TOEFL TPO 2 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

24. 3 任务完成度

你的文章在回答问题方面做得不错，表达了自己的观点，并且提供了一些支持。但是，为了更好地完成任务，你可以考虑以下建议：

1. 更详细地解释你的观点，例如为什么认为将成绩和努力结合起来更公平。

2. 在文章中引用阅读材料中的观点，并对这些观点进行评价或扩展。

示例1：考虑到学生在课堂上的努力和参与程度，可以让教师更全面地评估学生的学术能力和进步。

示例2：尽管凯利认为只根据表现给分是公平的，但我认为我们还需要关注学生在学习过程中付出的努力，以培养他们克服困难和持续改进的品质。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些改进空间。以下是一些建议：

1. 在引言部分明确提出你的观点，以便读者更好地理解文章的主题。

2. 在正文部分，使用主题句来引导每段的主要观点，并在段落中提供支持细节。

示例1：在引言中，可以这样表达：“在评估学生的表现时，我认为应该综合考虑学生的考试成绩和日常表现。”

示例2：在正文中，可以使用类似这样的主题句：“首先，将努力纳入评分标准有助于激励学生克服挑战并持续改进。”

5. 语法批改

I believe the grading should cinsiderconsider(misspelling) both test scores and daily performances. To be more specific, the hardworkhandwork(misspelling) and effort students paid on studying will establish a more comprehensive imagine of what does the student do. At the same time, students could learn valuable lessons through mistakes they make in the taststests(misspelling).

For instance, I did not do well on my biology assessment about ecology in biozone[No Replacement Word Found](misspelling), but I spent 2 hours per day on this test, and doing all of my assignment carefully. And I learned why I did not do well from correcting my test. My teacher still givedgave(misspelling) me an A and, and(comma between independent clauses) it encouraged me a lot.

Still, some people claim that the considering of daily performance is not fair for the students who did well in the tests. But the encouraging of improving and focusing on only the test score might lead to grievous exam-oriented education. And make student lose their passion

Title: 6 文章修订

I firmly believe that grading should take into account both test scores and daily performance. Specifically, evaluating the hard work and effort students put into their studies can provide a more comprehensive understanding of their overall abilities. Additionally, students can learn valuable lessons from the mistakes they make on tests.

For example, I did not perform well on my biology assessment about ecology in the biozone. However, I dedicated two hours per day to preparing for this test and completed all of my assignments diligently. After reviewing my errors, I understood why I did not excel in the assessment. Despite this setback, my teacher still awarded me an A, which greatly encouraged me.

While some may argue that considering daily performance is unfair to students who perform well on tests, it is important to recognize that focusing solely on test scores can lead to an unhealthy exam-oriented education system. This approach may ultimately cause students to lose their passion for learning and hinder their long-term development. (169 words)

I firmly believe the that grading should cinsider take into account both test scores and daily performances. To be performance (Changed "cinsider" to "take into account" for a more specific, the hardwork natural phrase). Specifically, evaluating the hard work and effort students paid on studying will establish put into their studies can provide a more comprehensive imagine understanding of what does the student do. At the same time, students could their overall abilities (Reworded to improve clarity and flow). Additionally, students can learn valuable lessons through from the mistakes they make in the tasts. on tests (Corrected "tasts" to "tests").

For instance, example, I did not do perform well on my biology assessment about ecology in biozone, but I spent 2 the biozone (Rephrased for clarity). However, I dedicated two hours per day on to preparing for this test, and doing test and completed all of my assignment carefully. And I learned assignments diligently (Improved sentence structure). After reviewing my errors, I understood why I did not do well from correcting my test. My excel in the assessment (Revised for clarity). Despite this setback, my teacher still gived awarded me an A and it A, which greatly encouraged me a lot. (Changed "gived" to "awarded" for proper grammar).

