TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on marketing. Write a post responding to the professor's question. In your response you should do the following. · Express and support your opinion. · Make a contribution to the discussion in your own words. An effective response will contain at least 100 words.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the specific requirements of the task quite well, as it expresses a clear opinion on the topic and provides support for that opinion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more detailed examples or explanations.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Expand on the reasons why ordinary people are more effective promoters by providing more specific examples or evidence.

• Discuss potential drawbacks of using celebrities in advertising to further strengthen your argument.

Examples:

1. "By using ordinary people, customers can relate to their experiences with the product, which may lead to increased trust in the brand."
2. "Celebrities may sometimes endorse products they don't genuinely use or believe in, which could result in a loss of credibility if this information becomes public."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of organizing ideas within paragraphs and using transitions between ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.

• Include transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow within paragraphs.

Examples:

1. Topic sentence example: "One reason why ordinary people are more effective promoters is that they can provide authentic testimonials about their experiences with the product."
2. Transition example: "Furthermore, by featuring ordinary people in advertisements, brands can appeal to a wider range of customers who may not identify with celebrities."

5. Grammar

From my perspective, both celebrities and ordinary people have their own advantages, whereas I prefer to have ordinary people as promoters. In the marketplace, we observe that most of the well-known brands invite celebrities or entertainers as their promoters. Admittedly, it will attract more customers’ attention on the brands. Nevertheless, we are also victims of this advertising strategies, that is, these brands typically have a higher pricesa higher prex(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) thatthan(Detects potentially wrong usage of "that") common brand, and the prices contain high percentage of marketing fees given to celebrities for promotion. If the brand invite ordinary people to advertise their products, common customers will feel real about the using experiences of the products. For instance, my mother loves the Uniqlo clothes. One of the main reason is that this brand does not overemphasize the effect of using celebrities, instead, it inviteinvites('it' + non-3rd person verb) common people as promoter to write about how the clothes isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") comfortable and help them create an ideal lifestyle. Therefore, I think the “ordinary people” strategy is more beneficial and practical to ordinary customers.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, both celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their respective merits; however, I am inclined to favor the latter approach. It is true that many well-established brands rely on celebrities or entertainers to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention and create buzz. However, this strategy often results in higher prices for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees paid to these high-profile endorsers. By contrast, featuring ordinary people in advertisements allows potential customers to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the user experience. For example, my mother is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothing, primarily because the brand does not overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it enlists everyday individuals as promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how it contributes to their ideal lifestyle. Consequently, I believe that adopting an "ordinary people" strategy proves more advantageous and practical for the average consumer. (170 words)

From Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

In my perspective, opinion, both celebrities and celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their own advantages, whereas respective merits; however, I prefer to have ordinary people as promoters. In the marketplace, we observe am inclined to favor the latter approach (revised for clarity and conciseness). It is true that most of the well-known many well-established brands invite rely on celebrities or entertainers as their promoters. Admittedly, it will attract more customers’ to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention on the brands. Nevertheless, we are also victims of and create buzz (rephrased for smoother flow). However, this advertising strategies, that is, these brands typically have a strategy often results in higher prices that common brand, and the prices contain high percentage of for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees given to celebrities for promotion. If the brand invite paid to these high-profile endorsers (revised for clarity). By contrast, featuring ordinary people to advertise their products, common in advertisements allows potential customers will feel real about the using experiences to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the products. user experience (rephrased for smoother flow). For instance, example, my mother loves the is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothes. One of the main reason is that this clothing, primarily because the brand does not overemphasize the effect of using celebrities, instead, overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it invite common people enlists everyday individuals as promoter to write about promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how the clothes is comfortable and help them create it contributes to their ideal lifestyle (revised for clarity and conciseness). Consequently, I believe that adopting an ideal lifestyle. Therefore, I think the “ordinary people” "ordinary people" strategy is proves more beneficial advantageous and practical to ordinary customers.for the average consumer (rephrased for smoother flow).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

- Celebrity Endorsements
    - Pros
        - Draw attention
        - Create buzz
    - Cons
        - Higher prices for consumers
        - Marketing fees for endorsers

- Ordinary People in Advertising
    - Pros
        - Relatable to potential customers
        - Authentic representation of user experience
    - Cons
        - Less attention-grabbing (compared to celebrities)

- Example: Uniqlo clothing
    - Everyday individuals as promoters
    - Genuine experiences shared with the public

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In my opinion, both celebrity endorsements and the use of ordinary people in advertising have their respective merits; however, I am inclined to favor the latter approach. It is true that many well-established brands rely on celebrities or entertainers to promote their products, which can undoubtedly draw attention and create buzz. However, this strategy often results in higher prices for consumers due to the substantial marketing fees paid to these high-profile endorsers. By contrast, featuring ordinary people in advertisements allows potential customers to relate more closely to the product and its users, providing a more authentic representation of the user experience. For example, my mother is an avid fan of Uniqlo clothing, primarily because the brand does not overly rely on celebrity endorsements. Instead, it enlists everyday individuals as promoters who share their genuine experiences with the clothing's comfort and how it contributes to their ideal lifestyle. Consequently, I believe that adopting an "ordinary people" strategy proves more advantageous and practical for the average consumer.