TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on marketing. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following. · Express and support your opinion. · Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task quite well, as it expresses a clear opinion on the topic and provides support for that opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more detailed examples or explanations.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Expand on the reasons why ordinary people are more effective promoters by providing more specific examples or evidence.

• Discuss potential drawbacks of using celebrities in advertising to further strengthen your argument.

Examples:

1. "By using ordinary people, customers can relate to their experiences with the product, which may lead to increased trust in the brand."
2. "Celebrities may sometimes endorse products they don't genuinely use or believe in, which could result in a loss of credibility if this information becomes public."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organizing ideas within paragraphs and using transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.

• Include transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow within paragraphs.

Examples:

1. Topic sentence example: "One reason why ordinary people are more effective promoters is that they can provide authentic testimonials about their experiences with the product."
2. Transition example: "Furthermore, by featuring ordinary people in advertisements, brands can appeal to a wider range of customers who may not identify with celebrities."

5. Grammar

From my perspective, both celebrities and ordinary people have their own advantages, whereas I prefer to have ordinary people as promoters. In the marketplace, we observe that most of the well-known brands invite celebrities or entertainers as their promoters. Admittedly, it will attract more customers’ attention on the brands. Nevertheless, we are also victims of this advertising strategies, that is, these brands typically have a higher pricesa higher prex(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) thatthan(Detects potentially wrong usage of "that") common brand, and the prices contain high percentage of marketing fees given to celebrities for promotion. If the brand invite ordinary people to advertise their products, common customers will feel real about the using experiences of the products. For instance, my mother loves the Uniqlo clothes. One of the main reason is that this brand does not overemphasize the effect of using celebrities, instead, it inviteinvites('it' + non-3rd person verb) common people as promoter to write about how the clothes isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") comfortable and help them create an ideal lifestyle. Therefore, I think the “ordinary people” strategy is more beneficial and practical to ordinary customers.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, both celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their respective merits; however, I am inclined to favor the latter approach. It is true that many well-established brands rely on celebrities or entertainers to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention and create buzz. However, this strategy often results in higher prices for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees paid to these high-profile endorsers. By contrast, featuring ordinary people in advertisements allows potential customers to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the user experience. For example, my mother is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothing, primarily because the brand does not overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it enlists everyday individuals as promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how it contributes to their ideal lifestyle. Consequently, I believe that adopting an "ordinary people" strategy proves more advantageous and practical for the average consumer. (170 words)

From Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

In my perspective, opinion, both celebrities and celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their own advantages, whereas respective merits; however, I prefer to have ordinary people as promoters. In the marketplace, we observe am inclined to favor the latter approach (revised for clarity and conciseness). It is true that most of the well-known many well-established brands invite rely on celebrities or entertainers as their promoters. Admittedly, it will attract more customers’ to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention on the brands. Nevertheless, we are also victims of and create buzz (rephrased for smoother flow). However, this advertising strategies, that is, these brands typically have a strategy often results in higher prices that common brand, and the prices contain high percentage of for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees given to celebrities for promotion. If the brand invite paid to these high-profile endorsers (revised for clarity). By contrast, featuring ordinary people to advertise their products, common in advertisements allows potential customers will feel real about the using experiences to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the products. user experience (rephrased for smoother flow). For instance, example, my mother loves the is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothes. One of the main reason is that this clothing, primarily because the brand does not overemphasize the effect of using celebrities, instead, overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it invite common people enlists everyday individuals as promoter to write about promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how the clothes is comfortable and help them create it contributes to their ideal lifestyle (revised for clarity and conciseness). Consequently, I believe that adopting an ideal lifestyle. Therefore, I think the “ordinary people” "ordinary people" strategy is proves more beneficial advantageous and practical to ordinary customers.for the average consumer (rephrased for smoother flow).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

- Celebrity Endorsements
    - Pros
        - Draw attention
        - Create buzz
    - Cons
        - Higher prices for consumers
        - Marketing fees for endorsers

- Ordinary People in Advertising
    - Pros
        - Relatable to potential customers
        - Authentic representation of user experience
    - Cons
        - Less attention-grabbing (compared to celebrities)

- Example: Uniqlo clothing
    - Everyday individuals as promoters
    - Genuine experiences shared with the public

