TOEFL TPO 60 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific theories mentions in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在某些方面还有待改进。首先，在引述听力部分时，需要更详细地解释讲座中提到的观点。其次，在对比阅读和听力材料时，可以使用更明确的连接词来突出对比关系。

示例1： 原文：“Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerors by the medical equipment, without hurting them.” 改进后：“Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn from rhinoceroses using medical equipment can be done without hurting them.”

示例2： 原文：“Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have health advantage,can reducing public’s demand for horns.” 改进后：“Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers about the lack of health benefits in rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for them.”

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构基本清晰，但在段落划分和过渡句方面还有待加强。首先，建议将每个主要观点都放在一个单独的段落中，并使用恰当的过渡词或短语来连接各个段落。此外，可以在文章开头和结尾加入总结性的句子，使文章更加完整。

示例1： 原文：“The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, by preventing sale of rhinoceros horns.” 改进后：“The lecture and passage discuss various ways to protect rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of their horns. While the reading suggests three potential solutions, the listening casts doubt on each of them.”

示例2： 原文：“In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stoping people to buy the rhino’s horn.” 改进后：“In conclusion, the lecture effectively challenges each of the proposed solutions in the reading passage, casting doubt on their effectiveness in stopping people from buying rhino horns and ultimately protecting rhinoceroses.”

5. 语法批改

The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, by preventing sale of rhinoceros horns. The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by provides their weakness. Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerorsrhinoceros(misspelling) by the medical equipment, without hurting them. Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts it by stating that might be harmful for rhincerosesrhinoceroses(misspelling) living. In fact, although with the enough time and moenymoney(misspelling), dehorning might reduce their survival possibility. BecasueBecause(misspelling) their horn have many advantages, such as digging water and guiding youngsyoung(misspelling). In short, considering their life in the wild, it’s differs from the solution mentioned in the reading. Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have health advantage,can, can(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) reducingreduce(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) public’s demand for horns. In contrast, the speaker refutes it by stating that it not be effective. In fact, people have this believebelief(believe (belief)) from their own culture, which have thousanda thousand(Numeral (dozen, hundred, thousand, million) without a determiner or a number) years history formfrom(Detects potentially wrong usage of "form" instead of "from") ancient time. There forTherefore(there for (therefore)), educating harldyhardly(misspelling) to change their strong mind, contridictingcontradicting(misspelling) to the argument presented in the reading. Lastly, the reading passage argues that makes horns salingsaying(misspelling) legal to reduce their profit might stop killing rhino. In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino’s horn but didn’t buy it because it’s not legal currently. So if govermentgovernment(misspelling) makes the new law that the rhino’s horn become accessible, it will widen the horn market. In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stopingstopping(misspelling) people to buy the rhino’s horn.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The lecture and passage discuss the issue of protecting rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of rhinoceros horns. The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by providing their weaknesses.

Firstly, the reading passage claims that dehorning rhinoceroses using medical equipment without hurting them is a viable solution. Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts this by stating that it might be harmful to their survival in the wild. In fact, even with enough time and money, dehorning might reduce their chances of survival because their horns have many advantages, such as digging for water and guiding young ones. In short, considering their life in the wild, this solution differs from what is mentioned in the reading.

Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers about the lack of health benefits from rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for them. In contrast, the speaker refutes this by stating that it may not be effective. In fact, people have held this belief for thousands of years due to cultural reasons dating back to ancient times. Therefore, education is unlikely to change their strong mindset, contradicting the argument presented in the reading.

Lastly, the reading passage argues that legalizing horn sales to reduce profit might stop rhino poaching. In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino's horn but do not buy it because it is currently illegal. If governments make new laws making rhino horns accessible, it will widen the horn market instead of reducing demand as suggested in the reading passage. In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stopping people from buying rhino horns through legalization efforts. (279 words)

The lecture and passage discuss the issue for the way of protecting rhinoceroses, rhinoceroses by preventing the sale of rhinoceros horns. horns (changed "for the way of" to "of" for clarity and conciseness). The reading provides three potential solutions, while the listening challenges each point presented in the reading by provides their weakness. providing their weaknesses (corrected "provides their weakness" to "providing their weaknesses" for grammatical accuracy).

Firstly, the reading passage claims that removing the horn form rhinocerors by the dehorning rhinoceroses using medical equipment, equipment without hurting them. them is a viable solution (rephrased for clarity and correctness). Nevertheless, the speaker rebuts it this by stating that it might be harmful for rhinceroses living. to their survival in the wild. In fact, although even with the enough time and moeny, money, dehorning might reduce their chances of survival possibility. Becasue their horn because their horns have many advantages, such as digging for water and guiding youngs. young ones (corrected grammar and phrasing). In short, considering their life in the wild, it’s this solution differs from the solution what is mentioned in the reading.

