TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on ecology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2.预估分数

Estimated Score: 20

3.任务完成度

虽然你的文章表达了对历史课程的看法，但是没有明确回答教授提出的问题。为了更好地完成任务，你需要针对问题进行讨论，并给出具体的理由和例子来支持你的观点。此外，文章中提到了“竞争激烈”的情况，但没有解释这与历史课程之间的关系。建议在修改文章时，更加关注任务要求，并确保论据与问题紧密相关。

示例1：我认为所有大学生都应该学习历史课程，因为它有助于培养我们的批判性思维能力和跨文化理解。

示例2：尽管某些专业的学生可能不会直接从历史课程中受益，但强制性地学习历史可以确保他们接触到不同领域的知识，从而拓宽视野。

4.文章结构与组织

文章在结构上有一定的问题。首先，开头部分并未明确表达你对问题的看法；其次，在正文部分，你的论据没有很好地支持你的观点。为了改进文章结构，建议在开头部分明确表达观点，并在正文部分使用具体的论据和例子来支持观点。此外，注意使用恰当的过渡词和短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1：首先，学习历史可以帮助我们更好地理解世界及其复杂性。（使用过渡词“首先”来引入第一个论点）

示例2：此外，通过学习历史，我们可以从过去社会的成功与失败中汲取经验教训。（使用过渡词“此外”来引入新的论点）

5. 语法批改

Jeremy presents a compelling argument in favor of no compulsory history classes. Admittedly, considering people with non-relevant majors, it is unnecessary for all students to have the class. However, based on the situation that intense competition is everywhere today, it is helpful to have compulsory study of history. Obligatory historical classes can give people one chance to take a rest through reading books. For instance, many students in computer science department have so many tasks, thereby during historical classes, they would have less pressure and take a rest through reading interesting historical books. Therefore, although not every studentsstudent('every/each' + SINGULAR) with non-relevant majors don't need obligatory history study, I firmly believe that compulsory history classes can offer people an opportunity to take a rest.

6.文章修订

While Jeremy's argument against compulsory history classes for all university students is valid, I believe that making history a mandatory subject has its merits. Studying history equips students with critical thinking skills and fosters empathy towards different cultures and perspectives, which are essential qualities for well-rounded individuals.

Firstly, history enables students to analyze and interpret past events, thereby enhancing their critical thinking abilities. This skill is not only applicable to understanding historical events but also to navigating complex issues in various fields of study. For example, an engineering student may benefit from analyzing the development of infrastructure throughout history, gaining insights into the evolution of design principles.

Moreover, studying history promotes cultural awareness and empathy. As we learn about the successes and failures of past societies, we become more understanding of different cultures and their perspectives. This knowledge is invaluable in today's globalized world where cross-cultural communication is crucial.

In conclusion, although not every student may directly benefit from studying history in their chosen field, making it a compulsory subject ensures that all university students develop essential skills such as critical thinking and cultural empathy. By doing so, universities can contribute to producing well-rounded graduates who are prepared to face the challenges of an increasingly interconnected world. (208 words)

Jeremy presents 7.文章批改

While Jeremy's argument against compulsory history classes for all university students is valid (revised for clarity and conciseness), I believe that making history a compelling argument mandatory subject has its merits (revised to emphasize the writer's stance). Studying history equips students with critical thinking skills and fosters empathy towards different cultures and perspectives, which are essential qualities for well-rounded individuals (revised to provide a clear thesis statement).

Firstly, history enables students to analyze and interpret past events, thereby enhancing their critical thinking abilities (revised for clarity). This skill is not only applicable to understanding historical events but also to navigating complex issues in favor of no compulsory history classes. Admittedly, considering people with non-relevant majors, it is unnecessary for all students to have the class. However, based on the situation that intense competition is everywhere today, it is helpful to have compulsory various fields of study of history. Obligatory historical classes can give people one chance to take a rest through reading books. (revised for coherence). For instance, many students example, an engineering student may benefit from analyzing the development of infrastructure throughout history, gaining insights into the evolution of design principles (added specific example).

Moreover, studying history promotes cultural awareness and empathy (revised for conciseness). As we learn about the successes and failures of past societies, we become more understanding of different cultures and their perspectives (revised for clarity). This knowledge is invaluable in computer science department have so many tasks, thereby during historical classes, they would have less pressure and take a rest through reading interesting historical books. Therefore, today's globalized world where cross-cultural communication is crucial (added context).

In conclusion, although not every students with non-relevant majors don't need obligatory history study, I firmly believe student may directly benefit from studying history in their chosen field, making it a compulsory subject ensures that compulsory history classes all university students develop essential skills such as critical thinking and cultural empathy (summarized main points). By doing so, universities can offer people contribute to producing well-rounded graduates who are prepared to face the challenges of an opportunity to take a rest.increasingly interconnected world (added strong concluding statement).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Jeremy's argument
  • Writer's stance: merits of compulsory history classes

• Critical thinking skills

  • Analyzing and interpreting past events
  • Applicable to various fields of study
  • Example: engineering student and infrastructure development

• Cultural awareness and empathy

  • Learning from past societies' successes and failures
  • Understanding different cultures and perspectives
  • Importance in today's globalized world

• Conclusion

  • Compulsory history classes for essential skill development

9.关键词