TOEFL TPO 2 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on education. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，表达了你对于评分标准的看法。但是，有一些建议可以帮助你改进文章。首先，在支持观点时，可以提供更具体的例子或证据。其次，注意语法和词汇的准确性，避免使用不清楚或不恰当的表达。

Example 1: Instead of "Testing grades might limited by many born with factor, such as talent and intelligent," consider writing "Testing grades might be limited by innate factors, such as talent and intelligence."

Example 2: Instead of "Because the permit of education is not only teach them knowledge," consider writing "Because the purpose of education is not only to teach them knowledge."

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面还有一些改进空间。虽然文章包含了引言、主体和结论，但是部分段落之间缺乏明确的过渡。建议在段落之间添加过渡句子，使文章更加流畅。

Example 1: Add a transition sentence between the first and second paragraphs, such as "However, there is another aspect that should be taken into account when grading students."

Example 2: Improve the conclusion by summarizing your main points and providing a clear closing statement, such as "In conclusion, while performance should be the primary factor in grading, considering students' effort and daily performance can lead to a more well-rounded education and personal development."

5. 语法批改

Fostering students to be better is a crucial concern for educators, as it help students to cater the difficulties which they might facedface(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) in futurein the future(Missing definite article referring to a time period). In fact, when consider fairness, score should be the essential factor when teacher decided their GPA. Because gradesgrades,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) it's the result of student's studying, reflecting their level of grasping knowledge. However, study process should also consideredbe considered(it would (be) appreciated) as a significant influence in student's grades. Testing grades might limitedbe limited(it would (be) appreciated) by many born with factor, such as talent and intelligent. So teacher should pay attention onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) student's daily performance, encouraging their effort. Because the permit of education is not only teach them knowledge, but also cultivate students' merits such as never giving up and endeavor, leading them to develop well-rounded. By doing so, I believe children will growinggrow(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) with better characteristic and have better performance in work.

6.文章修订

Fostering students' growth is a crucial concern for educators, as it prepares them to face future challenges. In terms of fairness, performance should be the primary factor when determining students' grades, as it reflects their level of knowledge and understanding. However, there is another aspect that should be taken into account when grading students.

The learning process should also be considered a significant influence on students' grades. Test scores may be limited by innate factors such as talent and intelligence. Therefore, teachers should pay attention to students' daily performance and encourage their efforts. The purpose of education is not only to impart knowledge but also to cultivate virtues such as perseverance and diligence, leading to well-rounded development.

By considering both performance and effort in grading, we can ensure that children grow with better characteristics and ultimately perform better in their future endeavors. (143 words)

7.文章批改

Fostering students to be better students' growth is a crucial concern for educators, as it help students to cater prepares them to face future challenges. (Changed "cater the difficulties which they might faced in future. difficulties" to "face future challenges" for clarity and natural language use.) In fact, when consider terms of fairness, score performance should be the essential primary factor when teacher decided their GPA. Because grades it's the result of student's studying, reflecting determining students' grades, as it reflects their level of grasping knowledge. knowledge and understanding. (Changed "grasping knowledge" to "knowledge and understanding" for improved vocabulary and clarity.)

However, study there is another aspect that should be taken into account when grading students. (Added a transition sentence for better coherence.) The learning process should also be considered as a significant influence in student's on students' grades. Testing grades might Test scores may be limited by many born with factor, innate factors such as talent and intelligent. So teacher intelligence. (Changed "born with factor" to "innate factors" and "talent and intelligent" to "talent and intelligence" for better vocabulary use.) Therefore, teachers should pay attention on student's to students' daily performance, encouraging performance and encourage their effort. Because the permit efforts. (Changed "study process" to "learning process" for more accurate terminology.)

The purpose of education is not only teach them knowledge, to impart knowledge but also to cultivate students' merits virtues such as never perseverance and diligence, leading to well-rounded development. (Changed "permit of education" to "purpose of education," "teach them knowledge" to "impart knowledge," and "never giving up and endeavor, leading them to develop well-rounded. endeavor" to "perseverance and diligence" for improved vocabulary use.)

By doing so, I believe considering both performance and effort in grading, we can ensure that children will growing with better characteristic and have better performance grow with better characteristics and ultimately perform better in work.their future endeavors. (Changed "growing with better characteristic" to "grow with better characteristics," added the word “ultimately” for emphasis, and changed “work” to “future endeavors” for improved language use.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Fostering students' growth
  • Fairness in grading

• Performance-based grading

  • Reflects knowledge and understanding
  • Primary factor in determining grades

• Effort-based grading

  • Learning process as a significant influence
  • Innate factors affecting test scores

• The purpose of education

  • Imparting knowledge
  • Cultivating virtues (perseverance, diligence)

• Conclusion

  • Balancing performance and effort in grading

9.关键词