TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on architecture. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，你的文章完成了任务要求，但还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在表达观点时，可以尝试提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，文章中存在一些语法错误和用词不当的地方，需要进行修改。

改进示例1： 原文：The government spends money on preserve them can not only keep the city has more cultures but also can gain great profit from attracting tourists to visit the city. 修改后：The government's investment in preserving these historical buildings not only helps maintain the city's cultural heritage but also generates significant revenue by attracting tourists.

改进示例2： 原文：My friend Judy has been to Beijing last summer and she had a deep impression about the great-preserved Palace Museum. 修改后：My friend Judy visited Beijing last summer, and she was deeply impressed by the well-preserved Palace Museum.

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，你的文章基本上遵循了引言、正文和结论的结构。然而，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡和连接。为了使文章更加流畅，建议在段落之间添加过渡句子，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点。

改进示例1： 原文：To elaborate, old and historical buildings contain a great amount of value for historical meanings. 修改后：To elaborate on this point, old and historical buildings hold significant historical value.

改进示例2： 原文：In conclusion, I advocate that it is important for the governments to spend money on preserve the old and historical buildings. 修改后：In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is crucial for governments to invest in preserving old and historical buildings for their cultural, economic, and environmental benefits.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I hold the point that preserving the old and historical buildings can gain more profit than building new buildings. To elaborate, old and historical buildings contain a great amount of value for historical meanings. The government spends money on preserve them can not only keep the city has more cultures but also can gain great profit from attracting tourists to visit the city. For example, Beijing is the capital of China, and it is also famous for its historical events. My friend Judy has been to Beijing last summer and, and(comma between independent clauses) she had a deep impression about the great-preserved Palace Museum. The Chinese government spends money on preserving the Palace Museum years and years which attribute to attracting more and more tourists all over the world to come and visit, and the government gain more profit than the money spends on preserving. Had it not been for the great preserving of Beijing, the government would not have had the chance to gain the great profit from tourists. In conclusion, I advocate that it is important for the governments to spend money on preserve the old and historical buildings.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, preserving historical buildings offers greater benefits than constructing new ones. Old and historical structures hold immense historical significance, and investing in their preservation not only enriches a city's cultural heritage but also generates substantial revenue through tourism. For instance, Beijing, China's capital, is renowned for its rich history. A friend of mine visited the well-preserved Palace Museum last summer and was deeply impressed by its grandeur. The Chinese government's continuous investment in maintaining the Palace Museum has attracted a growing number of tourists from around the world, yielding profits that far exceed preservation costs. Without such diligent preservation efforts, the government would miss out on this lucrative opportunity. Therefore, I firmly believe that governments should prioritize the preservation of old and historical buildings. (130 words)

From In my opinion, preserving historical buildings offers greater benefits than constructing new ones (Changed "From my perspective, I hold the point that preserving the old and historical buildings can gain that" to "In my opinion" for a more profit than building new buildings. To elaborate, old and historical buildings contain natural tone). Old and historical structures hold immense historical significance (Rephrased "contain a great amount of value for historical meanings. The government spends money on preserve them can meanings" to make it clearer), and investing in their preservation not only keep the city has more cultures enriches a city's cultural heritage but also can gain great profit generates substantial revenue through tourism (Reworded to improve clarity and flow). For instance, Beijing, China's capital, is renowned for its rich history (Simplified the sentence for better flow). A friend of mine visited the well-preserved Palace Museum last summer and was deeply impressed by its grandeur (Revised to improve sentence structure). The Chinese government's continuous investment in maintaining the Palace Museum has attracted a growing number of tourists from attracting tourists to visit the city. For example, Beijing is the capital of China, and around the world, yielding profits that far exceed preservation costs (Reworded to improve clarity and flow). Without such diligent preservation efforts, the government would miss out on this lucrative opportunity (Simplified the sentence for better flow). Therefore, I firmly believe that governments should prioritize the preservation of old and historical buildings (Changed "I advocate that it is also famous for its historical events. My friend Judy has been to Beijing last summer and she had a deep impression about the great-preserved Palace Museum. The Chinese government spends money on preserving the Palace Museum years and years which attribute to attracting more and more tourists all over the world to come and visit, and the government gain more profit than the money spends on preserving. Had it not been for the great preserving of Beijing, the government would not have had the chance to gain the great profit from tourists. In conclusion, I advocate that it is important for the important" to "I firmly believe that governments to spend money on preserve the old and historical buildings.should prioritize" for a stronger conclusion).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 保护历史建筑的重要性
  - 历史意义
    - 文化遗产丰富
    - 城市特色
  - 经济效益
    - 旅游业收入增加
    - 投资回报高于成本
  - 政府责任与政策支持
    - 高效的保护措施
    - 吸引全球游客