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, both celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their respective merits; however, I am inclined to favor the latter approach. It is true that many well-established brands rely on celebrities or entertainers to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention and create buzz. However, this strategy often results in higher prices for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees paid to these high-profile endorsers. By contrast, featuring ordinary people in advertisements allows potential customers to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the user experience. For example, my mother is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothing, primarily because the brand does not overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it enlists everyday individuals as promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how it contributes to their ideal lifestyle. Consequently, I believe that adopting an "ordinary people" strategy proves more advantageous and practical for the average consumer.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体而言，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并提出了一个观点。然而，你可以进一步改进你的文章，以更好地支持你的观点。例如，你可以提供更多关于普通人在广告中的真实例子，以及这种策略如何在实际情况中产生积极影响。此外，尝试使用更多具体细节来支持你的论点。

Example 1: Instead of saying "advertising can achieve a similar effect if they put more efforts in creating an interesting plot," you could provide a specific example of an advertisement that successfully used ordinary people and an interesting plot to grab viewers' attention.

Example 2: Expand on the financial advantage of using ordinary people in advertisements by providing data or examples of companies that have saved money with this strategy and were able to invest in product improvement.

4. 文章结构与组织

从组织结构上看，你的文章有明确的结构，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间添加一些过渡句子可以使文章更连贯。此外，在正文部分中，可以将不同论点分成不同段落来讨论。

Example 1: Add a transition sentence between the financial advantage argument and the attention-grabbing argument, such as "Besides the financial aspect, ordinary people in advertisements can also effectively grab viewers' attention."

Example 2: Separate your main points into different paragraphs. For example, discuss the financial advantage of using ordinary people in one paragraph and the potential for attention-grabbing in another paragraph.

5. 语法批改

I firmly believe that having ordinary people talk in the advertising is the better strategy, as the thisthe(Two consecutive articles, e.g. 'the a') strategy have a financial advantage compared to that using celebrities. To be more specific, the advertising by inviting the famous people cost a large amount of money. whileWhile(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) the advertising can save the expense through having people talk sincerely about their true feeling about the product. Therefore, the company can invest the money saved by advertising to improve their product, building a beneficial cycle. While Rory argues that celebrities can attract more viewers due to their reputation, I think advertising can achieve the similar effect if they put more efforts in creating aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') interesting plot.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, utilizing ordinary people in advertising campaigns is a more effective strategy, primarily due to the financial advantages it offers compared to celebrity endorsements. Specifically, featuring famous individuals in advertisements can be quite costly, whereas enlisting ordinary people allows for a more budget-friendly approach that still conveys genuine opinions about the product. Consequently, companies can allocate the funds saved on advertising towards enhancing their products, thereby creating a positive feedback loop. While Rory contends that celebrities can draw more viewers due to their reputation, I believe that advertisements featuring ordinary people can achieve similar results if they incorporate engaging and creative narratives. (107 words)

I firmly believe that having In my opinion, utilizing ordinary people talk in advertising campaigns is a more effective strategy [Changed "the better strategy" to "a more effective strategy" for clarity and natural tone], primarily due to the advertising is the better strategy, as the this strategy have a financial advantage advantages it offers compared to that using celebrities. To celebrity endorsements. Specifically, featuring famous individuals in advertisements can be more specific, the quite costly [Rephrased "the advertising by inviting the famous people cost a large amount of money. while money" for clarity and natural tone], whereas enlisting ordinary people allows for a more budget-friendly approach that still conveys genuine opinions about the product [Rephrased "the advertising can save the expense through having people talk sincerely about their true feeling about the product. Therefore, product" for clarity and natural tone]. Consequently, companies can allocate the company can invest the money funds saved by on advertising to improve towards enhancing their product, building products, thereby creating a positive feedback loop [Rephrased "building a beneficial cycle. cycle" for clarity and natural tone]. While Rory argues contends that celebrities can attract draw more viewers due to their reputation, I think advertising believe that advertisements featuring ordinary people can achieve similar results if they incorporate engaging and creative narratives [Rephrased "advertising can achieve the similar effect if they put more efforts in creating a an interesting plot.plot" for clarity and natural tone].

8 思维导图

- Essay Structure
    - Introduction
        - Ordinary people vs. celebrities in advertising
    - Financial Advantages
        - Cost-effective strategy
        - Funds allocation for product enhancement
    - Genuine Opinions
        - Authenticity and relatability of ordinary people
    - Engaging Narratives
        - Creative storytelling to attract viewers
    - Conclusion
        - Effectiveness of using ordinary people in advertising campaigns

9 关键词

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task by expressing an opinion on the use of ordinary people in advertising and providing support for that viewpoint. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more specific examples to strengthen the argument. Additionally, it would be beneficial to address the opposing view (using celebrities) briefly and explain why ordinary people are a better choice.

