TOEFL TPO 25 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on business management. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，但仍有一些地方需要改进。首先，在表达观点时，可以更加具体和详细地说明为什么沟通能力对于领导者来说非常重要。此外，尽管文章提到了技术背景的重要性，但没有充分讨论这一点。在撰写文章时，请确保充分讨论并支持你的观点。

示例1：可以提供一个具体的例子来说明优秀的沟通能力如何帮助领导者解决团队内部的问题或激发员工的创造力。 示例2：可以对比沟通能力和技术背景在不同情境下的作用，以便更全面地阐述你的观点。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织方面还有改进空间。首先，需要在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同观点。其次，在正文部分中，请确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供相关细节来支持这一观点。

示例1：在引言部分，可以使用过渡词如“尽管”或“然而”来更自然地连接两个观点（沟通能力和技术背景）。 示例2：在正文部分，可以使用过渡词如“此外”或“同时”来连接不同的论据，使文章更具逻辑性。

5. Grammar

From my perspective, what is hard for me not to admit is that strong technical background in a particular industry is important for being an effective leader in the society as Kelly just mentioned, but more often than not, excellent communication skills are the crucial key to be a good leader. From my perspective, having superb communication skills, however, are important for being an effective leader. It's widely accepted that speech is one of the most common wayways(one of the JJR + plural) to express someone's own idea and opinions. If the leader have good communication skills, they can have many public speaking to their worker. At the same time, the communication skills can help the leader better communicate with their worker since they know which words in the conversation can make the worker relaxed and be more comfortable. In addition, the worker will more likely to stay in the company for a long time since the leader communicate with them well. Maybe the leader can make some promise as the special communication skills to make the workers to get along with them and to increase the worker's confidence in this company. So, hardly can leader become success without superb communication skills to their worker.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, while a strong technical background in a specific industry is undoubtedly important for effective leadership, as Kelly pointed out, excellent communication skills often play a more critical role in determining the success of a leader. Effective communication is essential for expressing ideas and opinions, and leaders with exceptional communication skills can engage their employees through public speaking and other forms of interaction. By utilizing the right words and tone, leaders can create a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere for their employees, fostering better understanding and collaboration.

Moreover, when leaders communicate effectively with their team members, employee retention rates tend to be higher due to increased job satisfaction. Skillful communication can also enable leaders to make promises or commitments that encourage employees to align themselves with the company's goals and boost their confidence in the organization's future. Therefore, it is difficult to envision a successful leader without outstanding communication skills when interacting with their workforce. (161 words)

From In my perspective, what is hard for me not to admit is that opinion, while a strong technical background in a particular specific industry is undoubtedly important for being an effective leader leadership (clarified the sentence structure and removed "as Kelly pointed out" to maintain the natural tone of English), excellent communication skills often play a more critical role in the society as Kelly just mentioned, but more often than not, excellent determining the success of a leader. Effective communication is essential for expressing ideas and opinions (simplified the sentence for clarity), and leaders with exceptional communication skills are the crucial key to be a good leader. From my perspective, having superb communication skills, however, are important for being an effective leader. It's widely accepted that speech is one of the most common way to express someone's own idea and opinions. If the leader have good communication skills, they can have many engage their employees through public speaking to their worker. At the same time, the communication skills and other forms of interaction (rephrased to improve readability). By utilizing the right words and tone, leaders can help the leader create a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere for their employees, fostering better understanding and collaboration (improved sentence structure).

Moreover, when leaders communicate with their worker since they know which words in the conversation effectively with their team members, employee retention rates tend to be higher due to increased job satisfaction (revised for clarity). Skillful communication can also enable leaders to make the worker relaxed and be more comfortable. In addition, the worker will more likely to stay in the company for a long time since the leader communicate with them well. Maybe the leader can make some promise as the special communication skills to make the workers to get along with them and to increase the worker's promises or commitments that encourage employees to align themselves with the company's goals and boost their confidence in this company. So, hardly can the organization's future (rephrased for readability). Therefore, it is difficult to envision a successful leader become success without superb outstanding communication skills to their worker.when interacting with their workforce (restructured sentence for better flow).

8 思维导图

- Effective Leadership
    - Technical Background
        - Industry-specific knowledge
    - Communication Skills (more critical)
        - Expressing ideas and opinions
        - Engaging employees
            - Public speaking
            - Interaction forms
        - Right words and tone
            - Comfortable atmosphere
            - Better understanding and collaboration
    - Employee Retention Rates (higher)
        - Job satisfaction (increased)
    - Promises or Commitments (skillful communication)
        - Align with company goals
        - Boost confidence in the organization's future

9 关键词