TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Instructions Your professor is teaching a class on ecology. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the task requirements, expressing a clear opinion, and contributing to the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on specific examples and providing more concrete support for the arguments presented. Additionally, some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples to support your viewpoint.

• Proofread your essay to correct grammar errors and improve sentence structure.

Examples:

1. Instead of saying "we can learn how to recycle the used plastic," provide a specific example or method of recycling that has proven effective.

2. Rather than stating "the governments are supposed to appeal people," rephrase it as "governments should encourage people."

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be better organized with clearer transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point.

• Improve transitions between ideas by using appropriate linking words or phrases.

Examples:

1. Begin a paragraph with a topic sentence like "One way we can reduce plastic usage is by adopting reusable alternatives."

2. Use transition words or phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" when introducing new points or examples in your essay.

5. Grammar

As for me, iI(i vs. I) agree with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavleinevitable(misspelling) for us to use the products made of plastic, since it has so many advantagesadvantages,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as Kelly says. Plastic brings convennienceconvenience(misspelling). However, we can still take actions to use less plastic in our daily life. In some aspects of life, plastic is not definitely irreplacableirreplaceable(misspelling). As Andrew's opnionsoptions(misspelling), we can use reusable bags instead of plastic shopping bags. Moreover, we can learn how to recycle the used plastic and use the recycled plasticplastic,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which can make enough of the plastic. Although we can not ban the plastic, the governments are supposed to appeal people to use less plastic, especially those big companies. If the big companies are willing to develop the techniques about recycling plastic or innovating better replacement of plastic, maybe we will ban the plastic as much as we can.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I concur with Kelly's perspective, I believe it is crucial to acknowledge the potential for reducing plastic consumption in our daily lives. Undeniably, plastic offers numerous benefits, such as affordability and durability, making it an integral component of various products. However, we can still adopt measures to minimize our reliance on this material. In certain aspects of life, plastic is not irreplaceable; for instance, as Andrew suggests, we can opt for reusable fabric bags instead of disposable plastic ones. Furthermore, promoting recycling initiatives and utilizing recycled plastic can help mitigate the environmental impact. Although an outright ban on plastic may be unrealistic, governments and corporations should collaborate to encourage responsible usage and invest in innovative alternatives or recycling technologies. By doing so, we can significantly reduce our dependence on plastics and work towards a more sustainable future. (143 words)

As While I concur (revised for me, i agree clarity and formality) with Kelly's statements. It's unevitavle perspective, I believe it is crucial (revised for us emphasis) to use acknowledge the products made potential for reducing plastic consumption in our daily lives. Undeniably, plastic offers numerous benefits, such as affordability and durability, making it an integral component of plastic, since it has so many advantages as Kelly says. Plastic brings convennience. various products. However, we can still take actions adopt measures (revised for clarity) to use less plastic in minimize our daily life. reliance on this material. In some certain aspects of life, plastic is not definitely irreplacable. As Andrew's opnions, irreplaceable (revised for better word choice); for instance, as Andrew suggests, we can use opt for reusable fabric bags instead of disposable plastic shopping bags. Moreover, ones. Furthermore, promoting recycling initiatives and utilizing recycled plastic can help mitigate the environmental impact. Although an outright ban on plastic may be unrealistic (revised for clarity), governments and corporations should collaborate to encourage responsible usage (revised for better word choice) and invest in innovative alternatives or recycling technologies. By doing so, we can learn how to recycle the used plastic significantly reduce our dependence on plastics (revised for consistency) and use the recycled plastic which can make enough of the plastic. Although we can not ban the plastic, the governments are supposed to appeal people to use less plastic, especially those big companies. If the big companies are willing to develop the techniques about recycling plastic or innovating better replacement of plastic, maybe we will ban the plastic as much as we can.work towards a more sustainable future.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Kelly's perspective
   • Importance of reducing plastic consumption

2. Benefits of plastic

   • Affordability
   • Durability

3. Minimizing reliance on plastic

   • Reusable alternatives (e.g., fabric bags)

4. Recycling initiatives

   • Promoting recycling programs
   • Utilizing recycled plastic products

5. Government and corporate collaboration

   • Encouraging responsible usage
   • Investing in innovative alternatives and recycling technologies

6. Reducing dependence on plastics for a sustainable future

9 Key Words