Example 1: Instead of just mentioning your personal experience with mobile phone reviews, you could expand on this example by discussing how these YouTubers have influenced your purchasing decisions or how their reviews have helped you make informed choices.

Example 2: You could include a brief comparison between celebrity endorsements and ordinary people's testimonials, explaining why consumers might find ordinary people's experiences more relatable or trustworthy.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve its organization.

Example 1: In your introduction, you could start with a general statement about advertising strategies before stating your opinion on using ordinary people in advertisements. This will help guide the reader into your main argument.

Example 2: When discussing your personal experience with mobile phone reviews, you could use transition phrases like "For example" or "In my experience" to signal that you are providing evidence to support your viewpoint. This will help create a smoother flow between ideas within the paragraph.

5. Grammar

From where I stand, it is certain that advertising a product hiring ordinary people can provide more reliability and objectivity to the public since the public may pay more attention onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) the real-world using feelings. To be more specific, when ordinary people especially potential customers isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") given a model product from the company, they can analyze this product's functions from common life using angle, and it is more objective than famous entertainers' advertisement. For instance, as reflected from my journey, when I want to purchase a brand-new mobile phone, I will watch the ideal product-related analysis videos from YouTubers, who are all ordinary customers, because they can provide detailed analysis aboutanalysis of(Collocation: analysis about/of) the mobile phone, such as advantages and disadvantages. Consequently, the company should use ordinary people to advertise their products.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, utilizing ordinary people in advertising campaigns offers a more authentic and relatable approach for potential customers. This strategy allows consumers to see the product being used in real-life situations, which can lead to a more objective evaluation of its features and benefits. For example, when considering the purchase of a new mobile phone, I often turn to reviews and analysis videos created by ordinary users on platforms like YouTube. These individuals provide detailed insights into the device's pros and cons from a practical standpoint, making their evaluations more trustworthy than those of celebrity endorsers. Therefore, I believe that companies should prioritize incorporating ordinary people in their advertisements to foster greater credibility and relatability with their target audience. (125 words)

From where I stand, it is certain that advertising In my opinion (revised for a product hiring more natural tone), utilizing ordinary people can provide in advertising campaigns offers a more reliability authentic and objectivity to the public since the public may pay more attention on the real-world using feelings. To be more specific, when ordinary people especially relatable approach for potential customers is given (rephrased for clarity). This strategy allows consumers to see the product being used in real-life situations (simplified for better flow), which can lead to a model product from the company, they can analyze this product's functions from common life using angle, and it is more objective than famous entertainers' advertisement. evaluation of its features and benefits (rephrased for clarity). For instance, as reflected from my journey, example, when I want to considering the purchase of a brand-new new mobile phone, I will watch the ideal product-related often turn to reviews and analysis videos from YouTubers, who are all created by ordinary customers, because they can users on platforms like YouTube (clarified context). These individuals provide detailed analysis about insights into the mobile phone, such as advantages device's pros and disadvantages. Consequently, the company cons from a practical standpoint (rephrased for better flow), making their evaluations more trustworthy than those of celebrity endorsers (simplified for clarity). Therefore, I believe that companies should use prioritize incorporating ordinary people in their advertisements to advertise foster greater credibility and relatability with their products.target audience (rephrased for a stronger conclusion).

8 Mind Map

1. Authenticity

   • Ordinary people
   • Real-life situations

2. Relatability

   • Consumer connection
   • Shared experiences

3. Objective evaluation

   • Features and benefits
   • Practical standpoint

4. Trustworthiness

   • Non-celebrity endorsers
   • Honest reviews

5. Platforms for ordinary users

   • YouTube videos
   • Social media reviews

6. Credibility

   • Realistic expectations
   • Genuine opinions

7. Target audience

   • Consumer preferences

8. Advertising strategy

   • Incorporating ordinary people

9 Key Words

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

Estimated Score: 28

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章完成了任务的要求，表达了对于普通人和名人作为广告代言人的看法，并给出了支持观点的理由。但是，你可以在以下方面进行改进：

1. 在支持观点时提供更具体的例子和细节。

2. 对于反对观点（名人代言）进行简要讨论，以使论证更加全面。

改进示例：

• 在支持普通人代言时，可以举例说明某个成功案例，如某品牌通过使用普通消费者分享购物经验在社交媒体上获得了高度关注和销售增长。

• 在讨论名人代言时，可以指出虽然名人能吸引注意力，但可能导致消费者对产品产生不切实际的期望。

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每段落都集中讨论一个特定观点并提供支持细节。然而，在以下方面还有改进空间：

