support your preference for online user reviews.
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Explain why product launch events might not be as reliable or informative as online user reviews.
Examples:
- "For instance, when I was purchasing my last laptop, I found a review from a user who had similar needs as mine, which helped me make an informed decision."
- "On the other hand, product launch events might focus on promoting only the positive aspects of a product, while online user reviews often reveal potential drawbacks or issues."
4.Essay structure and organization
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The organization is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point and supporting details. However, transitions between ideas could be improved to enhance coherence.
Suggestions for improvement:
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Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
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Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main idea.
Examples:
- "Furthermore, online user reviews provide valuable insights into how well a product performs in real-life situations."
- "While Felicia argues that product launch events offer comprehensive information about product specifications and functions, I believe that online user reviews provide more practical information from actual users."
- Grammar
Although I can see Felicia’s point that product launch events are informative, I agree with Han’s perspective that online user views can give good reference. As Han mentioned, the reviews online are objective and, and(comma between independent clauses) the users are telling the true facts about the product, which could serve as a good reference. In addition to Han’s point, I add that the reviews online could also help people to know the price of the product in other stores so that they could compare the price and the quality to make a better choice; however, in launch events, you will not obtain this kind of information.
6.Revised Essay
While I understand Felicia's viewpoint that product launch events can be informative, I concur with Han's perspective that online user reviews offer more reliable and practical information. As Han mentioned, these reviews are typically objective, as they come from genuine users sharing their experiences without any promotional intent. This objectivity lends credibility to their opinions and serves as a valuable reference for potential buyers.
Furthermore, online user reviews provide insights into the product's performance in real-life situations and allow consumers to compare prices across different stores. This additional information helps buyers make informed decisions by considering both the quality and affordability of the product. In contrast, product launch events may only focus on promoting positive aspects without revealing potential drawbacks or offering price comparisons.
In summary, while product launch events can be informative in terms of specifications and functions, online user reviews offer a more comprehensive understanding of a product's actual performance and value for money. Thus, I believe that online user reviews hold greater influence when making major purchases. (172 words)
Although 7.Essay Grading
While I can see Felicia’s point understand Felicia's viewpoint that product launch events are can be informative, I agree concur with Han’s Han's perspective that online user views can give good reference. reviews offer more reliable and practical information. (Changed "agree" to "concur" for a more advanced vocabulary) As Han mentioned, these reviews are typically objective, as they come from genuine users sharing their experiences without any promotional intent. (Added "typically" for a more natural flow) This objectivity lends credibility to their opinions and serves as a valuable reference for potential buyers.
Furthermore, online user reviews provide insights into the reviews online are objective and product's performance in real-life situations and allow consumers to compare prices across different stores. (Added "and allow consumers to compare prices across different stores" for additional detail) This additional information helps buyers make informed decisions by considering both the users are telling the true facts about the product, which could serve as a good reference. In addition to Han’s point, I add that the reviews online could also help people to know the price quality and affordability of the product. In contrast, product launch events may only focus on promoting positive aspects without revealing potential drawbacks or offering price comparisons. (Used "In contrast" for a smooth transition)
In summary, while product launch events can be informative in other stores so terms of specifications and functions, online user reviews offer a more comprehensive understanding of a product's actual performance and value for money. (Changed "provide" to "offer" for better vocabulary variety) Thus, I believe that they could compare the price and the quality to make a better choice; however, in launch events, you will not obtain this kind of information.online user reviews hold greater influence when making major purchases.
8.Mind Map
- Introduction
- Agree with Han's perspective
- Online user reviews
- Objective Reviews
- Genuine users' experiences
- No promotional intent
- Credibility and valuable reference
- Practical Information
- Real-life performance insights
- Price comparison across stores
- Informed decisions based on quality and affordability
- Contrast with Product Launch Events
- Focus on positive aspects only
- Lack of drawbacks or price comparisons information
- Conclusion
- Comprehensive understanding from online user reviews
- Greater influence in major purchases decision-making
9.Key Words
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| concur | /kənˈkɜr/ | verb | to agree | I concur with Han's perspective that online user reviews offer more reliable and practical information. |
| objective | /əbˈdʒɛktɪv/ | adjective | not influenced by personal feelings or opinions | Online user reviews are typically objective, as they come from genuine users sharing their experiences. |
| credibility | /ˌkrɛdəˈbɪlɪti/ | noun | the quality of being trusted and believed in | This objectivity lends credibility to their opinions and serves as a valuable reference for potential buyers. |
| insights | /ˈɪnˌsaɪts/ | noun | an accurate understanding of something | Online user reviews provide insights into the product's performance in real-life situations. |
| affordability | /əˌfôrdəˈbilədē/ | noun | the quality of being inexpensive and within one's budget | This additional information helps buyers make informed decisions by considering both the quality and affordability of the product. |
| contrast | /ˈkänˌtrast/ | verb | to compare in order to show differences | In contrast, product launch events may only focus on promoting positive aspects without revealing potential drawbacks. |
| comprehensive | /ˌkämprəˈhensiv/ | adjective | including all or nearly all elements or aspects of something | Online user reviews offer a more comprehensive understanding of a product's actual performance and value for money. |
| influence | /ˈinflo͞oəns/ | noun | the capacity to have an effect on someone or something | Thus, I believe that online user reviews hold greater influence when making major purchases. |
| drawbacks | /ˈdrôbäk/ | noun | a feature that makes something less acceptable | Product launch events might not reveal potential drawbacks or issues with the product. |
| promotional | /prəˈmōSH(ə)n(ə)l/ | adjective | relating to or intended for advertising a product | Genuine users share their experiences without any promotional intent in online user reviews. |
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