Furthermore, the passage asserts that educating consumers, such as the rhinoceroses’ horns didn’t have consumers about the lack of health advantage,can reducing public’s benefits from rhinoceros horns can reduce public demand for horns. them (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, the speaker refutes it this by stating that it may not be effective. In fact, people have this believe from their own culture, which have thousand held this belief for thousands of years history form due to cultural reasons dating back to ancient time. There for, educating harldy times (corrected grammar and phrasing). Therefore, education is unlikely to change their strong mind, contridicting to mindset, contradicting the argument presented in the reading.

Lastly, the reading passage argues that makes horns saling legal legalizing horn sales to reduce their profit might stop killing rhino. rhino poaching (rephrased for clarity). In contrast, the speaker asserts that many people want a rhino’s rhino's horn but didn’t do not buy it because it’s not legal currently. So if goverment makes the it is currently illegal. If governments make new law that the rhino’s horn become laws making rhino horns accessible, it will widen the horn market. market instead of reducing demand as suggested in the reading passage (corrected grammar and phrasing). In short, this again casts doubt on the overall validity of stoping stopping people to buy the rhino’s horn.from buying rhino horns through legalization efforts (rephrased for clarity).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Issue: Protecting rhinoceroses
  - Reading: Three potential solutions
  - Listening: Challenges to each solution

- Dehorning Rhinoceroses
  - Reading: Viable solution, medical equipment, no harm
  - Listening: Harmful to survival, horns have advantages, life in the wild

- Educating Consumers
  - Reading: Reduce demand, lack of health benefits
  - Listening: Ineffective, cultural beliefs, strong mindset

- Legalizing Horn Sales
  - Reading: Reduce profit, stop poaching
  - Listening: Widen market, increase demand, legalization efforts doubtful

9. Keywords

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：3 连贯与衔接：3 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上回答了题目要求的问题，总结了听力中提到的观点，并对阅读中提到的方法表示怀疑。但是，文章在解释听力中提到的观点时，有些地方表述不够清晰。建议在解释听力观点时，更详细地说明原因和例子，以便让读者更好地理解。

例如：

• 当前文：“Firstly, professor argues that 'dehorn' can not be helpful to protect the survival of rhinos because this surgery is hard to use for all horns, and dehorn can be harmful for rhino's survival ability and attraction on their species.”

• 改进后：“Firstly, the professor argues that dehorning is not a practical solution for protecting rhinos because it is difficult to perform this surgery on all rhinos in the wild. Moreover, dehorning can negatively impact a rhino's ability to survive, as they use their horns for various essential functions such as finding food and water, protecting their young, and defending their territory.”

• 当前文：“Thirdly, professor think if government start to sell horns, the situation may even be worse.”

• 改进后：“Thirdly, the professor believes that if governments were to legalize the sale of rhino horns, it could potentially worsen the situation. This is because legalizing sales might increase demand and subsequently raise prices, which would continue to attract poachers.”

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面有待改进。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论，但各段落之间的衔接不够清晰。建议使用更明确的过渡词和短语来连接各个段落，以便让读者更好地理解文章的逻辑。

例如：

• 当前文：“Firstly, professor argues that 'dehorn' can not be helpful to protect the survival of rhinos because this surgery is hard to use for all horns, and dehorn can be harmful for rhino's survival ability and attraction on their species.”

• 改进后：“To begin with, the professor argues that dehorning is not a practical solution for protecting rhinos because it is difficult to perform this surgery on all rhinos in the wild. Moreover, dehorning can negatively impact a rhino's ability to survive, as they use their horns for various essential functions such as finding food and water, protecting their young, and defending their territory.”

• 当前文：“Thirdly, professor think if government start to sell horns, the situation may even be worse.”

• 改进后：“Lastly, the professor believes that if governments were to legalize the sale of rhino horns, it could potentially worsen the situation. This is because legalizing sales might increase demand and subsequently raise prices, which would continue to attract poachers.”

5. 语法批改

The sale of rhinoceros horns is harmful for the survival of rhinos. The article gives three methods to save rhinos, but professor believe these methods are significantly weak because of several solid reasons. Firstly, professor argues that 'dehorn' can not be helpful to protect the survival of rhinos because this surgery is hard to use for all horns, and dehorn can be harmful for rhino's survival ability and attraction on their species. For instance, horns are used to help drink water, look for food and protect from predictors. If they lose horns, it can protect them from poachers, but they may face much more danger from other fields. Secondly, professor think only educate customer cannot change their minds about buying horns, which is not as simple as the article says. Customers try to buy horns mainly becuasebecause(misspelling) the old, and strong culture belief rather than health reason. Therefore, the belief may be hard to be changed by education because of its strong power. Thirdly, professor think if government start to sell horns, the situation may even be worse. Although the article thinks if selling horns can be legal, poachers will have no markets, this logic is not so solid. If government start to sell horns, people who do not buy horns because they think this is illegayillegal(misspelling) will start to buy them, so the demand offor(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) horns will be larger than before. Furthermore, the price of horns will increase as well, so poachers will never stop, and they may hunt more than before! In conclusion, the reasons which includes in the article is a little bit weak, and may be other methods should be con

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The sale of rhinoceros horns poses a significant threat to the survival of rhinos. The reading passage proposes three methods to save them, but the lecturer contends that these approaches are considerably flawed due to several compelling reasons.