9 关键词

Section Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, preserving historical buildings offers greater benefits than constructing new ones. Old and historical structures hold immense historical significance, and investing in their preservation not only enriches a city's cultural heritage but also generates substantial revenue through tourism. For instance, Beijing, China's capital, is renowned for its rich history. A friend of mine visited the well-preserved Palace Museum last summer and was deeply impressed by its grandeur. The Chinese government's continuous investment in maintaining the Palace Museum has attracted a growing number of tourists from around the world, yielding profits that far exceed preservation costs. Without such diligent preservation efforts, the government would miss out on this lucrative opportunity. Therefore, I firmly believe that governments should prioritize the preservation of old and historical buildings.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得相当不错，但仍有一些改进的空间。首先，在表达观点时，可以更具体地说明为什么历史建筑对于旅游业和经济增长具有重要价值。其次，尽管文章提到了一些具体的例子，但可以更详细地描述这些例子以支持观点。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of just mentioning the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, you could explain how it attracts millions of tourists each year, contributing significantly to the local economy.

改进示例2（英文）： When discussing the revival of the temple in Sichuan, you could provide more details about how the restoration process has created jobs for local residents and increased tourism revenue.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上表现良好。然而，在引入段落中，可以更明确地阐述自己的观点。此外，在正文段落中，可以使用更清晰的过渡词汇来连接不同的观点。

改进建议1（简体中文）： 在引言部分更明确地陈述你的观点，例如：“我认为保护历史建筑比建造新建筑更具经济价值和潜力。”

改进示例1（英文）： In the introduction, you could state your opinion more clearly: "I believe that preserving historical buildings holds greater economic value and potential than constructing new ones."

改进建议2（简体中文）： 在正文段落中使用更清晰的过渡词汇，例如：“首先”，“其次”，“最后”。

改进示例2（英文）： Use clearer transition words in the body paragraphs, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Lastly."

5. 语法批改

Choosing which one should be on the national political priority list is a difficult question - constructing new buildings or renovating old buildings. I believe that preserving old buildings is much better in revenue and economic growth due to its potentiality in tourism and historical value. Firstly, not too much historical architecture that are preserved well remain in the world as the times flied and accidents such as wars and natural disasters. In this case, a heritage with humanist and historical resources, such as Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, will appeal to a vast number of tourists. Then, these tourists will consume in local for traveling, which may improve investment such as five-star hotels or Michelin restaurants. However, new buildings cannot provide such cultural value, which means it is difficult to act as a brand for a civilization.