Still, While some people claim may argue that the considering of daily performance is not fair for the unfair to students who did perform well in the tests. But the encouraging of improving and on tests, it is important to recognize that focusing on only the solely on test score might scores can lead to grievous an unhealthy exam-oriented education. And make education system (Improved sentence structure and clarity). This approach may ultimately cause students to lose their passion for learning and hinder their long-term development (Corrected "make student lose their passionpassion" for proper grammar and improved readability).

8 思维导图

- Grading
  - Test scores
    - Assessments
    - Exams
  - Daily performance
    - Hard work
    - Effort
    - Assignments

- Comprehensive understanding
  - Overall abilities
  - Learning from mistakes

- Example: Biology assessment
  - Preparation and dedication
  - Reviewing errors and improvement

- Counterargument: Unfairness to test performers
  - Exam-oriented education system drawbacks 
    - Loss of passion for learning 
    - Hindered long-term development 

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• Estimated Score: 26

3. 任务完成度

在这篇文章中，你明确地表达了自己的观点，并对讨论做出了贡献。然而，为了更好地完成任务，你可以尝试以下几点改进：

1. 更具体地解释为什么基于表现的评分制度更有效。

2. 提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进）： 例如，在一个基于表现的评分制度中，学生们会更加关注学术知识和技能的掌握，从而提高他们在未来职业生涯中的竞争力。

示例2（改进）： 另外，我们可以设想一个情景：两名学生在同一门课程上取得了相同的成绩。然而，一名学生付出了很多努力，而另一名学生则轻松应对。在这种情况下，基于表现的评分制度能够公平地对待两位学生。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有一些改进空间。你可以尝试以下几点：

1. 在引言中简要概括讨论的主题，以便读者更好地理解文章的背景。

2. 在正文部分，使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1（改进）： 在文章开头，你可以这样写：“在教育领域，评分制度一直是一个备受争议的话题。有人认为成绩应该完全基于学生的表现，而另一些人则主张应该考虑学生付出的努力。”

示例2（改进）： 在正文部分，你可以使用过渡词如“此外”、“然而”和“例如”来更清晰地组织你的观点。例如：“此外，在一个基于表现的评分制度中，学生们会更加关注学术知识和技能的掌握。”

5. 语法批改

I concur with Kelly concerning this issue, and I respectfully hold that Paul does not think about the potential problems that will probably arise if the hard work accounts for the degree. Besides the reason raised by Kelly, I also believe that grading solely based on performance is an efficient way. The performance, especially whether an answer is right or wrong, is clear without any doubts or hesitation, and it enables the teacher to keep the same grading system in a relieving way. The teacher can save time since they do not need to consider the grades distributed to specific actions case by case and, and(comma between independent clauses) they can utilize the same sum of time to enhance their pedagogy, and they can pay more attention to students. On the contrary, although Paul's opinion makes sense to some degree, he overlooks the potential time consumption for the teacher to decide the grades for the hard work case by case, which will be detrimental to the education activities. For example, when a student spends two hours on the assignments while another student spends only an hour but makes comprehensive notes, the teacher will need a lot of time to consider how to grade their hard work. Therefore, I believe grading the students based on their performance is better.

Section Title: Assessment Criteria in Education

I agree with Kelly on this matter, and I respectfully argue that Paul does not fully consider the potential issues that may arise if effort is factored into grading. In addition to Kelly's argument, I also believe that evaluating students solely based on performance is a more efficient approach. Assessing performance, particularly in terms of correct or incorrect answers, provides a clear and objective basis for grading, allowing teachers to maintain a consistent evaluation system with ease. By doing so, educators can save time as they do not need to assess grades on a case-by-case basis for individual efforts. Instead, they can allocate this time towards improving their teaching methods and providing more focused attention to their students.

Conversely, while Paul's perspective has some merit, he overlooks the potential time-consuming nature of determining grades for effort on an individual basis, which could negatively impact educational activities. For instance, if one student spends two hours on assignments while another student only takes an hour but produces comprehensive notes, the teacher would need to invest considerable time in deciding how to grade their respective efforts.

