TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on Business. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得很好，表达了对普通人广告的支持，并给出了一些例子。但是，有一些建议可以帮助改进文章。首先，在提供观点时，可以尝试使用更具说服力的论据。其次，注意避免使用不准确或不清楚的表达方式。最后，请务必检查并改正语法错误。

示例1：将 "Potentially I trust them and think their recommendation is reliable." 改为 "I trust their recommendations because they have personal experience with the product." 示例2：将 "ordinary people advertisment is more effictivly." 改为 "advertisements featuring ordinary people are more effective."

4. 文章结构与组织

整体而言，文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些改进空间。首先，在引言部分可以更明确地陈述自己的观点。其次，在正文部分尝试使用主题句来引导每段的主要观点，并在段落中提供更多支持细节。最后，请注意在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，以便更好地连接各个观点。

示例1：在引言中明确表达观点，例如 "In my opinion, using ordinary people in advertisements is a more effective strategy than using celebrities." 示例2：在正文段落中使用主题句，如 "One reason why ordinary people are more effective in advertisements is that they provide relatable and trustworthy recommendations."

5. 语法批改

I’m inclined to agree with Paul’s perspective. I believe that the ordinary people’s real feedback will be more attractive than celebrities. This is due to the ordinary individuals always indicates that they have consumed and actually used this product, so their feedback seems like more reliable. For instance, I usually ask my friends for the recommadtionrecommendation(misspelling) of food, not only for they (Two consecutive spaces)know my taste but, but(comma between independent clauses) also they must have tried it before. PotentiallyPotentially,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) I trust them and think their recommendation is reliable. Although Claire argues that celebrities’ advertisement will be more effective, I still believe the recommodationaccommodation(misspelling) by ordinary people will be more easily to accept. Such as in the social media, there are many ordinary look people become influencers,people, people(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) will trust them and buy the product they recommondrecommend(misspelling). But for the celebrities, eveybodyeverybody(misspelling) knows they are paid to make this advertisement. In conclusion, ordinary people advertismentadvertisement(misspelling) is more effictivlyeffectively(misspelling).

Title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Paul's viewpoint that utilizing ordinary people in advertising campaigns can be more effective than relying on celebrities. The authenticity of real-life experiences and feedback from everyday individuals resonates with potential consumers, as it implies that the product has been genuinely tried and tested. For example, I often seek recommendations for food from my friends, not only because they understand my preferences but also because they have personally experienced the product. Consequently, I find their suggestions to be trustworthy and reliable.

While Claire contends that celebrity endorsements capture the audience's attention more effectively, I maintain that recommendations from ordinary people are easier to accept and relate to. In today's social media landscape, numerous everyday individuals have become influencers, gaining the trust of their followers who are more likely to purchase products they endorse. Conversely, it is common knowledge that celebrities are often paid to promote products, which may cast doubt on the sincerity of their endorsements.

In essence, advertisements featuring ordinary people can prove to be more impactful due to their relatability and perceived authenticity compared to celebrity-driven campaigns. (184 words)

I’m I concur with Paul's viewpoint (Changed "I'm inclined to agree with Paul’s perspective. I believe that the ordinary people’s real Paul's perspective" to "I concur with Paul's viewpoint" for a more natural tone) that utilizing ordinary people in advertising campaigns can be more effective than relying on celebrities. The authenticity of real-life experiences and feedback will be more attractive than celebrities. This from everyday individuals resonates with potential consumers, as it implies that the product has been genuinely tried and tested (Rephrased "This is due to the ordinary individuals always indicates that they have consumed and actually used this product, so their feedback seems like more reliable. reliable" for clarity). For instance, I usually ask example, I often seek recommendations for food from my friends for the recommadtion of food, friends, not only for they know because they understand my taste preferences but also because they must have tried it before. Potentially I trust them and think their recommendation is personally experienced the product (Corrected "recommadtion" to "recommendations" and rephrased the sentence for clarity). Consequently, I find their suggestions to be trustworthy and reliable.

Although While Claire contends that celebrity endorsements capture the audience's attention more effectively, I maintain that recommendations from ordinary people are easier to accept and relate to (Rephrased "Although Claire argues that celebrities’ advertisement will be more effective, I still believe the recommodation by ordinary people will be more easily to accept. Such as in the accept" for a smoother flow). In today's social media, there media landscape, numerous everyday individuals have become influencers, gaining the trust of their followers who are many ordinary look people become influencers,people will trust them and buy the product more likely to purchase products they recommond. But for the celebrities, eveybody knows they endorse (Corrected "recommond" to "endorse" and rephrased the sentence for clarity). Conversely, it is common knowledge that celebrities are often paid to make this advertisement. promote products, which may cast doubt on the sincerity of their endorsements.

In conclusion, essence, advertisements featuring ordinary people advertisment is more effictivly.can prove to be more impactful due to their relatability and perceived authenticity compared to celebrity-driven campaigns (Corrected "effictivly" to "impactful" and rephrased the conclusion for a stronger ending).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Paul's viewpoint
   - Ordinary people vs. celebrities in advertising

2. Authenticity
   - Real-life experiences and feedback
   - Genuinely tried and tested products

3. Personal Recommendations
   - Trustworthiness and reliability
   - Friends' suggestions

4. Relatability
   - Easier to accept and relate to ordinary people's recommendations

5. Social Media Influencers
   - Everyday individuals gaining trust of followers

6. Celebrity Endorsements
   - Paid promotions and sincerity doubts

7. Impactfulness
   - Ordinary people advertisements more impactful

8. Conclusion
   - Relatability and authenticity of ordinary people in advertising campaigns 

Title: 9 关键词