While some people argue that old materials are not suitable for commercial purposes, I find the revival of a temple in Sichuan due to its famous Buddha sculpture constructed in Tang dynasty in 1000 years ago. Although this Buddha is too old to leak, as well as destroyed by rains, many believers have followed the path toward ancient Buddhism art, including historians, artists and monks, which largely boost local economy for its fame. Therefore, I claim that people can recognize the value of ancient civilizations, so these old architecturethis old architecture('this' vs. 'these') can contribute to tourism and promote local economic growth.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Preserving historical buildings or constructing new ones is a challenging question when considering national political priorities. In my opinion, the preservation of old buildings offers greater benefits in terms of revenue and economic growth due to their potential for tourism and historical value. Firstly, few well-preserved historical structures remain in the world as time passes and accidents such as wars and natural disasters occur. Consequently, a heritage site with humanist and historical resources, like the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, can attract numerous tourists. These visitors will then contribute to the local economy through their expenditures on travel, accommodations, and dining experiences. In contrast, new buildings often lack such cultural significance and struggle to serve as symbols of a civilization.

While some argue that old materials are unsuitable for commercial purposes, I believe that the restoration of ancient structures can still contribute significantly to local economies. For instance, consider the revival of a temple in Sichuan due to its famous Buddha sculpture from the Tang dynasty over 1000 years ago. Despite being weathered by time and exposure to natural elements, this ancient Buddha continues to draw historians, artists, monks, and other visitors who appreciate its artistic value. As a result, this influx of tourists bolsters the local economy significantly. Therefore, I contend that recognizing the value of ancient civilizations through architectural preservation can contribute greatly to tourism and promote economic growth at a local level. (238 words)

Choosing which one should be on the Preserving historical buildings or constructing new ones is a challenging question (revised for clarity and conciseness) when considering national political priority list is a difficult question - constructing new buildings or renovating old buildings. I believe that preserving priorities. In my opinion, the preservation of old buildings is much better offers greater benefits in terms of revenue and economic growth due to its potentiality in their potential for tourism and historical value. Firstly, not too much few well-preserved historical architecture that are preserved well structures remain in the world as the times flied time passes (rephrased for better flow) and accidents such as wars and natural disasters. In this case, disasters occur. Consequently, a heritage site with humanist and historical resources, such as like the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, can attract numerous tourists (revised for clarity). These visitors will appeal to a vast number of tourists. Then, these tourists will consume in then contribute to the local for traveling, which may improve investment such as five-star hotels or Michelin restaurants. However, economy through their expenditures on travel, accommodations, and dining experiences (rephrased for better flow). In contrast, new buildings cannot provide often lack such cultural value, which means it is difficult to act significance and struggle to serve as a brand for a civilization. symbols of a civilization (revised for clarity).

While some people argue that old materials are not suitable unsuitable for commercial purposes, I find believe that the restoration of ancient structures can still contribute significantly to local economies (rephrased for better flow). For instance, consider the revival of a temple in Sichuan due to its famous Buddha sculpture constructed in from the Tang dynasty in over 1000 years ago. Although ago (revised for clarity). Despite being weathered by time and exposure to natural elements (rephrased for better flow), this ancient Buddha is too old to leak, as well as destroyed by rains, many believers have followed the path toward ancient Buddhism art, including continues to draw historians, artists and artists, monks, which largely boost and other visitors who appreciate its artistic value. As a result, this influx of tourists bolsters the local economy for its fame. significantly (revised for clarity). Therefore, I claim contend that people can recognize recognizing the value of ancient civilizations, so these old architecture civilizations through architectural preservation can contribute greatly to tourism and promote economic growth at a local economic growth.level (rephrased for better flow).

Display title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Preservation vs. new construction
   - Tourism and historical value

2. Few well-preserved historical structures
   - Time and accidents
   - Heritage sites (e.g., Liberty Bell)
   - Tourist attraction

3. Economic benefits of preserving old buildings
   - Tourist expenditures (travel, accommodations, dining)
   - Cultural significance and symbolism

4. Restoration of ancient structures for commercial purposes
   - Example: Temple in Sichuan with Tang dynasty Buddha sculpture
   - Weathered but still valuable

5. Impact on local economy and tourism
   - Influx of historians, artists, monks, etc.
   - Appreciation of artistic value

6. Conclusion
   - Architectural preservation contributes to tourism and economic growth

Display title: 9 关键词