In light of these considerations, I firmly believe that grading students based on their performance is the better approach. This method ensures fairness and objectivity while also allowing teachers to devote more time and energy towards enhancing their pedagogy and supporting their students' growth. (233 words)

I concur Assessment Criteria in Education

I agree with Kelly concerning on this issue, matter, and I respectfully hold argue (revised for clarity and formality) that Paul does not think about fully consider the potential problems that will probably issues that may arise if the hard work accounts for the degree. ¶ Besides the reason raised by Kelly, effort is factored into grading. In addition to Kelly's argument, I also believe that grading evaluating students solely based on performance is an a more efficient way. The approach (rephrased for clarity). Assessing performance, especially whether an answer is right particularly in terms of correct or wrong, is incorrect answers, provides a clear without any doubts or hesitation, and it enables the teacher to keep the same and objective basis for grading (revised for conciseness), allowing teachers to maintain a consistent evaluation system in a relieving way. The teacher with ease (rephrased for clarity). By doing so, educators can save time since as they do not need to consider the assess grades distributed to specific actions case by case and on a case-by-case basis for individual efforts (revised for conciseness). Instead, they can utilize the same sum of time to enhance their pedagogy, and they can pay allocate this time towards improving their teaching methods and providing more focused attention to their students.

On the contrary, although Conversely, while Paul's opinion makes sense to perspective has some degree, merit (revised for formality), he overlooks the potential time consumption for the teacher to decide the time-consuming nature of determining grades for the hard work case by case, effort on an individual basis (rephrased for clarity), which will be detrimental to the education could negatively impact educational activities.

For example, when a instance, if one student spends two hours on the assignments while another student spends only takes an hour but makes produces comprehensive notes, the teacher will would need a lot to invest considerable time in deciding how to grade their respective efforts (revised for clarity).

In light of time to consider how to grade their hard work. ¶ Therefore, I these considerations, I firmly believe that grading the students based on their performance is better.the better approach (rephrased for emphasis). This method ensures fairness and objectivity while also allowing teachers to devote more time and energy towards enhancing their pedagogy and supporting their students' growth.

Display title: 8 思维导图

Mindmap:

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Kelly
   - Disagree with Paul

2. Performance-based evaluation
   - Efficient approach
   - Clear and objective basis for grading

3. Time-saving benefits
   - Consistent evaluation system
   - Focus on teaching methods and student support

4. Issues with effort-based grading
   - Time-consuming nature
   - Individual assessment challenges

5. Example scenario
   - Two students with different effort levels and results

6. Fairness and objectivity in performance-based grading

7. Benefits for teachers and students 

8. Conclusion 
   - Performance-based grading is the better approach 

Display title: 9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay effectively addresses the task requirements by expressing a clear opinion and contributing to the discussion with well-supported arguments. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on some points, such as explaining how strict limits on effort-based grading could be implemented. Additionally, the essay could benefit from providing more specific examples to support the argument.

Example 1: Instead of just mentioning that hard work should be rewarded with extra marks, you could provide a specific example or scenario where this approach would be beneficial for students.

Example 2: To further support your argument about the importance of performance-based grading in future workplaces, you could provide an example of a real-life situation where an employee's performance is crucial for their success.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The organization is mostly logical, but there are some areas where transitions between ideas could be improved. Additionally, some paragraphs focus on multiple points which can make it harder for readers to follow your argument.

Example 1: To improve transitions between ideas, you can use phrases like "on the other hand," "moreover," or "in addition" to help guide readers through your essay.

Example 2: To make your essay easier to follow, try focusing each paragraph on one main point or argument. For instance, you could dedicate one paragraph to discussing the benefits of performance-based grading and another paragraph to discussing the importance of considering effort in grading.

