TOEFL TPO 60 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific theories mentions in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 5 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 4

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 27

3.任务完成度 你的文章在任务完成方面做得很好，有效地总结了听力材料中的观点，并解释了它们如何对阅读材料中提到的理论产生怀疑。为了进一步改进，你可以更详细地讨论听力材料中提到的反驳点，以便更清楚地说明它们是如何质疑阅读材料中的理论的。

示例1: 原文：Even if we have enough time to find rhinos, prepare essential tools, and remove their horns, this practice will directly handicap their capabilities of surviving due to the lack of essential functions (dipping water, finding food, guiding and protecting young, and protecting their territories) the horns provide. 改进：即使我们有足够的时间找到犀牛、准备必要的工具并去除它们的角，这种做法也会直接削弱它们在野外生存的能力。因为失去角后，犀牛将无法执行一些关键功能，如挖水、寻找食物、引导和保护幼崽以及保护领地。

示例2: 原文：Therefore, this solution will not easily change their affections for the horns, thus being ineffective. 改进：因此，这种解决方案不容易改变他们对犀牛角的喜爱，从而使教育消费者的方法变得无效。

4.文章结构与组织 Your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organization and coherence. To enhance the organization of your essay, you can use clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point and supports it with relevant details from the listening material.

Example 1: Original: Furthermore, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's another solution... Improved: Additionally, the lecturer challenges the author's second solution...

Example 2: Original: Finally, the authors' third solution... Improved: Lastly, regarding the author's third proposed solution...

5. 语法批改

In the reading passage, the author presents three solutions to prevent rhinos from being illegally killed for their horns by poachers. However, the lecturer in the listening material highlights weaknesses in each solution, arguing that none of them would be useful. First and foremost, the author proposes the first solution that we can dehorn wild rhinos and thus render them less appealing to poachers. Nonetheless, the lecturer refutes this solution by emphasizing that dehorning may diminish rhinos' survival in the wild. Even if we have enough time to find rhinos, prepare essential tools, and remove their horns, this practice will directly handicap their capabilities of surviving due to the lack of essential functions (dipping water, finding food, guiding and protecting young, and protecting their territories) the horns provide. Furthermore, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's anothersecond solution (that educating consumers about the lack of scientific foundation for horns' health value can considerably diminish the demand for rhino horn), demonstrating that many consumers putplace high value on and purchase rhinos' horns because ofrhino horns due to some ancient cultural beliefs. Therefore, this solution will not easily change their affections for the horns, thus being ineffective. Finally, the authors' third solution (that governmentgovernments can sell some rhino horns legally, provide cheap horns and thereby lower the prices, ultimately decreasing the benefits from the related markets) is also counteracted by the lecturer who highlights that such behaviors may cause some unpredictable outcomes. There is a significant chance that the demandingdemand for horns may eventually rise since more consumers will be attracted by the legal trades. Accordingly, with even more lucrative marketmarkets opening, poachers may continue hunting rhinos. .

Section Title: 6.文章修订

In the reading passage, the author presents three solutions to prevent rhinos from being illegally killed for their horns by poachers. However, the lecturer in the listening material highlights weaknesses in each solution, arguing that none of them would be useful.

First and foremost, the author proposes the first solution that we can dehorn wild rhinos and thus render them less appealing to poachers. Nonetheless, the lecturer refutes this solution by emphasizing that dehorning may diminish rhinos' survival in the wild. Even if we have enough time to find rhinos, prepare essential tools, and remove their horns, this practice will directly handicap their capabilities of surviving due to the lack of essential functions (dipping water, finding food, guiding and protecting young, and protecting their territories) the horns provide.

Furthermore, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's another solution (that educating consumers about the lack of scientific foundation for horns' health value can considerably diminish the demand for rhino horn), demonstrating that many consumers put high value on and purchase rhinos' horns because of some ancient cultural beliefs. Therefore, this solution will not easily change their affections for the horns, thus being ineffective.

Finally, the authors' third solution (that government can sell some rhino horns legally, provide cheap horns and thereby lower the prices, ultimately decreasing the benefits from the related markets) is also counteracted by the lecturer who highlights that such behaviors may cause some unpredictable outcomes. There is a significant chance that demanding for horns may eventually rise since more consumers will be attracted by legal trades. Accordingly, with an even more lucrative market opening up, poachers may continue hunting rhinos. (275 words)

Revised essay: In the reading passage, the author presents three solutions to prevent rhinos from being illegally killed for their horns by poachers. However, the lecturer in the listening material highlights weaknesses in each solution, arguing that none of them would be useful.

First and foremost, the author proposes the first solution that we can dehorn wild rhinos and thus render them less appealing to poachers. Nonetheless, the lecturer refutes this solution by emphasizing that dehorning may diminish rhinos' survival in the wild. wild (change "may" to "might" for a more natural tone). Even if we have enough time to find rhinos, prepare essential tools, and remove their horns, this practice will directly handicap their capabilities of surviving due to the lack of essential functions (such as dipping water, finding food, guiding and protecting young, and protecting their territories) that the horns provide.

Furthermore, the lecturer casts doubt on the author's another solution proposed by the author (that educating consumers about the lack of scientific foundation for horns' health value can considerably diminish the demand for rhino horn), demonstrating that many consumers put high value on and purchase rhinos' rhino horns because of some ancient cultural beliefs. Therefore, this solution will not easily change their affections for affinity for (change "affections" to "affinity" for a more natural tone) the horns, thus being ineffective.

Finally, the authors' third solution (that government can sell some rhino horns legally, provide cheap horns and thereby lower the prices, prices - remove comma after "prices"), ultimately decreasing the benefits from the related markets) is also counteracted by the lecturer who highlights that such behaviors may cause some unpredictable outcomes. There is a significant chance that the demanding demand for horns may eventually rise since more consumers will be attracted by the legal trades. Accordingly, with an even more lucrative market opening, opening up (change "opening" to "opening up" for a more natural tone), poachers may continue hunting rhinos. ¶ .rhinos.

---

8. Mind Map

Essay Structure:

1. Introduction

   • Reading passage: three solutions to prevent rhino poaching
   • Listening passage: weaknesses in each solution

2. Dehorning Rhinos

   • Reading: dehorn wild rhinos to make them less appealing to poachers
   • Listening: dehorning may diminish rhinos' survival in the wild

3. Educating Consumers

   • Reading: educate consumers about the lack of scientific foundation for horns' health value
   • Listening: ancient cultural beliefs make this solution ineffective

4. Legalizing Rhino Horn Trade

   • Reading: government can sell some rhino horns legally to lower prices and decrease benefits from related markets
   • Listening: unpredictable outcomes, demand for horns may rise, and poachers may continue hunting rhinos

9. Keywords