TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you agree or disagree that teachers deserve salaries on par with these professions?Please explain your viewpoint

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 2.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 20

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the task, but it could be improved in several ways. The writer's viewpoint is not well-elaborated, and the supporting arguments are weak. To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more concrete examples and relevant details to support their viewpoint.

Example 1: Instead of saying "teachers have much time off," provide specific data on the average number of hours teachers work per week compared to other professionals.

Example 2: Rather than stating that "their work content is easier," explain why teaching might be considered less demanding or complex than other professions, such as medicine or law.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. To improve the organization, the writer should use transition words or phrases to connect their thoughts more effectively.

Example 1: Add a transition phrase at the beginning of the second paragraph: "To start with, as Andrew mentioned, teachers have much time off."

Example 2: Use a contrasting transition word in the third paragraph to show a different perspective: "On the other hand, it is true that teachers can influence students."

5. Grammar

As far as I am concerned, I tend to be in favor of the arguments that teachers do not desevedeserve(misspelling) higher salaries.

To start with, as Andrew mentioned, tearchersteachers(misspelling) have much time off. They do not have much workload, and it is easy for them to handle teaching work, which is almost the same experiences they have gone through. My teacher usually gogoes(The dog always bark(s) at me) shopping after class, and travel to other countries during summer and winter vacations.

Admittedly, teachers can influence the students. HoweverHowever,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) this is the basic work request. Compared with doctors and other professionals, the theacherteacher(misspelling) have shorter training before working, and their work content is easier.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, I disagree with the notion that teachers should receive salaries equivalent to those of high-earning professionals such as doctors and lawyers.

Firstly, as Andrew pointed out, teachers typically enjoy more time off than professionals in other fields. They often have lighter workloads and can easily manage their teaching responsibilities, which are primarily based on their own educational experiences. For instance, my teacher frequently goes shopping after class and travels abroad during summer and winter vacations.

While it is true that teachers can significantly impact their students' lives, this is a fundamental aspect of their job. In comparison to doctors and other professionals who undergo extensive training before entering the workforce, teachers generally have shorter training periods and less demanding work content. (129 words)

As far as In my opinion, I am concerned, I tend to be in favor of disagree with the arguments notion that teachers do not deseve should receive higher salaries. salaries (revised for clarity and to better convey the writer's stance).

To start with, Firstly, as Andrew mentioned, tearchers pointed out, teachers typically enjoy more time off than professionals in other fields (clarified the reference to "Andrew" and improved sentence structure). They often have much time off. They do not have much workload, lighter workloads and it is easy can easily manage their teaching responsibilities, which are primarily based on their own educational experiences (rephrased for them to handle teaching work, which is almost the same experiences they have gone through. My better flow). For instance, my teacher usually go frequently goes shopping after class, class and travel to other countries travels abroad during summer and winter vacations. vacations (corrected grammar).

Admittedly, While it is true that teachers can influence the students. However significantly impact their students' lives, this is the basic work request. Compared with a fundamental aspect of their job (rephrased for clarity). In comparison to doctors and other professionals, professionals who undergo extensive training before entering the theacher workforce, teachers generally have shorter training before working, periods and their less demanding work content is easier.(improved sentence structure and clarity).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Disagree with high salaries for teachers

2. Teachers' time off
   - Lighter workloads
   - Manageable teaching responsibilities

3. Teaching based on personal experience
   - Example: teacher shopping and traveling

4. Impact on students' lives
   - Fundamental aspect of job

5. Comparison to other professionals
   - Doctors and lawyers' extensive training
   - Shorter training periods for teachers

6. Less demanding work content for teachers

7. Conclusion 
   - Teachers' salaries should not be equivalent to high-earning professionals 

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, I disagree with the notion (/ˈnoʊʃən/) that teachers should receive salaries equivalent (/ɪˈkwɪvələnt/) to those of high-earning professionals such as doctors and lawyers.

Firstly, as Andrew pointed out, teachers typically enjoy more time off than professionals in other fields. They often have lighter workloads (/ˈwɜrkˌloʊd/) and can easily manage their teaching responsibilities (/rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪlɪti/), which are primarily based on their own educational experiences. For instance, my teacher frequently goes shopping after class and travels abroad during summer and winter vacations.

While it is true that teachers can significantly impact their students' lives, this is a fundamental (/ˌfʌndəˈmɛntl/) aspect of their job. In comparison to doctors and other professionals who undergo extensive (/ɪkˈstɛnsɪv/) training (/ˈtreɪnɪŋ/) before entering the workforce (/ˈwɜrkˌfɔrs/), teachers generally have shorter training periods and less demanding (/dɪˈmændɪŋ/) work content.