5. Grammar

I think Paul is rightright,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) saying that hard work is meaningful for a student’s future career development. It’s reasonable to give hardworking students some extra marks to encourage them continuing putting every effort in their future assignments. However, this approach works better only with strict limits on the percentage of credit given to students’ effort. Otherwise, some students may misundersstandmisunderstand(misspelling) this purpose and believe that putting effort is an alternate to completing tasks as required. If simply writing three more pages worthsworth(misspelling) the same credit as clearly explaining a complex concept, students who are not good at writing an essay would directly go with the first option and lose the opportunity of improving theiretheir(misspelling) writing skills. However, it’s highly unlikeyunlike(misspelling) that they will be evaluated in this way in future workplaces. For example, a salesperson who makes the most phone calls but has aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') unsatisfactory performance will probably not get a promotion. Therefore, I think the ideal approach should use both performance and effort as evaluating metrics but, but(Detects missing comma before "but") should be heavily weighted in favourfavor(misspelling) of performance.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I concur with Paul's assertion that hard work plays a significant role in a student's future career development. It is justifiable to award additional marks to diligent students as a means of encouraging their continued dedication towards future assignments. However, this approach is most effective when strict limitations are imposed on the percentage of credit attributed to a student's effort. Failing to do so may lead some students to misconstrue the intention and assume that exerting effort can substitute for fulfilling tasks as required. For instance, if merely writing three extra pages garners the same credit as succinctly elucidating a complex concept, students struggling with essay writing might opt for the former, thereby missing out on opportunities to enhance their writing skills. It is highly improbable that they will be assessed in this manner in their future workplaces. To illustrate, a salesperson who makes numerous phone calls but demonstrates unsatisfactory performance is unlikely to receive a promotion. Consequently, I believe that an optimal evaluation approach should incorporate both performance and effort as assessment criteria while maintaining a strong emphasis on performance. (186 words)

Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

I think Paul is right saying concur with Paul's assertion (revised for a more formal tone) that hard work is meaningful for a student’s plays a significant role (rephrased for clarity) in a student's future career development. It’s reasonable to give hardworking It is justifiable to award additional marks to diligent students some extra marks to encourage them continuing putting every effort in (rephrased for better word choice) as a means of encouraging their continued dedication towards future assignments. However, this approach works better only with is most effective when strict limits limitations are imposed on the percentage of credit given to students’ attributed to a student's effort. Otherwise, Failing to do so may lead some students may misundersstand this purpose to misconstrue (corrected spelling) the intention and believe that putting assume that exerting effort is an alternate to completing can substitute for fulfilling tasks as required. If simply For instance, if merely writing three more extra pages worths garners (rephrased for better word choice) the same credit as clearly explaining succinctly elucidating (rephrased for better word choice) a complex concept, students who are not good at struggling with essay writing an essay would directly go with the first option and lose the opportunity of improving theire might opt for the former, thereby missing out on opportunities to enhance their writing skills. However, it’s It is highly unlikey improbable that they will be evaluated assessed in this way manner in their future workplaces. For example, To illustrate, a salesperson who makes the most numerous phone calls but has a demonstrates unsatisfactory performance will probably not get is unlikely to receive a promotion. Therefore, Consequently, I think the ideal believe that an optimal evaluation approach should use incorporate both performance and effort as evaluating metrics but should be heavily weighted in favour of assessment criteria while maintaining a strong emphasis on performance.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Paul's assertion
   • Importance of hard work
   • Awarding additional marks

2. Encouraging dedication

   • Positive reinforcement
   • Future assignments

3. Limitations on effort-based credit

   • Prevent misconceptions
   • Avoid substituting effort for task fulfillment

4. Examples of potential issues

   • Extra pages vs. clear explanations
   • Struggling students' choices

5. Real-world workplace assessments

   • Improbability of effort-based evaluations
   • Salesperson example

6. Optimal evaluation approach

   • Incorporating performance and effort
   • Emphasis on performance

7. Conclusion

9 Key Words

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章很好地回答了问题，表达了作者的观点，并提供了有力的论据。但是，为了进一步改进，可以尝试更详细地解释观点，并在支持论点时提供更多具体的例子。此外，注意避免使用重复的词汇和短语。

Example 1: Instead of "While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance." You can write "Although Paul contends that acknowledging diligence fosters personal growth and offers long-term advantages, he overlooks the fact that practical assessments like remuneration predominantly rely on one's accomplishments."

