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TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions Your professor is teaching a class on ecology. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

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사용자 제출 예시 2개 이용 가능

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과제 개요

Professor

In the next few weeks, we will be discussing various initiatives to help protect the environment. According to one initiative, plastic, which is extremely harmful for the environment, should be banned entirely. However, many products we use every day are made of plastic: food and drink containers, shopping bags, furniture, and even cars. Do you agree that the use of plastic should be banned? Why or why not?

Kelly

In my opinion, it would be impossible to convince people to stop buying and using plastic products. Plastic is a cheap, durable material, and as Dr. Achebe noted, we use plastic in an abundance of items. I understand the negative impact of plastic on the environment, but we need to find a different solution than a complete ban.

Andrew

I believe it's possible to convince people to use at least less plastic. There are environmentally friendly alternatives to many plastic products. For example, instead of plastic shopping bags, I use reusable bags made of fabric. People just need to be educated, and many of them will be happy to use less plastic.

사용자 예시 및 평가 결과

1

사용자 예시 #1

As for me, i agree with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavle for us to use the products made of plastic, since it has so many advantages as Kelly says....

사용자 예시

As for me, i agree with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavle for us to use the products made of plastic, since it has so many advantages as Kelly says. Plastic brings convennience. However, we can still take actions to use less plastic in our daily life. In some aspects of life, plastic is not definitely irreplacable. As Andrew's opnions, we can use reusable bags instead of plastic shopping bags. Moreover, we can learn how to recycle the used plastic and use the recycled plastic which can make enough of the plastic. Although we can not ban the plastic, the governments are supposed to appeal people to use less plastic, especially those big companies. If the big companies are willing to develop the techniques about recycling plastic or innovating better replacement of plastic, maybe we will ban the plastic as much as we can.

평가 결과

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the task requirements, expressing a clear opinion, and contributing to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on specific examples and providing more concrete support for the arguments presented. Additionally, some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

Suggestions for improvement:

  • Provide more specific examples to support your viewpoint.

  • Proofread your essay to correct grammar errors and improve sentence structure.

Examples:

  1. Instead of saying "we can learn how to recycle the used plastic," provide a specific example or method of recycling that has proven effective.

  2. Rather than stating "the governments are supposed to appeal people," rephrase it as "governments should encourage people."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better organized with clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

  • Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point.

  • Improve transitions between ideas by using appropriate linking words or phrases.

Examples:

  1. Begin a paragraph with a topic sentence like "One way we can reduce plastic usage is by adopting reusable alternatives."

  2. Use transition words or phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" when introducing new points or examples in your essay.

5. Grammar

As for me, iI(i vs. I) agree with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavleinevitable(misspelling) for us to use the products made of plastic, since it has so many advantagesadvantages,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as Kelly says. Plastic brings convennienceconvenience(misspelling). However, we can still take actions to use less plastic in our daily life. In some aspects of life, plastic is not definitely irreplacableirreplaceable(misspelling). As Andrew's opnionsoptions(misspelling), we can use reusable bags instead of plastic shopping bags. Moreover, we can learn how to recycle the used plastic and use the recycled plasticplastic,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which can make enough of the plastic. Although we can not ban the plastic, the governments are supposed to appeal people to use less plastic, especially those big companies. If the big companies are willing to develop the techniques about recycling plastic or innovating better replacement of plastic, maybe we will ban the plastic as much as we can.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I concur with Kelly's perspective, I believe it is crucial to acknowledge the potential for reducing plastic consumption in our daily lives. Undeniably, plastic offers numerous benefits, such as affordability and durability, making it an integral component of various products. However, we can still adopt measures to minimize our reliance on this material. In certain aspects of life, plastic is not irreplaceable; for instance, as Andrew suggests, we can opt for reusable fabric bags instead of disposable plastic ones. Furthermore, promoting recycling initiatives and utilizing recycled plastic can help mitigate the environmental impact. Although an outright ban on plastic may be unrealistic, governments and corporations should collaborate to encourage responsible usage and invest in innovative alternatives or recycling technologies. By doing so, we can significantly reduce our dependence on plastics and work towards a more sustainable future. (143 words)