1. 在段落之间加入过渡词或短语，使文章更连贯。

2. 在结论部分对观点进行简要总结，并强调你认为普通人代言更有效的原因。

改进示例：

• 在讨论普通人代言和名人代言之间，可以使用过渡词如“然而”、“相反地”等来引导读者。

• 在结论部分，可以这样总结：“综上所述，尽管名人代言能吸引注意力，但普通人代言更能让消费者产生共鸣和信任。因此，在广告策略中采用普通人作为代言人无疑是一种高效且低成本的方法。”

5. 语法批改

While I can see Rory’s point of view that celebrities easily draw people’s attention and increase the sales, I agree with Amy that ordinary people are more suitable to advertise the products. As mentioned by Amy, when taking ordinary people as reference, consumers find it more easily to purchase the cloths fitting their body size and the electronic devices perfectly satisfying their needs because they have samethe same(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) considerations when purchasing. Apart from what Amy mentioned, I add that ordinary people have a stronger power to reach out consumers. It is well-known that ordinary people showcase and share their shopping experience on media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, enabling everyone in the world to see their fashionable outlooks and favorite high-tech devices, which makes abundant information available for our consumers. On the contrary, advertised by celebrities, the function or appearance of products may be exaggerated or overestimated, which won’t present the same effect on our ordinary consumers since we don’t have such a slim body shape like celebrities. Therefore, allocating ordinary people to advertise and promote products, undoubtedly, is an efficient and low-cost approach.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Amy that utilizing ordinary people in advertising campaigns is a more effective strategy. As Amy points out, consumers can better relate to and envision themselves using a product when they see individuals similar to themselves endorsing it. This holds true even for clothing advertisements, which have traditionally relied on famous models.

Moreover, ordinary people possess a unique ability to connect with consumers on a personal level. Through social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook, they can share their shopping experiences and showcase their favorite products, providing potential buyers with an abundance of information. In contrast, celebrity endorsements may lead to exaggerated or overestimated expectations of a product's functionality or appearance. This discrepancy can result in disappointment for ordinary consumers who may not possess the same physical attributes as celebrities.

Hence, employing ordinary people as brand ambassadors is not only an efficient but also a cost-effective approach to advertising and promoting products. (163 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While I can see Rory’s point of view that celebrities easily draw people’s attention and increase the sales, sales (clarification: celebrities can attract attention and boost sales), I agree with Amy that ordinary people are more suitable to advertise the products. As mentioned by Amy, when taking ordinary people as reference, reference (rephrased for clarity: using ordinary people as models), consumers find it more easily to purchase the cloths clothes fitting their body size and the electronic devices perfectly satisfying their needs because they have same considerations when purchasing. purchasing (clarification: consumers can better relate to ordinary people's preferences). Apart from what Amy mentioned, I add that ordinary people have a stronger power to reach out consumers. consumers (rephrased for clarity: ordinary people can connect with consumers more effectively). It is well-known that ordinary people showcase and share their shopping experience on media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook, enabling everyone in the world to see their fashionable outlooks and favorite high-tech devices, which makes abundant information available for our consumers. consumers (clarification: social media allows for a wider reach of product information). On the contrary, advertised by celebrities, the function or appearance of products may be exaggerated or overestimated, overestimated (clarification: celebrity endorsements may create unrealistic expectations), which won’t present the same effect on our ordinary consumers since we don’t have such a slim body shape like celebrities. celebrities (clarification: average consumers may not relate to celebrity appearances). Therefore, allocating ordinary people to advertise and promote products, undoubtedly, is an efficient and low-cost approach.approach (conclusion: using ordinary people in advertising is both effective and cost-efficient).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Ordinary people in advertising
   - Relatability to consumers

2. Clothing Advertisements
   - Traditional use of famous models
   - Shift towards ordinary people

3. Personal Connection
   - Social media platforms
   - Sharing experiences and favorite products

4. Celebrity Endorsements
   - Exaggerated expectations
   - Disappointment for ordinary consumers

5. Brand Ambassadors
   - Efficiency and cost-effectiveness
   - Promoting products through relatable individuals

6. Conclusion

Title: 9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现得相当不错。你明确地表达了自己的观点，并通过实例和数据支持了你的观点。然而，为了使文章更完善，可以尝试在论述中加入更多细节，例如具体说明普通人代言的优势和影响力。此外，在语言使用和语法方面，虽然整体表现良好，但仍有一些小错误需要注意。

改进建议：

1. 在论述中加入更多细节和实例。

2. 注意语言使用和语法错误。

示例：

1. "According to a recent survey conducted by Monash University, about three quarters of consumers are tend to be more likely to purchase products recommended by ordinary people than celebrities." 可以改为 "According to a recent survey conducted by Monash University, about three quarters of consumers tend to be more likely to purchase products recommended by ordinary people than celebrities, as they find their opinions more genuine and relatable."