Example 2: Instead of "Therefore, adopting a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares students for future endeavors." You can write "Hence, implementing an outcome-oriented evaluation method guarantees equity while simultaneously equipping learners for upcoming challenges."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。段落之间的逻辑关系也很明确。然而，在组织上仍有改进空间。例如，在段落之间加入过渡性词语以使文章更连贯。

Example 1: Instead of "Consequently, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams." You can write "As a result, this discrepancy could lead to diminished enthusiasm among learners to outperform in their coursework and assessments."

Example 2: Instead of "While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance." You can write "On the other hand, although Paul posits that appreciating perseverance cultivates virtues and aids pupils in the long run, he neglects the reality that pragmatic appraisals like wages hinge on an individual's achievements."

5. 语法批改

In concurrence with Kelly, I firmly believe that grades should be based solely on performance. Kelly raises a valid point regarding fairness; if a student receives a higher grade without demonstrating superior work, it can negatively impact the morale of others. Consequently, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. While Paul argues that recognizing hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance. Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Therefore, adopting a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares students for future endeavors.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In agreement with Kelly, I firmly advocate for a grading system based solely on performance. Kelly's argument about fairness is compelling; awarding higher grades to students without demonstrating superior work can negatively impact the morale of their peers. As a result, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. Although Paul contends that acknowledging hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he overlooks the fact that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, predominantly rely on performance. Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Consequently, implementing a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better equips students for future endeavors. (110 words)

In concurrence agreement with Kelly, I firmly believe that grades should be advocate for a grading system based solely on performance. Kelly raises performance (revised "concurrence" to "agreement" and "believe" to "advocate" for a valid point regarding fairness; if more natural tone). Kelly's argument about fairness is compelling (rephrased to provide a student receives a smoother transition); awarding higher grade grades to students without demonstrating superior work, it work can negatively impact the morale of others. Consequently, their peers (revised for clarity and conciseness). As a result, students may lose motivation to excel in their assignments and exams. While Although Paul argues contends that recognizing acknowledging hard work builds character and benefits students later in life, he fails to acknowledge overlooks the fact that real-world evaluations, such as salaries, are primarily determined by performance. predominantly rely on performance (rephrased for clarity and emphasis). Employers typically prioritize results over effort. Therefore, adopting Consequently, implementing a performance-based grading system not only ensures fairness but also better prepares equips students for future endeavors.endeavors (revised wording for improved flow and coherence).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Grading system based on performance

2. Fairness
   - Kelly's argument
   - Impact on morale and motivation

3. Counterargument: Hard work and character building
   - Paul's perspective

4. Real-world evaluations
   - Salaries and performance-based rewards

5. Employers' priorities
   - Results over effort

6. Benefits of performance-based grading system
   - Better preparation for future endeavors

7. Conclusion 
   - Advocating for a performance-based grading system 

Display title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有一些改进空间。首先，在表达观点时，可以尝试使用更具说服力的论据和例子来支持你的看法。此外，尽管文章中提到了一项研究，但没有详细说明其具体内容和结论。为了提高文章的可信度和说服力，建议在引用研究时提供更多详细信息。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of just mentioning the research conducted at Monash University, you could provide more details about the study, such as the sample size, methodology, and specific findings that support your argument.

改进示例2（英文）： To strengthen your argument, you could include additional examples or real-life situations where students who put in more effort but scored lower on tests still achieved success in their academic or professional lives.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，这篇文章整体上表现不错。然而，在引言部分可以更明确地陈述你的观点，并在正文段落中使用清晰的主题句来引导读者。此外，在段落之间加入过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。

改进示例1（英文）： In the introduction, you could state your position more clearly by saying something like, "While both performance and effort are important factors in grading, I believe that considering both aspects will lead to a fairer and more accurate assessment of students' abilities."

改进示例2（英文）： To improve transitions between paragraphs, you could use phrases like "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In addition" to guide the reader through your ideas and create a smoother flow in your essay.