As While I concur (revised for me, i agree clarity and formality) with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavle perspective, I believe it is crucial (revised for us emphasis) to use acknowledge the products made potential for reducing plastic consumption in our daily lives. Undeniably, plastic offers numerous benefits, such as affordability and durability, making it an integral component of plastic, since it has so many advantages as Kelly says. Plastic brings convennience. various products. However, we can still take actions adopt measures (revised for clarity) to use less plastic in minimize our daily life. reliance on this material. In some certain aspects of life, plastic is not definitely irreplacable. As Andrew's opnions, irreplaceable (revised for better word choice); for instance, as Andrew suggests, we can use opt for reusable fabric bags instead of disposable plastic shopping bags. Moreover, ones. Furthermore, promoting recycling initiatives and utilizing recycled plastic can help mitigate the environmental impact. Although an outright ban on plastic may be unrealistic (revised for clarity), governments and corporations should collaborate to encourage responsible usage (revised for better word choice) and invest in innovative alternatives or recycling technologies. By doing so, we can learn how to recycle the used plastic significantly reduce our dependence on plastics (revised for consistency) and use the recycled plastic which can make enough of the plastic. Although we can not ban the plastic, the governments are supposed to appeal people to use less plastic, especially those big companies. If the big companies are willing to develop the techniques about recycling plastic or innovating better replacement of plastic, maybe we will ban the plastic as much as we can.work towards a more sustainable future.

8 Mind Map

  1. Introduction

    • Kelly's perspective
    • Importance of reducing plastic consumption
  2. Benefits of plastic

    • Affordability
    • Durability
  3. Minimizing reliance on plastic

    • Reusable alternatives (e.g., fabric bags)
  4. Recycling initiatives

    • Promoting recycling programs
    • Utilizing recycled plastic products
  5. Government and corporate collaboration

    • Encouraging responsible usage
    • Investing in innovative alternatives and recycling technologies
  6. Reducing dependence on plastics for a sustainable future

9 Key Words

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionEnglish TranslationSample Sentence
Concur/kənˈkər/VerbTo agreeAgreeI concur with your opinion on the matter.
Undeniably/ˌʌndɪˈnaɪəbli/AdverbIn a way that cannot be deniedWithout doubtUndeniably, plastic offers numerous benefits to our daily lives.
Integral/ˈɪntɪɡrəl/AdjectiveNecessary to make a whole complete; essential or fundamental.EssentialPlastic is an integral component of various products.
Irreplaceable/ɪrɪˈpleɪsəb(ə)l/AdjectiveImpossible to replace if lost or damagedCannot be replacedIn certain aspects of life, plastic is not irreplaceable.
Mitigate/ˈmɪtɪɡeɪt/VerbTo make less severe, serious, or painfulLessenRecycling initiatives can help mitigate the environmental impact.
Outright/ˌaʊtˈraɪt/AdjectiveComplete; totalTotalAn outright ban on plastic may be unrealistic.
Collaboration/kəˌlabəˈreɪʃ(ə)n/NounThe action of working with someone to produce somethingCooperationGovernments and corporations should collaborate on this issue.
Innovative/ˈɪnəvətɪv/AdjectiveFeaturing new methods; advanced and originalOriginalInvesting in innovative alternatives is crucial for the future.
Sustainable/səˈsteɪnəb(ə)l/AdjectiveAble to be maintained at a certain rate or levelMaintainableReducing our dependence on plastics will lead to a sustainable future.
2

사용자 예시 #2

While Kelly and Andrew both highlight that instead of banning plastic a different solution could effectively reduce the use, they failed to acknowledg...

점수
28

사용자 예시

While Kelly and Andrew both highlight that instead of banning plastic a different solution could effectively reduce the use, they failed to acknowledge that even if confronted with various platforms such as televisions or advertisements, the number of use of plastic still on the rise. I would add that the implementation of banning plastic could solve the problem. It is true that some people are educated to realize the harm of plastic and reduce the possiblity of the utilization. However, education disparity and insufficient propogation still exist in some regions. To be more specific, many residents tend to use plastic to buy necessities three times a day lack of the sense of recyclization. Hence, only if the government mandates the disappearance of plastic, the environmental issue could be mitigated actually. Furthermore, the government also could subsidize funds to companies inventing environmentally friendly bags with more convenience than plastic to satisfy pubilic needs.