2. "What’s more, inviting celebrities will significantly increase the advertising budget" 可以改为 "Furthermore, involving celebrities in advertising campaigns can significantly increase the budget due to their high endorsement fees."

4. 文章结构与组织

这篇文章的结构和组织方面做得很好。你有清晰的引言、主体和结论，每个段落都集中讨论了一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。此外，段落之间的过渡也很自然。为了进一步改进文章，可以在引言部分简要介绍两种广告策略，以便为读者提供背景信息。

改进建议：

1. 在引言部分简要介绍两种广告策略。

2. 在段落之间保持清晰的过渡。

示例：

1. "Rory presents a compelling case in favor of effectivity of celebrity endorsements and testimonials in advertisements." 可以改为 "In the debate between celebrity endorsements and ordinary people testimonials in advertisements, Rory presents a compelling case in favor of the effectiveness of celebrity endorsements."

2. 在第二段和第三段之间加入过渡句子，如 "On the other hand, endorsements from ordinary individuals have their own set of advantages."

5. 语法批改

Rory presents a compelling case in favor of effectivity of celebrity endorsements and testimonials in advertisements. Admittedly, for many, this method will potentially grab the attention from consumers who like this celebrity. However, I am inclined to believe endorsements from ordinary individuals are more trustworthy and effective. This phenomenon is easy to understand as, for example, the general publicpublic(general public (public)) always sees regular people as relatable and authentic, thus their recommendations can resonate more deeply with potential buyers. According to a recent survey conducted by Monash University, about three quarters of consumers are tendtended(Agreement: 'been' or 'was' + past tense) to be more likely to purchase products recommended by ordinary people than celebrities. What’s more, inviting celebrities will significantly increase the advertising budget, while the high endorsement fee often turns out to increase the price of merchandise, the number of consumers may decrease due to that. In other words, by prioritizing feedbacks from ordinary users, companies can potentially reduce costs and foster a more sincere relationship with their potential customers. Therefore, I firmly believe endorsements from ordinary people must be the best strategy for advertising.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Rory makes a persuasive argument for the effectiveness of celebrity endorsements in advertising. Undeniably, this approach can capture the attention of consumers who admire the featured celebrity. However, I am more inclined to support the notion that endorsements from ordinary individuals are both more trustworthy and impactful. This preference can be attributed to the relatability and authenticity that regular people possess, which allows their recommendations to resonate more profoundly with potential buyers. A recent survey conducted by Monash University revealed that approximately three-quarters of consumers are more likely to purchase products endorsed by ordinary people rather than celebrities. Furthermore, enlisting celebrities can significantly inflate advertising budgets, often leading to increased product prices and potentially deterring customers. By prioritizing feedback from everyday users, companies can reduce costs and cultivate a more genuine connection with their target audience. Consequently, I firmly believe that endorsements from ordinary individuals represent the most effective advertising strategy. (156 words)

Rory presents makes a compelling case in favor of effectivity persuasive argument (revised for better word choice) for the effectiveness of celebrity endorsements and testimonials in advertisements. Admittedly, for many, advertising. Undeniably (revised for better word choice), this method will potentially grab approach can capture the attention from (revised for clarity) of consumers who like this admire the featured celebrity. However, I am more inclined to believe support (revised for better word choice) the notion that endorsements from ordinary individuals are both more trustworthy and effective. impactful (revised for clarity). This phenomenon is easy to understand as, for example, the general public always sees preference can be attributed to the relatability and authenticity that regular people as relatable and authentic, thus possess, which allows their recommendations can to resonate more deeply profoundly with potential buyers. According to a buyers (revised for clarity). A recent survey conducted by Monash University, about three quarters University revealed that approximately three-quarters of consumers are tend to be more likely to purchase products recommended endorsed by ordinary people rather than celebrities. What’s more, inviting celebrities will (revised for clarity). Furthermore, enlisting celebrities can significantly increase the inflate advertising budget, while the high endorsement fee budgets, often turns out to increase the price of merchandise, the number of consumers may decrease due to that. In other words, by leading to increased product prices and potentially deterring customers (revised for clarity). By prioritizing feedbacks feedback from ordinary everyday users, companies can potentially reduce costs and foster cultivate a more sincere relationship genuine connection with their potential customers. Therefore, target audience (revised for clarity). Consequently, I firmly believe that endorsements from ordinary people must be the best individuals represent the most effective advertising strategy for advertising.(revised for better word choice).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Celebrity endorsements
   - Ordinary individuals' endorsements