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a compelling case in favor gradingof grading(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.) based only on performance. Admittedly, for many, grading scholars like that potentially means a preparation for actual tests as they are always scored solely on performance. However, I am inclined to concur with Paul's idea that grade students not only due to their performance but also efforts they put. In my view, grading only on performance do not bode well for students who have test anxieties as they may not perform in their best conditions, though they actually put more effort than others. In fact, a recent research conducted in Monash University that over forty percent scholars are experienced with test anxieties though they do quite a lot of preparations aforefore(misspelling) than others, including materials research, textbook review, and group discussions, but that can not prevent the bad results they get at last, while others put forth little effort but get higher rewards. In[No Replacement Word Found](Successive sentences beginning with the same word) other words, assessing students' achievements by looking not only performance but also efforts they put in will be significantly equal to all scholars. Therefore, I firmly believe that by grading both these two aspects can enable students to work harder and get better results in turn.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of grading based solely on performance. Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations, as they are often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to agree with Paul's perspective that students should be graded not only on their performance but also on the effort they put forth. In my view, grading solely on performance does not account for students who experience test anxiety and may not perform at their best despite exerting more effort than others. In fact, recent research conducted at Monash University revealed that over forty percent of students experience test anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions. Unfortunately, these efforts do not always prevent poor outcomes, while others who put forth minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. In other words, assessing students' achievements by considering both performance and effort will provide a more equitable evaluation for all learners. Therefore, I firmly believe that incorporating both aspects into grading can encourage students to work harder and ultimately achieve better results. (192 words)

Kelly presents a compelling case argument in favor of grading based only on performance. Admittedly, for many, grading scholars like that potentially means a preparation for actual tests solely on performance (changed "case" to "argument" for clarity and natural tone). Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations (rephrased "actual tests" to "real-world evaluations" for better context), as they are always scored solely on often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to concur agree with Paul's idea perspective that grade students students should be graded not only due to on their performance but also efforts on the effort they put. put forth (rephrased for clarity and natural tone). In my view, grading only on performance do not bode well solely on performance does not account for students who have experience test anxieties as they anxiety and may not perform in at their best conditions, though they actually put despite exerting more effort than others. others (improved sentence structure and clarity). In fact, a recent research conducted in at Monash University revealed that over forty percent scholars are experienced with of students experience test anxieties anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions (corrected grammar and improved sentence structure). Unfortunately, these efforts do quite a lot of preparations afore than others, including materials research, textbook review, and group discussions, but that can not not always prevent the bad results they get at last, poor outcomes, while others who put forth little effort but get minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. rewards (improved sentence structure and clarity). In other words, assessing students' achievements by looking not only performance but also efforts they put in considering both performance and effort will be significantly equal to provide a more equitable evaluation for all scholars. learners (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Therefore, I firmly believe that by incorporating both aspects into grading both these two aspects can enable encourage students to work harder and get ultimately achieve better results in turn.(improved sentence structure and clarity).

8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Kelly's argument: grading based on performance
        - Paul's perspective: grading based on performance and effort
    - Test Anxiety
        - Monash University research
        - Over forty percent of students affected
    - Effort vs. Performance
        - Students who put in more effort may not perform well on tests
        - Others with minimal effort may achieve higher rewards
    - Conclusion
        - Incorporating both aspects into grading for a more equitable evaluation

9 关键词

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Kelly presents a compelling argument in favor of grading based solely on performance. Indeed, for many students, this approach prepares them for real-world evaluations, as they are often assessed exclusively on their performance. However, I am inclined to agree with Paul's perspective that students should be graded not only on their performance but also on the effort they put forth. In my view, grading solely on performance does not account for students who experience test anxiety and may not perform at their best despite exerting more effort than others. In fact, recent research conducted at Monash University revealed that over forty percent of students experience test anxiety even though they engage in extensive preparation such as researching materials, reviewing textbooks, and participating in group discussions. Unfortunately, these efforts do not always prevent poor outcomes, while others who put forth minimal effort may achieve higher rewards. In other words, assessing students' achievements by considering both performance and effort will provide a more equitable evaluation for all learners. Therefore, I firmly believe that incorporating both aspects into grading can encourage students to work harder and ultimately achieve better results.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