평가 결과

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 28

3. 任务完成度

整体来说,这篇文章回答了问题并提出了一个观点。但是,可以进一步改进以更好地满足任务要求。首先,在引入自己的观点时,可以更清楚地表达立场。其次,文章可以提供更多具体的例子来支持观点。

示例1:在提到教育差距和宣传不足时,可以举一个具体的例子说明这种情况如何影响人们使用塑料的行为。 示例2:在讨论政府补贴环保袋的可能性时,可以详细描述这种补贴政策如何实施以及它可能带来的好处。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本合理,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在组织方面还有改进空间。首先,应确保每个段落都有明确的主题句和支持细节。其次,在段落之间加入过渡词或短语以增强连贯性。

示例1:在第二段开始时加入主题句:“虽然教育和宣传可以在一定程度上减少塑料的使用,但我认为禁止塑料可能是更有效的解决方案。” 示例2:在讨论政府补贴环保袋时,在段落之间加入过渡词,如:“此外,政府还可以通过提供补贴来鼓励企业研发更环保、便捷的替代品。”

5. 语法批改

While Kelly and Andrew both highlight that instead of banning plastic a different solution could effectively reduce the use, they failed to acknowledge that even if confronted with various platforms such as televisions or advertisements, the number of use of plastic still on the rise. I would add that the implementation of banning plastic could solve the problem. It is true that some people are educated to realize the harm of plastic and reduce the possiblitypossibility(misspelling) of the utilization. However, education disparity and insufficient propogationpropagation(misspelling) still exist in some regions. To be more specific, many residents tend to use plastic to buy necessities three times a dayday,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) lack of the sense of recyclizationcyclization(misspelling). Hence, only if the government mandates the disappearance of plastic, the environmental issue could be mitigated actually, actually(comma before ending sentence with adverb). Furthermore, the government also could subsidize funds to companies inventing environmentally friendly bags with more convenience than plastic to satisfy pubilicpublic(misspelling) needs.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While Kelly and Andrew both emphasize the need for alternative solutions to reduce plastic usage rather than implementing a complete ban, they fail to acknowledge that despite widespread awareness campaigns, plastic consumption continues to rise. I contend that a well-executed ban on plastic could effectively address this issue. Although some individuals are educated about the environmental impact of plastic and strive to minimize their usage, disparities in education and inadequate dissemination of information persist in certain regions. For instance, many residents who frequently use plastic for daily necessities lack an understanding of recycling practices. Consequently, only through government intervention and the enforcement of strict regulations can we hope to mitigate the environmental problems caused by plastic. Additionally, governments could provide financial incentives for companies developing eco-friendly alternatives that offer greater convenience than traditional plastic products, thereby catering to public needs while promoting sustainability. (148 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision

While Kelly and Andrew both highlight that instead of banning emphasize the need for alternative solutions to reduce plastic usage (revised for clarity) rather than implementing a different solution could effectively reduce the use, complete ban, they failed fail to acknowledge that even if confronted with various platforms such as televisions or advertisements, the number of use of despite widespread awareness campaigns (rephrased for natural tone), plastic still on the consumption continues to rise. I would add contend that the implementation of banning a well-executed ban on plastic could solve the problem. It is true that effectively address this issue. Although some people individuals are educated to realize about the harm environmental impact of plastic and reduce the possiblity strive to minimize their usage (rephrased for natural tone), disparities in education and inadequate dissemination of the utilization. However, education disparity and insufficient propogation still exist information persist in some certain regions. To be more specific, For instance, many residents tend to who frequently use plastic for daily necessities lack an understanding of recycling practices (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, only through government intervention and the enforcement of strict regulations can we hope to buy necessities three times a day lack of the sense of recyclization. Hence, only if the government mandates the disappearance of plastic, mitigate the environmental issue problems caused by plastic (rephrased for natural tone). Additionally, governments could be mitigated actually. Furthermore, the government also could subsidize funds to provide financial incentives for companies inventing environmentally friendly bags with more developing eco-friendly alternatives that offer greater convenience than traditional plastic products (rephrased for clarity), thereby catering to satisfy pubilic needs.public needs while promoting sustainability.