Firstly, the lecturer disputes the effectiveness of dehorning as a means to protect rhinos. Although the reading suggests that dehorning can deter poachers, the lecturer highlights that this procedure is not only difficult to implement on a large scale but also detrimental to the rhinos' survival abilities and their species' continuation. For example, rhinos use their horns for various essential purposes such as drinking water, searching for food, and defending themselves from predators. Consequently, removing their horns may protect them from poachers but exposes them to numerous other dangers.

Secondly, the lecturer believes that merely educating consumers is insufficient in changing their attitudes towards purchasing horns. Contrary to what the reading suggests, customers primarily buy horns due to deeply ingrained cultural beliefs rather than health reasons. Therefore, it may be challenging to alter these long-standing convictions through education alone.

Lastly, the lecturer argues that legalizing government sales of rhino horns could potentially exacerbate the situation. While the reading posits that legal sales would eliminate poachers' markets, this assumption is not entirely sound. The lecturer explains that if governments begin selling horns legally, individuals who previously refrained from buying them due to legal concerns might start purchasing them. This increased demand could drive up horn prices and inadvertently encourage poaching rather than deter it.

In light of these points raised by the lecturer, it becomes evident that the solutions proposed in the reading passage are considerably weak and alternative methods should be considered in order to effectively protect rhinoceros populations from extinction. (292 words)

The sale of rhinoceros horns is harmful for poses a significant threat to the survival of rhinos. The article gives reading passage proposes three methods to save rhinos, them, but professor believe the lecturer contends that these methods approaches are significantly weak because of considerably flawed due to several solid compelling reasons. [Changed "significantly weak" to "considerably flawed" for better word choice]

Firstly, professor argues that 'dehorn' the lecturer disputes the effectiveness of dehorning as a means to protect rhinos. Although the reading suggests that dehorning can deter poachers, the lecturer highlights that this procedure is not be helpful to protect the only difficult to implement on a large scale but also detrimental to the rhinos' survival of abilities and their species' continuation. [Improved sentence structure] For example, rhinos because this surgery is hard to use their horns for all horns, and dehorn can be harmful various essential purposes such as drinking water, searching for rhino's survival ability and attraction on food, and defending themselves from predators. Consequently, removing their species. For instance, horns are used to help drink water, look for food and protect from predictors. If they lose horns, it can horns may protect them from poachers, poachers but they may face much more danger from exposes them to numerous other fields. dangers.

Secondly, professor think only educate customer cannot change the lecturer believes that merely educating consumers is insufficient in changing their minds about buying horns, which is not as simple as the article says. Customers try to attitudes towards purchasing horns. Contrary to what the reading suggests, customers primarily buy horns mainly becuase the old, and strong culture belief due to deeply ingrained cultural beliefs rather than health reason. reasons. Therefore, the belief it may be hard to be changed by challenging to alter these long-standing convictions through education because of its strong power. alone. [Changed "educate customer" to "educating consumers" and improved sentence structure]

Thirdly, professor think if Lastly, the lecturer argues that legalizing government start to sell horns, the situation may even be worse. Although the article thinks if selling horns can be legal, poachers will have no sales of rhino horns could potentially exacerbate the situation. While the reading posits that legal sales would eliminate poachers' markets, this logic assumption is not so solid. If government entirely sound. The lecturer explains that if governments begin selling horns legally, individuals who previously refrained from buying them due to legal concerns might start to sell horns, people who do not buy horns because they think this is illegay will start to buy them, so the purchasing them. This increased demand of horns will be larger could drive up horn prices and inadvertently encourage poaching rather than before. Furthermore, the price of horns will increase as well, so poachers will never stop, and they may hunt more than before! deter it.

In conclusion, the light of these points raised by the lecturer, it becomes evident that the solutions proposed in the reading passage are considerably weak and alternative methods should be considered in order to effectively protect rhinoceros populations from extinction. [Changed "the reasons which includes in the article is a little bit weak, and may be other methods should be conarticle" to "the solutions proposed in the reading passage" for clarity and improved sentence structure]

8. Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Threat to rhinos
   - Reading passage vs. lecture

2. Dehorning
   - Reading: Deters poachers
   - Lecture: Difficult to implement, harmful to rhinos

3. Educating Consumers
   - Reading: Change attitudes towards purchasing horns
   - Lecture: Cultural beliefs, challenging to alter convictions

4. Legalizing Government Sales
   - Reading: Eliminate poachers' markets
   - Lecture: Increased demand, higher prices, encourage poaching

5. Conclusion
   - Weak solutions in reading passage
   - Need for alternative methods to protect rhinos from extinction

9. Keywords