您的文章基本上满足了任务要求，但还有一些地方可以改进。首先，在支持观点时，可以提供更多具体的例子和细节。此外，尝试使用更丰富的词汇和语法结构，以提高文章的语言质量。

改进示例1： Instead of "Many students may devote to their study for several years thus they can get the high score easily nowadays.", you could write "Students who have dedicated themselves to their studies for several years often achieve high scores due to their strong foundation in the subject matter."

改进示例2： Instead of "So in my opinion, the assessment criteria should only base on performance.", you could write "Therefore, I believe that assessment criteria should solely focus on a student's performance."

4. 文章结构与组织

您的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间加入过渡句子可以使文章更连贯。此外，请确保每个段落都关注一个特定观点，并提供支持细节。

改进示例1： 在第一个和第二个观点之间添加过渡句子：“Furthermore, considering students' different study habits is crucial when evaluating their efforts.”

改进示例2： 在结论前加入过渡句子：“In conclusion, taking into account the various factors mentioned above, it is evident that performance-based assessment is the most appropriate approach.”

5. Grammar

I agree with Kelly's idea that grades should base on performance only. First of allFirst(first of all (first)), the quality of assignments and tests are the result of students' long-term accumulation. Many students may devote to their study for several years thus they can get the high score easily nowadays. If they get the same score with others，itothers(misspelling) seems a denya dens(a infinitive) to their long-term persistence. Not only their feeling will be hurt, but also their enthusiasm to study will be reduced. Besides, many students are used to study alone. Those who can get high score may study late at home rather than at schoolschool,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) thus their endeavourendeavor(misspelling) may not be seen by others. So in my opinion, the assessment criteria should only base on performance.

Title: 6 文章修订

I concur with Kelly's perspective that grades should be solely based on performance. Firstly, the quality of assignments and tests reflects students' long-term knowledge accumulation. Numerous students may have dedicated years to their studies, enabling them to achieve high scores with relative ease. Awarding them the same score as others would undermine their persistent efforts. This could not only hurt their feelings but also dampen their enthusiasm for learning.

Furthermore, many students prefer studying independently. Those who attain high scores might spend late nights studying at home rather than at school, making their efforts less visible to others. Consequently, it is essential that assessment criteria focus exclusively on performance to ensure fairness and recognition of individual achievements. (120 words)

I agree concur with Kelly's idea perspective that grades should base be solely based on performance only. ¶ First of all, (agree changed to concur for a more formal tone, and rephrased for clarity). Firstly, the quality of assignments and tests are the result of reflects students' long-term accumulation. Many knowledge accumulation (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Numerous students may devote have dedicated years to their study studies, enabling them to achieve high scores with relative ease (rephrased for several years thus they can get the high score easily nowadays. If they get better flow and clarity). Awarding them the same score with others，it seems a deny to as others would undermine their long-term persistence. Not persistent efforts (rephrased for clarity). This could not only hurt their feeling will be hurt, feelings but also dampen their enthusiasm to study will be reduced. for learning (rephrased for better flow).

Besides, Furthermore, many students are used to study alone. prefer studying independently (rephrased for clarity). Those who can get attain high score may study scores might spend late nights studying at home rather than at school thus school, making their endeavour may not be seen by others. So in my opinion, the efforts less visible to others (rephrased for better flow and clarity). Consequently, it is essential that assessment criteria should only base focus exclusively on performance.performance to ensure fairness and recognition of individual achievements (rephrased for better flow and clarity).

8 思维导图

- 标题: 基于表现的评分制度
  - 一致性
    - Kelly的观点
  - 长期知识积累
    - 考试和作业质量
    - 学生努力程度
  - 公平性和认可度
    - 独立学习者
    - 不同学习方式的考虑

9 关键词