8 思维导图


1. Introduction
   - Plastic consumption problem
   - Need for alternative solutions

2. Awareness campaigns
   - Insufficient impact
   - Rising plastic consumption

3. Education disparities
   - Inadequate information dissemination
   - Lack of understanding of recycling practices

4. Government intervention
   - Strict regulations
   - Enforcement of plastic ban

5. Financial incentives
   - Encourage eco-friendly alternatives development
   - Greater convenience than traditional plastic products

6. Promoting sustainability
   - Catering to public needs 
   - Reducing environmental problems caused by plastic usage

7. Conclusion 

9 关键词

WordPhonetic SymbolPart of SpeechEnglish DefinitionSimplified Chinese TranslationSample Sentence
consumption/kənˈsʌm(p)ʃ(ə)n/nounthe using up of a resource消费The campaign aims to reduce plastic consumption in the community.
dissemination/dɪˌsemɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n/nounthe act of spreading something, especially information, widely.传播The dissemination of information about recycling is crucial for reducing plastic waste.
intervention/ˌɪntərˈven(t)ʃ(ə)n/nounthe action or process of intervening干预Government intervention is necessary to enforce strict regulations on plastic usage.
sustainability/səˌsteɪnəˈbɪlɪti/nounthe ability to be maintained at a certain rate or level可持续性Promoting sustainability is essential for protecting the environment.
disparities/dɪˈsparɪtiz/nouna great difference差距Disparities in education contribute to inadequate understanding of recycling practices.
eco-friendly/ˌekoʊˈfrendli/adjectivenot harmful to the environment环保的Governments should provide financial incentives for companies developing eco-friendly alternatives.
regulations/ˌreɡjəˈleɪʃ(ə)n/nouna rule or directive made and maintained by an authority规定Strict regulations on plastic usage can help mitigate environmental problems.
convenience/kənˈviːniəns/nounthe state of being able to proceed with something with little effort or difficulty方便Eco-friendly alternatives should offer greater convenience than traditional plastic products.
mitigation/mɪtɪˈɡeɪʃ(ə)n/nounthe action of reducing the severity, seriousness, or painfulness of something减轻Only through government intervention can we hope to mitigate the environmental problems caused by plastic.

Academic Discussion 채점 방식

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관련성 및 기여도

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언어 사용

문법 정확성, 어휘 범위, 문장 구조의 질.

전개 및 근거

구체적인 예시와 명확한 논리로 아이디어가 잘 전개되었는가?

답안에서 나타나는 공통 패턴

이 과제에 대한 사용자 제출 답안을 분석한 결과, 학생 답안에서 관찰된 공통 패턴은 다음과 같습니다.

많은 학생이 명확한 의견을 제시하지만 구체적인 뒷받침 예시가 부족합니다.

높은 점수를 받은 답안은 리딩 지문과 다른 참여자의 의견을 직접 인용합니다.

점수가 높은 답안은 다양한 문장 구조와 학술적 어휘를 사용합니다.

시간 관리는 핵심 요소입니다 — 서두른 느낌을 주는 답안은 전개 항목에서 낮은 점수를 받는 경향이 있습니다.

학습 팁

1

글을 쓰기 전에 프롬프트를 꼼꼼히 읽고 질문의 모든 부분을 파악하세요.

2

답안에서 리딩 지문과 다른 학생들의 의견을 언급하세요.

3

핵심 주장을 뒷받침할 구체적인 예시를 사용하고, 일반적인 진술은 피하세요.

4

120~150단어를 목표로 하세요. 답안이 길다고 항상 좋은 것은 아니며, 명료함과 초점이 더 중요합니다.

5

시험 조건에서 유창하게 답하기 위해 시간을 정해(10분) 연습하세요.

자주 묻는 질문

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