2. Relatability and Authenticity
   - Trustworthiness
   - Impact on potential buyers

3. Survey Results
   - Monash University study
   - Consumer preferences

4. Advertising Costs
   - Celebrity endorsement expenses
   - Increased product prices

5. Genuine Connection with Target Audience
   - Prioritizing everyday users' feedback
   - Cultivating a strong relationship

6. Conclusion
   - Endorsements from ordinary individuals as the most effective strategy

9 关键词

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

你的文章基本上满足了任务要求，但在一些方面还有改进的空间。首先，在支持观点时，可以提供更具体的例子来增强说服力。其次，尽量避免使用过于简单的词汇和表达，以提高文章的语言质量。

改进建议示例：

1. 在论述在线评论对购买决策的帮助时，可以举一个自己亲身经历的例子，说明在阅读评论后作出了更明智的购买选择。

2. 尝试使用更丰富、更精确的词汇来描述观点，例如将"ugly outlooking"替换为"unappealing appearance"。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面整体不错，包括了引言、主体和结论。然而，在段落之间加入过渡句会使文章更连贯。此外，在主体部分可以适当展开论述，使观点更加充分。

改进建议示例：

1. 在第一段和第二段之间加入过渡句，如："However, it is important to note that online reviews also have their limitations."

2. 在主体部分进一步阐述观点，例如详细说明在线评论如何帮助消费者避免购买劣质产品。

5. 语法批改

Andrew presents a compelling idea in favor of the usefulness of online reviews. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with his viewpiontviewpoint(misspelling), as online reviews can help us makingto make('advise', 'help' and 'remind' used with gerund instead of infinitive) dicisionsdivisions(misspelling). Compared to the advertisements which might overstate the products, online reviews offer potential custermerscustomers(misspelling) firsthand information which is more convincing. Including pictures and statement, people who want to buy the products can see the real feedback, enabling them maketo make(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) cautious decisions. There is no denying that by checking the reviews before purchasing can help us save money and effort in case of buying products in low quality and ugly outlookingout looking(misspelling). Therefore, I'm inclined to assert the online reviews make the purchasing more cautiously and effectively.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In response to the professor's question, I concur with Andrew's assertion regarding the value of online reviews in making informed purchasing decisions. Unlike advertisements, which may exaggerate a product's benefits, online reviews provide potential customers with authentic firsthand information that is more persuasive. By including images and personal experiences, these reviews allow prospective buyers to gain a realistic understanding of the product, enabling them to make judicious choices. Undoubtedly, consulting online reviews prior to making a purchase can save both money and effort by avoiding low-quality or unappealing products. Thus, I firmly believe that online reviews contribute significantly to more cautious and effective purchasing decisions. (110 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Correction

Andrew presents a compelling idea in favor of the usefulness of online reviews. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with his viewpiont, viewpoint [Changed "viewpiont" to "viewpoint" for correct spelling], as online reviews can help us making dicisions. make decisions [Changed "making dicisions" to "make decisions" for proper grammar]. Compared to the advertisements advertisements, which might overstate the products, online reviews offer potential custermers customers [Changed "custermers" to "customers" for correct spelling] firsthand information which is more convincing. Including pictures and statement, statements [Changed "statement" to "statements" for plural consistency], people who want to buy the products can see the real feedback, enabling them to make cautious decisions. decisions. There is no denying that by checking the reviews before purchasing can help us save money and effort in case of buying products in of low quality and unattractive appearance [Changed "in low quality and ugly outlooking. outlooking" to "of low quality and unattractive appearance" for clarity]. Therefore, I'm inclined to assert the that online reviews make the purchasing more cautiously cautious and effectively.effective [Removed "the" before "purchasing" for proper grammar].

8 思维导图

- Online Reviews
  - Authentic firsthand information
    - More persuasive than advertisements
  - Include images and personal experiences
    - Realistic understanding of the product
  - Enable judicious choices
    - Save money and effort
    - Avoid low-quality or unappealing products
  - Contribute to cautious and effective purchasing decisions

9 关键词